Chapter 24
SAINT
“I was thinking,” Priest says over his cup of coffee.
“I don’t know if that’s a good sign or a bad one,” I say, trying to keep the mood light.
We spent the night in a swanky hotel to throw the Bratva and the Feds off our scent.
I would have preferred the safe house, but Priest felt it was too risky to go there and potentially compromise the whole location.
So here we are, eating the kind of fancy fucking breakfast you need to consume three of just to feel full.
At least the cleanup went well last night.
Joey Bones is officially ashes, and we have a meeting with Sidorov later this morning. With any luck, we’ll have narrowly avoided a war.
“Very funny,” Priest deadpans. “I was thinking about Isla.”
I almost spit out the sip of coffee I just took. Somehow, I force it down. It’s hot as fuck and not nearly as good as the coffee I make for myself at my apartment, but it’s what’s available.
“What about Isla?” I ask with a casual nonchalance that couldn’t be further from the riot going on inside me right now.
Does he know about Isla and me? So what if he does? We’re two consenting adults. The wedding and the honeymoon are over, so no chance of spoiling either one.
“Now that Luna is back, we don’t need a cat sitter,” Priest points out. “It’s not fair to keep her locked up in the safe house. She has a life to get back to.”
“No,” I bite out.
I know our parting is inevitable, but I’m not ready to let her go yet. And besides, what does she have to go back to? That asshole who cheated on her? I’ll hunt him down and kill him first.
Priest narrows his eyes on me. “Why not?”
I blurt the first reason I can think of. “It’s not safe.”
“We’re going to smooth things over with Sidorov,” he points out. “Besides, Sidorov isn’t actively coming after us right now because we have the upper hand and his sister.”
“When did you have in mind?” I hedge, shifting in my chair.
“This morning.”
I shake my head. “Not going to work. I can’t get her to the airport for a flight and then make it back to the meeting with Sidorov in time.”
Priest raises a brow. “Who said anything about you taking her anywhere? I’ll have Rocco drive her.
We’ll give her two bodyguards. It’s a short drive to the airport from the safe house, and once she gets into the airport, she’s off-limits.
Not even Sidorov would be brainless enough to attack an innocent woman in an international airport with cameras, cops, and security everywhere. ”
Fuck. He’s right. My taking Isla makes no sense.
Rocco and some guards would get her to the airport safely in about twenty minutes, depending on traffic.
She’d have a flight out of this chaotic hellhole, and I’d never see her again.
It would be for the best. I already knew our time together had an expiration date.
She may be Luna’s best friend, but Isla wasn’t born into the Mafia.
She belongs in a classroom or behind a keyboard or a book, not at my side.
Even if that’s where I want her to be more than I’ve allowed myself to admit.
I clench my jaw. “So your plan is to send Rocco and a couple of guys to take her to the airport?”
I’m struggling to control myself, and I know it’s not working. I fucking hate this idea. I want more time with her. I need more time with her. Another night. I haven’t had my fill of her yet.
“Seems like the most efficient way to get her out of here with the least amount of danger to her,” he says with a shrug.
“She didn’t sign up for this the way we did.
I feel like shit about everything that’s happened to her while she was cat-sitting Cid.
She didn’t deserve to get dragged into our shit, and I swore it wouldn’t happen, but it still did. ”
Guilt spikes through me. “I’ll take the blame for that one. I was supposed to keep her safe.”
“You did your best. We all did. This never should have happened, but we couldn’t have known there would be a sudden change in Pakhan that would shake everything up, including our alliance.
And the rest…I should have been more alert to the fact that we’d have some bitter stragglers still loyal to Amedeo the Animal. I’ll own that.”
“It’s my job to keep an eye and ear out. I missed it.” If I had realized Joey Bones was double-crossing us, I’d have played a very different fucking hand.
“Like I said, you did your best. And I appreciate the way you looked out for Isla in all this bullshit. I know Luna does too.”
I stare hard at my brother, wondering if he’s fucking with me or if he’s being genuine.
I know Lucky is onto me. He could have said something to Priest. Or Priest could sense it.
He’s observant, and he’s always been good at reading people.
Especially when they’re trying to hide something.
It makes him a damn good don, but it isn’t nearly as helpful when I’m trying to keep a secret from his ass.
“No problem,” I mutter and then take another sip of the bitter brew in my cup.
“It’s settled, then,” Priest says. “I’ll call Rocco and make the arrangements. With any luck, she can score a last-minute flight out of here, and she’ll be at thirty-thousand feet by the time we have our sit-down with Sidorov.”
My heart starts pounding in my chest. I’m losing her.
I’m losing her, and I love her.
I didn’t want to admit it to myself before, but it hits me now, like a blow that leaves me winded.
Isla isn’t just a hookup. She’s not a one-night stand I couldn’t quit.
She’s fucking it for me. I understand it with the perfect, shocking clarity of a lightning strike.
It’s sudden, unexpected, and scary as fuck.
But because I love her, I have to go along with Priest’s plan.
I want her to get the hell out of here. To be safe.
To go back to her classroom in Iowa without the fear of Bratva soldiers breaking into her apartment or following her to a coffeehouse.
I can’t be selfish and keep her here with me, no matter how much I want to do that.
It wouldn’t be fair to her. In the end, she’d just come to resent me, if she didn’t take a bullet for me first.
“You’re right,” I concede. “It’s the best thing for her, getting the fuck out of Dodge.”
“Good,” Priest says with finality. “Let’s finish up here. I’ll call Rocco to pick us up, and I can give him the details then. You want to let Lucky know? Roc can be there by nine.”
“Yeah.” My voice is hoarse as I pull out a burner and send off a short text to Lucky.
Get Isla’s bags packed. Tell her to be ready. Rocco will be there at 9.
What should she be ready for?
Roc’s taking her to the airport. Give her enough cash to cover a ticket home.
She’s been asking about you.
Fuck. I let that settle in, because I deserve the pain. Then I force myself to type out a reply.
She doesn’t belong here.
You sure about that?
Mind your own fucking business and do what I told you to do.
That an order?
Yup. It’s a fucking order.
You’re sending your girlfriend away without a goodbye. Got it.
She’s not my girlfriend.
Right.
I’m grinding my molars, frustrated with Lucky. With myself. With this whole fucked-up situation.
“Something wrong?” Priest asks, studying me from across the table.
Yes. Fucking everything is wrong. None of this was supposed to happen. The one-night stand, the Bratva bullshit, falling for her. I’m married to the family, to my role, to my duty. That’s what I have to focus on now.
“Not at all,” I lie, forcing a smile. “Lucky’s just being a dick.”
“As usual.” Priest finishes up his coffee.
I look back at my phone, typing out one last response.
Roc will be there at 9. Make sure she’s not late.
You’re a real prick, you know that?
Fuck yourself.
I snap the burner closed and tuck it into my suit jacket, then down my coffee like it’s Macallan on the rocks.
It scalds all the way down.
But I don’t feel anything as I toss my napkin to the table and stand.
“Let’s get the hell out of here. We’ve got shit to do.”
As we make our way through the dining room to the hotel lobby, I tell myself this is for the best. What would come of seeing Isla one last time? Nothing good. I’m still a gangster, and she’ll always be way too fucking good for me.
Isla
“Wait, what?” Luna asks Lucky on my behalf.
Which is fine, because I’m not sure I can speak at the moment.
“Rocco will be here in about an hour to take Isla to the airport,” Lucky repeats.
“Just Rocco?” I ask, hoping I misunderstood that part of the announcement he made to me when I wandered into the kitchen a minute ago, bleary-eyed and slightly hungover, in search of breakfast.
It’s not that I enjoy being locked up in a safe house. Because I don’t. But the airport? With Luna and Priest’s driver taking me? And without seeing Alessio first? That feels so sudden.
So final.
So much like a goodbye without actually even getting one.
“Yeah, Is.” Lucky scratches his chin, looking a little bit like he’s just been punched in the gut. “Just Roc.”
I’m pretty sure my facial expression is the same.
Because Alessio is ghosting me.
After everything that’s happened between us, he doesn’t even have the balls to call me and speak to me himself on one of Lucky’s burners.
Not even a fucking text. I get that I’m not his top priority and he’s out there doing Mafia kingpin stuff I know nothing about.
But I deserve a phone call at the bare minimum.
“So I’m getting evicted,” I say, trying to sound lighthearted.
Like I’m not dying inside.
“Not at all,” Luna says, frowning at Lucky as she wraps an arm around my shoulders. “Is can stay as long as she wants. Right, Luca?”
It’s the first time I’ve heard anyone call Lucky by his real name other than Antonella, and I know Luna means business.
“It’s been arranged,” he says flatly.
“Arranged by whom?” I can’t help asking.
Lucky gives me a look that clearly says don’t make me say it. But I’m persistent. I need to know.
“Was it Alessio?”
“Yeah.” Lucky scratches his chin some more and doesn’t say anything else.
“Wait a second.” Luna gives me the side-eye. “Since when do you call Saint Alessio?”
Since I’ve been having kinky gangster sex with him.
I’m not going to say that. Clearly. My pride isn’t ready to admit the truth.
“Since we met,” I answer truthfully.
“Oh.” She blinks, puzzled and obviously trying to find a space where she can fit this new information into her brain. “But you… It’s kind of… I mean, everyone calls him Saint.”
“Antonella doesn’t,” I point out weakly.
“She’s his mother. She carried him inside her body for nine months and went through the horrors of birth. She can call him whatever the hell she wants.”
“Fair.” I take a shaky breath and nod, not offering further explanation.
Because what is there to say? Alessio and I were hooking up, and now we’re not. It’s my fault for falling in love with him. I knew better. I just came out of a nightmare relationship. But I jumped right in anyway. I’m obviously overdue for a visit to my therapist.
“You need help with anything?” Lucky asks me softly.
I hate the pity in his voice. In his face. He knows what this is doing to me. Wouldn’t Alessio know too?
The answer is as painful as it is obvious. Alessio knows, but he just doesn’t care.
I swallow hard, because I’m not going to give in to the tears burning my eyes. “Nope. I don’t have all that much to pack. Should only take me a few minutes.”
Luna gives me a squeeze. “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to, Is. No one is kicking you out of here.”
“I appreciate that.” I force a smile for her benefit. “But it’s been hard dealing with the lack of windows.”
“The wall decals were for you, weren’t they?” she asks.
“Yeah.” Luna knows I’ve had panic attacks in the past. But I’ve been a whole lot better at managing them over time. I never told her about my issues with windowless rooms. It never came up. “They help, but it’ll be good for me to get out of here and breathe fresh air again.”
And it will be, even though I would rather stay right here forever if it meant I could be with Alessio. But I can’t. Anyway, he’s made it clear that he’s done with me. Our temporary arrangement is over. It’s for the best. I don’t understand this world the way Luna does.
“Saint put the window decals up,” Lucky says, giving Luna a look I can’t read.
“Saint?” Luna stares back at him, looking as shocked as I feel.
“It was nice of him.” I shrug out of Luna’s half embrace. “Look, if I’m going to be headed out of here, I need to pack up my stuff.”
“But you don’t need to go,” Luna protests, frowning at me.
“Yes, I do.” My smile feels brittle, like a piece of plastic left in the hot sun for too many summers.
About to crumble into pieces. “Cid doesn’t need me anymore now that you’re home, and it’s time to get my shit figured out.
I have the storage unit in Iowa waiting for me, and I’ve got to decide where I want to teach next and start applying.
Maybe I’ll even write the book I’ve been wanting to write. ”
Luna sighs. “I’m going to miss you. I wish we didn’t live so far apart. It’s not the same now that I can’t just show up at your apartment or randomly leave books I think you’ll like in your letter slot.”
“I know.” Impulsively, I hug her. “But we’ll always have FaceTime. As soon as you get your phone back and are on the outside again, that is.”
“The outside.” She pulls back and winces at me. “You make this place sound like a prison.”
“It kind of is.”
“Not at all.”
“Luna.” I give her upper arms a gentle squeeze. “You’re drinking the mobster Kool-Aid.”
“It’s more like a bunker,” she insists. “But either way, you’re welcome to stay. Please don’t think you have to go just because my well-intentioned brother-in-law decided to arrange for you to leave us all in the dust.”
I’m not sure I would categorize Alessio’s intentions the same way, but I keep that to myself.
“It’s time,” I tell her. “I’ll be one less problem for everyone to worry about. You all have enough on your plate as it is.”
And now that I know for certain I was never more to Alessio than a convenient hookup, staying here would only make the pain worse. I’d have to see him again. This way, I can keep my dignity and fly away.
“You’ve probably had your fill of our drama anyway,” Luna tells me. “Love you, Is.”
“Love you too. Take good care of Cid for me. And don’t go to the coffeehouse across the street from where you live. Take a bodyguard with you everywhere you go.”
“I don’t need a bodyguard.” She smiles. “I’ve got Priest.”
And that man would lay down his life for her. I’ve seen the depths of his devotion. Being a Mafia wife isn’t a safe gig, but I do know that she’s in good hands with her husband. The best.
“Of course you do.” I release her. “I’ll just get my stuff together now.”
And try to do everything in my power to keep from breaking down until I’m on the other side of those airport doors.