Chapter 31
Rachel
Think about it, he said! Like I have been thinking of anything else.
I tossed and turned all night, which really hasn’t been any different from any other night this month.
He seemed so apologetic, and there was raw honesty in his eyes.
His face still showed marks from the fight, making his vulnerability so much more intense.
Jade: Take him up on the offer.
Molly: No harm in it.
Trixie: Yep, let him make it up to you.
Traitors! They were on his side since that day at the café. My friends text me in our group chat as I lie on my bed, flicking through my textbooks. I shut the book in defeat, accepting the fact that I’m not going to get any studying done today.
Me: Maybe you’re right.
Molly: Aren’t we always.
Jade: You won’t be able to study with this on your mind.
Molly: Staring blankly at your textbook doesn’t count as studying…just saying.
Damn them and knowing me so well. Why did I even try to open that book? I look at it in disgust, like it’s the textbook fault, and spin my phone in my hand.
“Can we, Mommy?” Sam says, poking his head into my room. This is the fifth time he has asked me this morning, and it is only ten o'clock. I groan, rolling into a seated position and reaching out for my son to pull him into my lap.
“He said he wanted to take me, and I really want to go. He is the quarterback, Mommy. Of the Raptors. I watch him play on television with Pop, he’s a super star. Can you believe it? So can you ask him, pallleeeaaassseeeee!?”
I look into those puppy dog brown eyes, just like mine, and coincidently very similar to Randy’s. “Fine,” I give in. “I’ll text him, but he’s a busy man, and he might not be able to.”
“He said he would; here, I’ll unlock your phone,” he says, grabbing it off my bed. “Here you go,” he says, placing it in my hand and hovering over the screen. “Text him, Mommy, text him.”
I sigh and pull up his name.
Rachel: Hey, does the offer still stand to take Sam to the park?
“Okay, I sent it, but don’t get your hopes up he–”
My phone pings
“Is it him?” Sam jumps.
I look down at my screen. “Yeah, baby, it’s him and he said he would love to take us.”
Sam slides off my bed and jumps around my room excitedly, then runs for the door. “I’ll go get ready,” he says, almost tripping in his haste. “I’ll go find my ball!” he yells.
I sigh and fall back onto my bed, staring at the ceiling and the glow in the dark stars Sam and I put on there last year. Great, just great! Now not only do I have to protect my heart, I have to protect Sam’s. I look down at my phone as it vibrates in my hand.
Randy: Pick you up in an hour?
Rachel: Perfect, thanks.
“Just perfect,” I sigh.
Me: You win! I texted him and he is on his way!
Molly: OMG OMG OMG
Trixie: Woohoo
Molly: Sam must be so excited.
Me: He is. Guess I better get ready.
“The kid’s a natural,” he says, jogging over to me as I sit on the blanket we packed. He falls down beside me and reaches for the water, sucking it back and making me stare at his sweat-beaded forehead.
“He is going to sleep well tonight,” I say as I watch Sam practice kicking the ball in the middle of the stadium.
Yes, not only did Randy fulfill his promise, he upped it by getting permission to take us onto the hallowed Raptors turf.
Sam almost cried with excitement when he ran out of the tunnel onto the field.
It was about then that not only did I realize I didn’t have much chance to protect his heart, but mine was now hanging on by a thread.
When someone does something so meaningful for your child, it’s hard not to fall into a puddle at their feet.
“Who are you kidding? I’m going to sleep well tonight, that little guy has some energy!” he says, falling back and resting his arms on his chest as his chest moves up and down from exertion as he stares at the sky. “How do you keep up with him?”
I let my body fall back to rest on my elbows as I watch Sam in his element kicking the ball between the uprights. “Well, it takes a village. My parents are fantastic, and my brothers and friends help when they can. I couldn’t do it without all of them.”
He sits up, matching my position on his elbows as his brown eyes study me. “You’re incredible, you know that? Raising that talented little man and attending school.”
“He amazes me,” I say, watching my son. “He inspires me to be more, to do better.”
He rolls onto his side and strands of his hair fall over his brow. His hand shields the sun from his eyes as he looks up to me. “So, when do I get to see you two again?”
I sit up and cross my legs. “Randy,” I sigh.
“What?” he questions, sitting up and pulling me toward him, our knees touching. “I fucked up, Rachel, I know that. Please let me make it up to you?”
I stare off over his shoulder, unable to look at him and unable to give him an answer.
“Didn’t you enjoy the time we spent together?”
“Of course,” I nod, looking back into those hopeful eyes. Crap.
“Do you think I would treat Sam badly?” he asks seriously.
“Of course not,” I answer without waver.
“Did you not enjoy all the sex?” he asks with a slow, deliberate raise of one eyebrow.
Blush. I shake my head at his cockiness, relaxing at the way he brings light-heartedness to our conversation. “Of course I did.”
“Am I not confident enough for you?” he jests.
“You, Randy, are too confident.”
“Sexy too, aren’t I?” he says with a wink.
I roll my eyes at him. “It’s not just me—it’s Sam.”
“Good, wouldn’t want it any other way,” he says with hesitation.
“Randy,” I sigh. “You say that now but–”
“But nothing, please give me a chance?” he says, a hurt look flickering in his eyes, but it’s followed with a look of determination.
My heart hurts and I can’t help the tears that fall down my cheek as I quickly brush them away.
“Please let me prove this to you.”
“I’m not sure I can.”
“Why?”
“Because of him, Randy,” I point. Sam’s face is pure happiness as he waves at us. He is so happy, so perfect, and I will do everything to protect him. “If we broke up and you left, you would crush him. Do you understand that?”
“Who says I’m going anywhere?”
“Randy, your life is on frat row, with the parties and the cheerleaders, playing football, living the carefree life.”
He shakes his head and frowns at me. “Who said my life is carefree? You seriously think I don’t have worries?
You think I don’t have pressure? Hell, I get it, I am the golden boy of this town, but do you know how much stress comes with that.
Sure, I’m not a single mom, but I still have responsibilities, demands, and expectations.
I’ve worked hard to get where I am. I’m ambitious and focused, and I don’t accept ‘no’ as an answer. ”
“I’ve noticed.”
“It’s not fair to label me some carefree jock any more than it’s fair to label you a single mom at college.”
Ouch. I’m surprised by his words, they leave me momentarily speechless, but he is right.
Maybe I am labeling him too harshly. I hated being sixteen and pregnant, trying to hide my belly from people’s judgmental looks.
“But your life is so much different than mine. What happens when you’re out partying and I have to stay at home with Sam, and you’re surrounded by beautiful women who throw themselves at you, what then? ”
“I say no; I do have self-control, you know.”
“It’s easy to say that now, but for how long? Until you get sick of me and move onto the next girl, and I have to pick up the pieces of not only my shattered heart, but that little boy’s broken heart.”
“Ouch.”
“Sorry, I know that’s hurtful to say, but have you even had a long-term relationship?”
“No. Have you?” he ask back at me.
“Well, no,” I sheepishly reply.
“Everyone has to start their long-term relationship somewhere. We might as well start ours together.”
“Can you answer me honestly?”
He hesitates. “Sure.”
“Before me… how many different girls would you have in a month?”
His head drops and he slowly shakes his head side to side. “Come on, Rachel, that’s not fair. It doesn’t matter—it’s in the past.”
“Answer me.”
“I don’t know…maybe… four or five.”
“Five a month?” I breathe out. “Holy shit. I haven’t been with five guys total.”
He looks up at me with those brown eyes. “Really?”
I ignore his question. “Do you see why this worries me?”
“So because I have a past,” he says quietly, “I don’t get a future?”
“It’s not really a past, though, is it, Randy? It’s right now. You probably had girls hitting on you today.”
He leans forward, looking deep into my eyes. “I haven’t been with anyone since you. Since the night of New Year’s when you straddled me, sent me to heaven, and made me shatter below you.”
I shy from his words, my mind racing back to that night. “Really?” I ask in total disbelief.
“Really, and I won’t. No one else, just you, Rachel,” he says, looking deep into my eyes.
If I wasn’t sitting, I’m sure my legs would have given out on me, hearing his words of assurance. “You’re not going to have sex with anyone other than me, ever?” I repeat, seeking confirmation.
“That’s what I’m saying to you,” he says in full confidence, reaching for his water bottle.
“What if I don’t want to have sex with you?”
A laugh bursts from his chest, “Well, first off, I don’t believe that for a second.
” He scoffs, brushing his knuckles up and down his perfect jawbone and causing my heart to race.
“Secondly, I’ll do it anyway. I’ll wait, no rush.
Because maybe…since you seem to be rattling off a lot of hypotheticals.
Maybe we’d be fantastic together,” he says, voice soft but sure, “and you, me, and Sam live happily ever after.” He gives my leg a gentle slap, like punctuation to a daydream, then lets the silence settle between us, ending the conversation without ending the feeling.
“Good chat, but us men need to go put this field to use before they turn the sprinklers on.”
He stands, jogging off toward Sam, who starts talking his ear off as soon as Randy is close enough.
I sit there in disbelief as I watch the hottest man on this planet squat down next to my son.
Giving him instruction on how to correctly hold the ball.
His words replay in my head, a declaration to not sleep with anyone other than me, period. I’m screwed.