34. Found Family
Found Family
I left the wall with my gut churning on my anxiety. My list of troubles seemed to keep getting longer instead of shorter, and at a week in, the roster was grim, indeed. Murders, cultists, assassination attempts, pissed-off religious leaders, scheming dukes, a soulmate on the verge of losing his grip on himself, an angry goddess…
And you thought it was bad when you were a slave at an opal mine , I thought to myself, amused. My sense of scale had been dramatically altered.
At least now I couldn't get burned to death in a bunkhouse or suffocated by a mine collapse. That was a plus.
I wandered around for a bit, getting predictably lost, and finally ended up making a door back to my bedroom when I started getting bored. The transition from the carefully-appointed hallway to the haphazard setup of the monarchal suite caught me up short. I'd been getting used to the white walls and general emptiness, but that was silly when it didn't have to stay that way.
Hands on my hips, I surveyed the room. The sitting room and entry room were nicely set up as formal reception areas, but the bedroom was an unfinished mess. The smattering of seating wasn't well-organized, the walls were bare, and there was so much open floorspace that someone could have held dance practice between the couches and the monolithic bed.
Cass had obviously abandoned it for the bond-servant's room shortly after it had been stripped of King Omahice's things, but if we were going to live here, it needed to be livable.
And, I thought, a bit disgruntled, if we're maybe going to have an angry goddess breathing down our necks, we ought to know what to do with all the Court's wild magic that we're not feeding her. Maybe if we had some productive things to do with it, Cass would have a better time of things.
I didn't think playing nice with Ithronel was in the cards. Cass had described the experience of having magic running through him while bound with opals as bleeding out. I couldn't imagine someone who healed by reflex being able to tolerate the sensation of an open wound like that. Whether he liked it or not, he was going to have to learn how to play on the same field as the gods themselves.
I supposed that meant I would have to learn, too. Melting people was probably only the tip of the iceberg when it came to Court-related abilities.
A knock on the door startled me out of my reverie. Vad leaned against the doorframe with an easy smile. "Hungry enough for dinner?" he asked. "Danica and I plan to head back to the Veiled Castle tomorrow, and I thought it might be nice to have a family dinner before we leave."
My mouth tilted up. "Family, huh?"
He shrugged, entirely unconcerned. "Why not? I love him dearly, and as we're both Furies, one could say we're part of the same family; brothers-in-arms, perhaps. We were made by the same man, after all." He flashed me his teeth in a reckless smile. "As you're his soulmate and Danica's mine, I think calling us 'family' isn't that far off the mark."
"Hm." I couldn't keep my lips from twitching. I liked being folded into their inner circle. "I guess I'll accept that. What were you thinking?"
"Well, if you can convince him to pick you up, I thought we could fly down to Taeskana for a meal."
I perked up. "You don't think the cultists will be an issue?"
Vaduin laughed. "You mean the collection of petitioners across the moat? No, I expect we'll be finished with dinner before any of them get wind of us being off palace grounds. There's a lovely rooftop restaurant I discovered a few weeks back. If we send a flicker-bird and reserve it, we'll surely have all the privacy we want."
"Alright," I said, starting to grin. "Let's do it."
Vad walked me through the palace to the training grounds, giving me various bits of palace trivia as we went. I got the impression that he was all but giddy about getting to know me—not for his sake, but because he loved Cass, and was delighted to see his friend getting the opportunity to find the same joy in me that he had in Dani. That was a bit intimidating. Even though Dani had told me I was Cass' perfect match, and even though I could feel the pleasure of the Court when Cass and I were working together, it made me nervous to have expectations on me.
What if I fucked it up? If soulmates could be anything, there was a pretty good chance that Cass and I weren't going to be trueloves like Vad and Dani were. What if we were allies, or friends? Hell, what if we weren't even aligned at all, and ended up clashing: the Queen who wanted to defy a goddess and save a Court, and the King who wished he could fade into the background?
Would they be disappointed in us—in me? I hoped not.
As long as Cass isn't disappointed , I thought, feeling glum. I don't think I could bear having him look at me and wish that I was someone else.
Vad halted us in the spectator area of the training grounds. Cass and Dani were sitting cross-legged on blankets on the sands of the arena, hands on their thighs and eyes closed in meditation. There were dozens of plates laid out in concentric rings around them, some of them shattered and others whole.
"Did he tell you that Danica's a breaker?" Vad asked, tilting one ear down towards me.
While I watched, Cass murmured something. A moment later, a plate ten feet away from Dani cracked in half, split cleanly. I leaned on the railing, fascinated. "He mentioned something like that."
I decided not to mention that it had been in conjunction with him offering to have Danica break our soulmate bond. That ship had sailed, and I thought it would reflect badly on him.
"Cass is her teacher," he said. He sounded proud—and very in love. "She's quite powerful, and her control is excellent for someone who's been training for less than a year. If you come visit us at the Veiled Castle soon, you'll still be able to see the damage she did when she conquered it."
"Conquered," I said, looking up at him in startlement.
He grinned, showing off his snakelike canines. "It's a long story. Suffice it to say that the former duchess thought she could keep me as her pet prince. Danica objected." Vad licked his lips. "Strenuously."
I breathed a laugh and returned my attention to the duo on the sands. Cass had given me permission to listen, so I let my focus fall on him. My whole body relaxed into that sense, settling into the same slow cadence of breathing he set for himself and for Dani. Shoulders loose, spine straight, senses centered on the power in his veins…
Cass moved his finger, just barely, and traced H-I on his thigh.
H-I , I wrote back on my palm. I bit my lip, then traced a heart, a tingling glow following my fingertip.
His dark lashes parted. Cass sighed out his breath, looked up at me—and smiled .
My breath stopped. Oh, fuck, he was so gorgeous. That smile was like sunlight —like the California sun breaking through the clouds on a winter's day, kissing my skin with warmth. I could be convinced to do anything for the sake of making him smile.
Cass turned back to Dani and started talking to her, the cadence of his voice familiar but the words too quiet to make out. Freed from the snare of his happiness, I took a breath, than another.
You've only known him for six days, I scolded myself. Get a handle on yourself.
I shook my head, a tiny motion, and caught sight of Vad watching me with a half-smile. "What?" I asked. "Do I have a weird cowlick in my hair, or something? "
The corner of his mouth tipped up a bit higher. "Not at all. I'm remembering."
"Oh?" I said, lifting a brow.
"I used to look at Danica like that when I thought she couldn't see me," he admitted. His tail flirted through the air. "With longing."
My cheeks warmed. "I'm not longing ," I said, embarrassed at being caught out. "It's just… he's just so earnest. It's like he really means it when he smiles. I'm not used to that."
Vad chuckled and flicked me with his wing. "You like it, though, don't you? He seems to always wear down us prickly sorts. Too loyal for his own good."
I made a face at him. "You don't know me."
He grinned, his bicolored eyes sparkling with good humor. "I know him."
I harrumphed, which only got a bright laugh.
Dani and Cass joined us up in the stands after a few minutes, abandoning the plates. I supposed picking up broken crockery wasn't something duchesses and Kings did. Someone else could deal with that.
She smooched Vad and tucked herself up under his wing. "Come to sweep me off?" she asked, sounding pleased.
He nuzzled her, his whole body going soft. "If Cass can be convinced, I thought it might be nice to fly down to the Dove's Roost and have dinner together." Vad looked over at Cass with a hopeful smile that reminded me of a cat when his owner cracked open a can of tuna.
Cass looked over at me, his nervousness a buzz under my skin.
"If you want to swap me and Dani, I don't mind," I offered, though I loved the idea of flying with him.
"I might flirt with her, though," Vad purred, his expression going wicked. "She's a lovely woman, and it's so intimate in the sky—"
Dani smacked him in the chest as Cass' spine went stiff with outrage and all the rest of the pottery on the sand broke into smithereens. "Ass," she said, laughing. "Be nice. You know exactly what he's dealing with."
Vad merely smirked.
"I…" Cass started. His eyes darted towards me again, then away. "I can carry Quyen. It's not a long flight."
"Great," Vaduin said cheerfully, steering Dani off. "Meet us at the cliffside launch in fifteen. I'll go see if I can send a flicker-bird and get the rooftop reserved."
Cass rubbed the back of his neck. "Sure."
I leaned up against the railing, looking up at him. "It'll be fine," I told him. "We'll both be fully dressed, we can talk so I don't get too far into your personal space, and if it's awful and you hate it, Vad can carry me back."
He huffed a soft laugh. "I like you in my personal space, sunlight. It surely won't be awful, nor will I hate it." Cass gave me a self-conscious smile. "The worry is that I'll like it far too much."
"Platonic only," I said with a smile, hiding the way his words wrenched at me. I reached up and tapped him on the nose for a brief moment of contact. "I used to deal with handsy men at the bar. I can hold the line."
That got me a wince. "I'm not— I don't intend to be—"
"That's not what I meant." I tugged on the laces of his shirt, wanting to lean into him but not wanting to push him too far. "I mean that I know how to set my boundaries, and how to defend them. It was alright this morning, wasn't it? The cuddling? Once you got used to it, I mean?"
He still hesitated, his ears pulled back and strain on his face. Anger heated my blood—but for him, not at him. It was like looking at a beaten dog, cowering in the back of an alleyway behind a dumpster, desperate for kindness and certain any lifted hand would bring only pain. People talked about breaking animals, sometimes, and that's what had been done to him: breaking. Cass was powerful and capable and he'd been treated as something to fear for far too long.
"Let's make a deal," I said.
His ears pinned back for a moment before cocking forward, something wild and needy flashing in his eyes. "A deal," he said, the word catching in his throat.
I leaned into the halo of his warmth, not touching him. "I want you to get comfortable with platonic touch, and I don't like it when I can feel you controlling your reactions with your magic. Even if I didn't think it was causing all the rest of the Court-magic mess, I wouldn't like it." I gave his laces another little tug, the knot coming undone. "It doesn't have to be cuddling, if that's too hard, but I want something , and I think you've had far too much of other people determining how and when you get to have affection. So let's make a deal about it, instead."
My cheeks warmed as Cass blushed and looked away, with his ears dropping down into a pose of self-consciousness. "I'm overwhelming," he said in a rough whisper.
"You are," I agreed, not changing my tone at all.
His wings hunched up. "I'm dangerous."
I let my hands rest against his chest, watching him to make sure he didn't need to escape. Anxiety and need wound through me in a shivering ache. "Yes, you are."
Cass didn't move away. His hand drifted up and settled over one of mine, holding it against the thud of his heart.
"So why aren't you afraid of me?" he asked, looking back at me with longing written across his entire body.
"Because there's no world where you hurt me," I said, leaning closer. "You saved my life, over and over, without even knowing I existed . When something bad happens, your reflex is to protect." With a soft smile, I reached up and threaded my fingers through his hair, letting the dark strands trail through my grip. "You're deadly, and dangerous, and I've never been safer than when I'm in a room with you."
Delicate enjoyment twined through me like flowering vines, growing up along my arms towards my beating heart like I was a trellis and he was fertile soil. He moved with deliberate care to rest his cheek against my fingertips, his dark lashes shrouding his gaze. "Lioness," he said in a hushed voice, as if he was a worshiper in a temple, "You don't need a bargain to claim what's already yours. And I'm…" He took a careful breath. "…already yours."
I leaned my hand into the contact with his heart beating in my chest. Fear and longing; need and terror. A man who'd spent his entire life chained.
All I wanted was to see him set free.
"I'm yours, too," I said softly, not looking away from his face.
His lashes parted. That dark gaze caught mine, and he smiled, slow and sure. "Once a day, midnight to midnight, if you ask me for platonic touch, I will give it freely," he said, giving me a binding promise before we'd even settled on a bargain. "In return, I ask that you grant me three of your hours on the first day of each feast week, to do with as I please."
"Only three hours?" I asked.
Cass turned his head so his face rested against my hand. His warm breath traced through the gaps of my fingers and filled my palm. "I could ask for four," he murmured.
All the fear was gone, with nothing left but a shimmering elation skimming through me. My heart was a bird in the sunlight, bright wings flickering. Kiss me , I wanted to say. Lick me. Bite me.
"Ask for five," I said in a hoarse whisper.
He tilted his face into my touch. His lips brushed my skin as he said, "Grant me five, your majesty."