Chapter 21 #2
“Ah.” I drew out the word, giving her a knowing look. Kendra was a kitchen maid from the Earthen palace, and I had gotten the sense that she and Ramia were on more than friendly terms at some point.
“Yes, well, she mentioned the captain would like to get this to you,” Ramia went on, her blush deepening as she gestured to the letter.
I shook my head, looking over the worn envelope with a mixture of dread and confusion.
Why would Gerard risk sending me a letter like this?
Not only was it very likely that Kendra or someone else would share this information with my father, but what if Varius’s servants had intercepted this?
If there was anything incriminating in this letter, I could be executed for treason.
“Gerard, you fool,” I muttered, running my fingers over the crinkled paper. I couldn’t deny the fresh wave of longing that coursed over me, though. It wasn’t Gerard I yearned for, but news of my home. I missed it terribly, and the comfort of that familiarity called to me.
Not to mention the fears and anxieties that kept me on edge often had me yearning for that sweet physical release that Gerard gave me. Here, there was no remedy. Not unless I wanted to invite Varius into my bed.
Which would not be happening.
“I’ll give you some privacy,” Ramia said softly, gathering up the tray and bustling out of the room. I continued to stare at the letter in my hand, trying to gather the courage to open it.
With a deep breath, I broke the seal and read Gerard’s message.
My Lady,
I yearn for you. Every moment since you left has been torture for me. Please send word that you are safe. I am going mad not knowing. I miss having you to hold in my arms. I miss the way our bodies fit together.
There is no one like you. And there never will be.
I had to stop reading to close my eyes against the torrent of guilt and anguish.
My relationship with Gerard had been casual; a way to escape and release pent-up tension.
We had both established this, knowing our dalliances would have to end once the Shadow King came for me.
How could Gerard be saying these things to me, knowing I was now married?
Swallowing down my discomfort, I forced myself to keep reading.
But that is not the only reason I write to you. I must also ask if the endeavor we discussed previously has been accomplished yet. If it has, please send word immediately. Our armies intend to cross the border and invade the kingdom if it’s clear you have been unsuccessful.
My heart dropped to my stomach, and I re-read the paragraph once more.
Invade the kingdom…
“Father, you cannot be serious,” I whispered.
How would invading possibly help? The Shadow Court’s forces were far more powerful than ours.
If I was unsuccessful, it would either be because I got caught, or because killing Varius and destroying the source of his magic did nothing to stop the shadows.
And if the shadows could survive without Varius, then we were all doomed.
Heart racing, I skimmed the rest of Gerard’s letter .
I am risking my life by sending this to you, but I would never forgive myself if something happened to you because I did not warn you. I am in love with you, my darling, and I would give anything to have you in my arms once more.
Please write back quickly. If you are close to achieving your goal, I can send word and delay the army.
All my love,
G
Nausea churned in my gut as I set the parchment on my lap, struggling to calm my breathing. Stones, this was an utter and complete mess.
I raised my hand to my forehead, my pulse jumping so violently I thought I might faint. If Ramia hadn’t brought me food, I most likely would have.
Gerard still wanted me. And Father planned to invade the Shadow Court.
What in the hell was he thinking? He was no match for the Shadow Fae.
It was why he hadn’t been able to do anything all this time.
What had changed? I was his secret weapon.
All those years and all that time invested in creating the perfect spy…
Why would he throw all of that away now?
It had only been a week since I had left.
None of this was right. Gerard should not be pining for me. And Father should not be making a move against my husband’s kingdom.
Terror seeped into my bones as I stood, pacing the length of the library while I considered what to do. Unfortunately, I was not any closer to finding the enchanted rose. It was very possible the flower did not exist at all and Gerard had been right to scoff at me.
But I had to write him back, or else Father would risk the safety of my home by attacking a kingdom he did not have the power to defeat.
Using the quill and parchment on the table, I hastily scrawled a response to Gerard. I begged him to give me more time and told him I had come across some interesting information that might lead me to the rose.
It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t a truth, either. I had uncovered lots of interesting tidbits. But I was no closer to finding the rose.
It was a deception. And it made me even more desperate to find the truth.
Footsteps sounded nearby, and I jumped. With shaking hands, I folded up the two letters and tucked them into my bodice, along with the notes I had taken during my studies. I was terrified someone would walk in and discover the damning evidence of my betrayal.
After smoothing my hands on my skirts a few times, I took a deep breath and left the library, my heart skittering uncontrollably at the thought of my father invading and igniting a war between the two courts.
A war my people would most certainly lose.