Chapter 25
Elara
“You need to sleep,” Cai said when we returned to the palace with my guards trailing behind. “You look exhausted.” He was right. I hadn’t had a proper sleep in what felt like for ever. And by the looks of it, neither had he.
“You’re one to talk,” I mumbled. “When was the last time you looked in a mirror?”
Cai chuckled. “Come on, I’ll take you up to your chambers.”
“How very gentlemanly of you,” I replied, eyelids drooping. With my arm linked through Cai’s, I leaned all the more into him. Not that he seemed to mind.
“Well, I am nothing if not a gentleman.” I could practically hear the smile in his voice.
“Humph,” I snorted. “Some gentleman you are. You practically kidnapped me after we’d first met.”
“Are you ever going to let me forget that?”
“I wouldn’t hold my breath if I were you.”
Cai let out a laugh. It was good to hear him laugh again. We took the stairs in comfortable silence. But with every step, it became more of a battle to keep my eyes open. I faltered, yawning. My guards stood at the end of the hallway as I’d insisted, and they no longer spend their entire shift right outside my doors.
Mostly because I didn’t want them to hear me having nightmares and possibly screaming myself awake.
Cai led me to my chambers. When we reached the doors and he turned to leave, I took hold of his arm.
“Don’t go.” It was barely above a whisper. I didn’t know exactly what I was asking. Only that I didn’t want to be alone.
He lingered on the threshold a moment longer before stepping inside my room and closing the door.
One of the servants had lit a fire, giving the room some light and warmth.
Cai sat on the bed while I made my way to the washroom.
I splashed my face with some cold water and took all the pins out of my hair, longing to slip out of my clothes and let sleep take me. I put on a clean shift and covered it with a nightdress which wasn’t necessary, but the extra layer added some warmth.
When I stepped back into the room, Cai was lying on the bed with his legs dangling off the side, his boots discarded on the floor. His eyes were closed, and he looked so peaceful, but I could tell from his breathing that he wasn’t quite asleep yet.
He felt my presence and lazily opened an eye, giving me half a smile. I picked up my brush from the dressing table and started to pull it through my hair, suddenly very aware that the two of us were alone in my room.
“Was this your mother’s room?”
“Yes.” I cleared my throat. “I moved in here after I was crowned.”
“Did you redecorate it?” He was now propped up on his elbows.
“No,” I said, looking around the room. “It’s pretty much exactly as my mother had left it, apart from my clothes.” I hadn’t even thought about redoing any of the décor in the palace. There always seemed to be something more important to worry about.
“I haven’t gone into my father’s rooms since he died.”
I stopped brushing my hair. Cai didn’t wait for me to respond. He sat up, elbows resting on his thighs.
“When they told me he’d passed away in his sleep, I disappeared into the woods, not wanting anyone at court to see me fall apart. And when I returned to Mistwood, I could never bring myself to go back into those rooms again. After I was crowned, I continued to stay in my old chambers and had his closed off. Some days I walk past them and contemplate going inside. But I never do.”
“Why?” I asked softly.
Cai had a far-off expression, sadness lingering in his eyes. “I think being there, where he died, and seeing all his things would make it too real. I never felt ready to face it.”
I’d never known my parents and thus their passing caused no sense of a void in my life. Even though I’d mourned Uncle Arthur, the only father figure I’d ever known, he’d never been affectionate or told me that he loved me. But Cai and his father had been close. They’d shared a bond that I’d never known or experienced. And Cai was thrown into the deep waters of ruling a kingdom without being ready. That I could empathise with.
But Cai had a legacy to live up to and a secret that could destroy his kingdom. The weight on his shoulders had to be immense.
I walked over to him and stood between his legs. “I am so sorry, Cai.”
He wrapped his arms around my waist and pressed his head to my stomach. I’d never been a particularly comforting person, but it was all I could offer him in that moment.
“I’m sorry you had to lose him. And I’m sorry for everything else that we’re facing.”
My fingers curled into his hair as I held him.
“What if I’m not good enough?” he said, after a few moments. “What if I can’t protect them all?”
“Look at me.” I took his face into my hands and forced him to look up. “You’re good enough to me.”
His eyes told me that he didn’t quite believe me.
“You care more about your people and your kingdom than anyone, and that’s what makes you a good king. You’re the leader they need.”
“I faced Aries’ army on the battlefield once,” he said, with a haunted expression. “I don’t know if I can do it again.”
I brushed my thumb across his cheek.
“If we have to do it, then we’ll do it together.”
He continued to look up at me, chin resting against my torso. The room was silent apart from our breathing and the crackling from the fireplace.
I bent down to kiss him, and in an instant Cai pulled me tight against him. My hands moved to his strong shoulders.
Cai coaxed my lips apart and I let out a sigh. I wanted to be closer still.
His hands slid down the back of my nightdress and lifted me onto the bed so that I was straddling him.
Suddenly wide awake, I couldn’t help but think back to the library at Mistwood and how he’d made me feel things I’d never felt before. Cai had managed to create a need in me. A need for a certain kind of intimacy and closeness that I had yet to experience.
Breathing became a second priority as his mouth possessed my own.
Cai’s hands slid up my back and began to undo my nightdress.
I was filled with both apprehension and eagerness at the possibility of what was to come. My skin felt flush as heat that had nothing to do with the temperature in the room settled over me.
The King of Norrandale took his time removing my nightdress, as if he wanted to savour the moment. The heavy material dropped to the floor, and I was left in only my white shift, much like the one I’d worn on the night we first met.
His hands slid over the curves of my body, exploring me in a way he hadn’t before. I pulled at his shirt, and he helped me lift it up over his head. I allowed my hands to graze over the muscles of his torso, admiring the strength of him. He wrapped his arms around me and turned us so that he could lower me onto the bed.
I grasped his upper arms as the mattress sank beneath our weight. Cai’s hand slowly slid up my leg until it reached under my shift, and I shivered. His mouth placed soft kisses on my jawline and down my neck, all the way to my collarbone.
I clutched at him with greedy hands, wrapping my legs around him, and Cai breathed out my name with a trace of desperation.
He rested his forehead against me.
“I long for you in ways I haven’t longed for anyone. In ways I will never long for anyone else again.” His voice broke through the darkness of the room as the embers of the fire began to dull.
I trailed my hands up to his face. “You have me.”
My heart beat wildly and I wondered if he could hear it.
His hands were at my hips, my shift bunched up between his fingers. His eyes stared deeply into mine as if he hoped to read my mind.
“Don’t say it if you don’t mean it. I want all of you, Elara, most of all your heart.”
“I mean it.” I pulled his mouth back to mine. Cai deepened the kiss, stating all his intentions as his mouth moved over mine.
He gently moved between my legs, and I trembled beneath him.
Whatever composure I might have possessed was long gone. Cai’s movements were careful, yet urgent, igniting a fire I wasn’t sure could ever be put out.
My hands were everywhere, his hair, his neck, and digging into his back, needing something to hold on to.
Cai’s teeth grazed my neck before he continued to press long, ravishing kisses to my bare skin. No longer was there a wall or any sort of distance between us. I could not tell where I ended and he began as the two of us merged together, our souls intertwined. Nothing would ever be the same again.
The last of the flames in the hearth sizzled through my veins, coursing through my entire body. And for him, I would burn.
Cai’s hands clung to me as if I were something precious and fragile. I arched against him, holding on to him as if I were holding on to dear life itself.
“I think you’ll be the death of me,” he murmured against my lips, in a low, deep voice, and it was my undoing.
* * *
“We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow. A serious meeting will need to be held regarding our state of affairs with Argon,” Cai said, much later, sitting up in bed.
“What do I care about Argon?” I said into the pillow, with my eyes closed. “It’s not as if we’re married or anything.”
Cai pinched my side, and I jerked while suppressing a laugh.
“It appears I’ll just have to marry you whether I want to or not. You’re so in love with me, who knows what you might do to yourself if I refuse.”
I kicked his leg in response and received an “ow” in return.
“Some fiancé you are.” I turned around and sat up against the headboard, pulling one of the pillows to my chest.
“I’m sorry, is there someone else you’d rather marry?” he joked, but it was enough to make me hesitate.
“Do you remember the Darwicks? When we stayed at their estate?”
“I remember drinking too much wine and not kissing you when I should have.”
I had to refrain from grinning, keeping my mind on the important matter at hand.
“Somehow Darwick managed to find out about my past and he’s now using it as leverage to try and manipulate me into marrying Edgar.”
Cai was quiet for a moment. “And the only way to prevent that from happening was if you secured an alliance with a king. To become too powerful for them to risk threatening you.”
I took the liberty of taking his hand in mine. “If I only wanted a king, I could have gone to anyone.” I lightly bumped his shoulder. “You know I hear King Aries is quite a looker.”
Cai scrunched his brow. “Why are you telling me this now?”
“Because I’m trying to be open and honest. And honestly, I’m more afraid of the Darwicks than I would like to admit. That family holds a lot of power in this kingdom.”
Cai seemed to gather his thoughts for a moment. “So, Edgar isn’t really your type, huh?”
I laughed softly at the unexpected comment as my eyelids drooped. “Don’t even get me started.”
He put his arm around me, and I rested my head on his shoulder. “Don’t worry, Elara. We’ll figure all of this out together.”
I drifted off as he placed a kiss on my hair.
* * *
Breakfast was never particularly exciting. It was a time for Rhen or Anesta to brief me on everything I needed to do for the day. It was a time to fuel my body with breakfast foods because the guilt crept up on me for having more than others. It had never been a time for pleasantries and social gathering. Until this morning.
The whole lot of us were seated at the table, all trying to avoid eye contact. The silence hanging in the air was almost unbearable.
Lance downed one drink after the other while I resisted the urge to knock the cup out of his hand before he made a fool of either of us. Although, with every passing second, the need for something stronger than orange juice increased.
Cai looked too stressed to eat, while Gwen and Thatcher were constantly at each other, bickering and insulting in a sibling manner. Anesta sat quiet and invisible, watching the spectacle.
Thatcher finally turned his attention to the rest of the table. “Now that we’re all reunited, what are our plans for the day?”
“You’ve all had long journeys,” Lance replied. “Perhaps a day of rest is in order.” I was surprised by his hospitality. But then I remembered it was the wine talking.
“Sounds like a plan to me.” Gwen let out a yawn. “I’d like to explore the palace grounds if you don’t mind, Your Majesty.” She looked at me for approval.
“Be my guest, Lady Gwen.”
“Thank you.” Gwen appeared excited at the prospect of exploration. “You wouldn’t happen to have an archery range, would you? I’d hate to lose all my skills while away from home.”
“Unfortunately not,” Lance replied for me. “Besides, my sister isn’t much of an archer. But I assume you know this.”
I should have expected this kind of behaviour from Lance, but I didn’t exactly need a reminder of my embarrassing attempt at archery in Norrandale.
“It must run in the family,” I cut back at him.
“There isn’t much to entertain outside, I’m afraid,” Lance continued, ignoring me. “But the dungeons are particularly lovely since we recently redecorated.”
Now he sent a look my way and I was ready to throw my fork at him.
Gwen stopped us by returning to the subject. “What about the stables? I bet you have some fine horses, Your Majesty?”
Lance surprised us all by saying, “Perhaps I could give you a tour.”
My eyes widened, but then again, of course Lance would say something to create more tension. Gwen didn’t appear very eager to accept the offer. Lance had been to Norrandale before, so he’d met Gwen and Thatcher a few years ago but I was not surprised that Gwen hadn’t taken a liking to him. Few people did.
“Absolutely not,” Cai interjected. I couldn’t blame him. He had even less reason to trust Lance than I did. He probably still carried a scar or two from the night Lance and his guards beat him at Woodsbrook Manor. It was the last time the two of them had seen each other and the tension was obvious. “Lady Anesta can escort you.”
Lance’s expression revealed nothing at Cai’s words.
I shifted my gaze to him. “I need to gather the council, if you could help me.”
Lance replied with a sigh. “If I must.”
I stared at him for a moment and wondered, again, how we were related.
“Well.” Thatcher clapped his hands. “That leaves you and me, Cai. What do you say we give the old training yard a go, see if Evernean steel hits the same?”
Lance snorted before trying to cover it up with a cough, and I sent a scowl his way.
“Maybe later.” Cai’s eyes bored into his plate, and Thatcher frowned but didn’t say anything else. The dining hall descended into silence once more.
Lance let out another loud sigh and leaned back in his chair, cup in hand. “Aren’t family meals just lovely?”
* * *
I remained in the council room after the meeting.
Though the engagement was official, treaties and documents were still to be drawn up. There was hesitance about the alliance when the possibility of war came into the picture, but we spent our time coming up with possible solutions and tactics. It would be long before we were ready for battle, should it come down to it, but at the very least there were plans.
The tension during the meeting was evident with every conversation and I wanted nothing more than for Cai to hold my hand. But I needed to appear like the strong and courageous queen they so desired. While not everyone was entirely on board with the marriage, the general agreement seemed to be that this was in the best interests of the Evernean kingdom.
A royal wedding gave the people something to celebrate and the hope of an heir.
Argon had not declared war on Norrandale yet , and the council hoped that an alignment between Norrandale and Everness would dissuade Aries from escalating the situation further. But armies might still need to be prepared until the threat diminished. And nothing was entirely set in stone until someone said “I do”. I reminded myself that the day wasn’t over and that I probably had more tasks to attend to, but I couldn’t help lingering a little. The thought twisted and turned in my head, and yet, I still found myself struggling to believe it. I was going to marry Cai. Cai and I would be married. Together. For ever.
There was a sudden knock but I didn’t look away from the window. Didn’t want to be pulled away from my thoughts just yet. “Come in.”
The door creaked and someone entered. I couldn’t keep a smile from forming at the familiar scent of him. Though it quickly turned to a frown when the usual smell of Cai’s fragrance became clouded with a hint of smokiness. I turned to face him, only to be met by Thatcher’s intense gaze.
I practically jumped at the surprise of him standing so close behind me.
“Thatcher?” I sucked in a breath and took a step back.
His brow scrunched. “Who did you think it was, Your Majesty?” When I remained silent, his expression turned to a smirk before he said, “Ahh, you thought I was Cai? How very disappointed you must be.”
I immediately felt heat creeping up my neck, embarrassed. “Was there something you wanted to tell me?” I cleared my throat.
“Yes, actually, Your Majesty, I came to inform you that there’s been an urgent letter from your friend, and I thought you would like to know what it says.”
“What friend?”
“What did the messenger say?” He pressed his fingers to his brow, trying to remember. “Ray, I believe it was.”
Ray?
If Ray had news, it could only be about one thing.
“The messenger said it must go directly into the hands of the Queen.” He took a folded paper out from behind his back. “And I assured him I would place it in your hands myself.”
I was so anxious and eager to find out what the content of the letter was that I didn’t care to ask why Thatcher was receiving my mail for me. I simply made to grab it.
With urgency, I ripped off the wax seal and unfolded the note with Ray’s handwriting.
I found her . . .
He didn’t say where she was, only that he was on his way back to Levernia.
I rushed past Thatcher and threw open the door. He stood in surprise, still holding an imaginary letter in his hand.
* * *
I hurried through the hallways in the hope of finding Cai. I had to tell him that Ray had finally tracked Eloisa down. I peeked into the library, where I found Jack browsing through the books.
“Have you seen Cai?” He flinched for a second as if caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to do, but I honestly didn’t mind him borrowing some of the books and I hoped he knew that. It wasn’t like I was going to read them anyway.
“No, I haven’t, Your Majesty. Is something wrong?”
“Thankfully, no. I just need to tell him something.”
“I see.” He nodded and assumed an upright stance, his hands hanging uncomfortably at his sides.
I lingered in the doorway. “Jack, can I ask you something and will you promise to answer me honestly?”
He scanned left and right, confirming that we were indeed alone in the library. “Yes, Your Majesty?”
“Do you think Cai is all right? With everything happening surrounding Argon and the engagement, I’ve grown worried about him. He doesn’t seem quite himself.”
“I think...” Jack took a breath. “I think he’s worried.”
“What do you think is bothering him so much?” I knew Cai had plenty on his mind. We all did. But I was missing pieces of the puzzle.
“Everything, Your Majesty.”
Cai had told me the haunting tales about the war with Argon, his eyes glazed over as he stared into the distance, awakening the demons in his memories. His face told stories of bloodied steel against steel. And yet I couldn’t help but feel that I hadn’t heard all there was to it. Jack was there with him the whole time. I stepped into the library, closing the door behind me.
“Jack, what really happened on the battlefield that day?”
He let out a long sigh so devastating that I almost regretted asking him, but Ineeded to know.
“Cai met an Argonian girl. A blacksmith’s daughter, I think.”
“What?” I blurted out, too loudly. Of all the things in the world that I could have expected Jack to say, this wasn’t it.
“They met by accident in the woods one day. Cai had gone for a ride and fell off his horse. She was collecting mushrooms or something of the sort. At first, she didn’t know who he was. He’d hurt his ankle, and she took him back to her father’s house to help him.”
Jack let his finger trace one of the spines of a library book before pulling his hand back, jaw clenched. “When he told me what had happened and that he wanted to see her again, I warned him against it. It was a very bad idea for more reasons than one. Even if she was nice, if she found out he was the Norrandish prince, she could always turn and betray him in one way or another. After all, she was still Argonian. My duty above all else is to protect Cai. And it was simply too risky.”
“But?” I urged him on.
“But Cai had already made up his mind and saw her again anyway. I’m not sure if he was truly in love with her or if she was just a friend or something to distract him from the chaos of war. I don’t know if he ever told her the truth about who he really was.”
“Do you think it was partly because he was trying to get over his heartbreak with Delany?” I asked.
Jack shook his head. “No, Your Majesty. Cai was always fond of Delany, but it was onlybecause he knew he had to marry her. I don’t believe he ever truly loved her. Not in the way you’re meant to. I daresay he was practically relieved the day she told him that she was going to marry his cousin.”
I couldn’t help the hint of jealousy that pricked up in the back of my mind.
“One day, the girl didn’t show up at their meeting place. He knew something was wrong. So he sent scouts to the village. But Argonian soldiers found them and hell broke loose, fighting and fire and innocent people getting in the way. Cai had never meant for it to happen.”
Jack stalked towards the windows, gazing out as he recalled the memory. “The king of Argon’s younger brother, Dexus, was fighting at the front then. His guards caught Cai, beat him and dragged him to the village centre. It turned out that one of Dexus’ spies had followed Cai and found out about the Argonian girl. They’d caught her, and killed her there in front of him.”
I felt the sharp intake of my breath at his words. “Were you and Alastor there when it happened?”
Jack nodded slowly. “I can still see it, and the pictures in my mind make me sick to my stomach, even to this day. Cai tried to fight, of course, but we were injured and outmanned. We didn’t stand a chance. It was brutal and awful.”
My stomach lurched at the thought of it all. At the idea of what Cai had had to bear. My hand grasped some of the fabric of my skirt as I went to stand next to Jack.
“After she was dead, they beat us until we were unconscious. When we came to, their mutilated bodies surrounded us. We were lucky a group of Cai’s soldiers had discovered us and saved us. It was war, after all. Alastor and I buried her. Cai killed Dexus on the battlefield. Drove his sword right through him. Not that it would change anything. After that, he never mentioned a word about it again, and Alastor and I knew better than to bring it up. Something changed inside Cai that day.”
“What do you mean?” I crossed my arms, hugging myself.
“The Cai you know isn’t the one I went to battle with. He became solely focused on being a good soldier and now a good king, the perfect king. He... he changed.”
“Back in Everness, he told me that he was in love with me. Do you think he lied?” I couldn’t help but wonder out loud.
Jack’s eyes slowly receded from that faraway place and turned towards me.
“I think Cai was completely unprepared for you. You took him by surprise, and despite his better judgement, he liked you more than he wanted to.”
“That’s not answering my question.” I raised my brow.
“No, I don’t think he lied, Your Majesty,” Jack admitted, and I felt some sense of relief. “I think—” He hesitated for a moment. “I think Cai would marry you in a heartbeat if he wasn’t so afraid.”
“Look, Jack.” I sighed. “I know I don’t exactly have a good reputation or a track record to accommodate it. But my intention was never to hurt Cai, not even in Everness. Lie to him, yes. Steal from him, yes, and occasionally want to murder him because he made me so bloody mad.”
Jack released a knowing smile at my words.
“But I never wanted to hurt him.”
“I know that. Cai isn’t afraid of you hurting him. He’s afraid of you getting hurt. He killed Aries’ younger brother and Aries is going to want to retaliate, and he’ll use you to get back at Cai.”
“What was her name?” I asked.
“I don’t know.” Jack didn’t meet my gaze. “Cai never told me.”
I took a deep breath, trying to comprehend everything I’d just been told. “I’m sorry about what happened. I wish I could erase the pain he went through, that all of you went through. But,” I added, “I’m not an Argonian girl who needs to be saved. And I’m not going to spend the rest of my life fearing a stranger across the ocean.”
“You and I know that, Your Majesty,” Jack replied. “But I wouldn’t bet on changing Cai’s mind.”
“The treaty still needs to be written and signed. Cai can change his mind about this alliance.”
“Cai loves you,” Jack said earnestly.
Cai loved me and I loved him. It was as simple and as complicated as that.