Chapter 37 #3
I can’t help but feel jealous over the simple touch.
Since the conversation that Chase and I had at the pond yesterday, things have been off.
We’re us, sure, but there’s also a tension hanging over every moment that we share together.
And if it’s not tense, it’s imbued with almost too much meaning, if that makes sense.
Like we both know that we’re inching closer to a cliff, and even though we have a plan, neither of us feel good about it.
“So, it’s a shit position to be in, I’ll give you that much,” Kellan says, breaking through my distracted thoughts.
I laugh before getting serious again. Since Zane caught us, I basically can’t go more than a few minutes without feeling like the weight of the world is trying to crush me.
“That’s one way to put it. And yeah, I know that technically Chase and I aren’t supposed to have a relationship, but I hate that the school’s rules make it feel like it’s something dirty when it’s not. It couldn’t be further from it.”
“And Zane’s not backing down?” Kellan asks.
I shake my head. “No. We’re pretty sure that he’s in deep to some bookies and we’ve become his contingency plan to get out of the hole.”
Kellan winces. “That’s not good. I used to work with guys at the overnight lot who placed illegal bets, especially when legitimate sites wouldn’t take them. Lots of bruises as a tool of motivation–and that was the best case scenario.”
Sometimes I forget that before Kellan was a professional hockey player, he worked full-time over the summers as a security guard and was moonlighting as a bouncer most of our senior year to help pay for his family’s apartment.
He’s struggled more than most, and I’m so fucking happy for his life these days.
“I can’t believe that the options that Chase and I have are that we pay some loser fifty-grand that we don’t have, I quit the team, or Chase quits his job. We’re in love, not running a meth lab.”
That last part earns a laugh from Kellan, and he stands up, presumably to grab another beer.
From where Wells is standing in the open kitchen, I watch as he tracks Kellan’s movement across the living room until they’re standing a few feet away from one another. For him, it’s like there’s no one else in the world but Kellan.
Does Chase look at me like that? Is that how I look at him?
Heat rushes through me as Chase’s face takes over my vision, and I can’t imagine a world without him anymore.
And I don’t want him to have to imagine a world without the career that he’s worked so hard to build. Because even if he leaves the team on his own terms, other colleges won’t like that he skipped out midway through the season. Sure, his name is a boon, but it’s going to be a setback.
He wouldn’t want to move in with me, even though I’d love that.
He and Lyla would probably go back to his parents and then our living arrangements would change.
We’d see one another less while I try to balance returning to the team while he’s looking for a job.
And what about his new job? It could be anywhere.
If he has less free time, I’d want it to be with Lyla, even though I’d love for it to be the three of us, always.
I can feel the tension and anxiety curling around my neck, choking me.
I only dimly register that Kellan, after a moony-eyed look back at Wells and possibly some light groping, is talking to me again. “I’d give you the money, but the problem with guys like that is that they’ll always come back for more. I think it’ll do more harm than good.”
Embarrassment washes through me. “No, I wasn’t asking for that, K. Not even a little bit.”
He shuts the door, beer in hand, and turns back toward me. “I know that you weren’t. But you’re my best friend, and I’d never leave you hanging if the help that I had to offer could actually make things better.”
“I know that. This whole thing is just so…”
“Insane?” he supplies, joining me on the couch again.
“That’s one word for it. I can’t believe I’m getting the shakedown from some loser who is actually putting players at risk. All I did was fall in love.”
Kellan’s eyes dart to me. “Love?”
“I thought that was implied when I told you that I’m willing to quit the team and that Chase is willing to leave his job so that I can stay.”
“That makes sense,” Kellan agrees, smiling. “And you do hate when things are unfair. It doesn’t seem like Zane should be able to just get away with this scot-free considering all the harm that he’s done.”
“Exactly. I mean, Chase is planning on telling Coach what he knows about Zane’s behavior, but those types of investigations take time.
And with Chase off the team, they’d have to pull a trainer from another team to help if they did finally decide to let Zane go.
I just feel like he’s going to get away with it, and there’s nothing that we can do about it. ”
I assumed that Wells was either focusing on cutting up the ingredients for his shake or lusting after Kellen, so I’m surprised when he says, “What if we could?”
Kellan and I both turn our heads.
I’m desperate for any path forward right now, so my response comes easily. “And how would we do that?”