Chapter 1
Smith
"Son thanks for coming home for Thanksgiving. It really means a lot to Kimberly and I." My father's voice comes through the speaker of my phone as I listen to the voicemail he left. Letting out a long breath, Kimberly …We we're friends in college and then casually dating. I would take her with me to have dinner with my dad, not because we were serious no, it was to have her as a buffer between us, it was needed especially after my mom died. When it became obvious that she was more into my dad then me, I cut her lose. I didn't need her to cause any more problems between my dad and I, nor did I need her as a distraction either.
Didn't think I would ever see her again, especially not as my dad's new girlfriend. I have nothing against her, she's a nice person and seems to be really into my dad. After seeing them as a couple on Thanksgiving I can see that they actually do love each other. She's not trying to get anything out of him, but it's hard to be around them.
A shiver runs down my spine, as my lip curls in disgust. Not only is he my dad but fuck he's like twenty years older than her too. Now she's pregnant and I'm going to have a sibling who my dad might not even see into adult hood. The whole thing is bizarre to me. Finally tuning back into the voicemail…"Well anyways I love you and hope to see you at Christmas."
Yeah that's not happening.
Hitting the end button on my phone, I throw it into my locker. There is no way I'm going to put myself through that again so quickly. I'll just need to find something else to do, so I can give him an excuse.
"Hey man you, okay? You've been off lately. And I don't just mean hockey." A deep voice interrupts my thoughts from behind me when, a voice I know really well. I look up to see my teammate and best friend Steve Robins staring at me with a look of concern. Shrugging him off and not really wanting to explain everything, I reply, "I'm good."
He knows mostly what's been going on, I still wince as I close the door to my locker. Standing up I adjust the towel around my waist, I go to shower when his words stop me.
"Smith it's obvious you're not. Not only have you been more of a grumpy asshole, and your game is taking a beating. People are starting to notice."
He's not wrong. I've been missing shots left and right lately. Coach was on my ass just yesterday telling me I needed to get my head out of my ass. Everytime I go up to take the shot my heart kicks up and my vision starts to swim, I don't even want to take the shot. So I pass to the rookie on the team, and he gets it in like fifty percent of the time. But that doesn't mean I want him to point it out.
"Steve. I said I'm fine." I say with a sharp tone.
He narrows his eyes at me, puffing out his chest his voice raises a bit, and he doesn't hold back. "Man, you're not fine. Anyone with eyes can see it. If you don't get your shit together than who knows what might happen."
My shoulders sag a bit because he's right about it. I need to figure out how to get my shit together. Obviously just shoving it down deep and throwing myself into hockey isn't working anymore. I'm just stuck. "Sorry man. It's always rough this time of year with my mom, and you now with my dad I guess it's affecting me more than I thought. I take a deep breath as I let it out, I finish, "Life is just not what I thought it would be, I thought it would be different."
Steve stands up his hand going to the towel around his waist holding it in place. "I hear you, brother. Let's go get a beer and food from the Rowdy Saloon?"
"Won't Kayla be expecting you?"
"Nah. She's out of town for work."
"Alright. Let me finish getting ready."
"Sounds good. I'll meet you out here."
Nodding I head toward the shower, knowing that once we go to dinner, he's going to be having me spilling everything. Steve has been my best friend since we we're kids. His family has always been there for me. I first met him at our local recreation hockey team, back at Rose Valley. Later I found out he was in my fifth-grade class, making us inseparable ever since.
After high school his family moved away but it didn't impact our friendship since we signed to our college team together. Life would not be the same if it wasn't for him. especially after my mom died. We would stay behind after practice, getting drills in, making sure that we both became the best hockey players we could be.
I know if my mom was alive today, she would be proud of both of us. The terrible duo, she used to call us. It all paid off because now I'm a winger for the Lone Star Blades and he's the goalie, both of us living our dreams.
Beyond hockey though he seems to have gotten it right. Two years into college he met the love of his life and after a few ups and downs there now living out their life plans together. A year into the pros they got married and I stood as his best man at their wedding, now he's about to be a dad and it blows my mind. That the guy who used to walk around with his shirt off and a beer cap strapped to his head, burping the alphabet, is about to have a whole person he is responsible for. Better him than me.
I don't want to be a dad anytime soon or maybe never. Having the responsibility of a parent just seems soul crushing.
It only takes me fifteen minutes to shower up and get dressed. Grabbing my hockey bag from my locker I head to the parking lot. Opening the door I jump into my F-150, taking a deep breath I start it up.
Time to get this therapy session over. I just hope it helps me get out of this rut I seem to be in.