5. Tracey
Chapter 5
Tracey
I’d not moved from this chair beside Stella’s bed since I carried her in here. When Wayne told me to bring her ‘home,’ I didn’t argue. The worry lines beside his eyes had said it all. He was as worried as I was. If not more. This was his baby girl. His little Grace.
His large frame blocked the light from the hall. He stood leaning against the doorframe, watching her sleep. Shelby had given her a combination of meds that would not only help her relax, but let her sleep off the anxiety she’d been buried in. My thumb ran along her knuckles softly. I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against our clasped hands.
“You know,” Wayne started, then sighed. “She’s going to be a handful.” I couldn’t help but smile.
“She always is. I don’t mind. I love her for being just who she is.” I looked up at him. “I wouldn’t want her any other way.”
“Pregnant women go through emotional ups and downs. She’s going to test you on so many levels.”
What was his point? I raised a brow. “I’m well aware of that. I don’t care. She’s going to be fine. We’ll be fine. I’m not going to ask her to change in any way. I’d never expect her to either.”
Wayne nodded and rubbed his neck. “I never thought she’d be having a baby,” he said, his features pinched. “She took her mama’s death so hard. Then one day it was as if she’d been replaced by a little soldier. She took care of Carter like he was hers. She bathed him, fed him, rocked him to sleep every chance she got. She did all that while keeping up with her schoolwork.” From the corner of my eye, I saw him wipe his face. “She’s always been more of a mother to him than a sister. I should have let her be a kid. I took those years away from her even without meaning to.”
“You didn’t,” I turned to face him, “You know Stel; she’s going to do what she wants to do, and no one else gets a vote on that. She may have missed out on playing and free time, but I know she doesn’t regret any of it. She loves being able to help you out. We’ve had many, many hour-long conversations about your family. The dynamics, what it was like to grow up surrounded by all of that testosterone. I can assure you, she loved every minute of it. Carter is her biggest pride and joy. No doubt he’s learned well from you and his brothers, but she taught him—she gave him something we as men can’t. A mother’s love, whether they’re biological or not, is stronger than anyone can imagine. That young man is compassionate, hard-working, and a friend to anyone he meets. Stel did that. She gave him the tools he needed to be that man.”
“What if she resents me for it?” He sounded so dejected.
“Wayne, look, I’m not saying it was always unicorns and rainbows. I know she struggled sometimes, but I can promise you that your daughter doesn’t resent you and never could. You all did the best you could after Grace died. Your family is strong in faith, hope, and love. You have it all, even if a few of you are nuttier than a squirrel’s winter stash.”
“You sound like a damn Hallmark card,” Stella grumbled as she tried to sit up. Her face creased in pain. She sank her teeth into her bottom lip. I helped her, taking the pressure off of her injured hand and arms.
“Stella, baby girl.” Wayne moved to sit beside her, and I stood up.
“I’ll let you two have a moment.” I placed a kiss on her temple. I stepped outside the door and leaned my head back against the wall.
I’d never been one for showing my emotions. I didn’t grow up that way. Dad was a man’s man. Men didn’t show emotion. My mom taught me and my sister that it was okay to show them sometimes. Right now, I was fighting back an onslaught.
My soon-to-be fiancée was hurting, emotionally and physically. I couldn’t fix it for her, and to top it off, I was going to be a father. I never thought this day would come for Stel and me, and I’d been prepared for that eventuality. I’d accepted it. No resentment, no worry. It was just our path in life. And now…our path had changed.
Stella
I thought I’d had it hard lying here just listening to my daddy and Trace talk, but now that I was here, side by side with my daddy, his large hand encompassing mine, the emotions were swallowing me.
Tears started to fall as I leaned into his massive chest. “I’m so scared, Daddy.”
His arms came around me. “I know, princess. It’s okay to be scared. It’s also okay to be happy. A baby is a big joy in life.”
“What if I die like Mama did? I can’t leave Trace alone with a baby to raise without me. It would crush him.”
“Hey, listen to me. I’m not going to lie and say that wouldn’t or couldn’t happen to you, but I can tell you this, even if your mama would have known bringing Carter into the world was going to take her from us, she still would have done it. You want to know why?” I nodded, my gaze locked on his. “Because she loved that little baby. She wanted him to grow and have a life to be proud of. She had nine months to love him, talk to him, and let him grow into the perfect little bundle he was. It hurt losing her. I feel that loss every single day. I think about her every time I see you or your brothers. I’m always asking myself what she would think of this or that. If she’d be mad at me for still leaving the toilet seat up.”
“She would be. That’s the most annoying thing ever. No one wants to sit down and have their cheeks take a dip in the bowl. Especially when they’re half asleep in the middle of the night.”
His booming laughter filled the room, and I smiled, wiping at my own face. “Yes, I guess she would. My life changed that day, as did yours and your brothers’. We each dealt with it in our own way. I should have done more for—to help y’all grieve. I had my failures in raising y’all. But loving you, making sure you had what you needed, wasn’t one of them. I love you all so very much.”
“No, you didn’t! I mean about the failing us shit. You’ve been the best father any of us could have asked for. Look, we are all grown, somewhat responsible adults. Even Carter has grown up into a decent young man. I was worried for a while; Trevor and Peter are dickheads, and I was afraid that gene would rub off on him.”
A cough came from outside the door, and I grinned at Daddy’s scowl. He knew it was true. They were his kids, after all. “Princess,” he warned, but the twitching at the corner of his lips meant I’d won that one.
“You may not see the good you did for us, but I assure you, we do. Growing up and hitting milestones as a teen and now as an adult are a lot harder with Mama not being here, but yeah…”
“But you went through them nonetheless.”
“I don’t want to leave them. I’m so scared that’s what’s going to happen. I’ve tried to not think about it, but it’s always there. I don’t know how to do this. I’m cracking under the pressure already. Jesus, Daddy, I lost my mind...his poor truck never had a chance.”
I frowned at the bandages on my arm and hand.
“My sweet girl…” Daddy wrapped his arms around me and just held me for a long minute. “Nothing about being an adult is easy. Hell, nothing in life itself is easy; when you add children into that equation, it all goes up in smoke. We have to take every day as its own entity. Or better yet, look at it as a bounty. Sometimes you catch the person you’re after, sometimes you don’t. When you don’t, what do you do?” He raised a brow at me.
“I cuss up a storm, bitch at the guys, and go after them again.” A chuckle came from the hall.
I rolled my eyes. He was a jerk, but he knew it was true.
“Exactly. If you have a bad day, you pull up your big girl pants and march on after the next one. They won’t all be good. They won’t all be bad, but they’re all worth the experience of having them. You have your family and friends to help you out. The girls have all had babies; they can help when you need a moment to cuss or cry.”
“Or to bail me out of jail for being an overly emotional twat.” I sighed. “Daddy, I broke my bat. My freaking bat!” I huffed ‘cause seriously, that was the worst. Poor Louie deserved better.
“Jesus,” he muttered. “Stella Grace, the damn bat, took one for the team. If you’d have gone after Tracey, well?—”
“I’d never!” I sat up, my eyes widened. “Daddy, no. I’d never do that to him. His truck was just there, and I?—”
“Lost your ever-loving mind,” Trace finished from the door, his arms crossed as he leaned against the frame. “It’s okay, baby, I always wanted a convertible,” he joked. “And let’s just put this out in the open, I want you both to understand something.” He met Daddy’s gaze. “No matter what her temper makes her do, even if that’s coming at me with a bat, I will do what’s needed to restrain her, but I’ll never hurt her or put a hand on her in a way that is not loving.”
I gave Daddy’s hand a squeeze before I got up, slowly, my knees wobbling. I moved to where Trace stood and leaned into his embrace. His arms wrapped around me tight. “I might deserve to be spanked sometimes,” I said softly, pressing a kiss to his chin.
His knowing grin said he’d heard me just fine. He buried his face in my hair and spoke into my ear, his beard tickling my skin. “Oh, I plan on doing that a lot, sweetheart. I’ll enjoy every minute of it, and so will you.”
A shiver ran through me, and I sighed. We were okay if he was trying to turn me on already.
I turned in his arms and met the gaze of my father. “Can you do me a favor?” He nodded his head once. “Can you call Uncle Steve and tell him I’m coming over tomorrow. I owe someone a new truck.”
Daddy chuckled. “Sure thing, princess.”
“Thank you, Daddy.” I moved to him and gave him a super tight hug. “I love you. I’ll be back by tomorrow to chat. Okay? Right now, I want to go home with Trace, curl up in bed, and pass back out.”
“All right, princess. You go get some rest and take it easy until all of these stitches are out. Make sure she gets the pain meds as recommended. If you leave it to her, she won’t take them.” He talked over my head to Trace. My finger came up, ready to lecture him, but, once again, he cut me off. “Not a request, kid. For once, just listen to your old man and take the meds and relax.”
“I’ll try. Okay?”
“Guess that’s all I can ask.” He chuckled and placed a kiss on my temple.
“I love you, Daddy.”
“I love you too, my sweet girl.” Another hug was shared before I walked into the bathroom to handle business.
I washed my face and grumbled. I looked like freaking roadkill. I came back out, slid into my shoes, walked back to Trace, and we left the house. I was stiff and sore, but it wasn’t anything worse than a beatdown I might have gotten on a case. The pain meds were still heavily in my system, though. We’d see how I was feeling a bit later. I had more important things on my mind right now. My stomach growled to emphasize what I was already feeling.
“Can we go get something to eat?” I asked as he helped me into my truck.
“Absolutely. Barbecue or burgers?” I thought about those choices for a minute.
“Barbecue. I need some of Mrs. Nettie’s slaw and sweet tea. She really knows what she’s doing.” I nodded as I rubbed my hand along my belly.
I let out a long sigh when I had to have help getting my belt latched. Of course, he loved the fact that I was kind of helpless right now.
Trace’s chuckle as he climbed in made me scowl.
“Don’t give me that look. Let me relish in the fact that I get to take care of you. Let me take care of you.”
I grinned as the truck started, and we drove to the end of the road. I guess he had a point. For now, at least. I gave in and nodded.
“Fine, but I expect back rubs and hot bubble baths.”
“I am sure those can be arranged. I do believe I could even be capable of getting some of your favorite snacks and movies to have on hand. If I had the right motivation,” he teased, grinning.
“Hmm…well, I could see you enjoying those hot bubble baths with me.” I grinned wide, which turned into me thinking of what else we could do in that big tub.
Oh yeah. I liked this plan a lot.