Chapter 12
Chapter
Twelve
KATYA
K nowing Anton has touched me but I haven’t touched him bothers me.
It’s an unfair power balance that I feel I need to rectify. If a small part of me wants to touch Anton and have fun with him, then so be it. And if I’m being honest, a small part of me wants to play with Anton because it’s fun.
I’m still hesitant with my heart around him. After everything he did to my brother and his business partners in the past, I’m not sure if I can ever fully trust him despite him saving my life.
That doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy his company, and for some strange reason, I do enjoy Anton’s company.
I pace around the house, wondering what I can do to Anton that would give me an ounce of power over him. Make things more equal between us.
“I’ll be in my office,” Anton tells me as he walks by.
“What for?”
“I have a business call with some of my men.”
“Oh. Why aren’t you meeting in person?”
“Sometimes it’s just easier to do it over the computer.” He heads into his office.
And an idea hits me.
Anton went down on me, and honestly, it was the best thing I’ve ever experienced in my life.
So, I’m going to do the same to him.
The only problem is I’ve never gone down on a man before. I have no idea what to do or what Anton likes. But I guess I can figure it out.
I tiptoe over to his office and press my ear to the door. I hear muffled voices but can’t make anything out.
Could I wait until Anton is done with his meeting to try this? Sure. But where’s the fun in that?
Anton likes it when I push the boundaries, so that’s what I’m going to do.
I open his door.
His eyes flick over to me and back to his computer. It’s strange to see Anton sit at his desk like a professional. He has so much chaotic energy that I never would’ve expected to see him sit behind a desk and get actual work done. I figured he just blew things up and called it a day.
I have to remind myself that my husband is smart, and clearly, he gets work done.
“How’s the drug shipment coming in?” Anton asks, ignoring me.
I continue to stand there, but he doesn’t look back over at me. Fine. I just have to make him look then.
I get down on my knees.
“It should be coming in by Friday,” a man replies. It sounds a lot like Theo. Fuck him. Seriously, fuck all his men.
I rest my hand on Anton’s thigh, and finally, he looks down at me. He gives me a look that asks what I’m doing, and I only give him a secretive smile.
He turns back to his computer, shaking his head.
“Something wrong, boss?” Theo asks.
“Nope. All good here.”
While Theo continues to talk about the incoming drug shipment, I run my hand up and down Anton’s thigh. He tenses but doesn’t push me away. I place my hand on his inner thigh and hold it there.
Anton shifts around in his seat but, otherwise, doesn’t do anything about my hand. He’s still testing me, I realize. Seeing how far I’ll go.
Well, I’m going to go far, Anton.
I remove my hand from his leg and crawl under his desk to get into a better position. Anton frowns, but when Theo asks him a question, he has no choice but to look back at his computer.
“I want you to look into Luca for me,” Anton says. “Keep an eye on him.”
Hearing Luca’s name almost makes me run from this room and cry. Did Anton say Luca’s name to keep me in line? Or is he not even thinking about me at all?
I refocus on what I’m trying to do. Even if Anton didn’t mean anything by his Luca comment, I can’t let him upset me. If he’s trying to stop me, then he can think again.
I run my hands up both his legs now that I’m positioned between them. Anton jerks slightly, but when I look up at his face, he doesn’t show a thing.
“Sure thing, boss,” Theo says.
“Let’s move on to item number three. Make sure to collect the money from Joel’s bar. He’s been behind lately.”
Theo makes a sound, but I don’t pay attention as I move my hands closer to his belt. I undo his zipper. It barely makes a sound.
Anton lets out a low sound in that back of his throat.
“What was that, boss?” Theo asks.
“Nothing,” Anton snaps.
Theo begins talking about other people he’s collected money from. It’s boring, and I don’t care about it at all. All my focus is on Anton.
And Anton’s pants.
I run my hand down over the spot between his legs. His hips jerk before he collects himself. Even through his pants, I can tell he has an erection. Good.
Taking a deep breath for courage, I stick my hand into his pants and skim my fingers over his penis. His underwear is still in the way.
Anton lets out a hiss.
“Are you sure you’re ok?” Theo asks. “You sound strange.”
“I’m good. Just keep talking.”
I drown out Theo’s response as I stick my hand under Anton’s underwear and pull out his cock. It’s hard in my hand. Hefty. The sight of it turns me on, I’ll admit. That much power in something so … mundane.
Anton tries not to move his hips, but he can’t help it when I run my hand up to the base of his erection and gently squeeze.
A small cough escapes him.
“You sound sick, boss.”
“I’m not fucking sick,” Anton seethes. “Just do your damn job.”
“Sorry.” Theo continues telling him about the other ways he and the rest of Anton’s men have been making Anton more money.
I stare at Anton’s cock with curiosity. Feeling even braver, I bring my hand back into his pants and brush my fingers against one of his balls. To say Anton has a reaction is an understatement.
His hips jerk forward, and he lets out a moan as he grips his desk so tightly his knuckles turn white. So, this is what Anton looks like when he’s losing control.
“You sound like you’re having a seizure or something,” Theo says.
“Stop asking me about myself and focus on your fucking job.”
“Sorry, boss.”
“And stop saying sorry.”
I smile to myself as I scoot closer to his body. This is it. It’s time for me to not be afraid any longer.
I put the tip of his penis into my mouth and lap my tongue around. Anton’s whole body tenses. It’s hilarious seeing him try to control himself and utterly fail.
He tastes interesting. A little salty and yet good at the same time. I run my tongue over his tip and Anton’s hips can barely control themselves.
See? I want to say. Not too easy to stay in control. When Anton went down on me, I thought I would lose my mind. Glad to see I’m not the only one.
Feeling emboldened by Anton’s reaction, I take him deeper into my mouth. Not so deep that I can’t breathe but deep enough to really run my tongue around him and suck.
The second I tug on his erection just slightly is the second Anton seems to lose his mind.
He grabs the back of my head and holds me in place.
But he’s not calling the shots here.
I swat his hand away and move my lips up and down on his cock. Tasting him and feeling him and exploring him. I find his body so fascinating for how different it is from mine. Where I’m all hidden depths, he’s all exposed.
I reach back into his pants and gently touch one of his balls. He inhales sharply and slaps his desk. Watching him try not to lose control is the funniest thing. This is what he gets for making my body go wild.
“Boss, seriously, I think you need to see a doctor. It’s like you’re having a seizure.”
“That’s enough,” he snaps. “Meeting is over.” He shuts the computer off and backs away from his desk.
His length slips out of my mouth, and I stumble forward onto my hands.
“What are you doing?” he growls.
“Having fun with you. Like you have fun with me.”
“I never said you could do that, baby.”
“Am I bad at it?”
“Fuck no. You’re surprisingly good at it. How are you so good at it?” His eyes narrow. “You haven’t done this before, have you?”
“Of course not. You know Dimitri never let me date. I was just following my instincts. Now, do you want me to help you finish or not? It’s your choice.”
Now it’s my turn to see how far Anton is willing to go.
He thinks about it for a moment, staring down at me with a dark, dangerous expression, before he scoots his chair closer to me.
“If you want me to come in your mouth, I’ll let you finish sucking me off.”
It’s another challenge to see how far I’m willing to go.
“Fine. I want you to come in my mouth.” Honestly? I’m not sure if I do. I don’t know exactly how that’s going to happen, but I can’t show fear. Not when I’m so close to making Anton lose just an ounce of his power to me.
“Be careful what you wish for, baby.”
“Are you afraid?” I snap back.
“I’m not afraid.”
“Then get back here.”
With a smirk, he inches his chair closer to me. I place my mouth back onto his cock and swirl my tongue around. Now that he’s not on camera, Anton lets himself lose control.
He groans and grabs the back of my head, shifting his hips around slightly. I notice he holds still for the most part. He doesn’t jam his cock into the back of my throat for which I’m grateful. I know I wouldn’t be able to handle that, and he would win this round between us.
I run my tongue over his tip, making him hiss.
“I’m going to come, baby.” His hold on the back of my head tightens.
My only response is to suck him harder.
And that does it.
He groans as his seed releases and fills my mouth. Naturally, I want to pull away and spit it out, but I remain still and really think about what just happened.
I don’t mind his taste. In fact, I like it.
Anton’s length slips out of my mouth, now flaccid. He raises an eyebrow, waiting to see what I’ll do with his semen in my mouth.
There’s only one choice: I swallow.
He runs his thumb down my cheek and wipes away some of his seed on my lips. I can’t help but blush. “I’m impressed. I didn’t think you had it in you.”
“There’s still a lot you don’t know about me.”
“I’m starting to see that. You do know, Katya, that you just unleashed Pandora’s box, right?”
“What do you mean?”
He bends over, placing his hands on my waist, and picking me up to sit in his lap. “Now that you’ve done that, all bets are off.”
“What are you going to do?” It’s a question I’m afraid to ask but I ask anyway.
“This.” Anton places me on top of his desk and rips my shorts off me. I gasp. “Don’t act so surprised, baby. You knew this was coming.”
I grab his arms and love and hate how strong they feel at the same time. “What if I tell you to stop?”
“Then I’ll stop. Do you want me to stop?”
Another challenge.
When I open my legs wider, Anton’s smirk deepens.
“Good choice.” He rips my panties down and tosses them onto the floor. When his entire palm covers me between my legs, I almost orgasm right there and then. The sensation of Anton’s touch on my body is almost too much.
He rubs his palm over my clit, sending spikes of pleasure through me. I moan and open my legs wider. Anton’s pace is frantic. That’s fine with me. I’m frantic for this, too.
His other hand touches my neck. “You thought you could win one over me?”
“Yes.”
“Not over me, Katya.” He tightens his hand around my throat. It’s not a squeeze. I can still breathe, but there’s a threat there: Don’t think you can win this.
I lean into Anton’s touch as he rubs me harder. I grip his hand around my throat and force him to press down. If he’s going to do this, then do it.
His eyes widen for a second before narrowing. His finger slips down to my entrance. Our eyes meet, neither of us speaking, as I wait for him to make the next move.
He pushes his finger into me. I moan at the sensation as my inner walls clench down around him. His lips part, and his eyes are lust-filled as he thrusts his finger in and out of me. While he does that, the palm of his hand still presses down onto my clit. Every motion of his hand rubs over me.
“Oh,” I gasp, grabbing his forearm. His hand tightens just slightly around my neck. Why do I like this so much? All I know is I want to get lost in Anton.
He rubs me harder and harder until I can’t take it anymore.
My body constricts, and right before his eyes, my release washes over me. My legs clamp around his hand. I need to hold him in place. I need to feel this for just a moment longer.
Anton smirks once my body relaxes on the desk, my legs parting enough for him to remove his hand. He looks me over. “If you’re not careful, I just might fuck you one of these days.”
“What if I want you to?”
“Then there’s no going back once we do. Are you ready for that?”
I’m playing with fire when it comes to Anton.
Without a word, I jump off the desk and slip back on my panties and shorts. “You lost control today,” I remind him. “You’re not as invincible as I once thought you were.”
He only gives me a dark look in response. I leave his office, knowing I got the last word in.
Anton doesn’t put up a fight when I tell him I’m going to see Evie, Ava, and Luna. I make sure to bring a guard with me this time so Luca can’t get to me.
I meet the girls at a café for brunch.
“Katya,” Evie says, hugging me. “How have you been? Dimitri went over to your house, but he didn’t tell me anything. He was really evasive. Why?”
Because I was kidnapped and almost killed, and he probably didn’t want you to worry . I keep all that to myself, though. I realize I’m like my brother—I, too, don’t want Evie to worry.
“There’s nothing to report,” I say, taking a sip of my mimosa. “Dimitri and Anton almost fought because they’re both stupid, but nothing else happened. Maybe Dimitri was embarrassed.”
“Maybe.” Evie eyes me like she knows I’m not telling her the full truth. Damn it. She knows me too well.
“How have things been going for you girls?” I ask to change the subject. “Still punishing your husbands?”
Ava blushes slightly. “I tried to stay mad at Nik, but I failed.”
“Me, too,” Luna admits.
“It’s ok. I don’t blame you. I don’t hate Anton as much as I thought I would.”
“You don’t hate him?” Ava asks, clear surprise in her voice.
“We’ve … been getting along. He’s not as bad as I thought when we first married. Don’t get me wrong, he’s done terrible things. But I don’t mind him now.”
“Have you had sex?” Luna asks bluntly. Since she grew up in a lighthouse without normal social conventions, she doesn’t really get shy about topics like this. “Because I think good sex might make you like Anton more.”
It’s my turn to blush. “Uh, no. We haven’t. Yet. But …”
Evie almost chokes on her bagel. “But what?”
“We’ve done some other stuff. And that’s all I’m going to say, so don’t ask for more.”
Ava shakes her head as she fiddles with her silverware. “I don’t mean to be rude, Katya, I just don’t know how anyone could be comfortable around Anton enough to do … anything with him.”
“Anything sexual, you mean,” Luna clarifies.
“If I remember correctly, Nik literally bought you from your father. How did you end up falling in love with him?”
Ava inclines her head. “Touché.”
“Anton and I aren’t in love. But I’m trying to make the most out of it with him. He’s handsome. He makes me feel … things?”
“Things?” Luna asks.
“Not bad things, you know. And I figure it’s for the best. If I’m going to be stuck with him forever, I might as well start to like him. It would help me if I had all of your support.”
“I just know what Anton did to Nik,” Ava says. “I’m not sure I can ever forgive him for that. I’m sorry, Katya. I want to support you. I want to see you happy. But I just can’t get behind Anton. I can never see him as anything other than a bad man.”
“And that’s fair,” I say, taking a bite of my French toast. “But just don’t judge me for what I have to do to survive.”
Her eyes soften. “I won’t. I promise.”
“I’ll try, too,” Evie says. “I just worry for you, Katya. You’re my best friend. If anything bad happened to you, I’d …”
“You’d what?”
Luca walks by the café window right at that moment. The sight of him brings me right back to that moment with him on his bed while Jack held me down. I can’t breathe.
I bend forward, sticking my head in my hands and trying to focus on inhaling and exhaling.
“Katya?” Evie asks, placing her hand on my back. “What’s going on? Are you choking? Katya!”
I sit back up with a sharp inhale and look out the window.
Luca is gone. There’s no one there. Either he followed me, or he was never there to begin with, and I’m losing my mind.
“What happened?” Ava asks.
“I thought I saw …”
Luna looks at the window and frowns. “Saw who?”
I’m about to say Luca, but if I tell them about Luca, I’ll have to tell them I almost died, and if I do that, they’ll find a way to blame Anton for it, which is the last thing I want.
“Nothing,” I say, taking a sip of water.
Evie crosses her arms and stares me down with a disbelieving expression. “That was not nothing. What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” I say more firmly. “Can you just drop it?”
Evie’s lips part in surprise. Rarely do we snap at each other. In fact, I don’t think we ever have before. “Sorry. Fine. I’ll drop it.”
“Evie,” I sigh. “I’m sorry. I just can’t say, ok? I’m just dealing with something that’s my own issue. Not yours. I don’t want you to have to carry any of my feelings.”
“But that’s what friends are for. If you can’t talk to me, then who can you talk to? And I know you’re keeping something from me. I can help.”
“How can you help?”
“I don’t know since you’re not telling me what the issue is. But what I do know is that whatever it is, you don’t have to go at it alone.”
I’m tempted to tell my friends everything. They’ve all faced hardships before. They know what it’s like to be kidnapped and used for nefarious men’s needs. If anyone would understand, it’s them.
But I can’t tell them. They would find a way to blame Anton or judge me for liking him. I need him on my side more than ever.
“I understand,” I finally say. “But I can’t tell you right now. Maybe one day. Just trust me when I say that I’ll be fine.”
Evie looks me square in the eye as she asks, “Will you be?”
It’s a question I know will haunt me for a long time after.
I’m shocked when Anton tells me we’re going out on a date.
“A date?” I ask.
“Yes, a date. Why do you say it like that?’
“Like what?”
He points at me. “Like that!”
“Anton,” I sigh, placing my hands on my hips. “You’re going to have to explain yourself better.”
“Like you think it’s a bad idea.”
“I don’t think going on a date is a bad idea. In fact, I think it’s a good idea.”
“Oh. Then why did you sound like you didn’t believe me?”
“Because I don’t believe you. Out of all the people in the world, I never thought you’d want to go on a date.”
He sidles up to me, putting his hands on my waist. It only makes me think of when he used his hands on me to bring me to an orgasm. I try not to blush and push the thought away.
“We’re married, Katya. I think it’s a good idea. Don’t you want to go out and have some fun?”
“I think your definition of fun and my definition of fun are two different things.”
He chuckles as he gives me a small peck on the lips. “Your definition of fun. I thought we could go out to eat. Simple. Nothing crazy.”
“Truly?”
“Cross my heart and hope to die.”
“I don’t want you to actually die.”
“See? We’re already on the same page.”
A slow smile forms on my lips. “Fine. A date. But only if you promise not to blow anything up.”
“I won’t. I promise. It will just be you and me and some wine and good conversation.”
“That doesn’t sound like a bad idea.”
“I know. That’s why I thought of it.”
A couple of hours later, I’m in a slinky black dress and heels, ready to go on my first real date with Anton. It’s surreal to me that we’re married, yet we’ve never been on an actual date. That’s how things work in the Bratva; everything is backward.
Anton takes me to an Italian restaurant.
“Seriously?” I ask.
“What? They have good food here.”
I don’t put up a fight as Anton leads me into the restaurant. I’ll admit, it’s beautiful inside. Low, soft lighting. Pretty white tablecloths. Black chairs.
Looking at the menu, it’s clear this place is expensive. Everything is almost a hundred dollars per plate.
“Dimitri never took me to places like this,” I say. “He was worried we’d run into any Italians who wanted to hurt us.”
“Don’t worry. Luca doesn’t own this place.” He pauses. “I checked.”
“So, how many girls have you taken on dates to places like this?”
Anton smiles as he sets his menu down. “Why are you asking me about my past?”
“Because I know nothing about it.”
“I’ve dated before. Well, more like had a couple of flings. Nothing serious. I never brought any women here.”
“Oh, so I’m special.”
His eyes darken. “You’re very special.”
“That she is,” a man says right next to us. When I turn to look, I realize I’m looking right into the eyes of Luca Moretti, himself.