Chapter 22 – CARTER
22
CARTER
“ Y ou feeling okay, Ma?”
I cracked the door open wide enough to look inside the room. The body-shaped lump on the bed didn’t move. I stopped, watching her until I could see the slight rise and fall of her breathing.
“Ma? You awake?”
She wasn’t. I knew she wasn’t. She was exhausted all the time again. I could leave for school and find her right there at the end of the day, after coming home from work, not knowing whether she moved at all the entire time.
I placed the bowl of chicken broth and the slices of soft toasted bread on the nightstand.
“Ma, wake up. You need to eat something.”
I stroked her hair, then gently shook her shoulder. Her bones poked through her clothes, the comforter, and into my hand. Her eyes squeezed tighter, making lines on her face that weren’t there even three months ago, then they opened, squinting at me.
“Carter?”
“No, it’s Pierce Brosnan, Ma, who do you think?” I asked.
She loved those old 007 movies. When she wasn’t sleeping or at the hospital for treatments, she was watching them on repeat, finding comfort with her favorite Hollywood heartthrob.
Ma smiled weakly, but her eyes closed again.
“You should really eat.”
“Just leave it on the nightstand,” she mumbled, her voice barely stronger than a whisper.
It was soup; once it got cold, she’d have a reason not to eat it anymore. She was already so thin and her energy levels were in the toilet. Skipping meals was just going to make it harder. Guilt bubbled in the pit of my stomach. Besides rent, food, and gas, I was saving everything I had for her treatment. It had been six and a half months since her last round of chemo and radiation and she needed another one… three months ago .
But at this rate, it would take me ten more years just to pay for the first one.
It didn’t help that Dad was drinking and gambling his much better wages away before I could get my hands on even a dime.
“I can’t leave until you eat something. You’re going to make me late for work,” I lied. I didn’t have a shift tonight even though I’d been begging to take some off the hands of the other waitstaff at the restaurant.
Pretty soon, I would have to consider alternatives to make more money faster. I promised Anna nothing illegal, but I wasn’t sure I could keep that promise if it meant losing Ma like this.
She sighed, pressing her face into her pillow. When the fatigue started a little over a year ago, it didn’t seem like that big a deal. Just a little more tired than usual, I’ll just have some more coffee .
The pain started and she thought it was just early menopause symptoms. I thought she was too young for that but we let it slide. Chances were it was menopause, even if it was a little early. The jump from menopause to cancer was so absurd, neither of us considered it.
She opted for hormone treatment to combat it because it was cheaper than surgery and radiation. She wasn’t that advanced yet and at the start, we were hopeful.
I got another job to help pay for the treatment while keeping things running at home. It wasn’t like her free-loading husband was helping. I would have picked up the slack anyway, but it was just kind of funny the way he had enough money to get hammered but I had to pick up the rent because he wasn’t making enough money to cover it.
It was harder now with him arrested. They’d never kept him so long before, but I counted every day spent without his presence here a blessing, even if it meant I might need to consider dropping out of school to get a third job.
Another promise I’d have to break.
Ma shuffled under the comforter, rolling heavily onto her back. Her face contorted from the effort. I looked away. It made my chest ache. I wanted to give her privacy but I also just couldn’t watch.
I always knew that one day I’d have to bury my parents. I just never thought I’d have to watch her waste away for months in front of me before it finally happened. I didn’t think it would happen before I was even the legal age to drink.
Dread crawled up my back and wrapped around my neck, filling my head and expanding like a horror-movie red balloon.
“I made soup. That gross canned chicken noodle one you love that’s mostly broth?—”
A sharp knock sounded at the door. A chill froze my muscles, but then I realized he had a key. Dad wouldn’t knock, he’d just let himself in. Unless he’d lost it.
“Just a sec, ma, let me see who that is. Eat, okay. When I come back, I want to see at least half of that gone.”
She nodded woodenly. Her eyes were closed again and her expression peaceful. I whipped my head away, a wrenching in my chest.
I pulled the door open, exasperated, seeing an unfamiliar man standing on the other side. He was tall, that was the first thing I noticed. Then, I saw the suit. I’d never worn a suit in my life, but I knew when I was looking at a good one. It was gray and looked like it was cut to his exact fit, not one of those sloppy rental ones that made guys look like little boys trying on their dad’s clothes.
His hair was black mostly but the temples were graying. Still, his posture and vibe didn’t say old man . They said he was loaded and his mouth, pulled down in a deep frown, said he was pissed.
Just a wild guess; he didn’t live in this neighborhood.
“Can I help you?” I asked, my tone clipped.
His cold blue eyes swept down, then back up, sizing me up.
“You’re still home. Not working tonight at Sally’s?”
I frowned, my hand tightening on the doorknob. He knew where I worked. Something in his face struck me as familiar, and I had a sinking in my gut I didn’t want to explore.
If he was here, it didn’t mean anything good and I couldn’t take any more bad right now.
“Look, I think you have the wrong house or something.”
I started to close the door in his face, but his hand smacked the wood, keeping it open.
“I know who you are, boy.”
“Okay…”
And what? I wasn’t afraid he’d try to force his way into the house. There was nothing to steal in there and he would have done it already. But I didn’t like his energy. Didn’t want him anywhere near my Ma.
I pulled the door in so he couldn’t see into the apartment. He noticed, trying to peer inside over my head.
“Are you home alone?”
“I don’t know who you are or why you’re here but I’m going to have to ask you respectfully to fuck off.”
He smirked, leaning his weight back like he wanted to get a better look at me.
“I never trusted her to pick the right guy but you’re worse than I expected.”
Play dumb.
“Who are you talking about?”
“You’re Carter Cole, you’re the loser who’s been dating my daughter.”
Well, there it is.
I had to say, getting a look at the man for myself, he didn’t disappoint. He was every inch the monster Anna painted him to be.
“That’s me,” I snarked. “Anna’s not here, if you’re looking for her.”
“I know where she is, and I know where she goes when she sneaks out at night. I’ve known for weeks.”
“Yeah, well we’ve been meeting each other for months so I guess you’re a little slow on the uptake, old man.”
His expression flashed with something that made my stomach sour, but I forced myself to stand taller. I wasn’t about to let this jackass of a father keep me away from the one good thing in my life, but I needed to tread more carefully. I didn’t want to get Anna in any more trouble with him than she already might’ve been.
I’d already told him something he might not have already known. I wouldn’t give him anything else to use against her.
“That stops now. You’re going to break up with her.”
His statement was so abrupt that I laughed.
What the fuck did he think he was doing?
This was clearly a man that was used to getting what he wanted. But he wouldn’t be getting it this time.
“Yeah. Sure. Okay. I’ll make sure I do that.” I flashed him a sarcastic smile.
His haughty stare held like fused steel.
“You think this is a joke?”
He took a deep breath, straightening up like he forgot who he was for a second. Anna told me about her dad and all I knew was that he made her life a living hell. I knew I wasn’t the kind of guy she would usually end up with but shit, miracles happened every day. I had her. I wasn’t going to let her go that easily.
“I’m going to say it one more time. Stay away from my daughter. She’s not…” He looked me up and down again. His lip curled like he wanted to spit. “You’re not good enough for her.”
Yeah, when was he going to tell me something I didn’t know? She was a beautiful, rich girl with the world at her feet. I was just a poor kid who struck gold on the beach.
“Okay, well, thanks for dropping by. If that’s all…?”
I indicated the door and his hand still keeping it open.
He leaned in. “How’s your mother doing, Carter?”
My hand tightened on the doorknob.
“My mother is none of your business.”
“I know she’s sick. Cancer, right? Shame. Treatment often buries people under debt. Struggling to keep your heads above water?”
His eyes shone with twisted false empathy.
“What is this? What are you trying to pull bringing her into it?”
“I already told you. But I can see you’ll take a little extra convincing. I can respect that and I’m a fair man. Some people might say I’m a generous man. Your mother? She can get the treatment she needs.”
My eyes stung from the whiplash, going wide.
“What?”
“Surgery, radiation, recovery, everything. Pick the hospital. She’ll have some of the best doctors in the country. Leave my daughter alone and your mom won’t just survive this, she’ll come out stronger than she ever was.”
My throat thickened and I fought past the burn.
The thud in my chest was loud enough to hear in my ears. It hurt. I didn’t think he was lying to me, but it was too good to be true. If he was serious…
I could fix the worst thing in my life, but to do it, I’d have to give up the best thing. I’d have to give up her.
I felt like I was in one of my mom’s dumb movies where a rich guy swaggered up with a bag of cash to bribe someone into doing what he wanted. In the movies, it was kind of funny, it was fake. On set, someone yelled cut, the actors got out of costume and they went home to their normal lives.
No. This was my normal life. When I shut the door, my mom would still have cancer. He would still be a powerful, rich asshole who could use his money to get things no one else could. That suit and money didn’t fool me. I didn’t want his charity, especially when it came with strings.
He didn’t control me with it, and he didn’t control Anna.
She’d hate me if I did this.
And I couldn’t stand the thought of that.
Anger ran in currents up and down my spine, spreading through my limbs.
“No.”
The words came out barely more than a vibration in my chest.
“Are you kidd?—”
“I said no . Your bribes aren’t welcome here.”
His brows came down over his eyes. If they were cold before, they were frozen now. His arrogant air darkened into pure hostility.
“Listen, you good for nothing little piece of shit. What the hell do you think is going to happen with her? Hm ? You think you’re good enough for her? You think she’ll marry you? One day, she’s gonna learn to like the taste of the silver spoon in her mouth, and she’s going to leave you.”
“If you thought that was true, I don’t know why you bothered coming here.”
He broadened in the doorway, making himself look bigger, like a wild animal about to attack. His eyes blackened like coal. I didn’t so much as flinch.
Men like him didn’t get their hands dirty. I stared him down, daring him to touch me. I bet he hit like a girl.
“Carter?” Down the hall, I heard my Ma weakly call my name.
I needed him gone before my mom got enough strength to get out of bed. She could not know that this happened.
“Mr. Vaughn. Can’t say it’s been a pleasure to meet you. Now please remove your hand from my door before I’m forced to remove it for you.”
His hand slipped from the battered wooden pane.
I slammed the door, locking it as soon as he did.
Air shuddered out of my lungs and my knees buckled. Sweat broke out over my body. My hands shook.
What the fuck. I counted to fifty, then opened the door. He was gone, but down the street, a sleek black sedan was idling against the sidewalk. So out of place among the other older model vehicles with duct tape holding up their fenders and wires holding up their mufflers.
I couldn’t see into the tinted windows, but I knew Hudson Vaughn wouldn’t be in that vehicle. He’d be long gone, but he clearly wasn’t done with me.
“Carter?”
“ Hmm ?”
I looked up at her from where I was laying on my back. Anna was sitting next to me, hands resting on my abdomen. The wind breezing in over the ocean blew through the loose wisps of her hair that weren’t tied back in her bun.
“Do you think that taller people have a shorter lifespan?”
I chuckled, nudging her with my elbow. She would do that sometimes, tee up a question and then ask the most existential shit I had ever heard in my life. But then other times she’d just ask me what kind of meal I’d like to be turned into if I had been born a chicken.
Nuggets , of course. But only if I was to be eaten with sweet and sour dipping sauce.
“You’re going to have to tell me how you got to that hypothesis,” I said.
“Well, I think they would expend more energy trying to maintain more… mass. So, over time that would reasonably degrade the metabolism and stuff, right?”
I frowned, laughing harder.
“I don’t think that’s how it works.”
“I mean, big dogs don’t live as long as smaller dogs,” she said with a shrug and I wasn’t sure if that was even true but I wouldn’t fight her on it.
“Okay but small planes crash more often than big ones,” I argued.
She slid her hand under my shirt. Her fingers were cold but I didn’t mind when she did that. She could touch me anywhere she wanted. Being out here with Anna, there was very little that could kill my mood. I hadn’t said a word about her father paying me a visit the day before and it seemed he hadn’t told her, either. I knew for a fact she would’ve said something if he had.
It felt…wrong. Not telling her. But she’d only worry.
And she had enough to worry about.
“Touche. I’ll have to think about it some more.”
I chuckled. “Don’t hurt yourself.”
She gave me a little punch to the gut and I mimicked losing air, making her laugh.
“Okay, Subject change, then. What’s one thing you wanted to do this summer that hasn’t happened yet?”
I sighed, reflecting on the trainwreck that was my life. I always tried to tell myself that things could get worse.
My dad was an abusive drunk? Yeah, but he hadn’t been to the house for a week and a half, and fingers crossed, maybe he’d gotten run over by a car somewhere or finally taken off like he threatened to do every night he drank.
I didn’t have a lot of freedom to think about what I wanted to do when what I needed to do was so much more important.
I wanted my mom to miraculously be cancer-free, but I didn’t think Anna was looking for impossible wishes. As usual, she wanted something real.
Something to hold onto or manifest.
I smiled. There was something, actually.
“Did I tell you that I love you yet?”
She looked at me, her face angled down so it was hard to read her features. I didn’t want to tell her like that but it felt natural. I’d loved her since day one, which sounded insane, but it was true.
It wasn’t until recently I’d thought to actually tell her.
Somehow saying it made it more real. After everything with her Dad, I was more certain than ever. I wanted her, and I was ready to do whatever it took to be good enough for her. Between her going to college and me working, we were going to figure it out.
I watched her expression, searching for something to hold on to.
Her mouth, open in that perfect ‘o’ she always made when she was in shock and didn’t know what to say, shrank until it vanished. She pulled her lip between her teeth, biting it lightly like she did when she was stressed about something or deep in thought.
Shit. It was too soon.
“No pressure to say it back or anything. I just wanted you to?—”
“I love you, too, Carter.”
My skin bristled and a heat like heavy molten metal spread through my gut.
Anna let out a watery giggle, bending to press her lips to mine. I wrapped my arms around her, as if I just held her a little tighter, a little closer, nothing could ever separate us.
I pulled her back, looking into those incredible jade eyes.
“Then make me a promise.”
She wiped her nose, still smiling. “Anything.”
“Promise you’ll always be mine.”
Her gaze softened. “I don’t think I could ever belong to anyone else.”
I shook my head. “No, Anna, I need you to promise me.”
It took her a minute, but she nodded. “Okay. I promise.”
The molten metal cooled, settling into place, melding us together in this moment and forever.
“And I’ll make you a promise in return,” I said, pulling her hand to my chest, pressing it flat against the hammering heart beneath my ribcage. “This is yours. I swear to you I will never give it to anyone else.”