Chapter 23
Elara
I stepped out of the carriage, the gravel of the front drive crunching, and burst through the front doors of the palace.
“Your Majesty, welcome home.” The palace guard practically tripped over himself in surprise. My return was not announced or expected.
“Where’s Lance?” I barked out the question.
“He was last seen in the library, I believe, Your Majesty.” The guard didn’t sound very sure of himself, or perhaps he was just clearly aware of my mood.
The soles of my boots sounded over the clean tiled floors. I hadn’t bothered with a dress or any accessories when I left. It wasn’t as if anybody was going to see me. What did I need to look formal for anyway? The journey from Norrandale was long and I wanted to be comfortable.
The palace was quiet, all the servants going about their daily routines. I could hear the guards training outside, through the open windows, while inside a maid busied herself with her duties. Perhaps I hadn’t given Lance enough credit. Despite his past, which could only be described as selfish and borderline psychotic, the palace was still standing, nobody was trying to break down the doors in protest, and everyone seemed to be alive and well — things were in place. He’d been regent before when King Magnus took ill, and I was opposed to his rule back then. But there was still a form of order. Lance knew how to handle people. Something I’d never had much skill with.
My boots continued stomping as I headed towards the library. I wondered how my sudden departure from the kingdom to pursue an alliance had been received. Releasing Lance from prison would have raised a few eyebrows. I was too focused on surviving to put much thought into any of it. Had it been a mistake to go to Norrandale? Back then, it seemed like a risk I needed to take, but now I was back empty-handed and with the knowledge that Cai believed I wouldn’t live up to the great legacy of all the queens of Norrandale.
Lance looked up from a book when I entered the library. “Elara?” There was an expression of slight surprise on his face but no trace of disappointment or distaste. “I didn’t know you’d be arriving today.” I didn’t know what state I’d expected to find him in — raving drunk, surrounded by women maybe. But no, he’d been calmly sitting and reading.
How could everything and everyone be so well and happy when it felt as though my world was falling apart? How was I going to tell him I’d failed? The last thing I was looking for was Lance’s approval. But it felt too shameful to admit that I couldn’t do the single thing that might have saved my claim to the throne. And the only person I had to blame was myself. I was stupid for believing I could do this. Stupid for thinking I could make any kind of a difference. The politics of our situation was too complicated. All of this was too complicated.
“Are you all right?” Lance dared to ask. “You look a little pale.”
Pale was the very least of my concerns. I’d managed to hold every piece of myself together all the way from Norrandale. But months of pain and anguish and fear had built up into something horrible.
And I broke.
Tears started streaming down my face. Lance’s expression grew to discomfort, as if he was not quite sure what to do. Which was why he surprised me when he stood up, after a moment, to come over and wrap his arms around me in a brotherly fashion.
It was strange, perhaps even wrong considering our past. I didn’t want him to see my pain. But right then, he was the only person there. And I needed it. Despite my instincts screaming at me, I needed just to be held.
In the end, I suppose, we were all only human.
And so, I let him hold me. But only for a second or two before I pulled away, clearing my throat.
“Should I call for some tea?” he asked, looking uncomfortable, but I shook my head, taking a seat in one of the library chairs. Lance sat across from me, reclining comfortably. The only person I knew who always seemed to be at ease.
“Do you want to tell me what happened?”
“What do you care?” I sniffed. He may have been my brother, but he was certainly not my friend. He was half the reason I was in this mess.
“I care because if you lose the crown, then you and I are screwed, little sister.”
And there was the Lance I knew. The one who would only help as long as it entertained his own selfish goals.
“The matters here in Everness need my attention. I haven’t managed to secure the alliance yet. We’d certainly create a reputation in this family if we both manage to lose our crown in the first year of our reign.”
“I didn’t lose my crown,” Lance scoffed. “I abdicated. The only reason I was imprisoned was because you and your spitefulness like to hold a grudge.”
“Maybe it was payback for everything you put me through trying to get that necklace.” I glared at him, the hug from a moment ago already forgotten.
“I didn’t know you back then. What did it matter if we were related?”
“You don’t know me now,” I retorted.
“I’ve seen you cry.” He smirked.
“And if you tell a single soul, I will have you beheaded.”
“Speaking of necks, whatever happened to that precious necklace?” I was surprised it had taken him so long to bring it up. Though I had no doubt he didn’t mind my absence from the palace as it had given him enough time to turn the place upside down looking for the jewel.
“Did you honestly believe for a single moment that I would tell you?”
“It’s only a matter of time before I find it.”
“Let it go, Lance,” I insisted. “It’s a childhood fantasy, and the necklace is nothing more than a decorative accessory.”
He squinted. “Then why did Cai resist telling me until I started to bargain with you?”
“Jealous that I actually have someone who cares about me?” I spat out, before thinking better of it. But my words only managed to create a pang in my own chest. He remained silent for a moment, looking at me as if he was trying to read my mind.
“Did you and Cai have a disagreement?” he ventured.
“No,” I responded, too quickly. “King Aries sent men to attack the palace. Not an army but enough to cause damage. It was terrifying.”
“You look as though you’ve come off fairly unscathed.”
“I killed a man.” That shut Lance up temporarily. “And...” I paused. “Cai thinks I’m a commoner and he’s worried I won’t be the queen that his kingdom needs.”
“What do you mean? Cai’s known for a long time that you’re the heir to the throne.”
“He still believes that my upbringing is going to affect the way I rule.” I rubbed my eyes. “I don’t have the energy to deal with all of this now.”
“And worst of all, for the both of us, you’re still not married.”
Had I been closer, I would have smacked the back of his head.
“Well.” I tilted my head slightly.
“Well, what?” Lance asked, eyebrow raised.
“Technically Cai did ask me to marry him.”
“Then why don’t I see a ring on your finger?”
“He asked but it’s not been announced or confirmed with the council. Nothing has been signed.”
Lance groaned, rubbing his eyes with his palms. “Need I remind you what is at stake here?”
“I know. But I don’t want to think about Cai right now. I need to focus on our next move.”
Lance gave me a look that suggested I was too focused on my personal feelings rather than my duties. Not that he was exactly the example of duty. “Our?”
“Like you said, if we don’t do something, then you and I might as well be carted off to the slaughterhouse.”
He sighed and took a flask out of his pocket. I snatched it away before he could react. Lance looked at me with disgust.
“And no more drinking. I need you sober and focused.” Was I truly going to rely on his help from now on?
“I’m really starting not to like you.”
“Any news from Eloisa?” I contemplated taking a sip from the flask.
“No.”
“Lance, how can you not know where she is? She’s still the princess of Everness, and need I remind you, also has a claim to this throne.”
“Eloisa may have a claim by blood, but I can promise you she will never sit on the throne.”
I was taken aback by how serious he appeared. “What are you talking about?”
Lance sighed again and bit the inside of his cheek. I cringed at the realisation that this was a habit we shared.
“Ever since we were young, she’s had these... episodes. A lot of the time she seems normal, but then all of a sudden, she’ll just...” He sighed. “I don’t know. She’s my sister but I wouldn’t exactly call her mentally stable.”
“You mean she’s insane and now you’ve lost her?” How was it possible that matters were only getting worse by the second?
“When everything happened with Arthur, I sent her away with guards for protection,” he said defensively.
“But?”
“But they came back and told me that she’d somehow managed to escape them, and now she isn’t anywhere to be found.”
I closed my eyes, the feeling of a headache starting to develop.
“Have you sent men to look for her?”
“Of course I have. What kind of a monster do you think I am?”
The expression on my face convinced him that he didn’t really want me to answer the question. “Well, I’ve sent Ray to go and find her, so hopefully he comes back with some good news.”
* * *
I returned to my rooms tired from travelling.
Anesta offered to unpack my things before helping me get ready for dinner, but I told her to take the rest of the afternoon for herself. The last thing I wanted was company. And besides, I hadn’t become so high and mighty that I couldn’t unpack a few trunks of clothes. I used to live in the woods.
A hot bath would have been nice, but I wasn’t going to call on the servants now. I really just needed to be alone.
My room was clean, but it smelled slightly musty, so I opened a window to let in some fresh air. The scent of pine trees filled my nostrils. The queen’s chambers were some of the finest rooms in the palace. No expense was spared when it came to the décor and furniture. Deep reds and gold flowed into patterns that decorated the chairs and silken sheets.
Though, in all the time I’d slept there, I’d never ventured to look through the things I’d inherited from my mother. Could never quite bring myself to. I grew up without her and spent my whole life without a single object or memory to accompany me. And looking through her things seemed to be asking to miss something I never had.
But I suddenly found myself curious so I strolled over to the nearest drawer and pulled it open.
Glittering pieces of jewellery stared up at me as if they’d waited years to see the daylight again. I picked up an earring and looked towards the mirror. It was large and decorative but not exactly suited for my face. I would look like a child playing dress up.
The next drawer held small bottles of perfume and oils, but most of the scent had evaporated over time. There was a golden hand-held mirror. The glass was grimy and stained, but the artistry of the object was delicate and beautiful. It was, unfortunately, cracked, so I put it back gently.
I also found a hair clip with a small hidden blade, which made me smile for some reason. When looking at her portrait and thinking back to stories I’d heard as a child, it was hard to imagine the gentle Queen Estella taking this out and stabbing someone with it.
A vivid image flashed into my mind of the Argonian soldier and the poker. The seeping blood. The sound as it pierced his flesh. A hint of anxiety and nausea washed over me. I placed the hair clip back before finally deciding to call for some tea.
I was surprised to open my chamber doors and find Rhen standing there with the tea tray. “Decided to resign your duties, have you?” I left the door open and walked over to one of the chairs near the fireplace. “Not that I think you’re incapable, but I never imagined you’d want to be a maid.”
“I wanted to make sure you were okay.” He gave me a soft smile and handed me the cup of hot tea. Rhen wasn’t in his official uniform and his white shirt hung loose over his shoulders. The expression on his face said everything. To hell with protocol for today.
“I’m fine.” I took a sip of the tea, and Rhen took a seat on one of the other chairs.
“You don’t have to pretend, you know,” he said earnestly. “You don’t have to be fine all the time.”
I tried to muster a smile.
“Have you spoken to Lance?”
“When I arrived, yes. The council will probably gather tomorrow.”
I already dreaded it.
“The other reason I’m here.”
“Of course.” I sighed. “What else would we talk about?”
“Don’t imagine I enjoy talking about this any more than you do,” he said.
“No?” I feigned surprise. “Because it really seems like you do.”
Rhen shook his head, his mouth curving into a smile. “I need to warn you that the council meeting tomorrow is not going to be pretty. The tensions are high, and people are scared. And they haven’t even found out about Argon.”
I tried to concentrate on his words, but a cold gust blew in from the window and I shivered.
Without breaking the conversation, Rhen stood up and started making a fire in the fireplace. “If the alliance doesn’t pan out with Norrandale—” he had the courtesy not to mention Cai’s name — “then we need to look at possibilities of other alliances. If not an Evernean lord, then further outside Everness’s borders.”
“You mean kings from the continent?”
He nodded. “But things like that can take a very long time. Something we don’t really have.”
“Whatever I have to do, I’m not marrying Edgar.”
“Don’t worry. We’ll make certain the Darwicks don’t get to you.”
The fire burned brightly and slowly filled the room with heat.
“They know about my past.”
“The Darwicks won’t lay a hand on you.” Rhen looked me dead in the eye. “I’ll make sure of it.”
And I believed him.
* * *
The long night didn’t bring any rest or peace. I rolled around endlessly in my bed.
Dawn approached, the sun rising over the Evernean hills in the distance. I waited until the guards changed shifts at dawn before sneaking down to the stables.
A yawning stable boy offered to saddle up my horse, but I refused, wanting to do it myself. I took my time riding through the woods on the outskirts of the palace. It had been a long time since I’d been in the forest entirely alone. But all seemed quiet and at peace, as if even the trees could feel sympathy towards me.
I didn’t want to think about the council and my fight for my birthright. But I realised I wasn’t going to keep my mind from repeatedly wandering there until I came up with a possible solution.
An alliance with Norrandale certainly had its repercussions. There was the possibility of a full-on war — one which Everness wasn’t prepared for despite the size of our army. And if I didn’t marry Cai, the Darwicks could forever blackmail me into doing their bidding. I couldn’t have Edgar sitting on the throne with me, having to watch my back for the rest of my life. The people loved the Darwicks. They were wealthy and well known, and the council would be more than happy to approve.
But I . . .
I loved Cai.
The thought alone nearly knocked me off my horse. Maybe that’s why I left at the first sign of trouble. Because subconsciously I was looking for a reason to leave. It didn’t remove the hurt I felt about what Cai had said. But running seemed easier than to risk losing him. Running always seemed easier after everyone I’d already lost.
The sun was perched in the middle of the sky by the time I finally took proper note of my surroundings and pulled myself out of my thoughts. A branch snapped somewhere behind me.
I was no longer alone in the forest.
In fact, I was being followed.
Leaving my horse to graze where she pleased, I watched the small group of guards from my hiding spot in the trees above. They were resting, having lunch. I didn’t know if Rhen realised that I was aware of their presence or not. But I appreciated them staying far enough behind that it still gave me the illusion of my solitude. Perhaps he already understood something I was only beginning to learn myself.
I continued sticking to the outskirts of the woods, staying far away from the centre and whatever creatures and magic lurked beneath its moss-covered ground. I didn’t care if it was all potentially legend and myth. I wasn’t going to find out.
The night was cold and the clothing and provisions I’d brought along with me were few. I huddled closer to the fire while rubbing my hands and scolded myself for becoming accustomed to the luxuries of the palace. I wondered if my guards were feeling warm. I wasn’t sure if I should let them know that I was aware of their presence. Maybe it would be better if they thought they hadn’t been detected.
* * *
A few days into my journey, I stopped on the outskirts of Fairfrith camp. A place that I used to call home and was now too scared to enter. It wouldn’t feel right without Uncle Arthur or Ray there. No matter what I wanted to hope or believe, this place was no longer my home.
The camp was smaller, less crowded — most, I suspected, having moved back to nearby towns and villages. There were fewer tents and fires than there used to be surrounding the huts. The air was quiet. A few kids were playing with stick swords in the distance. They were being watched by one of the women, who hung up clothes to dry. It was hard to imagine that a little further beyond the trees there was a small cabin that used to host a girl. The bandit turned queen.