65. Chapter 59
Chapter 59
There is a difference between breathing and living, and sometimes I think we forget that. Immortals can breathe forever, but if they are not free to do as they please, do they ever live? Sia was one of those that couldn’t remember the last time she’d lived.
~Cole Cyrus, A History of Flames
Maeve
Yesterday, I’d lived. I’d danced. I’d laughed. Cole and I had spent the entire day alone, enjoying every bit of the splendor of sharing a soul and being connected in a way that I’d never understood.
Yet, as with all things, the sun always rises, and today’s dawn brings a day that will forever be known for death. Whose exactly it will be is still unknown, but there will be enough death that even Lysara will have her fill.
“Are the wards gone?” I ask my mother as I stand beside her and face what looks like a wall of mist.
“Close. The drakelings have fed more than I’d imagined possible with only four of them. I’ll break through soon.”
I nod. “And no problems from the humans?”
“They’ve spent most of the time muttering about Fae magic and trying very hard not to be seen outside their tents. You were right. They have not hurt anyone while in Valinar.”
I nod again and am silent for a long time as my mother stares into the mist, seeing far more than I can. “Can we win against Gethin? Casimir doesn’t believe he’s killable.”
“Everyone can die, Maeve. Everyone.”
“And if he has the Steel Gauntlet?” I ask.
She’s quiet for a moment. “You’d have to remove it, most likely.” She doesn’t turn to me, her gaze still peering through the mist of her realm. “I wish I could be there instead of you, Maeve. I wish Echo was older and more experienced. I wish that there was a way for someone other than you to deal with him.”
“But there isn’t,” I say. “This was how it was all supposed to play out, Mother. You set this into motion, and like I told Cole, I forgive you for putting it on me. You weren’t wrong in trusting me, even if you were an idiot for trusting an infant with saving the world.”
At that comment, her lip turns up. “I may have a touch of arrogance. From what I’ve heard, you might have some as well…”
“I have a history of ignorance that is quickly and efficiently smashed to bits when I make terrible decisions.”
My mother chuckles, and I just stand beside her. We haven’t had very much time together, and I feel like I barely know her. She’s the one who set everything in motion. You can say a lot of things about her, but she’s probably the cleverest woman I’ve ever met.
“Don’t die,” she says softly. “I’ve wanted to get to know you all these years, Little Star. When Calyr created Valinar for me, I knew I couldn’t watch over you like I’d hoped I would. I knew I couldn’t shadow walk to that little cottage in Blackgrove and see you and your Da. I had to be patient, and in any other instance, I would have been happy to bide my time, but your Da had rubbed off on me. I wanted my little girl. Now you’re here. I’ve seen the wonderful woman you’ve become, and you’re about to dash headlong into the most dangerous situation I could imagine.”
“I’ll do my best. You know as well as I do I can’t promise anything.” I may have spent yesterday living, but I also came to terms with the possibility of my mortality.
She smiles then and turns away from the mist to face me. She’s beautiful, even though she’s slightly transparent. Like an artist had drawn her, and then smudged all her edges, the mist that makes up her body is never completely contained. It leaks and rejoins the mist around us constantly.
Except her eyes, which seem to glow with power unlike anything else here or in Nyth. Even when Cole’s eyes are alight with fire, it’s nothing compared to the light that flows from my mother’s. Maybe it’s because she isn’t just Immortal here. She’s the goddess of Valinar, capable of literally reshaping this world.
“You have my blood running in your veins, and if there is anything that I am good at, it is doing that which sounds impossible. I will not believe that you will die today. I cannot believe that you will lose today.”
All I can do is smile at my mother, and then I reach out. I’d punched my mother the first time I saw her as an adult. I won’t let that be the last time I touch her. I wrap my arms around her. Even though her body looks to be made of mist, it’s solid enough for my embrace. Even if my arms sink into her ever so slightly.
“Thank you for your sacrifices, Ma. I didn’t understand them for a long time, but I do now. Thank you for what you did. Thank you for being strong when no one else was. I know how hard that is. Thank you for everything. I don’t think anyone else will ever understand it as well as I do.”
And I see something that looks… odd. Tears appear in those shining, light-filled eyes. “I… Thank you. I…” The tears don’t pour forth like a child who had lost a dear pet or even like I’d cried when I’d pulled Da from the void. They’re slow. Soft. Inexperienced. A part of me knows that my mother has probably cried fewer times than I have. “Thank you,” she says again.
And that’s enough. I pull her tight against me and show her I know what she’s trying to say. My embrace says all the things that need to be said.
Then I pull away. She’s not like Da. We don’t know each other, and while I feel a connection to her, this is all I have to give her. Acceptance that she made sacrifices. Forgiveness. But I can’t say that I have a love for the woman who abandoned me as an infant. “I’m going to make sure the humans and shadow walkers are ready. Let us know when the wards are down.”
She nods and turns back to the boundary between Valinar and Nyth, and I leave her to watch.
“I’m not worried about you at all,” Da says with a grin. “You’re your mother’s daughter, and I know you’re strong enough to do whatever has to be done.”
I wish I had the same confidence. “I love you,” I say and give him a tight hug. “Stay safe in Valinar, Da. No matter what, okay?”
He chuckles and holds up the rag in his hand that he was using to clean tables after breakfast. “This is the most dangerous weapon I’m wielding today. I’ve never been a warrior or king. The only bit of notoriety I’ll ever have in a story are the two women in my life. You be safe out there. I know you have to fight, but…”
I give him another hug to interrupt him. I can’t promise that I’ll stay safe. I can’t promise him anything.
“I love you,” I say softly. “When this is all over, I hope that the two of us can spend some real time together.”
“We will. You, me, and your mother… and I guess your husband, too. It’s so strange to think of my Little Star already married. It was only a month ago that I remember you being eight.”
I can’t help but chuckle. “It’s been a strange year for everyone, I think.”
“But it’s almost done,” Da says softly. “It’ll be better tomorrow. Everything will be simpler then.”
I nod to him and pull away. Again, I can’t promise anything, but I can hope. “I hope so,” I say softly. “But I have to go. I just…”
“I know,” he says. “Go fight. Be the Queen. I’ll be here when it’s all over.”
I give him another quick hug before leaving the cottage that he shares with Mother. As soon as I step out of the cottage, Cole is in my mind, giving me updates. My father and I are ready with the shadow walkers. The humans have staged their equipment. Your mother is pushing us the last few miles to Draenyth. It’s time, my love.
I take a deep breath and run toward the staging ground. I don’t want to waste a drop of power shadow walking to it. It’d be good to warm my body up, anyway. When I see Cole standing next to his father in a group of almost a hundred shadow walkers, he’s already smiling at me. Echo is at his side looking very terrified.
I ignore my husband and focus on the fourteen-year-old that shouldn’t be anywhere near a battlefield. First, I have to make sure that she understands the limits of her role in this. I will not put her at risk.
“You understand what your only job is today, correct?”
She nods hesitantly. “Stay in the void, near the boundary with Nyth and Valinar. Pull the wounded out of harm’s way and put them back in Valinar. Attack through shadows if I have the time and energy. Do not leave the void.”
I put my hand on her shoulder and squeeze as I look down at her, my face as serious as ever. “And what happens if The Darkness comes?”
“I touch you with shadows and then leave.”
I nod to her. “You will not enter the battlefield, Echo. You will not help us regardless of what happens. Do you understand?”
“What if you’re having a hard time with Gethin?” she asks. “Everyone knows Steel is weak to Shadows, and I’m the best with them.”
I shake my head. “It’s too risky. I have shadows, too. You be there in case one of us gets wounded, and we need to get pulled to safety. That’s your job. Just like the archer doesn’t take part in the cavalry charge because their jobs are different. If you ignore your job, there’s no one else who can do it.”
She swallows hard. “And if I get tired? If I… can’t keep going?”
My lips draw in a thin line. “Then you can’t keep going, but I think you have more strength in you than most people would believe. Keep working as long as you can. If you have to leave the void, then leave the void.”
She nods, and it’s obvious that she’s terrified. That isn’t exactly surprising. She’s done incredible things for how young she is, but this is too much.
“Good. You’re going to do fine,” I say. Then I look at Cole, whose lip is curled up in a grin. He is the opposite of terror. I remember him going hundreds of miles without smiling outside of training. Now he’s the least serious person here.
“What’s got you so happy?” I ask quietly so that only he can hear me. I’m glad he’s not wearing the Shadowed Cloak today. Sure, it would have given him some powers he doesn’t have otherwise, but if something were to happen to him, then Gethin would have it. And more importantly, I enjoy being able to see him. Those beautiful eyes. His very kissable lips.
“It’s nice seeing you with Echo,” he says. “I mean, I like you all the time, but seeing you working with Echo makes me think about what it’ll be like when we have children.”
That makes me pause. Children? But… I’m only twenty-three.
I guess Cole sees my emotions written all over my face, and he laughs again. “I’m not talking about tomorrow, Maeve. We’re Immortals. Ten years. A hundred years. I’m not in any rush.”
Oh. “For a minute, I’d gone back to the way I was raised. Women were supposed to get married, take care of the household, and have babies.”
His laughter seems so at odds with what we’re all preparing to do, but it brings a smile to my face. There was so long that it seemed like he’d never smile, but now, even on the brink of a battle we could die in, he’s capable of laughing without reservation.
That’s my husband. Not the broody, snarling High Fae prince I met in The Tilted Mug. Not the one who acted like I was the most annoying person he’d ever met on the road to Aerwyn. That was what happened when he had to protect his emotions from the world.
I close my eyes, and in an instant, I can see his mental landscape. I’m standing next to the obsidian tower that I nearly broke and did my best to heal. It’s not flawless. Massive cracks spread like spiderwebs all over the midnight black stones, but they’re filled in. Red crystal has grown up where I broke him. Flames made solid.
Instead of the landscape full of scorching winds and shards of glass, instead of the uninhabitable landscape of pain, grass and the beginning of a forest are growing. The wind still whispers of flames, but it’s the kind of heat that brings life to the world, not the kind that burns it away.
Cole was broken. First by his father and then by me, but he’s healed himself. I helped. I gave him the seeds to heal this place, but he nurtured it. He let the seeds take hold. He learned to smile and laugh. He learned that there was more to the world than anger and goals.
He embraced love when I wasn’t sure I could.
“We’re there,” my mother’s voice echoes from the very mist this world is built from. Cole’s smile fades some, but doesn’t disappear completely. Instead, he gives me a nod.
I whisper to him through the bond, Remember that if you can’t feel me, it’s because I’ve been in the void too long.
And you had better remember not to face Gethin on your own. If you find him, just keep your eyes on him and get Echo to pull the rest of us to you.
This time, it’s me that smiles at him. I’ll make sure you have your chance to face him if I find him first.
Then I turn to Sia, who looks and feels very nervous. “Are you ready?” I ask her. Sia, the djinn who Cole rescued from the Keep of Steel while he was calling in favors.
She nods to me. In my mind, she says, I’ve only wanted a single thing for so long. Just the freedom to do as I wish, to live and love and die as I choose . I cannot wield a sword to help you, but I can speak for you. I cannot maintain a connection with everyone, though. One after the other, I can relay your messages for you, but I cannot maintain the connection with everyone at once.
“It will be hard to maintain a connection with me because I’ll be in and out of the void constantly.”
Sia nods silently and turns back to the human army in front of us. Sir Alistair Hawking stands amongst generals, and it’s obvious that they revere the man even though he’s so young. He’s grown on me as well. Even if he doesn’t understand Immortals any more than most of the humans, he’s clever and he can make mental leaps. Aric could have done far worse than Alistair. Even if he is an ass.
The ten thousand soldiers stand with no siege weapons, but they don’t need them since their assault is going to be as minimal as possible. All I need from them is to keep the defenders’ attention and to pull soldiers away from the Keep of Steel. Each soldier wears a massive handheld ballista on their back loaded with a steel bolt that can pierce even the thickest of steel plate armor.
They’re ready even if they’re terrified. Darian and Lee look nervous beside us as well. Darian will fly over the city after having transformed his body into a hawk. Sia will maintain a connection with him and communicate what he’s seeing with the rest of us. Lee will pretend to be a House of Steel soldier on the wall so that she can communicate with Sia if there’s going to be any attacks.
I’ve had time to think about Lee. I’ve had time to really consider what she did, and I trust her. Just like Darian and Cole, she’s been with me from the beginning. She says that Rhion isn’t like his father, and I believe her. I’ve gone over everything I know about Rhion, and I agree with her. Cole agrees with her. He isn’t like his father, and we’d already decided we didn’t want to kill him.
We’re going ahead with the plan and hoping that Rhion does as he says and doesn’t join the battle. Both Cole and I expect Gethin to have put him in charge of the dungeons. Freeing even a few hundred House of Flames soldiers would be catastrophic to Gethin’s plans if all of his soldiers were manning the walls.
We hope Rhion does what he said, but we can’t plan around hope.
The last shadow walkers are clustered together, each of them wrapped in black cloaks that are reminiscent of the Shadowed Cloak and carry obsidian knives so that they don’t have to extend any extra energy transporting steel in and out of the void. A hundred of them. The only survivors of the Shattering.
And Casimir, Echo, Cole, and myself. The holders of three Thrones against one. It should be an obviously one-sided battle, but no one believes that.
“Ready?” I ask, and everyone nods. I tell Sia to inform Alistar it’s time to march out of Valinar. He puts his hand to his head and stares at the ground as she gives him orders, and he mutters something to the generals who all fan out to deploy their troops. A moment ago, this place felt like Valinar. Like the Nothing. Silent other than little mutterings. Now, it’s the beginning of a battle, and the clang of steel on steel and boots on stone ring everywhere.
I give the commands one at a time to Sia mentally, and she relays them to the individual parties. Darian nods to me, becoming a bird, and Lee, wearing a suit of House of Steel armor, grows wings. They take off. The shadow walkers begin to keep track of time, waiting the allotted amount before going to the Keep of Steel. Half of them will release the imprisoned Flames soldiers. The other half will search for Gethin.
I think it will work. Cole and Casimir agree that it’s the best plan we have if we don’t want to kill everyone.
But you know what they say about plans…