Chapter 29
Nerves wriggle in my stomach as I knock on the wooden frame of the screen door. I run my tongue along the backs of my teeth, ears straining for any sound inside the house.
“One sec!” he calls.
I tuck a piece of hair behind my ear, then dry my damp palms on my jean shorts. It’s ridiculous that I’m this anxious to talk to him. That I’m this worried he’ll say no or not want to see me.
“He just needs some time,” was what Gus told me last night.
Cammie commented how important water safety was, as if I hadn’t already felt terrible enough about testing how long I could hold my breath. Aaron said he would have jumped in to rescue me if Cap hadn’t. Everyone else was just confused by Sawyer’s sudden disappearance.
A large shadow looms on the other side of the screen, and then the door swings open with a creak of protest. Sawyer is in the middle of pulling on a shirt, head through the hole but torso still bare.
I’m treated to a tantalizing glimpse of his abs and the band of his boxer briefs before the white fabric falls.
He’s propped the door open with his foot, and I wait for it to withdraw as soon as he registers it’s me.
He made it pretty clear he didn’t want to talk to me last night, and Gus probably meant more than twelve hours when he said that Sawyer needed time.
The door remains open.
“Hey,” he says carefully, resting a shoulder against the doorway. His expression isn’t unfriendly, but he’s not inviting me inside either.
“Hey,” I reply. “Bad time? Are you busy?”
He shakes his head. “I have the day off.”
I nod. “I know. I swapped shifts with Abby, and I was wondering …” Deep breath. “Do you want to go sailing?”
His eyebrows inch up his forehead. He’s surprised, but I can’t gauge anything else. “Sailing?”
“Yeah. I rented a boat.”
“You rented a boat.”
“You can stop repeating everything I say.”
He crosses his arms, one corner of his mouth kicking up. “Do you know how to sail?”
“Nope.”
“So, you want me to sail you around … for free?”
I roll my eyes. “I brought lunch. I checked with my cousin who sails, and Kit assured me it’s a really nice boat. And I’ll give you a blow job in the below-deck-cabin thingy, if you want.”
He coughs, quickly glancing over his shoulder.
A pit appears in my stomach. Does he have a girl over?
“No worries. Never mind.” I’m doing an awful job of hiding my disappointment, so I offer a small wave, then spin and start walking away, silently cursing my own idiocy.
“Wren, wait.”
“It’s fine,” I call without turning back around.
The screen door slams, and then he calls my name again. Closer this time. He also grabs my arm, halting me in place before stepping in front of me. “My mom is still on a decorating kick. She wants to repaint the kitchen today. I promised her I’d help.”
“Oh,” I say.
“Otherwise, I would, okay?”
“Okay. I would have, uh, texted to see if you were free, but I don’t have your number.”
No way was I calling his house again.
A rare full grin appears. “If you want my number, Wren, ask for it.”
I roll my eyes again, secretly giddy. He’s flirting with me, I think. “I’m not asking for it. I was just explaining why—”
“Sawyer?” A woman steps out of the front door, glancing around the yard. Surprise spreads on her face when she spots me.
I’m assuming she must be his mom, but she’s younger than I would have expected. Wearing no makeup and a paint-splattered shirt, she could pass for being in her late twenties.
“Hello,” she says pleasantly, walking over.
Sawyer clears his throat. “Mom, this is Wren. Wren, this is my mom.”
“Addison,” his mom says, smiling as she extends a hand to me. “I know they don’t look it, but they’re clean.”
“Hi,” I reply, smiling back as I shake her yellow-streaked palm. “It’s nice to meet you, Addison.”
“Very nice to meet you too, Wren.” She sounds like she means it, not only like it’s a common pleasantry.
His mom seems really great, and there’s a pinch in my chest as I think about what Sawyer has shared about his family, especially last night’s revelation.
His dad’s destructiveness … his sister’s death.
A betrayal by her husband and the loss of a child.
I’ve been called fortunate and privileged and lucky my entire life, but I’ve never felt more so than I do right now, knowing I’ve never endured that sort of tragedy.
I hope my first impression didn’t involve Addison hearing me joke about blow jobs. I’m realizing that’s probably why Sawyer looked so uncomfortable when I did.
“Would you like to come inside?” Addison asks kindly.
“No, thanks. I was just leaving,” I respond, not wanting to trap Sawyer into having his mom host me or ruin their day together. “Sorry to come by so early. I work at the yacht club, so I knew Sawyer had the day off, and I was … he said you’re painting today. So, I was just leaving.”
You already said that.
“We can paint another day,” Addison comments, glancing at her son.
“It’s really fine,” I say quickly before Sawyer can utter a word.
“I haven’t even settled on a color,” she tells me. “And it’s a beautiful day. You kids go have some fun.”
“I’m eighteen, Mom,” Sawyer says dryly.
“Don’t remind me,” Addison replies, smiling at me again before she turns back toward the house. “I hope to see you again, Wren.”
“You too!” I call after her, then glance at Sawyer. He’s already looking at me. “I like your mom.”
“Me too.”
“You don’t have to change your plans.”
He shakes his head once, impatiently. “Do you want me to drive?”
“No. I’ll drive. I know where we’re going, and you don’t.”
A faint smile crosses his face.
I head for the driver’s seat. As soon as he can’t see my expression, I allow the giddy smile to spread across my face.
It sort of feels like Sawyer Bennett just agreed to go on a date with me.
“Just let me do it,” Sawyer insists.
“No. I want to learn how.”
“There’s nothing to learn, Wren. You’re just going to get a blister.”
I keep a stubborn hold on the oars, and Sawyer sighs before leaning back and throwing his hands up in a whatever gesture.
“Okay. Fine. We’ll get there by sunset, probably. Perfect timing to turn back around.”
If I wasn’t concerned about losing a paddle, I’d drop one and flip him off.
We’re in a small rowboat, about ten feet from the dock.
There are only two seats, and Sawyer tried to take the center one.
But I wasn’t downplaying my nautical abilities.
Once we get on board the sailboat, I won’t know what to do with any of the ropes or with … anything. Won’t be able to contribute.
I doubt the guy would have agreed to let me take the rental out actually if Sawyer hadn’t been with me to impress the marina crew.
We’re about an hour from Atlantic Yacht Club because an outing at work didn’t sound all that special.
But we could be at that marina because this one looks exactly the same.
Especially from this vantage point in the water.
Rowing sounded noncomplicated. It’s not complicated, but it’s not easy either. I lean back, pulling the oar handles to my chest.
“Let me know if I’m about to hit anything,” I tell him since I’m sitting backward.
“They’ll have pulled the other boats out for the winter before we reach them.”
I glare at him. “I play tennis, and I ride horses, okay? I can be athletic.”
“How is Apollo?” he asks casually.
“She’s, uh … she’s good,” I respond, momentarily startled by the question. I don’t think I’ve mentioned my mare’s name around him this summer. Meaning he remembered it from one of my letters this past fall.
It’s disconcerting, flipping from acknowledging all we know about each other and all we’re pretending not to. Especially since learning last night that there are major things I don’t know about him. I told him I trust him, and I meant it. But I’m not sure he trusts me, and that bothers me—a lot.
“She’s here,” I add. “I had her trailered from Connecticut so I could ride her more this summer.”
“So, your horse has a summer place too?”
“Yep.”
I fight a wince as the wooden handle rubs the heel of my hand. Sawyer might have been right about the blisters.
“Willowbrook?”
“Yeah,” I say, surprised he knows the name of the stable.
Sawyer nods once. “Skylar took lessons there for a bit.”
“Oh.”
I wasn’t sure we’d discuss his sister today. Now that he’s brought her up, I don’t know if I should ask more questions or not.
Before I can decide, Sawyer continues, “She loved clothes and fashion too. She used to paint her nails a different color every day of the week. Made the whole house stink constantly.”
“Sounds like a kindred spirit. Rory hid all my nail polish once; she was so sick of the smell.”
“Yeah.” He glances left, at the row of boats we’re slowly moving past. “Yeah. She would have lo—been obsessed with you.”
I’m glad he isn’t looking at me. Because this is worse than him shutting me out entirely.
It’s a different yearning from the glimpse of him shirtless earlier.
It’s a tease of more. A taunt of what it could be like—of what we could be like—if we escaped from this state of … something. Not nothing, not everything.
I asked him what we were, and he stayed silent, which felt like the worst reaction at the time. But there’s space in uncertainty.
Or maybe that’s just hopeful thinking.
“Move right,” Sawyer says suddenly. He’s refocused this way, looking behind me, not at me.
“What? Why?” I twist my head, trying to spot whatever he’s seeing. Slowing our progress down to nonexistent and making the entire dory rock.
Sawyer says my name like a swear, grabbing both sides of the small boat to steady us. “There’s another boat coming in. It’s fine; they see us. Just move right.”
“My right or your …”
“My right.” He leans forward, adjusting my grip on one oar. “Exert more pressure on this side.”
“You should take over,” I blurt.
I wanted to contribute, but I’m not trying to capsize us either.
“Nah, you’ve got it.” He slumps back, arms propped on either side, like he’s reclined in an armchair.
“You’ve been asking to take over since we left the dock,” I remind him. “Now, you’re happy watching?”
“You’re doing fine,” he tells me.
“Fine, huh? Your compliments still suck.” He opens his mouth to reply, but I forge ahead first. “Also, you’re the one who likes boats. Presumably, that means you know how to steer them, so you should really take over.”
Sawyer smiles. “You have this, Wren.”
Which would be sort of sweet, if he didn’t follow it up with, “Told you so,” once we finally do reach the sailboat.