Chapter 35 #2
That means that all bets are off on Monday night, now that we’re back from Michigan. And even if I want to stay home with Chase and snuggle up with him and Lyla on the couch, I’m not going to let my guys celebrate this win alone.
Most students still aren’t back from winter break, so the streets are oddly quiet as we roll in a raucous pack down the main street that runs through Radford, where most of the bars are located.
Even the usually-focused Coop is out and about tonight.
But then again, he’s the man of the hour.
“Coooooooop,” the chant starts, for about the dozenth time already. All of the other players join in until it’s a swell of off-key, drunken voices trying to drag it out as long as they can.
He left everything and then some out on the ice during the championship. I’ve never seen him skate so well or seemingly want something so goddamn much. Maybe it was stupid for him to go that hard when it doesn’t even count toward our standings, but it’s clear that he needed it.
And yeah, I wanted it for the team, sure, but I also wanted it for him, too.
He’s dropped back in the pack, and as he reaches me, I sling my arm around his shoulder. “You were fucking incredible, Coop.”
He’s bleary-eyed and more than a little drunk, given how many shots he’s already been fed in between the house party and now the bars. “Appreciate it, bud.” Only, his speech is a little slurred, so it comes out as one long word. Then he says, “Do you think Mason’s dad knows that I kicked his ass?”
I look over at him, confused. “Mason’s dad?” I put together that Mason is the guy on the other team, but not much more than that.
“He’s Minnesota’s coach. But not cool like our Coach. Mason’s dad is a dick.”
I’m trying to make sense of what he’s saying as we carry on down the street. A few of the players walk into a pizza shop about twenty feet ahead of us. Unfortunately, Coop doesn’t seem interested. We follow the rest of the group until they head into another bar, but he keeps walking past that, too.
I remove my arm from around him so that I can zip up my jacket, realizing that we may be out here for a while. “So, Mason’s dad is the coach for Minnesota, the team that his son plays on now?”
Coop nods and hiccups at the same time. “He used to be my high school coach.” Coop points at me, clarifying, “Mason’s dad. Not Mason. He wasn’t old enough.” Then, he breaks out into laughter, like he’s just said something hilarious.
I nod, not really sure what’s happening except that Coop is way more drunk than I’d thought. “And Mason’s dad is a dick?” I ask, trying to figure out what exactly we’re talking about.
“Yeah,” Coop says, snapping his finger like I’ve just reminded him of something important. “Such a dick.”
Well, that wasn’t exactly the revelation that I expected.
Suddenly, Coop stops and pokes his finger against my chest. “He’s a big homophobe. Everyone better watch out because being gay is contagious, apparently.”
Wait, what? I put my hands on Coop’s shoulders to steady him. At this point, I’m honestly not sure if he’s fucking with me or not. “You know that’s not true, right?”
He shrugs his shoulders. “Can’t be gay and play hockey.”
Oof. This is not how I wanted to do this.
Not at all. But I have no idea what he’s on about except that it seems like Coop is harboring a lot more confusion than I thought, and he thinks that he’s alone in it.
“Dude, I’m gay. And I play hockey. Kellan literally came out to you last year, and now he’s playing in the pros.
You can definitely be gay and play hockey.
Those things aren’t mutually exclusive.” And even though I’m thinking about Chase, too–really, when am I not? –I’m not going to bring him into this.
We’re fully stopped now, standing in front of some random store that can only exist in a place that gets as much foot traffic as Radford’s downtown area.
His eyes narrow, and I can see that he’s slowly processing my words. To be fair, it was a lot of them–including some big ones–given the state that he’s in right now. “You’re gay?”
I nod. And even though anxiety shoots through me, I’m glad that he knows. Maybe I can’t tell him about Chase, but my sexuality doesn’t need to be a secret. “Yes.”
Coop’s face falls, and I don’t understand why until he says, “Then why didn’t I know? I can keep a secret.” He emphasizes the word ‘secret’ like it’s something shameful.
He’s looking a little unsteady, so I walk him toward the brick building and have him lean against it. Once I’m sure that he’s not going to tip over, I answer. “I’ve been figuring stuff out this year. I just came out to my family over winter break. I promise you aren’t late to the news or anything.”
He lifts his chin defiantly, like he wants me to argue with him when he says, “What if the team finds out?”
Now, it’s my turn to shrug my shoulders. “Then I guess they find out? I know that it’s different for anyone with…” I try to find tactful words so that I don’t lump Coop into something that he hasn’t agreed with or admitted to me yet, deciding on, “aspirations to go pro.”
He clicks his tongue. “No one gay plays on the Freeze.”
“No one out plays on the Freeze,” I correct. “Being closeted and being private can be very different things.”
Slowly, he nods his head, considering my words. “Like Kellan.”
I’ve seen how Kellan has navigated this process over the last year. His friends and family know, and he’s partnered so that definitely makes things easier. Still–I don’t need to get into the mechanics of that with Coop right now. “Exactly like Kellan,” I agree, like I’m talking to a little kid.
Lyla’s really given me a lot of great practice for this. Having a conversation with a drunk college student is basically the same thing. There’s a lot of negotiation and repetition to get your point across.
He squints at me. “It’s not okay for everyone, though. Has consequences.”
My heart is breaking for Coop. I don’t know what happened or who exactly told him that who he is isn’t okay, but I definitely don’t want him to feel like he’s alone.
I throw my arm around his shoulder again and pull him into me, holding him up.
“Some people suck. Those aren’t your people, dude.
And whenever you get where you’re going–and every step of the way through it, if you want–I’ve got your back. You hear me?”
I start walking him down the street, toward the apartment that we used to share.
It’s crazy to think about how much has changed in the last year.
Even crazier to think about how much of life is just figuring things out as we go.
Or that we have to decide the burdens that we want to put down, even if we can’t imagine who we’d be if we didn’t carry them.
We’re almost back to the apartment when Coop lets out a shaky exhale. If he hadn’t been walking, I’d have thought that he’d fallen asleep. Thankfully, he seems a little more sober when he says, “I hear you.”
“Good. Because we’re going to have a kick-ass rest of the season together. We’ll show Kellan that it’s the wings who are the true playmakers on the team.”
I get a smile from him then, and I wait patiently while he swipes his keycard to get into the apartment. Before he goes in, he turns back to me. “I’m always here for you, too.”
“I know,” I respond, the truth in his words hitting me squarely in the chest.
He disappears inside while I wait for my car to arrive to take me home. Again, I think about the fact that I hope I’m not lying to Coop. Maybe playing hockey beyond the rest of this season isn’t in the cards for me, but I do want to finish out the season with my team.
I’m just not sure what Zane is going to want to let that happen.