Chapter 7
Kiera
Icouldn’t help but question every life choice I’d made that led me to lying on an examination bed, with my pants and underwear removed, and my legs held in stirrups, while a man I had only just met moved around his room gathering the equipment he needed to conduct the next test.
My teeth clenched as the faces of those who’d put me on this path flashed before my eyes; Jackson included. But when the image of my beautiful daughter replaced the images of the people I despised, I knew that if I’d been given the choice, I would have walked the same path if it led me to Billie.
I’d fought so hard to keep her. When my father gave me the ultimatum to either abort her or be ostracized from the family, the decision was easy.
And then, when he found out James had been supporting me in the first few years of Billie’s life, and threatened to kill her unless I stopped taking James’ handouts, I did what he asked to protect her. When she was diagnosed with leukemia, I fought by her side.
Every ounce of pain I now carried with me was worth it to have the privilege of being her mom, and no one was going to take that away from me. That meant sticking to my guns and not telling a soul who her father was, so no matter how hard Jackson pushed to break me, I wouldn’t let him win.
I couldn’t. It wasn’t just Billie’s life that would be at risk.
Tears filled my eyes, and my entire body ached with the need to hold my daughter in my arms and give her the biggest cuddle I could.
In a week’s time, she’d be home from private school for a few days, and I was going to make sure I spent every minute of every damn day with her until she had to go back for the next term.
I hated her being away, and I hated Alec for being the one who’d suggested sending her away to a boarding school. But I knew it would give her an education and a future I could never have afforded on my own, not after my father blocked me from receiving my trust fund when I turned eighteen.
“We’re nearly done, Ms. Carter,” Dr. Andrews said, pulling me from my thoughts as he wheeled across the room on a chair, having taken a sample of my blood. “I’ll take the swab first, and then I’ll check for the coil.”
“Don’t bother.” Resignation swam through my veins as I dropped my gaze to meet his surprised one. “I don’t have one.”
“But you told Mr. Rivers-”
“I’ve had a hysterectomy.”
A painful knot of emotion clogged my throat, preventing me from saying anything else. Ten years later, I still had difficulty processing that I would never have any more children. My father saw to that.
When I was in labor with Billie, she became distressed.
At least, that was what the doctors told me, and that was what I believed for the first few months after she was born.
I’d come to from the anesthesia to hold my beautiful, healthy baby, only for the doctors to tell me that they’d had no choice but to carry out a hysterectomy due to complications.
My father later took great pleasure in dropping the bomb that he’d paid the doctors a hefty sum of money to put me under during labor and conduct the procedure, telling me that if I’d done what he’d asked and aborted Billie in the first place, I’d still have the ability to have children in the future.
If it wasn’t for the fact that I was responsible for Billie, I could have killed my father with a smile on my face when he announced that.
But in a way, I should have been grateful. He could have had Billie killed while I was knocked out, just as he’d been threatening to do. I suspected the only reason he hadn’t was so he could watch with glee as I struggled to raise my daughter without his help.
So, I may not have been able to have any more children, but I had Billie, and she was all I needed.
Paul wheeled his chair away from where he’d been hovering by my legs to sit near my head. “How long ago?” he asked, a note of sympathy in his voice.
“Ten years.”
His brows furrowed before his stoic features softened. “When you were fifteen?”
“Yes.”
I’d given him a few details about my medical history before the examination started, including my age. I knew I’d have to divulge the reason I didn’t have a coil fitted, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him until it was absolutely necessary.
In fact, when I thought about it, I realized I’d never admitted aloud that I’d had a hysterectomy.
I hadn’t even told Alec; for six years, I’d been pretending once a month that I had my period, and damn glad that he was so grossed out by periods that he kept away from me and hadn’t discovered my lies.
The only reason he wore condoms when he fucked me was because he didn’t want us to have children until we were married. One of the many reasons I’d been actively avoiding wedding planning.
“Would it be an accurate assumption to say that you don’t want Jackson to know?
” Paul said. I brushed a stray tear away that had slipped free at the tenderness in the doctor’s voice.
Unable to form any words, I nodded. Another tear slid free when he gently placed his hand on top of mine, where it rested on the bed, and he gave me a kind smile.
“Patient doctor confidentiality. I won’t tell Jackson. ”
I closed my eyes. Gratitude swam through me, but mixed in with it was sorrow. It was another lie I’d have to tell Jackson. Another nail in the coffin of what was once a beautiful relationship.
For the entire car ride home, Jackson didn’t speak, and I couldn’t even bring myself to look at him; guilt held me hostage.
I’d been so lost in my anxiety about where we were going earlier that I hadn’t really had time to process the words he’d fired at me.
If I’m like this, it’s because you made me this way.
He was right; it was my fault he’d become who he was today: a cruel man with a cold heart. My actions may have resulted in the birth of my daughter, but it had come at the cost of Jackson’s love.
Over the years, and on rare occasions, I’d summoned up the courage to ask James if Jackson was involved with anyone, and I was always a little relieved to hear he hadn’t settled down. But that was selfish of me. Despite recent actions, he was a good guy, and he had a lot of love to give.
We would never get back what we had, but he deserved to find someone to spend the rest of his life with and to be happy. Not this callous version that I’d created.
When I’d told him to do his worst, I said it with the sole intention of keeping Billie safe, but as I stared out the window, memories of the past swirling in my mind, my heart sank into my stomach.
I deserved everything Jackson had in store for me. I owed him the opportunity to mend his broken heart by purging himself of all the pain, hurt, and betrayal I had caused. Maybe then, he’d find a way of loving again.
My only hope was that he didn’t destroy me beyond repair in the process.
I didn’t register where we were until Jackson stopped outside Bella Cibo, where I’d left my car. For several seconds, I didn’t move, unsure of what to say.
“Get out,” he snapped, not looking at me.
“What happens now?” I asked, but not sure I wanted to hear the answer.
He didn’t answer straight away, and a pang of hope soared through me. Maybe he’d come to the conclusion that he didn’t need to blackmail me after all, and that we could part ways and go on with our lives, pretending the other didn’t exist.
Of course, life wasn’t that fair.
He reached over to open the compartment by my legs and pulled out a small phone. “Here,” he said, shoving it against my chest.
“Um… I have a phone.”
“Yeah, but I want you to have this one.” He finally turned to look at me, his eyes blazing with hatred. “When I message, I expect a reply. If I call, I expect you to answer it.”
“But-”
“No buts. I don’t give a fuck if you’re with Alec.
I call, you answer, or the next call I make will be to your fiancé to tell him about the whore he plans on marrying.
” I closed my eyes, overwhelming despair flooding me as I reluctantly took the phone from him.
“While we’re on the topic of your fiancé,” Jackson continued, a hint of amusement seeping into his tone and dousing a fraction of his fire.
“You’re not to fuck Alec while you’re my toy.
In fact, you’re not to fuck anyone else.
No more parties with that friend of yours, or I’ll be paying her a little visit. Understand?”
I gaped at him, his insinuation clear. How the hell had he found out that Donna was the one who’d taken me to the party?
“I said, do you understand?” he snarled, his hands tightening around the wheel.
“Jackson, you can’t be serious about Alec. He’s my fiancé, he-”
He snatched my chin, roughly tugging it to make me look at him.
“Does any part of me look like I’m not being serious?
I mean it, Kiera, if I find out you’ve fucked him, and I will find out, I won’t just share that video with Alec, but I’ll send it to every single person in your life.
Your hairdresser, Karen? She’ll get it. The woman who waxes your cunt, Veronica?
She’ll get it.” He shifted closer, so close that when he spoke, his hot breath brushed against my lips.
“Shall I tell you who else will get a copy of the video?” Words stuck in my throat, and all I could do was gape back at him, bewildered as to how he knew so much about my life.
“Every. Single. Teacher at Billie’s school will get a copy.
Can’t imagine that will go down well at such a prestigious school, will it?
So I’ll ask you again. Do you understand? ”
I sucked my bottom lip into my mouth to stop it from shaking as tears threatened to fall. Jackson may have deserved a chance to repair the damage I’d caused, but this? This was just downright cruel.
Knowing I didn’t have a choice, the words were barely a whisper when they left my mouth. “I… I understand.”
“Good,” he sneered, releasing my chin. “Now get the fuck out of my car. I’ll be in touch.”
He didn’t need to tell me twice. My entire body screamed at me to get the hell away from him. Getting into my car and speeding home, I sincerely debated driving to collect Billie and relocating to the other side of the world, where we couldn’t be found.