14. Chapter 13
Chapter 13
We knew the hunters would come. The Old Ones had no more desire to be destroyed by them than we were, and so they allowed us to put them to sleep. It was the kind of sleep that would last millennia. At least long enough that the hunters would consider this region of the Unending Sea purged of magic. We put them into a sleep that none, save a dragon, could wake them from.
Calyr the Gold, A History of Magic and Dragons
Maeve
My father was a little overwhelmed by everyone at the nightly fire, and he retired to the cottage early. Bog the goblin, Rivertail the faun, Lirael the banshee, and all the other members of the village of Aerwyn were excited to see us again, though my excitement was dampened. Cole was absent from dinner, but that’s not very surprising.
With Cole and Da being mostly absent, no one seemed surprised when I excused myself early. They may not have known what exactly was going on, but they understood that something had all our emotions tied up in knots.
Like so many nights in the past, I wander into the forest in search of clarity. The scent of pine boughs is everywhere in the dark wind, and big red oak leaves lay on the ground in piles at the base of the enormous trees that hide the cottages.
Even in the darkness, the tangled mess of greens and browns of the forest are muted compared to this summer when I was here last. Everything has a touch of gray to it, just another reminder that winter is coming, and there’s nothing we can do about it.
As I walk, the familiar sensation of shadows streaming from my fingertips reminds me that things have changed. It’s like coming home. Even without thinking about the Shade or Cole, I know that there’s more to me than the Queen of Earth. There’s a part of me that is still human. I am Maeve Arden. The Queen of Earth is my title, not who I am.
Like Darian said, I remember what it was like to have humanity in me. I want to feel it again.
“Your father’s alive,” a voice says from behind me.
I turn, a grin on my face for the first time in what feels like forever. Cole is standing there, leaning against a tree. He’s wearing his red gambeson, a stark contrast against the gray and dark world around us. He’s handsome in a way that no human could ever claim to be. The most beautiful man I’ve ever seen.
And I don’t hate him.
And I’m desperate for him.
But I’m terrified of what that means.
“He is.” The words are soft whispers in a world of silence. We haven’t spoken since I pulled Da out of the void. The Shade just seemed to disappear a few moments after we’d come to Aerwyn. “He doesn’t remember being in the void at all. I guess that my mother protected him from it.”
Cole pushes off from the tree trunk and steps toward me, his bright blue eyes fixed on me. “You seem better. More… whole .”
Honest words. He promised that, and he’s kept that promise. “Cole, I don’t know what happened before. I felt… wrong. It was like I didn’t understand what was happening. You and the Shade were different people.”
I frown as I try to put the pieces together. “I wasn’t afraid of the Shade, but you…” I strain to find the words. I don’t understand the feelings I had, or maybe it’s that I don’t understand the lack of feelings. They seem so far away, like distant memories.
“You experienced too much loss. Your mind and soul began to splinter.”
I frown. “I don’t feel like that now. It’s like I wasn’t me? The decisions I made… They weren’t what I’d have done. I would have let all of us die, Cole.”
He nods and hesitates for a moment. “You weren’t yourself. There was too much pain all at once.”
I purse my lips and put my hand on Cole’s cheek. “I’ve missed your touch.”
As soon as my fingers brush his skin, it’s like he can breathe again, but then he stiffens and pulls back. “No. Queen Maeve, I hurt you. I tricked you. I manipulated you and forced you to take the Painted Crown.”
I’m finally seeing him for the man that he is. He’s someone just as broken as me except that he’s held it together while I fell apart.
He kneels before me, his head bowed to the ground and his voice thick with regret. “I’m yours to command, my Queen, but I don’t deserve your touch.”
Part of me wants to tell him to stop being an idiot and to stand up, but I understand how he feels. For the first time in so long, I let my mind move across the bond that still holds us together. I see that burned desert landscape that I once helped to heal.
Moving through the landscape is no longer painful. I’ve helped Cole to heal the wounds of his father and his past. The winds are still there, and occasionally there are gusts of heat, but they’re nothing like they once were.
In the center of that landscape, the obsidian tower still rises high into the sky, but it’s a broken tower. Cracks cover it. Pieces of it have fallen, leaving gaps between the bricks of black stone. Shadows ring it, occasionally lashing out against the stone and leaving jagged edges.
The only thing that’s helped him to survive is about to collapse. And it’s all because of me.
I press my hand against the stone and words assault my mind. You’ve gotten slow. Lie to me again, and you will die. I can’t love the sword that killed my cousin.
They rip through me. Angry, terrible words that cut at the soul of a male that would have given everything to save me. In the end, he was just as much a pawn as I was.
“Oh, Cole…” I say with a sigh. “This is not the way it’s supposed to be. I was supposed to heal you, not break you more than your father ever could.”
I can feel the flayed bits of my soul shiver at the feelings that roll through me. Should I even be allowed to be here when I’m the cause of so much of his pain?
I shake my head. No. This is not about me. This is about the anguish that Cole’s going through. I run my fingers over the black stone, the scent of fresh rain washing over me again, and power flows through me. Shadows move from my fingers over the tower, finding the gaps and filling them. Twisting and writhing over that cold stone, they seek any piece that isn’t whole.
“No,” a voice whispers over the wind. “I don’t deserve your help. Your soul is fraying because of me.”
That’s when I realize my hands are shaking, and the shadows that have flowed from me until now have nearly faded. Being here, in this place, makes me realize just how terribly I’ve treated him. My heart aches for him. Sadness destroys the shadows just as quickly as peace does.
“You deserve everything, Cole. You are not the enemy, and I’ve treated you like one. Hazel didn’t die because of you. All you’ve done is try to save people.”
I close my eyes, and I can’t will the drumbeat in my core to sound. The wisps of inky darkness that have spread over the tower fade, and the cracks and broken pieces are just as obvious as they were before.
The drumbeat of desire may not work right now, but when my fingers press against the obsidian tower of Cole’s mind, I can feel the stone below it. Below the sand and sharp glass, below the winds and pain, there’s a foundation that it was all built upon.
Red stone. Crimson, yet not the marble of the Keep of Flames. This stone is flames made crystal. It’s sharp and dangerous and terrifying, like dragon fire. This gives him strength when everything in his world has tried to break him.
Like I did in Stormhaven, I pull it upward. I can’t do it all at once. Even with as strong as I am, I can’t force Cole to accept the strength of his birthright. I can’t force his mind and soul to heal the cracks in the obsidian tower all at once.
This will take time. This will be hard, and I can’t do it by myself. Cole will have to stand in this space and want to rebuild this tower out of crystalized dragon fire eventually. But I can start it. I can remind him of the strength that he was born with. I can point him down the path to healing.
Red crystal covers the first foot of the tower, smothering the swirling black stone. It feels right in a way that so many other things don’t. Cole is not the Shade. Cole is not shadows. He is the Prince of Flames, and his mind should embrace it. The destructive tendencies. The fire that burns away the rot.
Cole Cyrus is the strongest Immortal I’ve ever met. In magical, physical, and emotional strength.
I will not allow him to shatter. I will not allow his future to be worse than his past.
“You deserve everything, Cole,” I say. “And I will not allow your self-loathing to get in the way of it.”
Then I’m standing in the forest again, and Cole looks up at me. “What have you done?” he whispers.
“You are not a weapon or a tool, Cole. You have carried a heavy burden for a very long time, and I have done nothing but make it heavier for you. I forced you to bear the burdens of my sorrow, and you never deserved that. I lost someone important to me, and… And I needed someone to blame. Someone that was physical. I was already punishing myself, but I needed more.”
“I’ll happily…”
I hold up my hand, stopping him. “You will not hurt so that I can feel better, Cole. You were not set in my path to be my whipping boy.”
He looks at me, pain in his eyes. “I’ll be whatever you need.”
“I need your light, Prince Cole. Not your submission or your resistance. I need your guidance and your cleverness and strength. I need all of you that tricked the world. I want the one that I fell in love with. I need the one who was willing to let the world shatter to save me from this crown.”
He smiles at me. It’s a cracked smile, but it’s a smile, nonetheless. “I would do anything for you.”
“Then stand up, Cole. Stop bowing. Stop acting like a broken and beaten man. Let’s heal ourselves so we can take Draenyth back, so we can fix the broken things in this world. I wear the Painted Crown now, and I need you more than ever.”
The smile may be broken, but it’s real. And it’s growing.
Nothing is fixed and neither of us are healed, but something has shifted. As I stare at the man that looks like he has at least a bit of hope in him, I can’t help but recognize that the only way either of us comes out of this alive is by working together. No, we’ve already been doing that. The only way we survive this is by forgiving the past.