31. Chapter 29
Chapter 29
We didn’t understand the scope of the conflict. We didn’t understand the size of the world. All we knew was that someone was hurting innocents, and so we fought. Can protecting the innocents ever be the act of villains?
~Maeve Arden, The Future of Magic and Dragons
Maeve
The world I’ve become so comfortable in is lush. Hundreds and thousands of trees of various types spring up from dark, loamy soil. The scent of rain hangs in the air as shadows creep through the forest bearing fangs and claws.
Only a small portion of the forest is still burned. Each of these memories is hard. I have to rest after almost every one of them, tears pouring down the effigy’s cheek and sinking into the ground, turning the earth black and fertile.
It’s my tears that gave life to this place as much as the flames that are still burning in that pit in the sand that the Shade created. Those tears changed the ashy ground into soil. Each drop healed the land as I accepted the memories, just like the flames gave life to the trees.
I almost gave up as I got closer to finishing. The first memory that I truly struggled to accept was when I received the Painted Crown. It wasn’t the manipulation or lies that were so difficult. It was trying to wrap my mind around the fact that Cole Cyrus and the Shade were the same person. In my mind, they were so different. The way the Shade had touched me, had manipulated my body and mind, both before I became Queen and after I shattered were so different from the straightforward way that Cole approached the world. It wasn’t the pain that was difficult. Pain… pain was something to embrace, not run from. No, the difficulty lay in combining two very different sides to a single man.
The other memory that I’ve struggled with was the memory of his cracked and crumbling obsidian tower. I’m not there to help him heal, and I’m sure there are more cracks growing in his tower as he stands tall while I hide from the world. He is hurting. I’m sure of it. He’s falling apart while I work to rebuild my mental landscape, and I can’t leave. I can’t help him until I’m truly healed, or I’ll just break again at the first sign of sadness.
Healing and resting while I know the man I love more than anything in the world is hurting is so much harder than anything else. But it’s necessary, and even while I’m desperate to leave this place, to be back in Cole’s arms, I know he’d rather wait. I know he’d rather I do this right than to leave too early. He wants me to heal, and when I’m done, when I’m whole, I can be strong for him so he can heal as well.
The effigy sets a tree alight, and as I’m so used to now, a new memory comes alive in my mind. The day that I got into a fight with Hazel. I watch the memory in rapt concentration, seeing it all, yet not being able to change any of it.
Then I see the shadows crawling up from the ground. They wrap around the ring on my finger and pull it off. Shadows. Just as I become angrier than ever before, shadows rip the Forgotten Ring away from me, forcing it to the floor.
There’s only one person who could have done that. The Shade. Cole. How much had he affected things? I watch as Hazel calls me a Wyrdling for the first time, and I know that it’s not her. There’s no way my cousin would have done something that would hurt me so much. I know that the Shade has collected more powers than he’s shown me. Does he have some that could affect Hazel? Did he affect me as well?
He set everything in motion, and I know that I would have been furious, but now… I don’t know if I am. I probably should be. He manipulated me, but he didn’t know me. I was just a tool, no different from how he was a tool for my mother. All of us are just doing our parts to fix the pieces of a world that are broken and dying.
I shake my head as the memory ends with the Shade appearing before me. No, this memory didn’t hurt. Not like the others. It should have. Learning that the Shade caused Hazel that much pain all to force me into going along with him should make me want to scream as I have so many times since rebuilding this forest.
This time, I’m not angry at all. He did what he had to do. Compared to what he did to so many other people, it’s nothing. I’ve never felt bad at what the Shade had done in the past. When an entire world is at stake, there will always be a cost.
What are you willing to sacrifice? I’ve said that too many times to count, and Cole was willing to sacrifice my cousin.
The memory becomes another piece of me, and I’m left standing on the edge of the burned out section of forest. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I can bring another tree back before I rest.
The effigy sets the next tree ablaze, and flames lick upward as I’m drawn into another memory. I know immediately what this one is. The cottage is unnervingly still, wrapped in silence so thick it feels alive. A pit forms in my stomach. Memories that start with silence like this always leave me shattered, and I brace myself for the inevitable.
This is when my Da dies.
I’ve known how it happened. The Nothing took him, just as it's taken so many others from me. I know the where and the when, but I’ve never seen it. Not like this.
I steel myself, swallowing the rising dread. There’s no way to stop what’s coming—I can’t change it—but I can watch. I force myself to endure it.
The stillness outside the cottage is suffocating. In the memory, I glance at Cole, the same sharp fear flashing in his eyes as in mine. Then, in an instant, I’m rushing through the door. The Nothing is everywhere.
Mist roils around the edges of the forest, creeping like some malevolent tide. My pulse hammers in my ears as I see myself standing there, frozen. There’s so much terror in my eyes—because even then, I knew. Deep down, I knew what I was about to find.
The Nothing is merciless. Ruthless. It doesn’t hesitate. It doesn’t falter. Everything I love, every piece of my life worth holding on to, has been consumed by it.
Yet now, standing here, something clicks in my mind. Through all the memories I’ve relived, I’ve noticed something strange. After all these years, no one else speaks about the Nothing sweeping through their villages. There are stories of Riverside, yes, but not much else. King Aric never asked for help to battle it.
But for me, it’s everywhere. It's personal. It’s always been personal.
Why?
The thought claws its way to the surface as I watch myself sprint toward my Da. Terror floods me as I see him standing on the edge of the mist, a serene smile softening his features.
He’s not looking at me or Cole. His gaze is fixed on something inside the mist, his eyes glowing with a quiet joy. It’s not the blank, mindless stare of someone who’s lost their mind. It’s deliberate.
He steps forward.
I want to scream at myself to stop him, to do something, but there's nothing to do. Then the realization hits-he’s not being pulled. He’s choosing to walk into the Nothing.
Why?
Then I hear it.
A low hum reverberates through the mist, faint and almost imperceptible. It’s rhythmic, steady. Familiar. I heard it that day when I tried to save the boy. The same hum surrounded me as I fought to reach him. But where else? Where else have I heard it?
My memory-self tries to find Da, tearing through the mist, raising pillars of stone in desperation. My Earth senses search for any sign of him, of anyone, but the Nothing swallows every effort.
And then it stops me.
There's a scream. It’s the last thing I hear before the memory pulls away, leaving me gasping in the void of my mind. The ache in my chest is unbearable, but it’s the questions that linger, clawing at me with relentless persistence.
Why did my Da walk willingly into the mist? What was that sound? And why does it feel like the Nothing is chasing me and Cole, targeting us and hunting the people I love?
There are no answers. Only the terrible hum echoing in my mind.
So many questions that surprisingly seem more important than the fact that I just watched my Da walk into the Nothing. Why did none of that occur to me when it first happened?
Because fear and pain and loss were all I could focus on. Because I’ve been so consumed by them that I haven’t been able to see anything clearly. I’ve missed so many things.
I’ve lost so many people. Shadows crawl across the ground, rising and becoming the people that I’ve cared about. Hundreds of them. Some of the people from Blackgrove. All the Immortals from Aerwyn. Hazel. Da.
Like spirts of the past, they watch me. Except there are other people appearing as well. Cole, Darian, and Lee come into view. Vesta. Nevan. Lorcan and Fiona. Mari. Not everyone I’ve known has been taken from me.
“What’s the difference? Why are some gone and others aren’t?” I whisper the words to no one as I think. Instead of resting to let my heart accept the pain, I sit down to think. There are connections here that I need to understand before I can leave this place. I can’t rush through this. I’ve rushed through everything since that fateful day when Cole forced me into the world of Immortals. Now I need to take my time and really understand what has happened.
No more surprises.
I take a deep breath and sit down on a stone to stare at the last few burned down trees. Before I do that, I remind myself of the most important thing: I will be home soon. It won’t be in Aerwyn, and it won’t be in Blackgrove. But it will be with Cole. He made a vow, and I believe him. For the briefest of moments, I forget about healing myself and just send a message to him through the bond.
Soon.