Chapter 47
CHAPTER
FORTY-SEVEN
EMERSON
Arriving on campus Monday morning, I wasn’t prepared for the chaos the campus turned into for Spirit Week. Posters of the candidate’s faces were plastered on every available surface. You couldn’t go two feet without running into something in Hayward school colors of teal, black, and magenta. Cody stood next to me at the first Spirit Week event, our mouths hanging open at the madness.
“I feel woefully unprepared,” I admitted.
“It’s because you’re not in Greek Life,” Jenny said, coming up next to me.
“How so?”
“This is the fourth week of activities we’ve already had this semester. Rush week, Pledge week, the Hayward/Crusher game, and now Spirit Week. We still have three more before the end of the year.”
“And they’re all like this?”
“For the most part. Everyone goes all out. It’s fierce competition to win the events, and then it ends with getting dressed up and having a killer party. ”
“Sounds exhausting.”
Jenny shrugged. “It can be, but it’s fun, too.”
“Which one are you in?” I asked, looking at her pink shirt with Greek letters. I should probably learn them all.
“Chi Alpha Tau.”
“CAT?” Cody asked, his nose wrinkling.
“Yep,” Jenny smirked. I knew I was missing something, but I was too overwhelmed to ask.
“Any pointers on how to survive my first event?”
“Smile and have fun.”
“So nothing,” I teased, making her laugh.
“Stop hiding and join in. Not every part of Greek life is like the Zetas.”
At the mention of the Zetas, three girls—including the two who’d been in the bathroom—crossed in front of us. Their brows were narrowed, and their eyes scanned up and down over me. I smiled and waved, trying not to show any sign of weakness. They made me want to hide, but I wasn’t going to.
The invite for today said to dress in your best school spirit outfit. Holden had insisted on me wearing an old jersey of his. I’d made it into a crop top with a long-sleeved dance top under it since it was cold out. It also had a built-in bra, and left part of my belly on display. I had my hair in pigtails with pompoms sticking out, HC temporary tattoos on my cheeks, and bright pink lipstick. I had on the black dance pants we’d worn a few weeks ago and magenta sneakers. I was going for a hip-hop school spirit look. I’d worried about having my stomach on display, but considering it had taken us twice as long to leave for class this morning, I’d felt confident in my skin.
One look from them, and I wanted to cover it up.
Why did girls have to make other girls feel bad about their bodies? I’d never understood it. We should be rallying together and telling men to shove it when they made comments, not reinforcing the lies we were made to believe about what made someone beautiful.
Lifting my chin, I planted my hands on my hips and owned my outfit. My stomach might be softer than theirs, but it didn’t make it inferior.
“Good luck today,” I said before walking off with Cody and Jenny. As soon as we were a few feet away, they laughed. “What?”
“I love you,” Jenny said, wiping her eyes.
“Thanks?”
She dropped her arm over my shoulders. “You could be the bitchiest person, but you’re not. I love how down-to-earth you are. Add the fact that you’ve shaken up campus; I don’t hate having to attend here anymore.”
“You didn’t want to go here?”
“Not really. I wanted to do my own thing, not follow after my step-sister.”
“Aren’t you guys close?”
“Yeah, but from her stories, I knew my time here would be hard.”
“Why?” I asked, furrowing my brow.
She glanced at Cody, who nodded. “Hayward isn’t known for being queer-friendly. There’s too much old money and beliefs. But you, my dear friend, are turning everything upside down. It’s made me want to be brave, too.”
“I don’t feel courageous. They made me want to hide. I often feel like I’m barely treading water.”
“You’re a fighter, Peanut. You don’t give yourself enough credit,” Cody said, kissing my cheek.
“You’re yourself, and don’t apologize for it. That’s huge, Mer. You’re changing the dynamics of this campus. You might not see it, because your two boyfriends block a lot of what is going on around you, but take a look.” Jenny pointed out the lawn where everyone was gathered. “Homecoming is usually dominated by the sororities and fraternities. The smaller clubs and groups on campus don’t usually have enough clout to get voted onto the court. This year, you changed that.”
Looking around at the groups of people gathered, I saw there were several fraternities and sororities, but other groups were mixed in, too. They turned and waved when we approached, all sporting buttons with my face and name. It was a bit daunting to see so many people rallying behind me. What if I failed? Would they still think I was this great role model then?
“Wow. That’s,” I swallowed, “great.”
“Don’t freak out. The fact you made it on the court shows a change is coming. You don’t have to win for it to make a difference.”
That made me feel marginally better, but it still felt like a lot of pressure.
A girl with a clipboard rushed over to us. “Emerson, there you are. We need you on stage.”
Cody and Jenny waved me off, and I followed the girl. At least I’d get to see Holden soon, since he was on the court as well. He had to come straight from class, so we hadn’t been able to meet here. Unfortunately, Colter had too much work to catch up on from being out last week to join in the festivities. I didn’t know what to expect, but I was here, so I’d just go with it.
A group of girls stood off to the side. Looking down at my outfit, I’d clearly misunderstood the assignment. They were dressed in cut-off shorts, school t-shirts tied at the waist, and ponytails. The four girls turned to look at me, eyeing me as I approached.
“Oh, look, fat Harley Quinn is here.”
I blinked. Had they really just said that? Before I could respond, the girl with the clipboard ushered us onto the stage with me at the end.
“Welcome to the first event of Spirit Week, Wolves! It’s time for me to introduce your Homecoming Queen nominees!”
The crowd roared and applauded. I looked around for Holden, wondering where he was. He was supposed to be here. Nerves shot through me, my mind spinning as I tried to remain calm. I couldn’t freak out on stage.
“Our first nominee is Larissa Jones from Chi Gamma. She’s a political science major, and her favorite hobby is volunteering at the soup kitchen. Let’s give it up for Larissa.”
People clapped, but I couldn’t focus on them. My heart rate picked up speed, and sweat gathered under my armpits. I kept scanning the crowd, something feeling off. When I spotted a black figure with a hood up, my breath caught in my throat.
No. No. No.
“Our third nominee is Caitlyn Farrell from Kappa Mu. She’s a biology major, and her favorite hobby is reading to sick kids. Let’s give it up for Caitlyn.”
I blinked, having missed a name. My eyes were locked on the lone black figure. Was it him? Was he watching me right now? Had he done something to Holden? I glanced off to the other side of the stage, spotting a group of guys, but Holden wasn’t there. Looking back to the crowd the figure was gone. My breathing picked up, and I balled my hands into fists.
Oh no. What should I do?
A shove to my shoulder sent me flying forward and I fell to my knees, the girls behind me laughing.
“Oops, it seems our fifth nominee had a little spill. Are you okay, honey?” the emcee asked. I nodded, standing. My hands and knees stung, but I wouldn’t let them know. I hadn’t watched the other girls, so I didn’t know what to do now. He gestured, so I walked to him .
“Our last nominee is Emerson Adams, a member of our Wolfettes. She’s an English major, and her hobby is…” he paused, glancing at me before returning to his card. “Um, I’m not sure this is right.”
“I sent what I was given,” the girl with the clipboard said, shrugging. My panic subsided as confusion took hold. I glanced around, still not seeing Holden or Owen, and my panic rose. I needed him to read it so I could get off this damn stage.
“It’s fine. Just read it,” I said.
He nodded, glanced back down, and then to the crowd. “Her hobby is overeating and whoring herself out to the football team.”
My face heated as the girls behind me laughed, and a ringing began in my ears. Tears pricked my eyes as humiliation engulfed me. Why had I thought I could do this? They would never let someone like me win.
“That wasn’t what I sent over!” the girl with the clipboard said as she ran on the stage, her face red. The guy shrugged, turning to her and showing her his script. All the groups in front laughed and pointed. The volume grew, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I took a step back, then another, and debated if running off would be better than staying.
“Um, let’s keep going. It’s time to pick our Homecoming Queen Court spirit winner,” the emcee said, returning to his mic. “Let me hear your applause for Larissa.”
I took the moment to escape, but my path was blocked by the girls on one end and the guys on the other. The emcee went down the line, the noise loud for each contestant. Nothing penetrated the fog I was under, only a shred of my consciousness still functioning. When he said my name, I was pushed forward again. At least this time, I was ready and didn’t fall.
To my surprise, the back of the crowd roared, lifting some of the fog I’d fallen under. I stared out into the void, seeing Jenny and Cody leading the groups of people in cheering. They jumped up and down, rallying the crowd, and I chuckled, finally not feeling so alone.
Wetness hit me out of nowhere, then freezing cold. I blinked, not understanding as I looked down and saw red ice dripping from every part of me. Another fucking slushie. Frozen in place, the cloud of sparkles that followed the red cold confused me even more.
Stunned, I stood staring at the frozen red liquid mixed with silver glitter that shimmered on me. I didn’t know why I’d believed it would be different, because I knew deep down it would end this way. Chilled to the bone, I stood shivering on the stage, unable to do anything.
“What the hell?” someone behind me shouted.
“Oops, I tripped.”
“Mer’s got spirit; yes, she does! Mer’s got spirit, how about you?” Started up in the back and I focused on the sound. “Mer is red hot, Mer is red hot, Mer is red hot, Mer is r-e-d h-o-t. Once she starts, she won’t be stopped! Let’s go, let’s go, Mer!”
The chant grew as more people joined in, and the laughter behind me died. Each voice in the crowd gave me the courage to keep my head up. I wanted to run off this stage, but I wouldn’t let them see me cry—not anymore. There were people who believed in me. I didn’t think I’d earned it, but I’d take it all the same.
Before, I’d always been alone, but I wasn’t. Not anymore.
Right on cue, a huge mass charged up the stairs. I knew it was him before I even saw him. Electricity buzzed under me, and I sagged in relief. He was okay.
“What the fuck?” he bellowed.
I turned and met Holden’s eyes. He was furious, but when he saw me, he pushed the guy aside and came to me. Cupping my cheeks in his hands, he glanced down at me.
“You’re here,” I said, not caring I was stating the obvious .
“I’m sorry I was late. Someone locked our class door and we had to wait for the janitor to come and remove the doorknob before we could leave.”
My eyes widened. That sounded intentional.
“What happened, Wildcat?”
“I honestly don’t know. I was so worried about you that I didn’t know what was happening until after it did,” I whispered.
“Come on, I’ll help you clean up.” He took my hand and pulled me toward the side of the stage.
“Wait! You can’t leave,” the emcee said.
“Fucking watch me. Nobody messes with my girl. In fact,” he stopped and took the microphone. “The first person to tell me who was behind this won’t be on my shit list.”
The crowd surged forward, pointing at two girls on stage.
“It was her!”
“They had it planned.”
“She didn’t trip!”
Holden swung his gaze to the girls, and they stepped back, their faces paling. The emcee stepped in between them and Holden, asking for the microphone. Holden shoved it in his chest, glaring at him.
“I was going to tell you that Emerson won the spirit contest.” The emcee swallowed, straightening his spine. “And, now that we have definitive evidence, we’ll be disqualifying Kadie and Abby for breaking the rules.”
“Wait, what did I do?” Abby asked.
The girl with the clipboard glared at her. “You swapped out the script.”
“I tripped,” the slushie girl, Kadie, tried one more time.
“No, you didn’t,” a group from below said, showing their phones. The people cheering for me had moved up, and I spotted Cody and Jenny. They glared at the sorority girls, and I felt better knowing I had them in my corner. The emcee took the phone, and we watched it together. Clear as day, it showed the girl picking up the cup of liquid someone else had slid onto the back of the stage and then “tripping” toward me.
“That’s not fair. You can’t disqualify me,” she screamed as the clipboard girl ushered them off stage.
“And the glitter?” Holden asked.
“That was the cannons. They released early,” the emcee said, looking over at the stage. “Except they were supposed to be pointed out to the crowd.”
“So someone tampered with them?”
“It looks that way. I’ll look into it, and whoever did it will be dealt with. You have my promise.” Holden nodded and turned to leave the stage. “Wait, we haven’t done the male nominees yet!”
My boyfriend stopped, turned to the crowd, and shouted. “Wolves!”
“Wolves!” everyone shouted back.
“There,” Holden said, making the guy chuckle.
“Our male spirit winner is Holden Adler, giving the football and dance teams ten points each. We’ll reconvene tomorrow, with less stickiness, for the scavenger hunt, followed by…”
The emcee’s voice trailed off as Holden marched us further and further away. I shivered, the numbness dissipating now that we were off the stage. Holden took me into the locker room and walked me into a shower stall. I let him undress me and then rinse me off. He didn’t seem to care one bit that his clothes got soaked in the process. The warm water beat down on me, heating me up and breaking my resolve as I cried in his arms. He held me, soothing me with his touch and letting me cry until I had nothing left.
“Why are girls so mean?” I asked.
“That’s something I’ve never understood,” Holden said, drying me off. He wrapped a big towel around me and shucked off his wet clothes. He stood in the locker room naked, but I suppose he was used to that. He took us to his locker and pulled out spare clothes, dressing me in his, then putting on his own. It felt nice to let him take care of me, to feel like I mattered to someone.
When we left the locker room, we both stopped when we saw a crowd gathered outside. Cody stood at the door, turning to see us when they chanted.
“Mer, Mer, Mer!”
“What is this?” I asked.
Jenny skipped to us, smiling. “Your fan club.”
Kendra, from my anthropology class, broke away. “Hey, Mer. What they did today was awful, but we wanted to let you know we have your back. You’ve got AES’s vote.”
“Um, thanks.”
A few more people came up after her, introducing their club or group and saying something similar. It was so shocking that I almost didn’t believe it was happening to me.
Once the crowd thinned, Cody and Jenny each gave me a hug and walked off, leaving Holden and me alone. He was quiet as we walked to the parking lot.
“You okay?” I asked.
“Until today, I never thought about the impact I could have on others. I knew people looked up to me because I played football, but I thought about it objectively. It got me certain privileges, and as long as I won, I kept up my end. But today, listening to all those people chant for you and support you, I realized I’ve been wasting my platform. You’re making a difference, Wildcat, and all you’re doing is being yourself. You’re the true star of this campus.”
Shocked, I stared at Holden, convinced I’d misheard him.
“I’m so lucky you gave me a second chance. You’re my inspiration, Wildcat.”
“Me?”
“Yeah, baby. You.”
Holden nudged my chin with his knuckle, and I knew I’d endure anything the bullies had to throw at me. I would win Homecoming Queen. It might not mean anything to me, but it meant something to a lot of other people on campus. If they needed me to be their voice, then I would. Together, we’d be stronger, louder, and unable to be ignored.