Chapter 6
6
AIDAN
Tires screeching, the sickening crunch of metal folding in on itself. Why is it so hot in here? The sound of my father cursing and screaming for help assaults my ears on a never-ending loop as lines of something thick and hot pour down my face. I should never have let him drive tonight.
I wake with a jolt, my entire body drenched in sweat and shaking with adrenaline. Nightmares about the night my father died have gotten less frequent over the years, but I’ve had one nearly every night since Lyla asked me about him at the field last week.
Having her here has been a godsend for Crew, but she’s still nervous, reactive, and quiet, which reminds me way too much of how my mom was while I was growing up.
She dropped a mug in the kitchen early the other morning after I startled her coming down for my usual coffee and immediately dropped into a panic attack. I watched her cower by the fridge, apologizing frantically, while my heart twisted uncomfortably in my chest. I could barely keep my own panic at bay long enough to clean up the spilled coffee and talk her down.
It took almost ten minutes for her to come out of it, and when she did, she immediately excused herself and sprinted up the stairs on unsteady legs. We didn’t see her the rest of the day since it was her day off.
I tried to keep my focus on Crew and all the things I needed to do to prep for this season, but I kept finding my gaze drifting to the stairs during every quiet moment, wondering if she was okay up there by herself and fighting the urge to check on her.
But as anxious as she’s been around me, she’s the exact opposite with Crew. When her sole focus is on him, her entire face lights up with no traces of hesitation or anxiety. Just in the last two weeks, she’s gotten him started with a whole kindergarten program, and seeing his excitement to recount every moment of his days to me makes me feel like my throat is in a vice.
Part of me is grateful he isn’t in school yet because he doesn’t seem to know what he’s missing by not having a mom in his life. Wren is amazing with him, and I’m so grateful Crew gets the fringe benefits of having a positive female influence. However, it’s not like she can act as a mother figure for my son.
With a sigh, I climb out of bed and strip the sheets for the fifth time this week, making a note to grab some more sleep tea at the store later to try and combat these nightmares. My entire body is coated in a film of dried sweat, so I take my time in the shower, letting the scalding water beat down on my tense muscles.
Even after waking up the way I did, my cock is standing at attention against my lower abs, a combination of morning wood and the warmth from the water making me ache. How long has it been since I took the edge off? I haven’t had sex in years, but even touching myself has felt more like a chore than anything lately.
It’s still really early, so I decide to take advantage of the quiet for a little self-care, wrapping my fist around my straining erection. A guttural groan works its way out of my throat as I tease my hand up and down my length slowly, a faceless woman starring in my fantasy.
A dark-haired woman sinks down to her knees in front of me just before her tiny pink tongue darts out to lap at the precum gathering on my slit. I choke out a surprised whimper and tangle my hand in her thick, glossy hair.
“Fuck, sweetheart. Take me in your mouth, just like that.”
She moans around my cock, the sound vibrating down through my balls.
The sounds coming out of my fantasy woman have me close already, so I tighten my fist and squeeze over the head on every upward stroke, my hips stuttering when I start to fuck into my hand.
“Is this okay?” she gasps, a string of spit connecting her mouth to my cock.
“Fuuuck,” I growl. “Do you have any idea how fucking sexy you look down there on your knees for me, darlin’? You’re takin’ my cock so well.” She preens at my praise, so I smirk down at her and tighten my hand in her hair just enough to ride the edge of pain. “Now, how ‘bout you put your mouth back on me so I can come down that perfect little throat?”
Her pupils dilate, and like the good little girl she is, she dives back in even more enthusiastically than before. She takes me to the back of her throat and pauses to look up at me. Only this time, her face transforms. Mossy green eyes stare up at me, wide with lust.
It’s that final image that sends me over the edge, and I bite my lip so hard I draw blood to keep myself from saying my nanny’s name as ropes of cum paint the tile before sliding down the drain.
Jesus Christ, Aidan. What the fuck was that ?
My mind races the entire time I’m getting dressed until I make my way downstairs. The sight of our perfect living room forces me to stop and marvel at the sunrise coming in through the wall of windows that face our backyard and the water beyond.
I bought this house nearly three years ago now, but the view never fails to amaze me. The giant wall of windows open up to the heated pool directly outside, the back porch, and our private dock that juts out into the river.
Crew and I always fish out there, and it’s my favorite way to spend time with him. He gets so excited every time he catches a fish, and it makes me feel like I’m giving him the childhood I always wanted.
We didn’t have much money growing up, so it’s still a shock sometimes when I can just go to the grocery store and not have to count every single cent, but living in a place like this? It’s beyond my wildest dreams. Every day feels like a delicate balance with Crew, wanting to give him everything I never had while still making sure he grows up appreciating what he has and paying it forward whenever possible.
“Oh! Good morning.” I stumble to a stop on the last step and desperately fight back a blush as Lyla’s quiet voice punctuates the early-morning silence.
She’s curled into the corner of the couch, her small form engulfed by the thick fuzzy blanket we keep draped over the back. I would never say it out loud, especially after what I just did, but she looks downright adorable right now.
Her long brown hair is tied up in a messy bun on the top of her head and flopped over to the side making me wonder if she slept in it and just left it like that when she woke up.
The way the sun hits her hair gives it almost a reddish tint that brings out the delicate freckles on her cheeks and nose. Sleepy eyes stare at me over the rim of my favorite coffee mug and make my mouth go dry.
Clearing my throat, I try to smile genuinely at her and hide how fast my heart is beating all of a sudden.
Off. Limits.
“Hey, you’re up early. Did you sleep okay?”
She beams, a gentle flush lighting the apples of her cheeks. “I did, thank you. Being up with the sun is just a habit I can’t break, I guess.”
“I get that,” I laugh. “I started getting up around this time when Crew was little just so I could have an hour or two to myself to wake up and mentally prepare for the day.”
Her face falls, but as quickly as it does, she fixes it back to some semblance of a smile. “Oh, of course! I totally understand. I’ll get out of your hair and?—”
“No!” The word comes out way louder than I meant for it to, making me glance between the bundled beauty and the second-floor balcony with a grimace. “Sorry, I just mean I’d actually like the company if you don’t mind hanging out with your boss.”
I meant for the words to come out teasing, but it sounded more like a pointed reminder. One I clearly need if my shower thoughts are any indication. She probably thinks I’m insane now, Jesus. It’s like I forget how to act like a normal human being when Lyla is anywhere in my general vicinity.
Don’t catch feelings, Aidan. She’s here for your son, not so you can make her uncomfortable by staring at her with lusty eyes and letting her face fuel your fantasies.
Her jumpy behavior isn’t the only reason I’ve been spending more time in my room than normal. While she doesn’t go out of her way to show it off, Lyla is sexy as hell. She’s petite but has the most incredible hips that I can’t help but think would make perfect hand holds for…
“Are you okay?” Her gentle question shocks me out of my wildly inappropriate thoughts and guilt turns my stomach when I see the genuine concern on her face.
Fucking hell, what is wrong with me today?
“I’m okay.” I try to laugh it off but some of that concern lingers in her eyes. The start of my second erection of the day thoroughly deflates under her assessing gaze. If I didn’t know any better, I would think she could read my mind. I doubt it, though. If she could, she’d probably run screaming to the nearest lawyer to file a sexual harassment lawsuit.
“Are you sure?” she asks quietly. “I know it’s not my business, so don’t feel like you have to answer, but having someone new around can be a big change for everyone in the house, not just the child. And that doesn’t even include all the issues you had with nannies before I came around.”
Snapping my head to the side, my lips part as I stare at her with wide eyes. “Who told you about that?” I already know the answer before the guilty look crosses her face. “Wren,” I sigh. I love the girl, but she has a big mouth when she’s meddling.
“I know what it’s like to have your personal space violated,” she whispers. “And nobody should ever have to deal with that. Especially not in their own home.” Shadows darken her green eyes to a deep sage that reminds me of our kitchen cabinets, and also happens to be my favorite color.
Curiosity flames in my chest right below the rage that bubbles just under the surface of my skin. Whatever, whoever made her feel like this deserves a special place in hell.
Taking a risk, I sit down next to her on the couch and take her soft hand in mine. “Lyla, if you ever want to talk about anything, I’m here.” I keep my expression as open and honest as possible so she knows how serious I am. I don’t know how or when it happened, but sometime over the last two weeks, I’ve come to care about this sweet little thing and would give anything for her to open up to me.
She clears her throat and changes the subject. “Do you want coffee? I made extra. It should still be hot since I haven’t been up for long. I was going to relocate to the swing if that’s okay. I’m still in awe of the beautiful weather here, and I make it a point to get outside and soak it up every chance I get.”
“You don’t have to ask to go anywhere in the house, Ly. As far as I’m concerned, you can treat our house as your own for as long as you’re here.”
The flush staining her cheeks deepens to a dark pink, and I’m struck again by just how delicate her features are. “I appreciate that, Aid ,” she murmurs with a shy smile, clearly following my lead on the nickname front. “I appreciate everything you’ve done. ”
Something dangerous tightens in my gut when I hear those words come from her pretty pink lips. Seeing the way she stares up at me without the hesitation that’s been present for the last two weeks has my heart nearly skipping a beat.
I’m in so much fucking trouble.
“Miss Lyla, can we have ice cream and popcorn when Daddy goes to his game?”
She places a hand on her chin and pretends to consider his request. “Hmm… why don’t we do one better and have a movie night ? You can pick what we have for dinner, we can do ice cream sundaes, and we can build a fort!”
A wide grin splits my face at the girlish laughter that’s nearly drowned out by the ear-piercing squeal Crew lets out at his nanny’s words.
Making sure they’re distracted, I discreetly flip off the man who glares our way, watching as he huffs before stomping past us. His little tantrum has me snickering until I notice how Lyla reels back with a flinch as he passes a little too close with a sneer.
I’d been walking a few feet behind, content to just watch Lyla and Crew interact, but the look on her face as she watches the man with wide eyes has tension tightening my body in alarm.
When I place a gentle hand on the back of her shoulder, she snaps her head in my direction so fast her long, heavy hair whips me in the face, making me sneeze as I bat the strands away from my face.
“Sorry,” she gasps. Her plush lips pull down in a grimace even as her breathing speeds back up after the momentary distraction. Crew is still playing happily in the buggy, so I try to think of anything I can do that might bring her out of this panic attack before it gets worse.
I don’t give myself a chance to think as I cup her face in my hands and coax her eyes up to meet mine, so I’m incredibly relieved when she doesn’t jerk away from my soft grip. “Trust me for a minute?” I whisper.
With her barely perceptible nod as confirmation, I wrap my arms around her slight frame and squeeze with a bit more pressure than I would usually use for a hug. “Now focus on my heartbeat and my breathing. Try to match your breaths to mine.” I take a deep inhale, getting a wave of her perfume in my nose.
The smell nearly has me groaning in the middle of the damned market. She smells like cherries and something else creamy and sweet. Sometimes, I think it’s vanilla, but other times, it’s a little bit darker, almost seductive.
“That’s it,” I praise when I feel her chest rise in time with my own. “You’re doing so good, angel.” Her grip tightens around my waist, and I hope I didn’t make her uncomfortable with the nickname. It just slipped out, but I don’t regret it. She really is an angel.
“Daddy?” Crew’s concerned voice pulls my attention to where he sits in the buggy, watching us with rapt attention. “Does Miss Lyla need a moment?”
His whispered question has me huffing a laugh even as I quietly count the number of times her back moves with each exhale, squeezing tighter when I notice her breathing speed up again. “Yeah, buddy. She needs a moment.”
He nods solemnly before going back to his game of pirate ship, and Lyla even laughs this time, sending a wave of relief over me. “How are you feeling now, darlin’?”
She relaxes fully against my chest with a deep sigh. “I’m better now, thank you. Why did that help so much?”
I shrug, but a shy grin tips up the corners of my lips. “It’s called co-regulation. I used to do it when Crew was a baby, and he had issues regulating his heartbeat and breathing. The nurses at the hospital taught me that trick during some of his worst nights in the NICU.”
Her breath hitches. “The NICU?”
The thought of getting into the whole Mia thing right now and knowing what else that could lead to makes me feel sick so I quickly change the subject, hoping she lets it drop. “Yeah, but he’s perfectly healthy now. So, Crew,” I turn to the tiny Raptor in our buggy. “What do you want for your special dinner with our Miss Lyla?”
I normally hate going to the market because buying food for two people only reminds me of how depressingly single I am. The team’s nutritionist usually sends me meals during the season anyway because I have a hard time getting in enough protein with how busy I always am. So grocery shopping during the season consists of my six-year-old’s favorite foods and the few healthy things I can successfully get him to eat.
“Why are you getting cauliflower?” Crew nearly gags in disgust as his nanny places the offensive vegetable down next to him. He scoots as far away as possible in the limited space like it’ll reach out and bite him if he gets too close.
She snickers and leans over the side of the buggy. She’s so small she can rest her arms on the edge of the basket and barely have to bend over. “Wanna know a secret?” she whispers, eyes shining with mischief. “I have a super special recipe that makes cauliflower taste delicious .”
The skepticism is clear on his expressive face, and I cover my mouth with a hand in an effort to hold back my laughter. If there’s one thing I know about my son, it’s that he’s as stubborn as they come when it comes to trying new foods and isn’t afraid to show it.
Lyla grins. “How about I make my special recipe, and you try it, and then if you don’t like it, I won’t make you eat cauliflower again for, hmm…” She taps a finger against her chin. “A whole year.”
His eyes light up. “A whole year ? I’ll be almost seven by then!”
She raises a questioning brow at me, and I nod, thoroughly enjoying their exchange. “Okay, so if you don’t like it, I won’t make you eat it again until after you’re seven, deal?”
He beams. “Deal.”