30. Xed
Chapter thirty
T he house is dark when I get home from work.
It’s not unusual since I work the closing shift at Rebel Threads, but Matty’s been dodging my calls and texts all day. It’s put me on edge, especially after what we did last night.
As soon as I step inside the entryway, I immediately feel the energy shift in the house. It emanates from the walls, soaking into the hardwood under my feet like a toxic cloud. Something definitely feels off.
Glancing sideways, I catch sight of Matty sitting on the couch with the lights off, elbows resting on his knees, with his fingers laced behind his neck.
When he lifts his head, our eyes lock, and all the blood in my body turns cold.
“What the fuck did she do?” I demand, rushing over to take my best friend’s tear-stained face in my hands. “What did she do, Matty?”
“Nothing,” he croaks, grabbing onto my wrists. “It… nothing.”
“Bullshit.” He’s fucking lying to me. The anguish on his features is enough to send me to my knees .
Matty presses his forehead to mine firmly, shutting his eyes as he takes a shuddering breath. “Can we just go upstairs? Please? I want to hold you.”
Pulling back, I search his face, stomach twisting into knots, but his lids are still closed. “Baby, what’s going on? Talk to me.”
Swallowing hard, he kisses me softly. “Please, Ducky. Come to bed.”
With my heart pounding painfully in my throat, I let him lead me upstairs by my hand. A ringing in my ears serves as a warning bell, my nerves sensing danger while my body presses into the familiar curve of Matty’s side when he pauses at Hannah’s door.
We gaze into her room for a moment, purple night light casting shadows on her sleeping form, and I stiffen when Matty lets out a choked sob.
“What’s wrong—"
He turns away before I finish speaking, pulling me into our bedroom before quietly shutting the door.
“I need you,” he whispers, walking me backwards to the bed as his lips descend on mine.
When we fall onto the mattress, we’re a tangle of limbs and teeth, his muscled body pressing me down with desperate kisses. Momentarily, my brain statics out as I give into the moment, licking into his mouth while he grinds on me, his cock growing heavy in his sweatpants.
Reaching under the waistband, I palm his asscheeks with both hands, spreading him open to dip a finger through his crease. “How are you feeling? Sore?”
“A little,” he mumbles, nipping down my jaw as he unbuttons my work shirt with trembling fingers. “Not bad. ”
“Matthew.” The way his voice shook has me gently pushing him back, but he won’t meet my gaze. His sky-blue eyes are puffy and rimmed with red. “What’s going on? You’re scaring me. Did I hurt you last night?”
Shaking his head, he threads our fingers together before dipping his head to bite my neck. “You could never hurt me, Ducky.”
“Then why are you crying? Was it Val?”
Instead of answering, he kisses down my bare chest, taking a nipple in between his teeth to suck. It sends a jolt down to my groin, making my dick perk up immediately, and I groan when he moves to the other one. “Stop trying to distract me. You know how much it drives me crazy when you do that.”
Humming, he bites down hard, licking away the sting when I hiss. His lips stay latched as he undoes my jeans, and the minute his palm curves around my shaft, I buck beneath him, chasing the friction. With his free hand, he pulls out his own length before lining us up. While he continues to suckle me, Matty jerks us together, his precum slick enough to help our cocks glide against each other.
“Fuck,” he moans around my nipple, driving me close to the edge with the frenzied tempo of his strokes. Just as I’m about to topple over, he releases us suddenly, getting to his feet to slide off his sweats. “Can we…will you fuck me again?”
I blink at the ceiling for several seconds, chest heaving from being so close to coming. Once I’ve gotten myself under control, I turn my head to find him gazing down at me completely naked, the anguish in his features a juxtaposition to the massive boner pointed right at my face.
“What happened to us both bottoming? And why are you trying to distract me with sex? ”
He swallows hard, coming around the bed to hook his fingers under the hem of my jeans, pulling them off me. “I just want to feel you inside of me again, okay? We can switch another time.”
“Matty, I think we should talk—"
Climbing on top of me again, he cuts me off with a kiss, plunging his tongue into my mouth as he reaches back to position my cock at his entrance.
“I don’t want to talk. I just want you,” he whispers desperately, and then he sinks down onto me in one swift move.
“ Fuck!” I shout, grabbing onto his hips as his ass envelops my dick, so tight it’s almost painful.
He slaps a hand over my lips when he starts to ride me, his face twisted in discomfort. “Shh, we need to be quiet.”
“Oh my God.”
It feels so fucking good, his muscled body trapping me as he covers my mouth. When my eyes finish rolling in the back of my head, I open them to see Matty’s teeth gritted. His breath is staggered as he rolls his hips against me, lids squeezed shut in pain.
“Baby, stop.” Sitting up quickly, I wriggle around until he lifts off my dick with a hiss. “Dammit, we should have used lotion or something. I’m hurting you.”
“I want it,” he replies, reaching for me again as his lips quiver. “Please, Xed, I need it to hurt.”
What the fuck?
Crawling away from him, I scoot against the headboard, my racing pulse thundering in my ears. Something heavy settles in my chest as I watch the way he bows his head, fresh tears streaming down his face.
“Matthew…what did you do? ”
A broken noise leaves his lips as he wipes his nose, shoulders shaking from sobs. “I’m so sorry, Ducky. Please don’t hate me.”
My lungs constrict, the air in the room suddenly too thick to breathe, entombing me like a casket. When his guilty eyes meet mine, it feels like I’ve been buried alive.
“Valerie…you…” The words won’t even pass my lips, but I force them out in disbelief. “You fucked her.”
Not a question. Because I fucking know him.
Swallowing hard, Matty drops his watery gaze. “We’re… getting back together—"
“ You fucked her!”
He says nothing, just buries his face in his hands to cry, and the sight sends a whirlwind of conflicting emotions through me. The need to comfort him clashes with a sick satisfaction at his tears, the instinct to protect making me close the distance between us while the anger has me pushing off the bed.
Betrayal burns like acid in my gut. Quickly, I shove my legs into my jeans and make for the door, but I only get halfway there when Matty grabs my arm to pull me back.
“Please, Ducky, let me explain—"
“Don’t ever fucking call me that again," I bite out as I shove him off me, shaking from how hard I’m trying to keep my voice down for Hannah. I want to rage, to rip down the walls, and break every single thing in this house like the way he just broke my heart. “How…how could you?”
Suddenly, I can’t breathe, my chest aching so bad that I clutch it as I sag against the wall. Aunt Pearl’s voice rips through my mind, the first time in so long, hateful and cutting.
Walang kwenta. Useless .
Motherless. Yawa.
He told me she was wrong. He told me he’d always want me.
Liar, liar, liar.
It wasn’t enough. I’ll never be enough.
“Xed, please,” he touches my hand, causing me to jolt and yank my arm away as if he’d burnt me.
“Don’t touch me.”
Matty releases another choked sob, his fingers clutching at nothing when I back away from him. “I’m sorry.”
With stinging eyes, I stare at the man I thought I’d known for fourteen years, the man I thought was my best friend. The only person I’ve ever loved.
And all I see is a stranger.