Chapter 15 – ANNA
15
ANNA
P ulling my portfolio out of my bag, I nervously flipped through the prints. They were the same ones I showed to Olivia, the ones she swore had promise. But it was one thing showing my work to an old teacher. It was another thing to show them to a real photographer.
I lingered in the hallway outside Jaden Austen’s studio. We had an appointment in a few minutes, and I didn’t want to be too early. Olivia had done me a favor setting up this meeting, and I didn’t want to fuck anything up. I even brought him a good bottle of whiskey to show my appreciation for meeting with me.
Fuck. I hoped he drank. What if he was a recovering alcoholic or something?
I took a deep breath, telling myself that he could just say thanks but no thanks if he didn’t want it.
It wasn’t as if I could get much more embarrassed than I was last night. After I saw Carter at the gala, I planned to ream him out for having me followed. Instead, I let him shove his cock down my throat and fuck me against a wall.
And I loved it.
I fucking hated him. And yet I loved it.
What was wrong with me?
The connection between Carter and me never faded over all our years apart. It just corrupted. When he said obscene things to me, when he touched me wickedly, when he manipulated me…I felt cared for somehow. Like I belonged. At peace. Whatever the opposite of being judged was.
When I felt like the whole word was picking at me as if I were a fresh scab, when I was with Carter it was like their clawed finger couldn’t reach me. Not while I was in the clutches of the real monster.
But he didn’t pick and poke, trying to make me into some perfected version of myself.
No.
He wanted to ruin me. He wanted to see me let go and fall apart in his hands. He wanted me to be his beautiful disaster and not only would he not judge me for letting myself fall to pieces—he relished it.
Carter didn’t seem to be on the verge of discarding me, like he did back in high school. He was claiming me instead.
I sighed, rubbing the tense muscles at the back of my head.
Maybe it wasn’t Carter. Maybe I was the one who was fucked up, from years of picking the wrong men and letting them abuse me. Every time I gave into Carter, I chose the guy who wouldn’t treat me right. Keeping the pattern alive.
Well, that was done. Next time Carter showed up—and I had no doubt that would be soon—I was walking away. No more living in the past. It was time to think about my future.
And the first step to rebuilding my life was taking this meeting with Jaden.
I’d left the house an hour earlier than I originally planned, so I could sneak out the back door, swipe the keys to the car David was always driving me around in and take a roundabout route to the studio. Hopefully, I’d evaded all my bodyguards—Dad’s and Carter’s.
If my father knew I was going to show these photos—images that proved I wasn’t in Malawi—to anyone outside our home, he would lose his shit.
My watch’s minute hand clicked to the hour.
Okay, Anna, head in the game.
I pasted on a smile and knocked.
The studio door swung open seconds later, revealing a tall, smiling man behind it. Jaden was slender and wiry, and his dirty blond curls tangled wildly, like all his extra creative energy was released through them.
“Hey, you must be Olivia’s friend, Anna. So glad you could make it. Come in, come in.” He ushered me inside the spacious, brightly lit space.
“This is for you,” I said, handing him the expensive bottle. “I hope you like whiskey.”
“Damn. That’s a good bottle right there. Thank you. I’ll have to save it for a special occasion.”
I beamed at him and he gave me an encouraging, easy grin. “Have a look around while I put this away.”
There were several framed photographs on the walls, mostly portraits. Everything made my little collection of photos that I thought were good enough to show feel like a five-year-old’s finger paintings.
“These are incredible,” I said when Jaden returned, stopping to look at one.
“Thank you,” he said. “I try to keep my best work on display. Remind myself that even if I feel like a fraud, at least I have proof that I was good once .”
I laughed. “Wait a minute. I was told that once I became successful, I’d stop feeling like an imposter.”
“Wow. Don’t know who told you that, but it’s not true. You’ll always doubt yourself. But it’s a good thing, right? It gives you a reason to keep working.”
I could feel the muscles in my shoulders relaxing. I was so nervous about impressing this professional, but Jaden was easy to talk to. He felt more like a peer than a mentor and I felt myself relax a little.
Jaden showed me around his studio. It was inviting and roomy with a lounge area separate from the office and shooting spaces. Against the far wall which had two large windows was a fancy coffee station complete with an espresso machine that he deemed an essential business investment with a wink.
He answered all my questions when I wanted to know what his equipment was called and how he liked to set up for different kinds of shots. The studio was mainly for product and portrait shoots, where he also did his personal work and sometimes ran workshops.
His scanners, printers, and computers looked intimidatingly high-tech. I looked over his camera collection.
“How many of these do you actually use?” I asked.
“All of them. I’m kind of a tech-head. Right now, I’m really into this Sony a7RV.”
He picked up the Sony, pointed it at me and snapped a photo. I flinched back, looking down.
“What’s the matter? You don’t like getting your picture taken?”
I shook my head. “I’m usually the friend who volunteers to take the picture so I don’t have to be in it.”
“Shame. I mean, the camera loves you.”
His hand came up and brushed back a lock of my hair.
I pulled away immediately. Even after years working at the Butterfly Room, I still couldn’t get used to strangers touching me. It took a long time for me to get comfortable enough for a touch to feel right.
And Jaden touching my hair like that definitely didn’t feel right.
Olivia said this meeting was supposed to be for me to make professional contacts. But maybe Jaden misunderstood. Could he think this was a set-up? My entire body felt icy and awkward. If he tried to touch me again, I didn’t know if I could just brush it off.
Then, Jaden took several steps back, giving me space, and I realized I was being completely ridiculous and overthinking the tiny gesture.
He probably fixed the hair of a thousand girls who he took a photo of in his career.
“Should we take a look at your photos?”
“Oh. Right. Yeah. Yeah, of course,” I said, laughing at myself.
He directed me to the lounge area where we sat side by side on one of the sofas. He picked up a shot, thumbing the edge of the paper while examining it in complete silence. I looked at the side of his face, seeing nothing but pure concentration.
“So?” I asked, choosing to ask before I wore a hole in the hem of my dress.
“These are exceptional,” he said in a low voice. “You’re able to capture so much energy in the shots. Is this in a strip club?”
“No, a cocktail bar I worked at.” I’d already told Olivia the truth, it just felt right to be honest. “But a customer did offer this woman two hundred bucks if she’d finish out her shift in her underwear.”
Jaden’s eyes widened. “That’s terrible! How demeaning.”
“Not to Trista!” I said, laughing. “That two hundred bucks meant she could take cabs home for the rest of the week. I probably would have done the same thing.”
Jaden shook his head. “You’re something else, Anna. Photographers want to show the world as it is, but so few of us actually live in it.”
“It’s not that hard. If you want to try working at the Butterfly Room, I’ll be your reference. I’ll warn you, though. You better be ready to spend the night in five-inch heels and get your ass pinched at least three times before midnight.”
He laughed and leaned back against the back of the couch. He was such a tall and big guy that he took up a lot of space without even meaning to. That was why when he stretched his hand out and rested it on my left thigh, the closest one to him, the motion seemed almost natural.
I looked down at his hand, wrapped around my thigh where the hem of my dress had ridden up, too stunned to move.
My heart raced with something hotter and stronger than just discomfort.
“Jaden,” I said, my voice sounding like I was trying to talk under water to my own ears.
“ Hm ?”
“I think maybe you have the wrong idea.”
I shifted in my seat, and he slowly retracted his hand. “Oh. I thought there was a vibe here. We were joking around, and you’re a beautiful woman…”
“I have a boyfriend.” The words of the lie fell over each other on their way out of my mouth.
“Just one?” he pressed, his lips raised in a smirk.
His hand touched my thigh again, fingertips running along the side of my knee.
A chill ran up my spine as I jerked away.
Steeling myself, lifting my chin and fixing him with a stare that I hoped was all business, and no fear, I lifted his hand from my thigh and set it on the cushion next to me.
“Jaden, my love life isn’t a topic I’m comfortable discussing with you. We just met. I really hope there hasn’t been any misunderstanding. I’m here because I want to get into the industry, and because Olivia said you might be able to help me do that.”
My fingers clutched my portfolio book like I could use it as an anchor to draw me up out of this shitstorm.
Jaden worked his jaw, considering me before he replied. “All right,” he said finally, sitting up straighter on the couch. “I know why you’re here, and I am willing to help. You’ve got natural talent, but you have a lot more to learn before you’re ready for an exhibit. Work with me for six months, and I’ll teach you everything I know.”
I bit my lip, uncertain now.
Six months with this guy?
If he’d made this offer to me five minutes ago, I’d have been over the damn moon, but now? Now, I wasn’t so sure.
“Work with you? What would I be doing, exactly?”
His lips pursed in thought.
“Call it a personal assistant job. You would assist me on shoots, help me out in here,” he said, sweeping his arm to gesture towards the shooting areas.
I swallowed, wanting what he was offering so badly I was already thinking that maybe I could be willing to forget his advances a few minutes ago.
“That would be really helpful,” I said on a breathy exhale, trying to set my nerves back at ease. “Would there be any salary?”
Already, I was imagining myself in a small apartment somewhere closer to the other end of town. A place all of my own, where Dad wouldn’t be looming over my shoulder all the time.
“I’d give you work experience, teach you the ropes, help you set up your presence and network.”
I watched his eyes drop from my face and make their way down my body. My white dress covered me from collar to knee so he wasn’t getting a good look at anything, and I refused to squirm. Maybe he was appreciating the way the light from the tall windows was brightening the fabric with an almost silver hue. He was a photographer after all and this fabric really did capture the light.
His eyes came back up.
What he just finished saying finally registered in my mind and my mood fell. “So, nothing . There wouldn’t be any pay.”
His nose wrinkled slightly as he scoffed. “If you think giving you what you want is nothing. But we can talk about a fee for helping on shoots for higher tier clients.”
I was almost afraid to ask but better to have everything hashed out now. “What would you be getting out of this arrangement?”
If he said anything other than a helping hand…
Jaden’s disgruntled expression morphed into a smile.
“A pretty photographer’s assistant who won’t hesitate to show me her appreciation from time to time.”
I dug my nails into the overpriced leather folio and set my jaw.
This motherfucker.
Jaden reached to tangle his fingers in my hair again. I ducked back.
Ugh.
Fire burned in my gut, the heat spreading up to my cheeks as I jumped to my feet.
Screw this guy.
I was going to tell Olivia exactly what kind of man he was so she never sent another girl up here to be mentored by this jackass.
“I’m out of here.”
“Let’s crack open that bottle you brought when you came,” he said, standing.
“You do that,” I said, gathering my pictures, trying to be gentle with them as I tucked them back into the portfolio book.
“I guess you aren’t as interested in photography as Olivia made me believe.”
I spun around.
“Funny, I thought you had me here because you shared that interest, guess we’re both disappointed, then.”
His brows went up, and he hacked a harsh laugh.
“I don’t gain anything by holding a spoiled rich girl’s hand as she tries to make it on her own,” he snarled, taking a step closer.
I wasn’t short, and I was in heels, but he still towered over me. His form was like the moon blocking out the sun during an eclipse, the shadow of him falling over my face.
It reminded me of someone else. Someone I never wanted to see again.
I fought the urge to cower.
“You’re right. I am a spoiled rich girl,” I spat back. “I expect crazy things like respect, decency, and minimum fucking wage.”
Jaden’s eyes darkened. “Is that all it costs for me to get you out of the dress? I imagined something in the two hundred dollar range by the look of that strip club.”
His hand flashed out to grab my shoulder, and all of a sudden I was back in my St. Louis apartment with Josh. His fist slamming against my ribs, tearing out chunks of my hair. Me trying to fight back, then being shoved to the ground. I ripped out of his grasp and slipped, knocking my head into the edge of the coffee table so hard I saw stars.
“You okay, baby?”
I muttered a curse, reaching up to touch the aching point at the base of my skull but when I peeled my eyes open, Jaden was there. Hovering over me. Almost on top of me.
“Let me see,” he said in a dangerous whisper, reaching for my face. My head spun and when I tried to bat his hand away it connected with nothing but air.
His hand went around the back of my neck, lifting me as I heard a familiar sound.
Was that…a zipper?
I blinked, trying to get the dark spots out of my eyes as he whispered unintelligible words it sounded like I was hearing under water.
“There. You’re okay. Let me make it better.”
The overpowering scent of him in my nose and his touch on my collar shocked me back to reality.
I pushed at his hands, but he worked past them. Stronger. So much stronger.
I couldn’t win against him.
Just like I couldn’t win against Josh.
My eyes pricked and a ball formed in my throat.
“I-I’m fine,” I said, finally regaining some clarity as Jaden gripped my right side, his hand on my rib cage, his thumb brushing the underside of my breast though my dress. “You don’t need to?—”
“Shh, it’s okay.”
No. No, it wasn’t okay.
“No, I need to go. I need to go. Just,” I grunted, trying to get my legs out from under him, trying to get up. “Get off me.”
A loud knock cracked through the air and Jaden’s probing touch stilled on the swell of my left tit.
“Open this fucking door,” someone shouted, their voice muffled through the door but terrifying enough to make my skin crawl.
The handle swung up and down.
The next knocks sounded more like kicks.
Jaden jumped away from me, and I used the opportunity to scramble awkwardly to my feet and collect my shit. Clearly, Jaden had pissed someone else off. They wouldn’t be here for me. I’d just scoot past them and get the fuck out of?—
“Who the hell is that?” Jaden whisper-shouted. His wild eyes looked around the studio, then at me, an accusation in them.
“No idea,” I said on a breath. “But it’s your problem. Not mine.”
Jaden staggered toward the door, hesitated, and spun, his previously calm demeanor shattered. The banging continued. My hackles rose.
Wait. Maybe it was my problem.
Carter’s bodyguards?
Maybe they had followed me.
I swallowed.
More banging.
God damn it.
“Who the fuck did you give my address to?” he was shouting now, stepping into my path to stop me from opening the door. God, my head was throbbing. I needed to get out of here.
“Move.”
“Fuck no. You’re not opening that door. I’m—I’m calling the cops.”
I tried to make for the door again as he reached for his phone, but he snatched my wrist, yanking me back.
“ Ow ,” I hissed, feeling something pull painfully in the joint.
The next bang on the door was so loud it sounded like a gunshot in the room as the hinges rattled. And the next one saw the whole thing busted from the frame as the warped metal caved in and hung uselessly from its hinges.
Carter shoved through, his eyes glimmering with a dangerous rage. He might have been dressed like a CEO, but he looked like an avenging god ready to destroy an entire city with sulfur and fire for its sins.
“Who the fuck are you?”
Carter didn’t even acknowledge him. His gaze zeroed in on Jaden’s hand still wrapped around my wrist and something in his expression darkened.
Jaden must’ve noticed too because he dropped my wrist as if burned by it, acting as if he’d never touched me.
“Look, man, I don’t know what you think?—”
“Shut your pathetic mouth.”
Jaden sealed his lips.
Carter’s eyes connected with mine, the dangerous glimmer in his exploding into hot flames at something he found in my stare.
Carter cleared the space between himself and Jaden in barely two strides, twisting his fist into the front of Jaden’s shirt, shoving him backward until his back connected with a photo on the wall, shattering the glass frame.
“ What did you do? ”
“Nothing!” Jaden said, pleading. “We were talking, that’s it. I offered her a job, man.”
“Then why the fuck is her whole body shaking? Hmm? ”
“Carter, I?—”
“Did he touch you?”
When he turned the full force of his stare on me, I couldn’t speak. I felt my throat bob. I wanted to say no to stop him. To stop this. But I couldn’t.
Jaden had touched me. Then I noticed the silver nibs of his fly wide open. His top button undone. Carter followed my gaze and saw it, too.
He hadn’t just touched me. He’d intended to do far worse while I was still dazed from smashing my head on his stupid fucking table.
Carter turned back to stare at him, pressing him harder into the broken frame until I heard the glass creak and shatter some more.
Jaden’s mouth opened and closed. He looked like a big, stupid goldfish. Apparently he couldn’t come up with an explanation, so he looked at me. “Tell him!” Jaden pleaded. “Tell him nothing happened.”
My lips parted, but I couldn’t force any words out.
My silence was all Carter needed to assume the worst.
He pulled back his fist, ready to strike. I could see it happen, see Jaden’s nose shattering and his blood splashing all over Carter’s shirt. Jaden might be tall, but he didn’t stand a chance against Carter’s wrath.
I had to stop this.
“Carter, stop!”
My voice was small and throaty, but he heard it. His head swung my direction, his eyes wild and unseeing. A man possessed. I couldn’t move. I watched him, afraid but refusing to show it.
“My car is outside,” he said in a deadpan tone. “Get in and lock the doors. I’ll be down as soon as I’m finished teaching this asshole the consequences of touching what’s mine.”
Jaden let out a low sound, muttering something I couldn’t hear. He tried to shove Carter off, but Carter just pulled him forward and slammed him into the glass again, hard enough that his head knocked into the frame and he went down in a dazed heap on the floor.
My heart skittered to a gallop, thrumming in my ears.
“Anna, look at me.”
I did.
“What did I say?”
“ Umm… ”
“Go to the car. It’s an Aston Martin parked right outside. Lock the doors. Wait for me.”
He nodded, waiting for me to confirm I heard him as Jaden groaned on the floor.
And I remembered.
All the rumors about him. I hadn’t believed them. Not really. Not until right now.
He climbed a mountain of corpses to get to the top.
Swallowing, I turned and walked out, making for the elevator, trying to even out my breathing.
Down the hall, from the mangled entrance to Jaden’s studio, I heard a sharp, disturbing snap and Jaden’s scream of pain and decided I couldn’t wait for the elevator.
I ran for the stairs, clutching my portfolio to my chest as I took them two at a time, just needing to get away. Far away from whatever was happening upstairs.
I didn’t look back until I walked down all five floors of the building. Pressure constricted my lungs and every breath I took felt hot.
Outside, I sank against the wall, helpless against the feelings crashing down on me. Time collapsed along with my body. I might have been calming myself down for a minute or an hour. Finally, my breaths slowed and the world shifted back into focus. I chanced a look over my shoulder in time for Carter to emerge from the building.
“Anna, I asked you to wait in the car, love,” he said, moving toward me.
Red. There was red on his knuckles. On this collar. On his cheek.
Jaden’s blood.
I dodged his seeking eyes as he stopped in front of me, but I could do nothing to avoid the wood and amber scent of his cologne, or how it made me shiver.
“Did he…” Carter’s voice vibrated with lethal urgency.
I shook my head. “No. he didn’t—it didn’t get that far.”
I felt more than saw him relax, but only a fraction. I sighed. “Carter, what are you doing here?”
He shook his head, face still twisted in frustration. “After what happened, that’s what you want to say to me?”
“I told you to leave me alone. Instead, you showed up and interrupted a business meeting.”
“That wasn’t business,” he spat. “That fucking scumbag attacked you.”
“I was handling it!”
“You were white as a sheet and shaking, Anna! You were in no condition to fight him off and you damn well know it. God , why you keep insisting on putting yourself in danger is beyond my fucking ability to understand. You’re smart enough to slip my men but not smart enough to see that you need protection. It’s… it’s infuriating .”
He rubbed his palm over his mouth, brushing the six o’clock shadow there as he fought for a measure of calm.
About at least one thing, I knew he was right. I’d flashed back to Josh’s abuse and completely fallen apart in there. I’d curled into myself. I was placating a man who aimed to take advantage of me. Who knows what Jaden might have been able to do if Carter hadn’t showed up?
But I wasn’t going to thank the bastard for following me. It would only encourage him to be more controlling, and I’d had enough of men thinking they could run my life.
Carter cradled my face in his hand and I hated how much it made me want to cry.
“Come home with me,” he murmured. “Let me take care of you.”
I wanted so badly to give up control and let him do just that. Somehow, he always seemed to know how to make me feel good. I could still feel Jaden’s unwanted hands on my thigh, still had the memories of Josh suffocating me. Carter could make that all go away.
All I’d have to do was break my commitment to myself. Forget the girl I was trying to be when I left home and give him the reins.
Just this morning, I swore I’d cut things off between Carter and me. I had to focus on the future, not live in the past. No matter how tempting that past might be.
You’re a big girl, Anna. Buck the fuck up.
I shook my head. “No. I’m not going anywhere with you, Carter.”
Drawing on all my strength, I turned away from him. The car was just down the block. I walked toward it, digging into my bag to find the keys. My hands were shaking so hard, I dropped them in the gutter.
Fuck.
I bent to dig them out with a curse on my lips and stood, rushing to find the button to unlock the doors.
Carter came up behind me, settling his hands on my shoulders. “You’re in no condition to drive.”
“I’ll be fine. Just go home, Carter.”
“Anna, put the keys away.”
I unlocked the door and reached for the handle.
“ Anna .”
No sooner had I gotten the door open than he picked me up, tore my camera from around my neck, and threw me over his shoulder, the keys dropping out of my hand onto the sidewalk. My portfolio scattering onto the road.
“Let me down! Let go of me, you prick!” I screamed, hair in my face as I battered against his back. “ Carter! ”
I kicked and thrashed, but he pulled my knees tight against his chest, locking them in place, carrying me as easily as if I were a sack of flour, back toward his ridiculous, fancy car. I might as well have been clawing at a brick wall.
Carter pressed a button on his keys and the back trunk opened. My eyes widened as I realized with horrifying certainty what he was about to do.
“Don’t you dare!” I warned.
Carter didn’t listen.
He swung me from his shoulder, somehow managing to get me into the trunk without tossing me. I moved fast, pushing myself up, but he ripped something from the bottom of the hatch and slammed it shut before I could force my way out.
I was trapped.
He fucking put me in his trunk.
I was so fucking mad I could have spat fire.
“You can’t just kidnap me!”
If he heard me, he ignored it.
I felt around in the dark, searching for the trunk release and groaning loudly in frustration when I realized that was what he’d ripped off the hatch before locking me in here.
“Carter!”
I felt the jar of the driver side door slamming closed and the thrum of the engine as it came to life.
“ Ughhh ,” I screamed through my teeth, giving the hatch one last hard kick and hoping I dented it as he drove off.