10. Her Side
10
Her Side
Caspian
“May I come in?”
Annalise leaves me standing outside her door long enough that I’m not sure she’ll answer. But then I hear her soft steps padding on the other side of the threshold. The knob twists, and a moment later, I’m staring into her dark eyes. Eyes I don’t think I’ve ever seen filled with so much anger.
Without so much as a greeting, she steps away from the door, leaving it open for me to enter. That seems to be as close as I’ll get to an invitation tonight. She begins to pace in front of the lit fireplace, and I can only guess this is what she’s been doing for the past hour. I came to her immediately after setting Dimitri straight, and now I’m prepared to let her vent and get whatever she’s feeling off her chest.
She hardly seems to notice when I drop down into the armchair beside her settee. From the looks of it, all she’s aware of at the moment are her own thoughts.
“I’m here to listen,” is all I say before falling silent again.
Her expression twists as she fumes, and I brace myself.
“Your brother is a complete ass ,” she hisses. “The way he spoke to Guinevere today… I could have actually killed him.”
I’ve only ever seen her anger aimed at me, so seeing it channeled toward someone else is a new experience. And while I would never say it out loud, Angry Annalise… is incredibly fucking sexy.
“She made such a small, insignificant mistake, but with how harshly Dimitri reacted, you would’ve thought she held a knife to his throat. And all this over a broken bottle of wine!” she shouts. “I swear to you, Cas, if he ever talks to either of my maidens in that manner again, I’ll?—”
“He’s already been relieved of his duties where you’re concerned.”
For the first time since I entered her room, Annalise glances toward me. “Good. I don’t think I can stand the sight of him. Actually, I don’t think I can do any of this.”
My brow tenses when her voice suddenly seems much smaller than a moment ago.
“The endless swatches of fabric for my next dress, the planning, being followed and watched… I had a plan for my life, you know. And it was far more meaningful than organizing elaborate, frivolous parties,” she snaps, and now I feel the heat of her anger despite thinking I’d escaped it. “Then, on top of everything else, since the incident, no one in this godforsaken place trusts me further than they can throw me.”
It doesn’t take long to realize she’s spiraling. I don’t blame her; it’s been quite a day. When I grip her wrists, she seems startled. She’d been so preoccupied with her thoughts, I don’t think she even noticed when I stood from the chair.
“Who gives a damn if they trust you?” I invade her personal space while asking. “ I trust you, and that’s all that fucking matters.”
She’s completely still and silent, holding my gaze. It’s like I can feel the weight she’s carrying, and I’ll do anything within my power to take it away.
“I’ve dealt with Dimitri. I’m replacing him with a trusted ally of the High Chamber. Zara is a very close friend, and I think you’ll like having her around. She’s well-read, kindhearted, and she?—”
“No.”
It’s jarring being cut off midsentence like that, so it takes my words a moment to catch up with my thoughts.
“No?”
Annalise stands firm. “No. The guards I have are enough.”
While her response seems fairly reasonable, the anger behind her eyes does not.
“Am I missing something?”
She takes a step back, crossing both arms over her chest as our gazes lock. “It’s just that I’d rather not have some woman you’ve probably slept with breathing down my neck.”
My mouth opens to speak, but I close it again, because I’m unsure what to even say to that. Then, when I smirk a little, Annalise doesn’t seem nearly as amused as I am.
“ That’s what this is about?”
She doesn’t respond, maintaining that same mad-at-the-world stance, proving that she’s even more tightly wound than I realized.
“I’ve never slept with Zara. She’s Creed’s twin sister, and I’m not the kind of man who’d betray a friend. Besides, Zara is about the closest thing I’ve ever had to a sister myself , so…”
Annalise cocks her head a little, studying my face like she isn’t sure I’m being honest, but then her eyes soften, and I know she’s come to her senses. While I’m not a fan of being falsely accused, it’s hard not to be flattered that she cared.
“Since we’re on the subject, have you slept with any of your female staff?” she huffs, and I have no clue where any of this is coming from.
“No, Annalise.” A laugh slips and she’s still unamused. “Unless you count that one time when?—”
She slams my shoulder with her fist, and the laugh I’d fought to control slips out.
“For fuck’s sake! I was joking.”
She shoves me again anyway, then seems to have gotten the violent outburst out of her system, letting me bring her close by her waist. It isn’t often that she allows herself to be vulnerable with me, but this is one of those rare moments, and I do relish them.
“I solemnly swear to you, I have never slept with any woman who works within the High Chamber. You can continue walking through these corridors with your head held high.”
She’s stubborn, so it takes a moment, but she finally softens up, relaxing in my arms, pretending not to be the brat I now know she’s capable of being.
But she’s my fucking brat.
“I still think the guards I have are sufficient,” she says, letting a small sigh slip when my mouth grazes the side of her neck.
“Then, we’ll leave things as they are.”
She lets out another breath, but a deeper one this time as her body melts against mine. I bask in her silent surrender, placing a gentle kiss to the soft, delicate skin beneath her jaw.
“I’m… sorry for being so… unlike myself,” she eventually says.
“Don’t apologize. Your behavior tonight has taught me something new. Well, actually, two things.”
She laughs quietly. “And what might they be?”
I taste her skin again, and the feel of it against my tongue makes my heart race. “I’ve learned you have a bit of a jealous streak,” I say, breathing against her.
“And the other thing?”
I pull her closer. “That I fucking like it.”
My lips travel back to her throat, but the warmth in her touch begins to fade as she starts pulling away. When she slips from my grasp altogether, she moves toward the fire, staring at the flames as she wraps both arms tight around herself.
“What is it?”
She shakes her head, refusing to answer at first, but I won’t accept that. If I’ve done something wrong, I’d like a chance to fix it.
“Annalise…”
At first, she holds her ground, her jaw tensing in anger, but then her gaze lands on mine, and I don’t expect the wave of emotion that slams into me.
“That’s all any of this is about to you, isn’t it?” she says. “Imagining being fawned over by your carefully curated collection of mates strokes your fucking ego. Does the idea of us fighting over you, hoping for some tiny scrap of your time get you off?”
She hits me with one accusation after another, and my lips part in surprise, wanting to say something to defend myself, but I can’t. I can’t explain that the carefully curated collection of mates, as she put it, is solely to ensure the bloodline. Even my insistence that all the women be from noble stock is with hopes that their genetic makeup will somehow overpower mine and produce viable offspring.
Not… to stroke my ego.
And now, it makes sense why my suggestion to bring Zara on board was shot down, followed by the line of questioning regarding the rest of the female staff.
Annalise is on edge about tomorrow, meeting the other mates.
It crushes my soul seeing how this affects her. It’s also painful to hear that she believes she’s just some vessel whose sole purpose is to stroke my ego, but… I suppose I haven’t given her reason to believe otherwise. Not when I consider how bringing in the other women must imply that she somehow isn’t enough.
I take a step back, lowering into the chair as her eyes stay trained on me. She deserves more than my silence. She deserves a full explanation, my full disclosure on what’s really happening, but… I can’t.
I can’t tell her I’m damaged and fatally flawed.
I can’t tell her I’m a man fading into nothing.
“Annalise… all I’m at liberty to say is that, what’s taking place tomorrow, it isn’t at all about me. It comes down to what’s best for the clan.”
“Bullshit,” she scoffs, and I feel the chill in her words. She paces a few seconds longer, but then she gets so fed up she storms toward the door. I can’t let her leave, though.
Not like this.
Not with her believing she means nothing to me.
So, in an act of true desperation, I grab her arm as she attempts to pass me on her way to make a quick exit. The second I stand and tower over her, my mouth crashes down on hers.
If she won’t believe what she hears, I sure as hell hope she believes what she feels.
“I need you to understand,” I say, breathing the words against her lips, because I can’t stand the thought of her pulling away. “You’re all that matters to me, Annalise. More than anything.”
She resists, attempting to put distance between us, and I’m certain she’ll continue with her plan to storm off, leaving me to suffer and drown in regret.
“I don’t believe you,” she whispers, and I swallow those painful words with another kiss before offering a suggestion of my own.
“Then, if words aren’t enough… let me show you.”