Chapter Four
Esther
The weather in Spruce Hill was too fickle to rely on steady business all year around, so winter’s impending arrival heralded my slow season for the truck.
Fortunately, the little town loved to host community celebrations, so I’d have the two events I mentioned to Theo before settling down to supply allergy-friendly baked goods for individual orders and a couple local restaurants to get me through the winter.
Two days had passed since our dinner together and I hadn’t run into him again, though I might have creepily watched through a crack in the curtains as he replaced the railing on his parents’ deck the day before.
In battered jeans and a red flannel shirt, he looked like the world’s hottest handyman. It was almost enough to make me regret my decision to avoid romance for the foreseeable future.
Maybe I’d been alone for too long. That was the only logical explanation for this interest in Theo Silver. No matter how enthusiastically his mother talked him up, he was leaving town again when his parents came back. My life definitely did not need that kind of complication.
My husband had died nearly four years ago and, while I couldn’t claim to mourn him, I still had no desire to throw myself back into the hell of dating.
In fact, that was why I’d taken Anita up on her offer of renting the guest house only a few months after his death, to give myself some space from well-meaning friends and neighbors who thought I just needed a little nudge back into the world.
At the time, that was the last thing I’d needed. Now? I wasn’t so sure.
My gaze settled on the windows at the side of the room. It was a gray November day, dreary and depressing. At that point, it suited my mood perfectly.
Why had I let Theo get to me? For a while, I’d done so well, deflecting his comments, rolling with the punches.
Then he’d gone from smiling at me like he’d never met anyone so delightful to looking like I’d just drop-kicked Toni into traffic.
It was enough to send me reeling off balance, and I hadn’t managed to regain my equilibrium yet.
Steve’s colossal mood swings had left scars on my psyche. They might have faded, but they weren’t gone.
The temptation to talk to him, to actually connect with someone for the first time in so long, had been overwhelming. And he seemed like he needed that connection just as badly, but then he shut down.
I’d always considered myself immune to charm, at least since the first time Steve’s practiced smile melted into red-faced rage.
Theo’s handsome features were a point against him, really, but he was rugged where Steve had been slick, good-natured and self-deprecating instead of smooth.
The honesty in his words, even if he was prone to putting his foot in his mouth, struck a chord deep inside me.
It was disconcerting in the extreme. With nothing else to distract me from thinking about my dinner with Theo, I did something I hadn’t done in years.
I called my friend Sofia.
She answered before the end of the first ring. “Esther! How’s it going?”
“Hey, Sof. Things are good, how have you been?”
One of my favorite things about her was that she never hesitated to take the lead. No matter how awkward I was, she could carry a conversation forward at dizzying speeds. Instead of making me feel worse, it somehow served to bolster me until I was ready to contribute something of value.
As soon as she paused for a breath, I said, “Do you want to get coffee sometime?”
“Are you kidding? Of course I do! I’m free tomorrow morning, if you can do early? I took the morning off for a doctor’s appointment at eleven.”
“Yeah, early works. Eight? Nine?”
“Nine, Cafe Aroma?”
I grinned, remembering all our college study sessions at the little coffee shop on Main Street. “Yes, that’s perfect.”
“Good. I’m so glad you called,” she said softly.
My heart constricted in my chest. “Me too.”
“I have to run, Chase is making dinner. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
When I ended the call, some of the nerves had settled, but I still felt like I’d stuck my finger in an electrical outlet.
In the morning, as I got ready to meet up with Sofia, I studied my reflection for several long moments, trying to remember the last time I’d gone out with a friend.
Looking back, it was easy to see how Steve had isolated me, but even after his death, I’d made excuses, kept to myself.
Anita hadn’t allowed me to retreat completely into my own little world, but I had tried.
Oh, how I tried.
Sofia was already seated at a little table in the corner of the cafe when I arrived. While I wasn’t much of a hugger, she pulled me immediately into an embrace tight enough to force the air from my lungs.
“God, you look amazing, honey! It’s been too long,” she gushed.
Shockingly, it felt as natural as breathing to simply fall back into my friendship with Sofia. We’d bonded during freshman year of college, long before Steve came into my life, and Sofia had been my closest friend. One of my biggest regrets was letting the bastard drive a wedge between us.
It took approximately three minutes before she asked, “So, have you met Theo yet?”
I wrinkled my nose. “I have, yes.”
“And? God, isn’t he just gorgeous? Ollie would’ve skinned me alive if I ever said anything, but I had the biggest crush on him when we were kids.
I’m telling you, when he came to the wedding, I was sorely tempted to call it off and beg him to take Chase’s place,” Sofia said, propping her chin on her hand and gazing dreamily into the distance.
At that, I fought back a flinch—I’d missed the wedding because Steve had planned an important dinner for investors that night, probably just so he could keep me from being Sofia’s maid of honor.
It still hurt to think of everything else I had missed.
“You were not,” I scolded gently, forcing myself to stay in the present. “You love that man to distraction.”
She winked. “Okay, but admit it—Theo is a mighty fine specimen.”
For a moment, I simply glared at my friend, but finally I caved. “Yeah, fine, he’s beautiful. He’s not for me.”
The smile dropped from her face and she leaned forward. “I’m sorry, Esther, I swear I wasn’t trying to pressure you. No harm in having a nice view out your window though, right? I’ll drop it, I’m sorry.”
“Sof, really, it’s okay. He is definitely nice to look at,” I said, smirking from behind my coffee mug so she would stop looking so serious. “He was fixing something on the back deck the other day and looked like he stepped right out of a hot handyman calendar.”
She laughed and raised her own mug in salute. “To eye candy!”
By silent mutual accord, we steered the conversation away from Theo and back toward safer subjects.
I contributed as much as I could, but Sofia had always seemed to understand that I was more of a listener, content to let her regale me with stories about her students, her husband, and her boisterous but intensely loving family.
It made me feel less alone, just hearing about that kind of life.
Eventually, though, she tilted her head and asked, “Are you going to be alone for Thanksgiving? And Christmas?”
“Sofia…”
Holding up her hands to ward off an argument, she said, “I’m just asking, but you know you’re welcome to join us. I hate the thought of you all by yourself for the holidays.”
I sipped my coffee as I considered my response.
“It’s okay. Anita always invited me to have dinner with her and the family, but I’d rather be alone.
This year, I’m planning to spend the weekend curled up on my couch reading romance novels and catching up on my Netflix queue.
I’ll be fine, trust me. I do appreciate the invitation, though. ”
“Well, if you change your mind, just let me know. You know my mother won’t have a problem with a last minute addition.
” Sofia dropped her gaze and pursed her lips, making me immediately suspicious, then added, “But I guess Theo might be alone for the holidays too, since he doesn’t speak to his brother. ”
That little tidbit was news to me, but I scrunched my nose at her anyway. “You’re terrible.”
She just shrugged, grinning. “Thought I’d mention it, that’s all. You’re both like family to me and I don’t want either of you to be sad this season. You deserve happiness, honey. You’ve been alone a long time.”
I tapped a finger against the tabletop. “I know. I’m not sure I’m ready for more just yet.”
“It doesn’t have to be serious,” she said slyly. “You could have a no-strings affair for a few weeks, kiss him goodbye, and probably never see him again. He avoids this town like the plague.”
Though my brain tripped over the affair part of that, I forced myself to focus on the final sentence. “Why does he avoid it? His whole family still lives here, right?”
She was quiet for a minute. “There were a lot of rumors flying around at the time. Theo’s brother, Alex, is only fifteen months younger than Theo, and I think…I think it was an argument over Theo’s girlfriend at the time. Alex and Michelle were in the same grade.”
“Oh, shit,” I whispered.
“They fought, Alex and Theo. Physically. There was an accident at the lighthouse, Michelle died, and her family moved away the same summer when Theo left.”
“She died?” That wasn’t at all what I’d expected.
“Yes. Ollie insisted it wasn’t Theo’s fault, but that’s all he would say about it. The gossip was awful for a while. Ollie made me swear not to get involved in any of it and not to say anything if anyone asked.”
I frowned, knowing just how vicious Spruce Hill rumors could be. I’d spent the last few years fighting my way past my share of them, everything from gold-digger to murderer. This town was as creative as it was curious, and once you became a curiosity, it was hard to shrug off that mantle.
Hell, I was fairly certain a portion of my customers still only came to the truck to see if they could glean any new information from my existence.