Chapter 20
CHAPTER
TWENTY
HOLDEN
Locker room chatter echoed around me, accompanied by the screech of pads as they were lifted off shoulders. The season’s first game was tomorrow, and we’d just had our last practice. The team was fired up, and excitement funneled through the locker room with raucous laughs, good-natured ribbing, and slaps of towels.
All my thoughts should be on game plays and taking out the Bulldogs tomorrow, but the only thing I could focus on was my step-sister.
Punishing her. Fucking her. Protecting her.
Emerson had seeped under my skin, and I couldn’t get her out. After our encounters at the beginning of the week, I’d avoided and ignored her as much as possible for the rest.
When she practiced with the Wolfettes, I kept my eyes locked on my guys. When she passed me in the house, I bore holes into my phone with the intensity I gave it. When I had to sit next to her in class, I breathed through my mouth and sat as far away as possible.
I avoided seeing, smelling, and touching her with everything in my being .
But that was the problem. She was everywhere, even when she wasn’t there. Her sexy bras on the counter. Her intoxicating shampoo in the shower. The cute little pink toothbrush she used. I’d gone as far as to shower at school to avoid jerking off every time I stepped foot in our shared bathroom.
It still wasn’t enough.
Walking past her room, I’d get a whiff of her body spray. Grabbing food out of the pantry, I’d spot her name labeled on granola bars, condiments, and bread. Folding laundry, I’d find her panties and socks mixed in.
As if it wasn’t enough torture to constantly be reminded of her existence, it was all the women in my life could talk about. Hope went on and on about how awful Emerson was while Mom gushed about how sweet she found her.
Then there was Colter. The dude had heart eyes. He didn’t have to say anything for me to know how he felt.
At football practice, she was there, stretching in her tight shorts, making my dick jump every time she moved. In class, the little sounds she made as she worked reminded me of our night together, and I’d be hard for the whole hour.
I couldn’t escape her.
Not at football.
Not at school.
Not at home.
Not even at Colter’s.
My dreams weren’t even left Emerson-free.
The more I avoided her, the more impossible the task became of getting her out of my head, and the opposite of what I wanted occurred.
I wanted to make Emerson the enemy, to see her as the villain my sister claimed her to be. To push her away and forget about how perfect we’d been together.
Each minute I spent avoiding her, I gained more and more information about the woman who’d captured my soul, and I couldn’t align any of it with the person Hope claimed her to be.
I couldn’t make Emerson into the villain I needed her to be, and I was done trying.
“You good?” Colter asked, drying his hair with a towel.
“I don’t even know what that means anymore.”
Colter frowned. “Want to hang and talk?”
I debated his offer, but ultimately, I needed to do something. I shook my head, meeting his eyes. “Not tonight.”
Colter nodded, understanding flashing through him. We finished getting ready, and I felt my mind clear now that I had a plan.
“Text me later?” he asked when we stepped out of the locker room.
“Yeah.” I hugged him, slapped him on the shoulder, and headed to the parking lot while he went toward campus.
A group of girls were clustered by a fountain, their eyes flicking to me and then back as they giggled. I knew a few from hooking up over the years, but I wouldn’t call us friends. So, when Gina broke off and headed toward me, I stopped and waited for her to approach.
“Hey, Holden.”
“Gina.” I didn’t expand, not wanting to give her the wrong idea. I didn’t flirt with girls.
Except you had.
And just like that, Wildcat was back on my mind.
“You ready for the game tomorrow?” she asked.
“Yeah.” I lifted a brow, not sure what she was getting at. I didn’t do useless chit-chat. I wasn’t one to check in with girls and ask them how they were feeling, how their classes were going, or if they thought the Calc test was hard. I didn’t know any details about the girls I slept with outside of their names and ages .
Except for her.
“Cool.” She nodded, smiling, and stepped closer. A cloying, sweet scent invaded my bubble, and I wrinkled my nose. She didn’t notice since she focused more on my chest and running her hands up it. My distraction with her perfume had let her get further than I wanted.
I gripped her hands in mine, stopping her perusal. “What are you doing?” My body broke out in awareness a second later, and I shut my eyes. Her voice infiltrated my ears next, and then a laugh. I snapped my eyes back open and gritted my teeth. Nostrils flaring, I waited in anticipation and dread for her to pass, completely forgetting about the girl in front of me.
I knew instantly when she passed and saw me. Electricity thrummed between us, and I focused on muting it. The struggle had become more challenging each day to deny what my body wanted. Her eyes flicked over to me, the heat replaced with hurt as she took in my stance with the girl plastered to my front. Emerson turned her head quickly and picked up her steps. Cody jogged to catch up, throwing his arm around her shoulders, and my blood boiled.
The kid had gotten on my nerves all week. First, there were the not-so-subtle implications from the coach. He could pull me for Cody at any sign of weakness. Then seeing him all over my Wildcat made me want to commit murder. I hadn’t touched him… yet. But he was nearing the line where I’d snap; consequences be damned.
I’d already had him doing extra drills, hoping to exhaust him so much he wouldn’t be able to walk, much less get it up to stick it in Wildcat.
Once she was out of sight, I could breathe again, and I stepped back, dropping Gina’s arms. I glared at her, waiting for her to explain. She rubbed her wrists, and I felt marginally bad that I’d gripped her so hard, but she shouldn’t have touched me .
“So, I guess the rumor is true.”
“Rumor?” I asked, despite knowing better. I hated girls who spoke in word riddles. Wildcat doesn’t.
“That you met someone. That’s why you haven’t been with anyone yet.”
“I don’t fuck around during the season. There’s not anyone.”
She nodded. “True. But you usually pick a girl during training and have your fun with her until the first game. Word is you haven’t. Or at least no one anyone knows about.”
“What the fuck? I don’t…” I stopped, thinking back to the previous years. I could see how, from her perspective, it might seem that way, but it had never been intentional. Was this all these girls did? Sit and gossip about who I took into my bed?
Gina shrugged, biting her lip, and twisted her hair. She was trying to be coy, but it came off as desperate. “So, does that mean the position is open tonight?”
The asshole in me wanted to say yes. I could lose myself in this girl for an hour and then wait for the gossip to get to Emerson.
But I didn’t want to. Wasn’t that just the kick in the gut I needed?
“No.” I didn’t elaborate or care if I was too blunt. Gina turned to go, and I suddenly remembered something Emerson had said. “Wait.” She turned, a hopeful smile on her face. “Are you friends with Hope?”
Gina’s face changed instantly, the delight disappearing, and if I wasn’t mistaken, some fear entered her eyes. “No. I’m not in the right tax bracket,” she said, her words bitter.
“Excuse me?” She laughed, only making me angrier. “Explain.”
She stopped abruptly and watched me. “You really don’t know? ”
My jaw tensed, my molars crunching under the force, and I shook my head no.
“Hope only befriends the girls from her sorority, the ones whose daddies make millions. I’m unsure how she got in, but nothing about Hope surprises me, honestly. The girl has a bigger ring of cronies than mob bosses.” She crossed her arms and braced herself like she thought I might attack her.
The news shocked me, but part of me wasn’t surprised. I swallowed, relaxing my jaw. I didn’t want to scare Gina now that I was finally getting info.
“Has Hope ever bullied anyone?”
Gina snorted. “The better question is, ‘who hasn’t she bullied?’”
“You?”
She nodded, her eyes dropping and then lifting back to mine. “Once. I learned to steer clear of her after that.” Gina assessed me, biting her lip in thought this time. “Haven’t you ever wondered why more girls don’t try their shot with you?”
I rolled my eyes. “My sister has nothing to do with that. I’m an asshole, and my reputation for no strings is well known.”
“Seriously, Holden? I guess you really are in a football bubble. Let me spell it out for you. You’re hot as fuck. Your dick is magic, and you know what you’re doing in bed. You’re upfront, and while you’re not the most conversational guy, you treat women respectfully. The fact you’re headed to the pros makes you even more valuable. Girls want to lock you down, believing they’ll be the ones to tame the beast. The girl math for that works out in your favor, not against it. Don’t you remember how the first two years were?”
Now that she mentioned it, there had been a lot more girls back then. But then I’d gotten injured, and I hadn’t been interested in sex at all. When the next season started, I figured girls had moved on to other guys. I still had plenty of jersey chasers and my pick of pussy when I wanted it. But it had been different.
Gina’s face changed. If I had to guess, it was with pity. “Sorry, Holden, but your personality and reputation make you more of an obsession than a deterrent.”
“Then, why?” I gritted out, the acknowledgment difficult for me to make. This conversation had already gone on longer than I expected.
“You know the answer, and it’s not because you were injured.” She patted my chest like I was a little kid who’d just been told Santa wasn’t real. “Good luck with your girl.”
“There isn’t a girl,” I denied.
Gina looked at me with more pity, turning to leave, but stopped and glanced over her shoulder.
“Believe what you want, but based on the video sent out to the entire school and the other rumors I’ve heard, Hope doesn’t believe that. I’ve never seen her go after someone as hard as she is now. If I were your girl, I’d transfer schools.”
With that bomb, she walked away, leaving me gaping as I stared after her. I walked to my truck in a daze. Had I been that blind to my sister’s behavior? Did I even know her?
I thought I had, but it wasn’t like we spent time together. The last time we’d lived together was when I was thirteen, and she was ten. Seeing each other a couple of weekends out of the month didn’t leave time for a lot of bonding. Had I made the wrong choice to live with Dad? Would Hope be this way if I hadn’t?
I’d always believed I was doing the right thing by leaving. It was the only way I could protect my mom and sister. It kept him from trying to use us against her. It lifted Mom’s financial burden, and I’d naively believed her need to find a man. Living with Dad hadn’t been easy, and football had been my only escape. Maybe I had focused too much on it, losing sight of everything else. But I believed the sacrifice was worth it because Mom and Hope were safe.
Had it been useless? And what did that mean now? Was I making the same mistake by sacrificing for them?
I’d always put their needs above mine, but when had they chosen me first?
Heaviness rested on my shoulders as I climbed into my truck. I checked my phone and gritted my teeth when I saw several texts from the piece of shit known as my dad.
POS: I got a good deal for you.
POS: You just gotta keep the score low.
POS: Come on, son, it’s just one game. Help your father out.
POS: You know you need the money.
Turning my phone off, I threw it in the console so I wouldn’t see them anymore. It wasn’t enough that he’d already cost me so much, but he wanted more. Who in my life didn’t want something from me?
My coach wanted perfection.
My team wanted me to win.
My sister wanted me to hate Emerson.
My mom wanted us to be a happy family.
Girls wanted to use me or tie me to a future.
And my dad wanted me to cheat… again.
Smacking the steering wheel with my palms, I shouted my frustration until my voice went raw. Slumping into my seat, I focused on evening out the ragged breaths sawing out of me at a rapid speed. Dizziness tingled my mind, and I gripped my thighs and counted breaths. Slowly, my heart returned to a normal rhythm, and my lungs expanded with a full breath.
Maybe I needed to do precisely what Gina had suggested— fuck someone tonight. Before I blew my family up, I’d ensure this wasn’t an obsession I’d imagined because I couldn’t be with her. Or that my mind hadn’t amplified the connection and remembered the sex better than it was.
Tonight I’d fuck Emerson and either get her out of my system or solidify things between us for good.