Chapter 22
Twenty-Two
Henry
It begins in my gut.
That low, twisting ache I try to ignore because it’s stupid, because it makes no sense. She’s not mine. We barely know each other. One night. One mistake in a dark barn with hay in her hair and my hands all over her. That’s all it was.
But now she’s over there, laughing with him like nothing happened. Like I didn’t have her pressed up against a wooden beam twenty-four hours ago.
She touches his arm lightly—just a little graze—but it lands like a punch. I taste metal. My jaw tightens.
She can do whatever she wants. She can laugh like that. She can look at him like that.
But damn it, I hate it.
I hate the way he stands too close. The way she doesn’t step back. I hate that she’s not looking at me.
I didn’t plan on wanting more. But now that I know what her mouth tastes like and how she sounds when she falls apart—
Watching her with someone else feels like I’m losing something I never had in the first place.
And that burns more than I want to admit.
I jerk as my brother gives me a light punch on my shoulder.
“What the fuck was that for?” I demand.
“I’ve asked you the same question twice,” Dave says.
“Sorry.” I shake my head to clear it. “What did you ask?”
“I asked how you’re doing, buddy. You and I haven’t talked much.”
“We were never big talkers, Dave.”
“Yeah, I know.” He shoves one hand into his jeans pocket. “But I know what it’s like to be in a weird place. Like when I lost one of my kidneys.”
I feel for my brother. I do. But it’s not the same thing.
Dave was in a bad automobile accident, and yes, one of his kidneys was hurt badly and the doctor couldn’t save it. I wonder if Jason could’ve saved it? Not at the time. At the time, he wasn’t a practicing surgeon because of his own accident.
But as bad as that was, and as worried as we all were for Dave, he didn’t take a life. He may have almost lost his own, but that’s a different thing entirely.
“I’m just saying,” he continues. “If you want to talk, I’m here for you, bro.”
I shake my head. “Nothing to talk about.”
“Henry—”
I take a step backward. “I said, there’s nothing to talk about.”
I cast my eyes to the stage. Jesse Pike and his sister Rory, along with Dragon and the other members of the band, are setting up. I guess they want to get ready before dinner so they can join the rest of us.
Weird that most of them are family now. Dragon is married to my cousin Diana, Jesse is married to Diana’s sister, Brianna, and Rory is married to my cousin Brock.
The other two members of the band, Cage and Jake, haven’t yet snagged a Steel. But you never know. I don’t particularly like the way Cage looks at Sage.
God, Cage and Sage.
That would be ridiculous.
Sage, on the other hand, has been ogling the devastatingly good-looking man on Tabitha’s arm since he arrived.
Maybe I could kill two birds with one stone. Keep Cage away from Sage by getting her into that guy’s arms, freeing up Tabitha for myself.
I shake my head.
Fuck.
Tabitha isn’t mine. The two of us aren’t meant to be. We had a good fuck, and then I was a complete dick to her after the fact. That ship has sailed.
Best start looking toward other ports in this storm. Unfortunately everyone here for the weekend except Tabitha is family.
Dave hasn’t walked away yet.
He’s my brother. We’ve been close in that brotherly, like-to-beat-each-other kind of way.
Maybe he can help.
The rest of the family won’t be here tonight, so it’s not like I can corner Aunt Melanie. The rehearsal is pretty much just for the bridal party and their significant others and families.
And of course, the band and the staff.
Aunt Mel would freak if I cornered her anyway. I’ve been avoiding her lately.
Not that she’d be able to counsel me in the middle of a wedding weekend. She’s retired, so she certainly won’t be looking to work while her niece is—
Dave is snapping his fingers in my ear.
I whip my neck toward him. “What?”
“Sorry, bro. You were just staring into space.”
I’ve been doing a lot of that lately. I have to lock in, at least for this weekend.
I turn to my brother. “Dave…”
“Yeah?”
“I didn’t mean to snap at you.”
He smiles. “I know you didn’t. Are you forgetting how well I know you? We grew up together.”
“I’ve been thinking…”
“About what?”
“I’ve been thinking…about maybe seeing my birth mom.”
Dave’s eyes widen into circles. “Why? Why now?”
“I don’t know. Everything I’ve been through just makes me think I want to know more about where I truly came from.”
“Have you thought about what that will do to Mom?”
I nod. “It’s all I think about. I don’t want her to think that I’m looking for someone to take her place, because that’s not what this is about.”
“I’m sure she’d understand that. But you might want to tell her before you go off on some wild goose chase. Because if she found out you did it behind her back…”
“It’s not a wild goose chase. I’ve already found her online. Or someone who I think is probably her.”
“Does she still live in Las Vegas?”
I shake my head. “Palm Springs.”
“Well, if you’re serious about actually meeting her, you should probably tell Mom. Let her know in your terms why you’re looking for her. But if you’re just in the researching phase, there’s no need to bother her with that.”
I nod. “You’re probably right.”
He pauses. “If it’s any consolation, I get it.”
I turn my head to him. “How the hell could you possibly get it?”
“I get that your priorities change. After a traumatizing event. And if you need help with Mom, I can help you there. If anyone knows about talking to our parents about difficult subjects, it’s me.”
“You mean quitting your job as Dad’s right-hand man and going to work with Uncle Talon?”
“Yeah. That’s exactly it. Dad had groomed me from the beginning to take his place, especially after you told him you had no interest in doing it.”
“I hate numbers,” I say. “Brad does all the numbers crap at the foundation.”
“Yeah, and I thought I liked numbers. Turns out I don’t. I like trees.”
“Are you happy now?”
He grins. “More than I ever thought possible. Working with Uncle Talon in the orchards, learning all about soil and that whole part of the ranching life has been exhilarating. And then of course being married to Maddie… I certainly wasn’t looking for anything, but there she was.
I mean, she’s been there almost my whole life, hanging out with the girls.
But in Paris, something snapped. I had to have her.
And that was another thing. I wasn’t sure I was ready to settle down, but then the accident… ”
“Shifted your perspective,” I finish for him.
“Yep. It did exactly that. I wasn’t going to let Maddie go. I had feelings that I was afraid to express. But then I realized I was doing exactly what everybody else in our family does. I was falling in love quick and fast.”
Fuck. Why do those words ring so true to me right now?
Except I don’t actually have any blood from the Steels…
I don’t say the words.
It doesn’t matter anyway. My cousins Dale and Donny don’t share any actual Steel blood, but they still both fell hard and fast too.
Seems to be the thing in our family.
The way we were raised seems to trump our genetics.
Huh. There’s a point to Jason’s theory about my grandparents’ mental illness not making its way to me.
“I’m glad you’re happy, man,” I say to Dave.
“I am. And you will be too. This isn’t going to taint your life forever, Henry.”
I sigh. “Yeah, I know that.”
“If you really want to find your birth mother, do it. But don’t expect that to magically put everything into place.”
I lift my hands. “I don’t have any expectations, man. I just want to lay eyes on the woman who brought me into the world. Maybe get to know her a little. Learn about her history. Maybe find out why she accepted a hundred grand to give away her kid.”
He narrows his eyes. “Her giving you to Dad was probably the best thing that ever happened to you. You know that, right?”
I nod. He’s not wrong. Much of my childhood was idyllic.
Sure, Mom and Dad and I had our ups and downs, just like they did with all the other kids.
But I never doubted for one minute that I was loved, and I never thought at any point that my mother loved her own biological children more than she loved me.
She loves all four of us equally, and with a vengeance.
Plus, when she adopted me, I got a Steel trust fund. That doesn’t exactly suck.
What if I had been stuck in Las Vegas with a showgirl for a mother? A showgirl who didn’t respect her marriage vows and slept with the first pizza guy who came knocking on the door?
Yeah, life would sure be different.
Finally I reply to Dave. “I don’t doubt that you’re right.”
“Sometimes it’s easy to take for granted everything that we have,” he says.
“That’s something I’ve learned from Maddie.
Her family hasn’t had it easy, yet still she’s found a way to be grateful for everything.
It’s what makes her a good coach. She has a capacity for gratitude and empathy that is beyond my comprehension sometimes. ”
“Well, all the Pikes are family now. Not just Maddie. Every one of the Pike kids married Steels.” I sigh. “Too bad there isn’t one left for me.”
“Are you looking?” Dave asks. “I haven’t seen you get serious with anyone since you and Darlene split.”
I frown. “I haven’t exactly been a monk, but no. You’re right. But Darlene and I… We really just grew apart.”
“So you’re not nursing any old feelings?”
“No,” I say, and I’m telling the absolute truth. “We were used to each other. We probably should’ve ended a year before we did. We held on way too long.”
“How do you feel about waitresses? That cute little Nora who works over at Lisa’s has been after you since she moved here.”
I roll my eyes. “Yeah, she made that clear again today when Jason and I crashed Angie’s bridesmaid luncheon. She’s beautiful, no doubt, but she’s too flirty. She and her friend Sadie both.”
He smirks. “Oh God, Sadie. She hasn’t been around in a while.”
“She went back to Denver to visit her folks, I think. She’ll be back soon. But yeah, she was after Jesse in a big way. Remember how that pissed Bree off?”
Dave laughs. “God, yes. But Sadie and Nora are both gorgeous. And both available.”
I rake my gaze across the yard. “I don’t know that I’m looking. I haven’t seen anyone who strikes my fancy.”
The lie tastes bitter on my tongue. I’m still nursing that jealousy inside my gut. Who the hell is that guy with Tabitha?
And why does he have to be so damned good-looking?
“What about Tabitha?”
Fuck. Am I that transparent? Warmth spreads to my cheeks…and my groin.
I’ll try to play this cool. “Angie’s friend?”
“Yeah, she’s gorgeous. And her eyes…”
I blink. “Yeah. They’re kind of like Darlene’s, only more so.”
He nods. “That’s exactly what I was thinking. She’s really attractive, and you know she’s smart since she got into medical school.”
“Not interested,” I say.
Again, the lie tastes like acid in my mouth.
Because the truth of the matter is that I am interested. Really interested. And I have no right to be.
Especially after what I did to her last night.
I don’t think she said anything to anyone. If she told anyone, it would have been Angie, and then Angie would have come to me.
But Angie is getting married tomorrow. Tabitha wouldn’t bother her with petty family drama when she deserves to have a perfect day.
And I shouldn’t either. I’ve already done enough damage, and I’ll let it lie through the end of the weekend.
“Why not?” Dave is saying. “If I weren’t happily married, I’d be all over that.”
“You and I aren’t really the same,” I say.
“No, we’re not.” He elbows my ribs. “Because you were way more of a horndog when we were younger than I ever was.”
I scoff at that. “That’s crap, and we both know it. You are one of the original Three Rake-a-teers. Donny taught you and Brock everything.”
Dave laughs. “Funny. Now that I’m happily married—and Donny and Brock are too—I don’t even think about that kind of stuff anymore.”
“Yeah, well, talk about horndogs. I sure got my share, but the three of you…” I shake my head.
“Yeah.” He chuckles. “Did I ever tell you that Brock and I had a threesome once?”
I drop my jaw. “The fuck?”
“Yeah, some girl in college. We shared her. We didn’t touch each other, of course. That would’ve been gross. Being cousins and all.”
“Not to mention that you’re both dudes.”
“That too.”
“The whole thing sounds kind of gross to me,” I say.
“The girl had a great time. But yeah, we never did it again. It was just too…weird.”
I rub my eyes. “Dude, you just gave me a picture in my head that I can’t unsee. Fuck you for that.”
Dave laughs. “You seem to be feeling better. Saying ‘fuck you’ to me always puts you in a better mood.”
I slide my gaze over to Tabitha again. She and her companion are now grabbing hors d’oeuvres from the spread.
“You know who that is with Tabitha?” I ask Dave.
“She’s with someone?” He glances toward the table. “Oh, yeah. I think that’s the new massage therapist who’s working over at Willow’s.”
I suppress an eye roll. “A freaking massage therapist?”
“Yeah. I wonder how he and Tabitha met.”
“I don’t know,” I say. “Excuse me for a minute.”
I don’t know.
But I’m damned well going to find out.