9. Matty
Chapter nine
T he crowd’s roar is so loud I can feel it in my chest.
Sweat runs down my back, but all I feel is the rush, the adrenaline burning hot through my veins as I adjust my helmet. The scoreboard shows it’s a close game, too close for my liking, as rain wets the field.
My cleats dig into the turf, and the scent of grass fills my lungs. Classes, homework, all the confusing shit with Xed—it all fades away. Right now, it’s just me, my team, and the ball.
The quarterback barks the play, and time slows down. I drop into position, feeling every eye in the stadium on me. The ball snaps, and the world explodes into motion. I push off, my feet pounding the ground, my eyes locked on my team. Nothing else matters.
As the clock runs down, I narrowly avoid being taken out as I dive for the ball when the other team fumbles. Once it’s in my arms, that’s it. The end zone is within reach, so close I can taste it, and I sprint for it with every ounce of stamina I have left. Seconds before the timer hits zero, I slide over that line, and the entire stadium erupts in a cacophony of cheers. The Utes have scored the final touchdown, and my team just won our last game of the season !
My teammate Oscar pulls me up just in time for the rest of them to crowd us in, everyone yelling and slapping my back, a grin on my face so wide it’s painful.
I may be a clambering idiot in my day-to-day life, but on the field, I’m a fucking machine.
As we all jog beneath the stands toward the locker room, I spot my best friend leaning against the wall, waiting for me. His lips quirk when he spots me, dressed in black and purple, mohawk styled high. My dick twitches, remembering how he dry-humped me last night for the first time and then again this morning before we parted ways for class. How we spent a solid thirty minutes making out with tongue.
It was…incredibly hot. But also terrifying and confusing as hell.
I may have looked up ace and demi at lunch, but it only gave me more questions. Apparently, ace, or asexual, means lack of sexual attraction. There’s also gray-ace, which means some sexual attraction, but demisexual means sexual attraction only after a strong bond has formed. And demi falls under the ace umbrella.
So, where does Xed fall? Where am I? Am I still straight?
“Hi,” I mumble when I get closer to him, pulling off my helmet, suddenly feeling bashful for no damn reason. My cheeks heat when his smirk deepens, eyes taking in my sweat-soaked skin.
“Hey, big guy,” he answers, throat flexing with a swallow. “You played good out there. Jenna and your parents say they’re proud and wish they could be here.”
“Thanks.” Running a hand through my damp strands, I gesture toward the door awkwardly. “I have to, uh, debrief with Coach and rinse off. There’s a party at the dorms, wanna go?”
Xed shrugs. “Not really. You can, though. I’ll pick you up when you’re ready. ”
“What? No, why would I go without you?”
He cocks his head, pushing off the wall as he turns away. “No reason. Meet me at the car.”
“Kay.” My gaze dips to his ass as he walks toward the parking lot, the way his cheeks jiggle in those skinny jeans, and I quickly make my way inside before I pop a boner in the locker room. That’s the last thing I need right now.
Everyone’s about done when I enter, the huddle disbanding, and Coach stops me before I can get to my locker.
“Great job out there, Albrecht. Glad to see that scholarship is paying off. Keep playing like that, and I think you’ll have a bright future ahead of you.”
“Thank you, sir, I appreciate that.”
His praise lights me up, and I feel like a beast when I pull off my gear and stuff it into my locker. As I grab my shower caddy, Oscar and his twin Pika plop down on either side of me, tugging on their shoes.
“You partying tonight, Matty?” Oscar asks, and I quickly shake my head.
“Nah, Xed isn’t feeling it tonight. ”
They exchange a look, identical hazel eyes communicating some silent conversation, and Pika lifts a brow. “That’s like the third time you’ve bailed on us because of your shadow.”
Peeling off the rest of my uniform, I wrap a towel around my hips with a frown. “My what?”
Pika huffs. “Your best friend, man. The guy that follows you everywhere.”
A protective pinch twists my gut, and I turn to scowl at both of them. “No, he doesn’t. Not everywhere.”
We don’t even have the same classes. Plus, he goes to work. But other than that…okay, maybe, but it’s none of their business.
“Last week, we invited you to the Symbiotic concert, and you said no,” Oscar points out.
“Yeah, because you only had one extra ticket,” I drawl, rolling my eyes. “What was I supposed to do, leave Xed behind?”
“Well, yeah.” They exchange another look like I’m the dumb one. “Does he have to go where you go?”
I open my mouth to tell them that yes, in fact, he does , but close it when I realize how clingy that sounds. They wouldn’t get it, anyway, even if I tried explaining it to them. What Xed and I have is—
Well, what exactly do we have now?
That thought leaves me floundering, and I stare at my two teammates helplessly, suddenly at a loss for words. Oscar studies me closely, his eyes getting wider the longer I remain silent until they’re damn near bugging out of his skull.
“Oh shit, Albrecht. I mean, I kind of figured you liked dudes.”
Pika chokes on the water bottle he’d been chugging as I stammer, feeling my entire face flame at the insinuation.
“W-What, No. Xed’s just… friends. We’re just friends.” Friends who kiss and hump each other. “I’m not into men.”
I’m not. I’m into Xed. Who is...admittedly also a man. But I’ve never looked at dudes that way, they’re stinky and gross. Xed smells like hair gel and tastes like bubblegum toothpaste because he hates mint. He’s warm, and funny even when he’s grouchy, and I like the way he seeks out my hand in his sleep. The way he makes me feel smart, even if he has to explain my calculus homework fifty times in a row. He never loses patience when I trip, or drop something, or squeeze him too tight. Unlike Valerie …
He loves me the way I am. What I feel for him isn’t wrong. I just wish society—and my teammates—saw it the same way. Sure, Taylor’s stepbrother Huckslee is openly gay in football at his college in California, but this is Utah. Things don’t work the same way here.
“Okay, man, chill.” Pika eyes me with disgust before pulling his twin off the bench and backing away. “No one’s saying anything. You guys just go everywhere together, that’s all.”
Panic rises in my throat at the thought of Coach and the entire team finding out what I did. If word got around that I was gay, my whole future in college football and the NFL would fall apart, everything I’ve been working toward since I was practically in diapers exploding in my face. What Xed and I have may not be wrong, but I’m not ready for the world to know about it, yet.
So I do the only thing I can think of to throw them off my trail.
“Look, I just let him follow me around because I feel bad.”
The words burn like acid on my tongue, and as soon as they’re out, I want to shove them back inside. My eyes sting almost immediately as shame makes my stomach drop.
Inhaling, I’m about to take it all back when the door hinges and groans behind us, drawing my attention. I spin around just in time to catch sight of Xed’s mohawk before it disappears out the door, and I feel my entire body grow cold.
Shit. He was standing there the entire time.
I take a step forward, intending to run after him to explain, but Pika holds me back with a palm to my chest, something cruel glinting in his eyes.
“Then there should be no issue going to the party, right?” He sneers, staring me down challengingly while his brother heaves a heavy sigh .
“Pika, stop. He said he doesn’t want to go. Leave him alone.”
But Pika does no such thing. In fact, the asshole cages me in against the lockers, his build almost as big as mine. “You up for it, Albrecht? There should be plenty of pussy to wet your dick unless that’s not your style.”
Cringing at his words, I shove him backward, only feeling slightly guilty when he trips over the bench and crashes to the floor with a yelp. “Get the fuck off me, man. I said I’m not gay.”
I’m definitely not straight. But I’m not gay, either. Doesn’t feel like it fits.
“Prove it.” Climbing to his feet, he dusts himself off nonchalantly; all the while, his brother sits there with his head bowed.
“I don’t need to prove anything to you,” I scoff, adjusting the towel around my waist to keep it on, and Pika snickers.
“Just admit you like dick, Albrecht. Everyone knows it.”
They … what?! “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
Oscar sighs again, reaching up to rub the back of his neck awkwardly. “There’s… rumors, man, among the team. You never go out with anyone, and on away games, you stay in the hotel to call Xed. It’s weird.”
“That’s not weird,” I say defensively, crossing my arms. So what if I like to hang out with my best friend and FaceTime him when we’re apart? I have a hard time sleeping when he’s not next to me. Seeing his face before bed calms me down. It’s not weird.
…Right?
“I’ve dated plenty of girls in high school,” I tell them, trying to hide my panic. “College has just been super busy.”
Okay, that’s a lie. I’ve only dated Val.
Pika shrugs, still unconvinced. “Well, we’re off for the weekend. No time like the present to find a hookup.”
He slaps me hard on the back, and I force myself not to flinch, grinding my teeth as I silently wish Xed would walk through those doors and save me from this shit.
They’re both staring at me, expectant, waiting for an answer. Even though I’d rather be at home with Xed, sitting on the couch and playing video games, I feel myself nodding slowly.
“Yeah. Fine. Just let me shower, and we can go.”
Pika scoffs, unimpressed, but Oscar offers me a thumbs-up and a tired smile. Their eyes stay glued to me, leaving me no choice but to leave my phone in the locker and head to the showers.
Inside the stall, the hot water burns my skin as I scrub myself down quickly, my fingers itching to grab my phone. I want to text Xed to explain everything and apologize.
To tell him I didn’t mean it.
I’d never mean it.
Once I’m out, the twins still wait for me, whispering to themselves near the door. They stop when they see me, and the feeling of their eyes watching me as I dress makes my skin crawl. Pulling out my phone, I barely have enough time to send my best friend a single message before Pika once again smacks my back, making me jump.
“Ready?”
Gazing at the screen, I watch the text get marked as read, but no dots indicate that he’s typing a response.
“Yeah, ready. Let’s go.”
The entire time we walk across campus toward the dorms, I keep my eyes on my phone, waiting for Xed to text me. When he doesn’t, I send him another.
Me:
Look, Ducky, I didn’t mean what I said. Pika and Oscar were getting in my head, and I just…I’m sorry, okay?
Still no response. And it makes me nauseous.
By the time we enter the athletic dorms, I’m a nervous wreck. The twins keep eyeing me over their shoulder, and I don’t want to seem suspicious if I call him, but fuck! Why won’t he answer me?
The party is in full swing by the time we make it to a room on the second floor, heavy bass vibrating the walls. Most of the team is here, and I’m met with shocked faces when they spot me walking through the door.
“Damn, you two got Albrecht to come out?”
“Good to see you finally out in the wild, man.”
A few of them fist bump me as I make my way through the cramped space, side-stepping dubious substances pooled on the floor. Xed still hasn’t said anything, and my chest constricts painfully. The room feels hot and muggy.
These dorms are larger than the others on campus, featuring two full bedrooms and a bathroom. I’m tempted to lock myself in one of them, but Pika won’t leave me alone. He stays glued to my side with that smug smirk as he hands me a beer. Even though I’m not old enough to drink, I chug down the lukewarm liquid, needing some strength to get through the next hour or so—that’s how long I plan to stay. I really need to get home.
“Let’s play King’s Cup.” Ivan, the team’s captain, drags me over to a dilapidated coffee table covered in playing cards, a crowd of people surrounding it, and I lose myself in the game despite feeling alone and out of place. The longer I play, the more I drink, and Xed’s silence presses on my nerves with every passing second.
How do I make this right? He’s never ignored me before, not in our whole lives. I know what I said was fucked up, but…shit, I’m he re on a scholarship. I can’t mess that up. And why is it anyone’s business anyway who I have in my bed?!
I’m so screwed up inside my head that I don’t even realize who the body hanging off my shoulder is until I look over with bleary vision into Valerie’s smirking face.
“Oh, fuck.”
“Hey, Matty,” she purrs, pressing herself against me, and I try to move away but end up bumping the table instead, knocking over a few drinks.
“Oops, sorryyy.” Was that me? Why do I sound like that? Damn, I must be drunker than I thought.
“It’s been so long, baby.” Her chest ends up pressed to mine, and her curves send such a wave of wrongness through me that I spin around to run.
And end up smacking into Pika’s solid frame.
“What’s wrong, Albrecht?” He lifts a brow, running a predatory gaze over Val as she steps up beside me. “Can’t hang with the big boys?”
A hiccup leaves my throat as I glare at him, the room spinning like a merry-go-round. “Yesss, I can. Imma big boy.”
“Yeah, he is,” Valerie winks, honestly looking worse than I’ve ever seen. Her dress hangs off her body, shoulder blades poking out with needle marks up her arm. She digs her nails into my wrist and tugs me toward the kitchen, lining up a few shots of vodka.
“You look like shit,” I slur, rubbing the dryness from my eyes which only causes the room to shift even more.
“Fuck you,” she snaps, downing her shots before pressing one into my palm. “Drink up.”
“N-no, can’t. I need Xed. ”
God, why did I come here tonight? I really, really miss my best friend.
Valerie rolls her eyes before topping us off. “You and Xed, sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G .”
“Shut the hell up, Val.” Glaring at her, I take another shot just to shut her up, patting my jeans for my phone.
I really need to call Xed. I just want to go home. But my phone isn’t in my pocket, and I don’t know where I left it.
My bladder is screaming at me from all the alcohol, so I stumble to the bathroom, vision unfocused and hazy. I barely avoid pissing on the wall before my legs give out after I’m done, causing me to collapse. My head bounces off the lip of the tub when I hit the ground, pants around my ankles, and everything goes dark.
I don’t know how long I’m out, but the next thing I know, Valerie’s crawling on top of me, and I’m lucid long enough to rasp out one single sentence.
“Stop. Please call Xed. Wanna go home.”
“Shh,” she coos, settling her body weight on top of me.
Her claws digging into my chest are the last thing I feel before I’m pulled beneath a wave of suffocating black.