CHAPTER 22
Dev
My phone has been ringing nonstop since the end of the race. So have Chava’s and Mark’s. I don’t think I’ve ever heard from so many people in my life. Shit, I didn’t realize I even knew this many people.
I’m tucked into the corner of my hotel room, video chatting with my mom, my dad, my sister and a handful of friends who watched the race with them. It’s a riot of cheers and toasts in a combination of English and Gujarati, and I can’t make out half of what they’re shouting.
‘You did well, beta,’ Mom says for the millionth time, but I’ll never get tired of it. Praise from her is like gold. ‘Bring that trophy home so I can see it for myself.’
‘If I had known you planned on winning, I would have been there!’ Dad shouts, his arms wrapped around Mom’s shoulders. ‘I’m so proud of you, kiddo.’
‘I guess you did okay,’ Alisha teases from the edge of the screen. ‘You better enjoy the attention now, though, because next month it’s going to be all on me.’
Her fiancé snorts, chucking her gently under the chin. ‘Ah, yeah, just you. Not like it’s our wedding.’
It’s obvious from the way he looks at Alisha that he’s madly in love. Is that how I look at Willow? If so, it’s a fucking miracle no one has called me out on it already.
And it’s a miracle that I held out until today to finally kiss her again. But seeing her in my room, setting up a display to remind me how loved I am . . . I couldn’t stop myself. I had to make my obsession known.
But now she and I have a lot to talk about. The conversation has been coming our way for a while, but I undoubtedly sped it up with my actions today. And for me, there’s no going back to how things used to be.
I want more. But it’s up to her to decide what more is. The risks are far more serious for her than they are for me.
After promising to call again tomorrow, I disconnect the video call and turn my attention back to Chava, who’s just setting his phone down as well.
‘I talked to Oakley.’ The announcement suddenly fills my stomach with lead. ‘He said don’t worry about calling him back. He just wanted to congratulate you.’
Fuck.I’ve pushed Oakley to the back of my head, and this is not the reminder I needed after having my hands all over his little sister a few hours ago. As reasonable as he is, I don’t think he’d appreciate that detail. Especially if he knew this wasn’t even the first time.
But Willow is her own woman. She can make her own decisions. I just don’t know whether they’ll lead to more friendships destroyed. Guess all I can do is wait and find out.
‘Let’s get out of here,’ Mark says from across the room, slipping his phone into the pocket of his slacks. ‘I’m letting you off the leash tonight, Dev. You better make the most of it.’
‘Oh, I plan to,’ I reply, choking back the guilt that threatens to bubble up into my throat. I undo the top button of my shirt as if that will help, but it only draws a wolf whistle from Chava, who must take it as a sign that I’m ready to let loose rather than a nervous tic.
He loops an arm around my neck, putting me in a headlock. ‘Gonna finally get you laid tonight, mano. Everyone wants to suck a winner’s dick.’
The comment surprises a laugh out of me before I can stop it, but it eases my guilt as he drags me to the door. If he knew I had zero plans to go for any of them, he’d razz me to no end.
‘We gotta grab Willow,’ I remind him and Mark as we step into the hall, nodding to a few other Argonaut guys who are headed out as well.
Tonight’s going to be chaos – the good kind this time – for the team. It’s a great fucking feeling knowing that I’m the reason everyone is happy, and I’m already desperate to keep it going. But that’s only if Buck will let me get away with it again.
Chava leads the charge to Willow’s room at the end of the hall and pounds on the door, crooning her name as Mark and I catch up. I open my mouth, ready to tell him to cut it out, but I’m rendered speechless as the door swings open.
If there were any lingering doubts in my head about getting into a relationship with Willow, they’re gone now. Because everything I need is standing right in front of me.
‘You ready to hit the town?’ Chava asks as she steps across the threshold of her room.
Somehow, unlike me, the man resists drinking in every inch of her.
She looks good in everything, the Argonaut uniform included. But in tonight’s little black dress that dips low in the front and shoes that can only be described as fuck-me pumps? Keeping my hands off her is going to be an impossible task – though maybe that was her aim. By this point, she knows exactly what she does to me.
Her red-painted lips curve into a smile as she beams up at Chava. I’m only a little jealous that the sparkle in her eyes isn’t for me.
Okay, fuck it. I’m a lot jealous. She should be looking at me like that.
‘Where are we going?’ she asks as she pulls the door closed behind her. ‘I’m up for whatever, but I wouldn’t mind knowing the game plan.’
Chava’s reply barely registers as I watch her step further into the hall, unable to look away. I’ve always been aware of Willow – how she moves through a space, how she speaks, how she reacts – but it’s different now. The awareness is so much stronger, like there’s a string tethered between us. Like it’s tugging me to her.
It’s not until her attention finally shifts to me that I realize I’ve been holding my breath, and a hit of warm vanilla floods my senses as I inhale. As Chava and Mark walk ahead of us to get to the elevator, the former still chatting away, she falls in next to me. And, finally, there it is – the smile I’ve been waiting for, that look of pure and open adoration, the one she gave me before I went out and won the race. It sets every cell in me on fire.
‘Hey, champ,’ she quietly teases, long lashes batting as she regards me. ‘Excited for tonight?’
I nod, but I’m not interested in talking about myself. ‘You look amazing,’ I tell her, glad we’re out of earshot of the others.
It’s a weak compliment, but it’ll have to do for now. I’ll save the poetry and the Hindi movie lines for when I have more time and the privacy to worship her in the way she deserves.
Her smile shifts into a smirk, her eyes flicking over me. There’s a new heat in the dark depths when she meets my gaze again. ‘You don’t look so bad either.’
Fucking hell, I’m so gone for this girl.
‘You doing okay?’ I ask her. I need a distraction to keep myself from doing something unwise – like dragging her back to my room in front of all these people.
‘Yeah,’ she says. The back of her hand brushes mine as we walk slowly toward the awaiting elevator. ‘I am.’
I search her face in profile. We’ve had a little time to think about what happened earlier, and I need to be sure we’re still on the same page. ‘Promise?’
‘Promise.’
The conversation we’re dancing around will have to wait until we can sneak away. Whether that can happen tonight remains to be seen, but I’m desperate for it. I can’t let what’s hanging between us linger. I want to make moves. Make decisions.
Make choices that could change everything for us for ever.
——
The club is loud and hot and decorated with more American flags than I’d ever expect to see in Hungary, but I’ve certainly had worse nights out. The champagne is flowing, the music is decent and the people gathered to celebrate are having a good time. I can’t even complain about how packed the place is, considering it’s why Willow has been practically pressed up against me for the past hour.
At Chava’s insistence, we’re all out on the dance floor instead of in the VIP section like I’m sure Mark would have preferred. Willow’s in the middle of our group, moving back and forth between me and Chava. The two of us are competing to see who can break out the worst dance moves to make her laugh the hardest.
I am not a bad dancer – my mother would disown me if I was – but I’ll happily act a fool to make Willow smile. I’ve done it before, and I’ll do it again. As far back as I can remember, I’ve played the clown so that I can watch her face light up. So I can watch those deep dimples appear like little craters in the moon. And what’s more beautiful than the moon?
For now, it’s my turn with her. With my arm wrapped around her waist, I dip her back dramatically, pulling the sweetest laugh from her lips. When I lower her a little more, she reaches out for me, her fingers clutching at my shirt. There’s no way I’d ever drop her, but still, I don’t pull her up right away. With a pounding heart, I savour the way she clings to me and the thrill that flashes across her face. She still has that daredevil streak, the one I watched fade into an ember as she got older. But it’s flaring back to life now – her desire to push the limits and explore the things she thought were out of reach – and I’m more than happy to be her guide.
She squeals as I right her again, hands still pressed to my chest. They’re all that separates her body from mine. It wouldn’t take much to tug her closer, to dip my head and seek out her lips, to steal a kiss on this crowded dance floor. And if the spark in her eyes is anything to go off, she’d let me.
But before I can make the move, my phone buzzes in my pocket. Keeping one arm looped around Willow, I pull it out, preparing to send yet another congratulatory call to voicemail.
Except it’s Howard’s name flashing at me this time.
I hesitate, torn between wanting to continue dancing with Willow and needing to know what my agent wants. He’s never been one to waste time with flattery, so there’s likely another motive behind this call.
I bend to shout, ‘Sorry, I’ve gotta take this!’ in Willow’s ear before motioning for Chava to come closer. When he does, I’m quick with my instructions. ‘Watch her, all right? I’ll be right back.’
He nods once. ‘Got you.’
I’m reluctant to loosen my hold on Willow, and she watches me with disappointment in her eyes, like she’s just as opposed to letting me go. But Chava’s quick to sweep her into his arms, and the jealousy doesn’t surge through me like I expected. I’m who she wants. And Chava wouldn’t dare try to sway her feelings – unlike Mark, who’s been shooting me unreadable glances all night. As I slip away from our group, I get another one of those looks from him.
I make my way through a crowd of Argonaut crew members, fielding toasts and more slaps on the back as I head to a quieter back hallway. The thudding bass reverberates through the walls, but the volume is dulled enough that my agent should be able to hear me.
‘You calling to congratulate me, Howard?’ I greet, phone pressed hard to one ear and my free hand cupped over the other, suddenly warm from all the champagne. ‘People are telling me I won a race today.’
True to form, Howard doesn’t react. ‘I’m calling because there are whispers that Otto Kivinen is leaving Mascort at the end of the season.’
My agent’s words slap me into soberness. Did I hear that correctly? Because there’s no way he’s just said what I think he has. ‘You’re fucking with me.’
Otto has been at Mascort for as long as I’ve been in Formula 1. He’s the peanut butter to Zaid’s jelly, the perfect number-two driver. Exactly the kind of person a team wants supporting their champion as he fights to win his eighth title. He’s a consistent points scorer and one of the best defenders on the grid. He’s exactly who I’d want as a teammate if I were a championship contender.
As far as I know, Otto’s been in contract negotiations with Mascort, but if these whispers are to be believed, they must not be going well. Zaid’s been vocal about how much he respects Otto and how much he wants him on the team. And Mascort is nothing but supportive of the guy, so this must be something Otto’s pushing for.
Not everyone wants to be the number-two driver for ever. I know the feeling.
‘Like I said: whispers,’ Howard goes on. ‘Loud ones. And whispers that Mascort’s on the hunt for his replacement. They’re considering options now.’
My heart pounds in my ears, my blood hot and rushing through my veins. Howard wouldn’t be sharing this information unless it related to me. ‘Am I one of those options?’
‘More than an option after today’s performance,’ he reveals. ‘And I have it on good authority that Argonaut is willing to let you go for the right price.’
Of course they will. Buck may have his billions, but he’d rather make money by getting rid of me than let me stay and lead his team to victory. It’s obvious he was already looking for someone to replace me next year. This just means he won’t have to buy me out to make that happen.
‘You’re lucky you’ve turned things around for yourself,’ Howard continues. ‘People are starting to see your true potential.’
‘It wasn’t luck,’ I automatically reply. ‘It was Willow.’
And she’s the first person I want to tell about this news. I want to run to her now, sweep her into my arms and murmur against her lips that everything we’ve worked for is within reach.
Howard grunts. ‘Whatever it was, keep it up.’ He pauses, letting the news wash over me – letting me imagine what I could have. ‘Congratulations on your win today, Mr Anderson. I’ll be in touch when I hear more.’
I’m moving before he hangs up, escaping the hall and manoeuvring through the crowds again, determined to get back to Willow. In the blink of an eye, I’m in front of her. I think I bump Chava out of the way, earning myself a string of Spanish expletives from him in the process, but I don’t care.
My hands find Willow’s waist, and I dip my head low so she can hear me when I say, ‘I need to tell you something.’
She pulls back to look up at me, worry flooding her eyes. ‘Is everything okay?’
‘It’s good news, I promise.’ I squeeze her waist, then snag one of her hands. ‘Come with me.’
I guide her through the club and to the back hall I just emerged from. There are a couple of people milling around a few yards away from us, waiting in line for the bathroom, but they pay no attention when I back Willow against the wall.
She leans against it willingly, like she’s grateful for the reprieve from dancing and the crush of bodies. Her posture may be relaxed, but her gaze is expectant and hopeful.
‘So?’ she prompts, squeezing my hand. ‘What’s the news?’
I take a breath to centre myself. Am I really about to say this? ‘I just got off the phone with Howard. He thinks I have a shot of going to Mascort next year.’
There’s a beat of silence as Willow processes the information. Her eyes widen when it registers, and she claps a hand to her mouth to cover a quiet scream before dropping it to my chest instead. ‘Dev, oh my god! That’s amazing!’
I bring my hand up to cover hers, to keep it pressed to my wildly beating heart. ‘Nothing’s for sure.’ I try to temper her reaction as well as my own, but I can’t stop the grin that splits my face. ‘I think it looks good for me, though.’
‘I’m so happy for you.’ She slips her fingers from mine and throws her arms around my neck. ‘You’re going to get what you want. I know it.’
Her hold on me forces me down to her level, so I wrap my own arms around her narrow waist and tug her to me. Willow’s embrace is fierce, as if she’s pouring every ounce of love and strength and belief she possesses into me, like she knows I’ll need it for the journey I’m about to go on. And I do. I need it more than anything. Because as excited as I am at the possibility that I’ll soon have the race seat I’ve always wanted, the challenge of getting there is still daunting.
Willow knows that, yet she already thinks I’m more than capable of getting it.
Her grip on me loosens a little, and we shift so that we’re eye to eye. Like always, there’s an undercurrent of energy between us, but it crackles now, threatening to ignite into something bigger. Brighter. An inferno that can no longer be ignored.
‘This is familiar,’ she whispers.
It is. We’ve found ourselves in yet another club hallway, another place I can add to our list of unfortunate spots for unplanned confessions, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.
‘Don’t tell me your brother’s going to burst out of the bathroom,’ I tease.
Her gaze drops to my mouth, and her fingers curl around the back of my neck, making her intentions perfectly clear. ‘I don’t want to think about him right now.’
‘Neither do I.’
This time when we lean toward one another, there are no interruptions.
Her warm, soft mouth meets mine, and everything else in the world falls away. All the bullshit. All the drama. All the worry. It’s gone, and all I know is her. My sunshine. My moon guiding me in the darkness. My Willow.
I hold her tight as I deepen the kiss, coaxing entry past her lips until our tongues are brushing. There’s nothing tentative about it, no hesitation from her like there was earlier. That split second of waiting for her to kiss me back took years off my life, but this has returned them all to me. It’s given me a whole new existence.
A low moan escapes the back of my throat when she rakes her nails against my scalp. My hands find the generous curve of her ass in return and haul her closer, my knee slipping between her thighs and hiking the already high hem of her dress even higher. The gasp she lets out tells me she can feel every inch of me straining behind my zipper, but she stays where she is.
‘Dev,’ she pants between kisses, fingers still tangled in my hair. ‘What are we doing?’
‘Celebrating,’ I mumble against her mouth. ‘Isn’t it obvious?’
Her laugh is breathy and sweet. I inhale it like the purest oxygen before diving in for another taste of her.
She lets me take it, body moulded to mine, hips grinding against me, but she quickly backs off. And good thing she does, because after months without sex, there’s a strong chance I’d come right here, right now, with the way she moves against me. Crazy thing is, I’d probably still thank her for it.
‘We need to talk about this,’ she gasps.
I flick my tongue across her lower lip, needing more. ‘I know.’
‘We should do that now.’
‘We should.’ I kiss her again.
‘You have to stop kissing me.’
‘I don’t want to.’
She exhales in relief, sinking further into me. ‘Good. Neither do I.’
The way our lips meet is nothing short of reckless this time. It’s like lightning during a summer storm – hot and bright, threatening to burn us down. This is not the appropriate venue to let this carry on, but I don’t want to stop.
‘You feel so good,’ I whisper. I’ve finally found the strength to break away from her, but my mouth still hovers over hers. ‘Being so close to you for all these weeks but not being able to touch you the way I wanted? I’ve been losing my mind. I can’t go back to the way things were.’
Her lips are swollen, her curls swept over one shoulder, her eyes a little hazy but locked on mine. ‘I don’t think I can either.’ The confession is breathy and soft, but the words are clear. She means it.
‘But I don’t want to jeopardize your career or your reputation.’ I force myself to go on, pulling away a little more at the same time. I peer down the hallway in either direction, but the people who were lingering near the bathroom are gone. ‘I don’t want to do anything you’re not comfortable with.’
She nods, her eyes clearing, and there’s a glimmer of apprehension in them along with the clarity.
‘We shouldn’t rush into anything,’ she agrees, trailing her fingers down my neck to rest on my shoulders. ‘Even if it’s just physical.’
There’s no rushing to be done. I’ve been grappling with my feelings for her for nearly a year now, and in the time we’ve spent together, she’s become my rock. But Willow has always been in my corner. This isn’t new. It’s just constant now, and I’m afraid of ever being without her.
That right there tells me this is more than just physical. That I’m attracted to so much more than just her wide eyes and bright smile and the curves I want to trace every inch of.
I’m done fighting the pull I feel to her. Will there be consequences? There sure as shit will be.
But I’m willing to handle them.
‘I don’t want it to be just physical,’ I tell her. There’s no point in lying or keeping the truth from her. ‘I want all of you, Willow. I have for a long time. And I don’t think I can settle for anything less than that.’
The pulse point at her throat beats wildly as she studies my face, probably looking for any trace of deception. When she doesn’t find it, her gaze locks on mine again, full of tentative acceptance. If she can’t fathom that I want her – body, mind and soul – then I’ll have to try harder to prove it.
But it’s up to her to tell me what she wants. She knows where I stand.
‘Think about what you want,’ I urge. I cup her face with both hands, making sure she can’t look away. Making sure she doesn’t miss the weight of my words. ‘Take all the time you need. Don’t rush it. And don’t force it.’ I let my thumbs skim across her cheekbones, praying this won’t be the last time I get to touch her like this. ‘But just know that I’ll be here waiting, because I know exactly what I want – and it’s you.’