8. Eight
Eight
Amara
I had been burned. The man standing in front of me had been the one to light the match and reduce me to a pile of ash. I had learned the lessons. Felt the pain. Cried all the tears. Risen like a phoenix and flown straight toward the sun again.
So how could I need Luka now? I was scared to need him. Scared more than I could ever put into words. So instead of leaning all in on him, I did what I always did. I called Ciro.
I had to keep moving. Keep thinking. Keep looking until Enzo was home.
“What’s going on?” Ciro answered the phone with a question.
“Thank God.” I was relieved he answered without letting it ring a second time. I turned to avoid the look on Luka’s face. “How quickly can you get back to New Orleans?” I wandered into the bathroom and picked up another towel and rubbed it over my hair. I looked at the circles under my eyes. They hadn’t been there this morning.
This morning was another world. Another time. It was when I stood here letting myself daydream. I was steeped in bliss this morning. I was wrapped in afterglow. It was in my eyes. They actually sparkled. I had seen it in the mirror.
I stood at the counter and thought ridiculous thoughts. Thoughts about the girl I was at 22. How much that girl thought she loved Luka. How she didn’t think she would survive our bad ending. That girl couldn’t forgive her father. She couldn’t bear to remember her mother. She built an empire out of revenge and certainty. She stockpiled money and power. The two things everyone else wanted.
It was almost as if I had been given those five years back. Being with Luka had given that to me. Were we allowed to be happy? Had we finally escaped the curse of our fathers? Had the suffering of being apart been soothed and rubbed away? Or was today the reminder that we could never escape?
“Are you okay?” Ciro interrupted. “Are you safe?”
I touched my cheek, reminding myself I was here. “Yes.” I cleared my throat, flashing back to the kidnapping. “But Enzo’s not. He was taken at his car. I don’t know who has him. I need you here. Not in—” I wasn’t sure how far Ciro had traveled to look into Luka’s history. My stomach lurched.
“How long ago?” he asked.
I blinked at his abrupt tone. “A couple hours I guess.”
“And no ransom notices?”
“Nothing. Everything has been silent,” I reported. “Everyone is staying quiet. I don’t like it.”
Ciro was quiet. I knew he was thinking. “I’m still in the States. I can fly back tonight and cancel the flight to Paris.”
“Yes. I think that’s best. I need you to find Enzo. The same way you found me.”
“All right. I’m turning around for the airport now.”
“Where are you?” I thought he would be waiting to catch his connecting flight inside the airport.
“Philadelphia.”
“What?” My mind raced. “What are you doing there?” We lived in Philadelphia until I was twenty-one. It was where my family was. It was where I was raised. It was home until I claimed New Orleans for myself.
“I don’t have time to get into it now. It’s part of my trip to France. That’s all I can say. I need to purchase a new ticket and start making some calls.”
“Ciro,” I warned, but I was too exhausted to lecture. Too tired to tell him to put this investigation into Luka’s past, away. It was costly. Look at what happened to Enzo.
“Yes?”
“Let me know the minute you touch down in New Orleans.” Luka was waiting for me. “I’m not sure where I’ll be.” I didn’t want to disclose the meeting with Katya yet or Luka’s insistence to hide me from the world.
“I will. I’ll text with my ETA.”
“Thank you. And be safe.” I hung up and rested my palms on the counter. My mouth felt dry, and my head hurt. The sliver of skin where Ciro had removed my tracker stung from the shower. Should I have left it in? My mind reeled. I couldn’t keep one steady thought.
“Everything okay?”
I turned around when I heard Luka’s voice over my shoulder. I wanted to cling to him. Hold him and be held. We could figure it out. Let our souls thread together and dissolve the pain. Any space was too much, too wide. I didn’t want distance between us anymore. Never again. But I couldn’t take the first step toward him. I was still Amara Amato. And she could be very stubborn.
* * *
L uka checked his phone as often as I did on the ride out of the city. I had been reluctant to pack a bag, but I did it anyway. The next few days were uncertain. I included a separate bin with files from my office. I wasn’t going to stop working. Barbara had given me piles of contracts to read over and sign.
“As soon as we arrive, I want to take you somewhere,” he announced. He turned onto a rural road. It was more dirt than pavement.
“What kind of somewhere?” I asked.
“It’s not the Vieux Carre or anything, but there are a couple of cabins on the property. While I speak to Katya, I think you should stay there.”
I bit the inside of my cheek. “I told you I don’t want to go into hiding. It’s the wrong message to send. It’s not the kind of message I’m going to send.”
Luka slammed on the brakes and the car screeched until we were stopped. I braced myself against the dash. “What the hell was that?” I yelled at him. “You almost threw us into the sugar cane field.” A cloud of dust billowed around the car.
“I don’t give a damn about the sugar cane field right now. Listen, I’m not going back and forth about this.” His face was red. He whipped the shades away from his eyes. “Would you hide me?”
I glared at him. “What does that have to do with?—”
“No,” he snapped. “If this was reversed, what would you do? Would you parade me out in front of the families? Would you put me on a jet and send me to another country? Would you hide me in the tunnels for weeks until you had everyone’s head on a pike? Tell me. Look at me and tell me what lengths you would go to, to make sure I wasn’t killed tonight.”
I closed my eyes, glad he couldn’t see my full reaction. “The situation is not reversed.” I spoke between clenched teeth.
“That’s not what I asked. I’m talking about the hypothetical situation we could have been in, we’re almost always in, Amara because of the lives we live. Tomorrow, it could be me. So, answer the damn question. Would you hide me?”
I pinched my lips together and folded my arms. “You aren’t going to make me do this. I won’t give you permission to take control.”
He sighed. “I’m not trying to control you. I’m controlling the situation. I’m trying to do everything I can to keep you alive.” The bitterness was palatable. “There is a big fucking difference.”
“It doesn’t feel that way from where I’m sitting. I’ve been okay all these years without you. Now, you want to swoop in and make it all better? Save me? Is that what you think you can do?”
“Stop.”
“Did I hit a nerve?” I knew I sounded spiteful and angry. That was only scratching the surface of the rage boiling in my veins.
His hands landed hard on the steering wheel before he unclicked the seatbelt and climbed out of the car. The door slammed behind him, but I didn’t sit with the silence. He wasn’t going to leave me inside the car alone. No. I bolted out right after him. I couldn’t believe he was doing this.
“You’re walking away?” I yelled. “What the hell is wrong with you? We’re supposed to be meeting Katya. This is unbelievable.”
Gravel flew into the ditch when he spun to face me. He kicked it with the toe of his shoe. His fists were clenched at his side.
“There’s nothing I can do!” he yelled. “Not a goddamn thing.”
I shook my head. “What are you talking about?”
“I feel it. I see it. You’re slipping away from me, right in front of my eyes. How do I stop that from happening?”
“I’m right here.” I threw my arms up in the twilight air. There was an eeriness on this road, surrounded by nothing by the cane plants.
He shook his head. “You won’t even talk about what you’re doing and I’m in front of you, beside you, going through it with you and you won’t fucking talk.”
“We should go. We’re out in the middle of nowhere.” I wasn’t going to answer a ridiculous question. I spun to round the back of the car, but he latched onto my wrist. I didn’t realize he had moved so quickly.
“That. That move right there, Amara.” I made the mistake of looking in his eyes.
Without his sunglasses his eyes were his most vulnerable and valuable asset. I could see the pain. Fear. A wicked determination to control my next five steps and those of anyone who came near us. He thought he could calculate all the scenarios. He could anticipate everyone’s motives and maneuvers. Everyone except me.
I saw it reflected back to me in his eyes. Those dark stormy eyes that used to keep me up at night. Eyes that could talk to me. Show me the world. Show me the depths of love. Show me the fire that burned in his soul, only for me.
I questioned why I kept pushing back. Why I didn’t want him to fold his strong arms around me. It was a different kind of fear holding me. His fingers pressed into my wrist until they threaded through mine. Our palms touched and I swore it was lightning feeding off our pulses that I felt.
I inhaled. “Yes. I would hide you. I’d knock you out. Tranquilize you. Shove you in an unmarked container on a ship with no less than five guards disguised as crewmen to protect you around the clock. I’d send you as far as the ocean could carry you until I knew you were safe. And then I would fly to you.”
He smirked. “A simple yes would have been okay.” I tried to jerk my hand away in defiance. “Hey, come on, I’m teasing you. But…” Our eyes locked. “I’m a little nervous that you have this planned out so thoroughly.”
My eyes narrowed. “It’s very easy for me to make it a reality.”
He cocked his head. “You do know how hard it would be if it were reversed.”
“Yes,” I whispered. “I don’t think about it. I plan for it.”
He brought my knuckles to his lips. I shivered at the simplicity of the gesture. The forgiveness he offered with the graze of his breath against my skin.
“Then will you please give me a few hours to catch up to your master planning skills?” he asked. “Just a few hours in the cabin where you’ll be safe.”
I nodded. “Okay.” I let the stubbornness crumble and the fierce grip I had to control my own fate fade. I stepped into Luka’s arms and he held me.