Chapter 38 #2
“I ran into someone I used to work with who knows Zane, and he mentioned that gambling is involved. On Radford. Now, that’s just one person’s version, but I knew that I needed to inform you of what I’d found out.
” I force myself to breathe normally, even though I don’t dare let myself hope that this could go my way.
“Seems like you and Asher must share some friends,” Coach says, “because he told me the same thing. Illegal betting. Hiding player injuries. He presented a pretty damning case, if I’m being honest. These things are difficult to prove, though.”
A knot forms in my throat. Of course Asher wouldn’t take this lying down.
He wouldn’t let me stop him from helping me, even if I tried to refuse it.
And for as much as I want to be annoyed at him, I can’t be.
My goal in having this conversation with Coach was so that Zane was kept far away from people that he could hurt, and Asher’s just made that a reality.
I open my mouth to speak, but words don’t come out. What can I say? That Asher’s the most incredible man that I’ve ever met? That I cannot believe he’d got to bat for me like this, even though every single thing that I know about him has shown me that this is absolutely something that he’d do.
Finally, I manage to say, “I’m glad that there’s actionable information for you to investigate, instead of just hearsay. My biggest concern is the players’ safety.”
Coach cracks his knuckles. “The investigation’s done.”
My heart sinks. I knew that it couldn’t be that easy. “I understand.”
“Zane was let go from the team this morning. While we’re going to follow-up on Asher’s information, what he gave me, coupled with Zane’s behavior this season, was enough for me to release him.
So, you can see how it would put us in a pretty difficult position with games starting next week if we had no physical therapist or athletic trainer for the team.
That doesn’t seem like the best thing if I’m prioritizing player safety, does it? ”
I know I’m looking at him like he just grew a second head. Since my injury, I’ve felt like I’ve been getting dealt blow after blow. Becca leaving. Learning that I’d never play again.
I couldn’t have stepped foot into this room today and resigned if I thought there was a chance that it could go another way.
And now?
Coach is telling me that Zane is gone and I’m staying. And it’s all because of Asher.
I realize that I haven’t answered him, and I sit up straighter in my chair. “No, it wouldn’t.”
“Upon his release, Zane did make a number of accusations.”
My stomach swoops low, knowing what he’s implying. At the same time, I don’t think that I can survive much longer if my heart keeps speeding up and slowing down with all of the new information being thrown my way.
I pull at the edge of my collar. “Oh?”
“Unfortunately for him, he didn’t have anything other than his word, which wasn’t worth much at that moment.” I’m surprised that Coach doesn’t seem more upset about what he’s just told me, his tone like we’re shooting the shit about the weather.
I think about the photo that Zane told me about, realizing that it never existed. Asher and I must have seen him right after he rounded the corner in the hospital, and he made up the lie to help keep me pinned down and afraid of what he’d do.
Fuckin’ asshole.
Still, I need to stay focused on Coach and where this leaves us. Because he just told me that he knows that Zane tried to tell him about me and Asher.
This is one situation where I will outlast him with my silence.
He gives me a surmising look which tells me everything that I need to know.
But still, he doesn’t seem all too upset about it.
“Like you, I care about the players on this team. And I know that Asher went through a harder year than most. Hell, a harder year than most guys will have in their life. You’ve had some pretty hard years, too. ”
I adjust my glasses, a habit whenever I think about my injury. “I don’t think that’s wildly inaccurate.”
He stands up and walks over to the wall, adorned with framed photos from his league days along with the numerous awards that he’s won as a college coach.
He looks at them for a few seconds before he turns to me.
“So where I land is that rumors are just that. People’s personal lives are personal for a reason.
I’m also not in the habit of tearing down people when they’re finally finding themselves in a good spot.
Especially when that spot is the result of hard work and dedication. ”
He walks over to the desk, where I’m still seated, and raps his knuckles against the metal. It sounds like gunfire given how tightly I’m wound. “And that it took a lot of guts–however misguided you were–to show up here today and try to resign.”
“But you don’t accept it?” I clarify, my heart doing this weird thing in my chest where I feel like I may pass out at any second.
He shakes his head. “No, I don’t accept it.
So as long as you’re doing well and Asher’s doing well, then that’s all I really care about.
” He puts his hand on my shoulder, squeezing a little tighter than’s comfortable, and he looks me squarely in the eyes when he says, “So don’t give me a reason to care about it. Got it?”
I don’t breathe again until he lets go and takes a step back. Once I have enough room, I stand up, so that we’re almost eye level. “I’ve got it.”
And I know with my entire chest that I would never do anything to hurt Asher or put him in a difficult position. I’d move heaven and earth so that he knows how much I love him and that I can’t imagine a life where he’s not in it–regardless of the communication or sacrifice that it may take.
I leave his office quickly then, like he could change his mind at any second. I still can’t quite believe that I’m going to keep my job. Or what Asher did for me. Or that Zane was already fired and won’t be able to hurt players any longer.
The last one puts a goofy smile on my face that doesn’t dim as I walk down the hallway and into the treatment room.
With Zane gone, I feel like it’s shining a little brighter. I look into his office with glass-paned walls, very similar to my own, wondering what kind of state he’s left it in. The lights are off, and a Radford jacket is hanging off the back of his chair.
I’m relieved, but I also can’t help but feel badly for the guy. Call it a character flaw on my side, but I hope that he finds his way.
I pull out my phone and unblock his number so that I can text him. God knows what he’s sent to me, but I only have one message that I need him to see.
Chase 12:15 P.M.
Today’s meeting is canceled. Don’t come near me or my family again, and I hope that you get the help that you need.
After I slide my phone back in my pocket, I walk over to my own office and flick on the light. Even though I desperately want to run home and show Asher just how much I appreciate what he’s done for me, I have to finish today’s practice notes.
I smile and adjust my glasses while I unlock my iPad. We are short-staffed, after all.
My mom was kind enough to agree to pick Lyla up from daycare today.
I only lasted at the arena for about an hour before I headed home. Right before leaving, I sent Asher a text that he should be in my apartment in fifteen minutes.
I’m sure he’s curious. Doesn’t know which version of me he’s going to get or how my conversation with Coach went.
It sends a little thrill through me to know that I’m going to get to surprise him, too.
When I open the front door, he immediately stands up from the sofa. “How’d it go?”
He can barely get the words out before I grab onto his sweatshirt and haul him into me, capturing his lips. There’s only the briefest moment where he’s stiff before he melts against my body and meets me with the same fervor.
Finally, we break apart, and I’m glad that his chest is heaving just as much as mine. “Didn’t think to let me in on your plan?” I say, carding my hands through his soft hair.
I still can’t believe that we’re on the other side of this. That I can kiss him and touch him and taste his lips without worrying that everything will come crashing down around us. That we can move forward without this massive cloud looming over us, threatening to unleash a downpour at any second.
He pulls me closer, his big arms encircling me so that we’re breathing the same air. “Did it work? God, I hope that it worked.”
“No,” I say dryly, “That kiss was just because I was happy to see you.” His mouth opens to speak, but I scratch down his beard, the desire to touch him everywhere overwhelming me.
“It worked. Zane was fired this morning and I’m officially the de-facto physical therapist and athletic trainer for the foreseeable future. ”
“Not mad at me for getting extra work thrown on your plate?” His smile is so goddamn beautiful that I almost lean in to kiss him again, but I manage to stop myself.
Which is a good thing because he asks, “Or mad at me because I didn’t let you know what I was doing?
I just didn’t want to risk telling you in case it didn’t work out. ”
My hands are everywhere. Running through his hair.
Scratching at his beard. Trailing down his neck.
Ghosting across his shoulders. Squeezing his strong muscles in my palms. I can’t get enough of this man.
And now, I won’t have to know what it feels like to keep him at arms’ length because of my fear or the worry that we’ll be outed.
And sure, Zane could still do something stupid–I wouldn’t put it past him–but where the people who actually have a say in our futures are concerned, we’re safe.
“Asher, I cannot believe what you did for me. No one has ever shown up for me like this. No one.” I’m lucky to have the family that I do, but close friendships or healthy relationships have always evaded me.
I spent so much time focusing on hockey and trying to be the best that I missed out on building solid foundations with people.
And once Becca skipped out when things got difficult, I tried to accept that a love like this wasn’t in my future. Who would want to be with a washed up pro athlete, who’s also a single father and has a ridiculous work schedule?
“I’d do anything for you,” Asher says, and I feel his words deep in my heart. He smiles again, leaning forward and pressing our foreheads together. “You just need to let me stick by your side. That’s all that I’m asking.”
A couple of months ago, those words would have terrified me, but Asher’s already shown that he’s in this for the long haul.
It’s shockingly easy for me to tell him, “I wouldn’t survive if you were anywhere else.”
Then, I plant another kiss on his lips and drag him up the stairs, intent on showing him just how much I mean those words.