Chapter 37 #2
“And the only two constants I see are baseball and you. But baseball shouldn’t belong in that category.
I’m not going to play it forever. It can drop me at any given moment.
I could twist my shoulder wrong during a pitch or trip in the grocery store and tear my knee.
Or if by some miracle, it isn’t an injury that takes me out, my age will.
I’ll get too old to be useful, and then I’ll be forced to watch my team play without me.
If I’m lucky, I’ll be able to find a job coaching, but that’s not guaranteed any more than playing is.
“So, that leaves you, Aubrey. You’re my one and only true constant. Does that terrify you? Make you want to tuck tail and run before I take that opportunity away?”
Her brows pinch, concern flicking across her face. “Why are you asking me that? I don’t want to run, Finn. And you’re too young to be worrying about not getting to play baseball. Of course, those things are possible, but you’ve never let that affect you before. What’s changed?”
“Us. We’ve changed. And now that we have, I see so many things differently than I did before.
I’ve always feared losing you, but now it’s so much worse.
You’re mine in a way that I refused to even consider months ago because I knew I’d never be able to go back to the way things used to be.
Once we opened this door, you became my sole focus.
And I know that sounds crazy and extreme, but I’m not going to lie to you. ”
I release her hand so I can cup her face instead, not offering her the chance to break away when I speak again.
“Why haven’t you asked me to go to the gala with you?”
Her inhale is slow, laboured. “Because everyone already knows you. I can’t show up with you and have Spencer call my bluff in front of everyone at the firm.”
“It wouldn’t be a bluff, though. I’m your boyfriend, Aubrey.”
“That won’t matter. After the event is done, I’ll tell the entire world we’re dating, but I refuse to let Spencer get any sort of win here.
If I show up with you, I’ll look like a liar because if you were my boyfriend the entire time, there would have been no reason to hide our relationship.
As of right now, he believes I’ve been dating someone for a while now, and that someone hasn’t been you. ”
I wet my lips, fighting off my immediate reaction, tasting the frustration on my tongue. “So, I’ll have to wait, then? Until you break up with this fake boyfriend of yours, all because you don’t want some low-life idiot to say something?”
“You don’t get it, Finn,” she mutters, the walls behind her eyes slamming shut.
“So explain it to me. I don’t want to have to wait to show you off.
I’m at your office constantly. Does that mean I can’t touch you in front of anyone?
That when we’re out in public, I need to do a scan of the room to make sure nobody from your office is around?
We’ve already been out together, Aubrey.
There was the risk of getting caught at the concert or when I was carrying you down the street with your lips stained blue from lemonade. Why does it matter now and not then?”
“Because it was different!” She takes a step back, and I let my hands fall to my sides before curling my fingers to keep from reaching for her again.
“This is about my job. Attending the gala with you as my date, where I’m going to want to spend the entire night dancing with you and kissing you, and doing everything I can to make sure everyone knows that you’re mine, isn’t a risk I want to take when it could get thrown in my face on a professional level.
It’s easier this way. Can’t you try to understand that I’m not doing this because I don’t want to go with you? ”
“I do understand,” I say, voice biting. “That doesn’t mean I like it.
Or that I’m okay with you attending with someone else.
Who would you take? Malik? One of the other dates that you’ve had?
Do you expect me to just not care that you’ll be doing all of those things that you should be doing with me with one of them? ”
“It was always the plan for me to take someone else to the gala. We agreed on that weeks ago.”
“Yeah, before things changed. Before I fell in love with you and realized I can’t handle you going with anyone but me!”
Spinning, I pull my baseball cap off and run frantic fingers through my hair. I slap it on backward this time and glare at the pool instead of Aubrey.
“I have to,” she replies, sounding off balance, like she might be struggling as badly as I am.
But she doesn’t change her mind, and that tells me she isn’t.
“Then I don’t know what to say. I’m not going to change my mind about what I’m okay with and what I’m not. If you go with someone else, I . . .”
Her inhale is sharp, afraid. “You what? Will end this? Walk away?”
“Is that what you want me to do?”
“No! Of course that isn’t what I want. Don’t hate me for this, Finn. You know how much my job means to me.”
“More than I do?”
Fuck. I don’t know why I asked that.
It’s selfish and unfair. The comparison isn’t equal in the slightest, yet I don’t take it back. Maybe I care more about her answer than I thought. Shouldn’t the answer be simple, even if I shouldn’t have asked for it in the first place?
“I’ve worked so hard to get where I am,” she whispers.
“And I’m proud of you. I’ve always been so, so proud of you.”
“Don’t say but.”
I shake my head and look at her, taking in the devastation that’s eating at all the previous happiness I found in her eyes just minutes ago. It’s almost enough to have me taking this all back and shoving every word into a locked drawer, never to be opened again.
“I’m not going to,” I state, keeping my tone dull, empty. “I’ll find someone to take you home.”
She tucks her fingers into the collar of her tank top, gripping it. “You’re not going to?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. Just give me a few minutes.”
“If that’s what you want.”
It’s not anywhere close to what I want, but I still force myself to walk away.