Chapter 13
Chapter Thirteen
Theo
Putting my foot in my mouth was not a new phenomenon for me.
I’d experienced plenty of awkward moments over it, but never before had I been so terrified that I might’ve permanently ruined something beautiful.
I spent the night tossing and turning, wishing I’d managed to stop myself before bringing up her asshole husband.
By morning, I’d resolved to apologize again and pray she’d forgive me. I decided to wait until after lunch, hoping that giving her time would help my case, but I picked up my phone half a dozen times to text her before tossing it aside when I thought better of it.
Just before I set it down again, the phone rang, startling me out of my skin.
The hope that it was Esther died as I saw my mother’s picture on the screen. “Hey, Mom,” I said as I answered the call, rubbing my forehead with my other hand.
“Hi honey, just checking in. How’s everything going?”
“I haven’t destroyed the house or thrown any keggers yet, but there’s still time. How are you and Dad? How’s Nana doing?” I asked.
“Oh, we’re fine. Everyone’s enjoying the sunshine. Nana starts PT tomorrow. How are you and Toni getting along?”
“Just fine. She says she misses you—no, wait, I misinterpreted. She says she’s going to kill me in my sleep.”
My mother laughed. “And how are you and Esther getting along?”
My eyes narrowed as I glanced down at my phone. “You know, I’m beginning to suspect you meant for me to think she was some doddering old lady when you asked me to come keep an eye on her. I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t appreciate being treated like she’s helpless.”
“No,” Mom agreed readily enough, “she would not. I certainly hope you haven’t been treating her that way.”
“Fortunately, I was raised better than that. We’re getting along just fine, too.”
There was a beat of silence where I was certain my mother was picking apart every nuance of that sentence, but then a knock at the door sent my spirits rising.
“Someone’s here, I better go. Take care, Mom. Give my love to everyone.”
“Love you, honey. Tell Esther I said hello!”
The call ended before I could decipher if she thought it was Esther at the door or if she meant it more generally.
Sure enough, though, there stood the woman in question when I threw open the side door, looking achingly sweet and holding a pie plate in her hands. The pale gray of her sweater morphed her eyes into huge silver disks, blinking up at me like she’d forgotten what she was going to say.
“Esther, hey. Come in, it’s freezing out there.”
I held open the door for her to step past me and watched as she steadied herself, then turned to offer me the plate. It looked like some kind of pink pie with a chocolate crust and pieces of candy cane crumbled across the top.
“It’s peppermint cheesecake,” she said in a rush. “I just…look, I’m really sorry I flipped out on you.”
My mouth dropped open for a second. “Esther, Jesus, I’m the one who’s sorry. I’ve been wracking my brain trying to figure out how to apologize for being such an asshole. Sometimes my mouth starts going before my brain catches up.”
One shoulder lifted and fell. “It’s okay, really. You were trying to protect me. I overreacted.”
“I shouldn’t have brought up the one subject you asked me not to. Now that we’ve established our mutual regret and forgiveness, please tell me you’ll stay and enjoy some of this with me?” I ventured hopefully.
With a soft, shy smile, Esther nodded. “I will, sure.”
“Come on. This looks amazing.”
As she followed me into the kitchen, she said, “You didn’t drop off flowers earlier, did you?”
I paused, brows drawn down in confusion. “No, I didn’t. Someone sent you flowers?”
“Maybe? They were outside my door, no card. I don’t know who they came from, but the smell is a little overwhelming. Since they’re not from you, I can safely tell you I hate lilies.”
“Who do you think sent them?” I asked, rubbing my hand over my beard. It was stupid to feel a quick flash of jealousy at the thought of some secret admirer making a move on Esther, but I couldn’t quite control the instinctive reaction.
“I don’t know. Nobody who knows me would send flowers, because I hate them, but sometimes customers give me little things as a thank you.”
“I assume chocolates are probably a no go with your allergies, and so are flowers. Noted.”
I didn’t like the idea of someone else sending her gifts like that—it annoyed me in a way I couldn’t deny, but she didn’t seem overly concerned about it, so I tried to let it go.
Maybe Sofia had dropped them off for her, maybe my mother was meddling yet again—but if they were close enough to know she wouldn’t like receiving a bouquet, why would either of them send it?
Sleazy Tyler and his bolo tie flashed through my mind, along with his comment about making a move, but why bother if he wasn’t going to include a note to take credit for it?
I shook off my unease and sliced into the cheesecake, serving it up onto my mother’s favorite little plates, the ones covered in flowers and edged with gold.
Instead of sitting at the table, though, I nodded my head toward the family room where I’d been spending most of my time.
I didn’t want the dining table between us, not when she was clearly willing to breach the chasm of last night’s disaster.
Esther curled up at one end of the plush sofa, tucking her feet underneath her so she was angled toward me. I caught a glimpse of her fuzzy pink socks and my lips twitched.
“What?” she asked primly. “I like cozy fabrics, is that a crime?”
“No,” I replied, thinking about just how much I’d like to cozy up to her. Everything about her today looked soft and welcoming.
From the way her gaze jerked to my face, I suspected my tone conveyed that more clearly than I’d intended, but she bit her lip to hide a smile.
I wondered what exactly was going on in that beautiful head of hers.
She dropped her eyes to her plate and I watched as she placed a delicate bite of the pink cheesecake between her lips.
Holy hell, I thought with an inward groan. I shifted subtly in my seat and dug into my cheesecake as a distraction.
“Holy hell,” I muttered aloud this time, shoving another hunk into my mouth. “Is there no end to your talent?”
She laughed. “I’m glad you like it. I wasn’t quite sure what to make.”
“This is phenomenal, so you picked a winner.”
The room settled into silence as we finished off the cheesecake, but I gestured for her to stay put while I put our plates in the sink.
When I came back into the family room, Esther was just as I’d left her, aside from resting her head against the cushioned back of the couch.
She smiled at me as I resumed my seat, but it faded quickly as her brow furrowed.
“I’m sorry,” I said again, grimacing. “I broke one of our only rules last night.”
“Actually, I wanted to ask you about something. An amendment to the rules. Or a couple of amendments, maybe.”
My eyes widened. “Anything. I feel like I owe you after last night.”
“You don’t owe me anything, so please don’t let that influence your answer. I need you to be honest.”
“Of course,” I agreed easily, leaning toward her.
“I think making our pasts off-limits might be a mistake. Not that I need you to spill all your secrets or anything, but I guess we probably shouldn’t tiptoe around the things that have affected us like that.”
I swallowed my immediate panicked reaction, forced myself to take a second, then nodded. “I think that’s fair.”
“Right, okay.”
“What else?”
She sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I wondered if you might be interested in…not…fake dating.”
I blinked in confusion. “Meaning you don’t want to do this anymore?”
“No,” she protested quickly. “I mean I—I want more than just fake dates.”
Startled by a crashing wave of desire at her words, I stared for a moment before I could summon the powers of speech. “You want to actually date me?”
Though she flushed with embarrassment, she said, “No. I mean, sort of. We can keep up the fake dating, but I want more.”
There was that word again, stoking a fire in my chest. I studied her expression, traced the wash of pink coloring her cheeks as I wondered if she felt it too. “More?”
“I want you to sleep with me,” she said in a rush. “If you’re interested, I mean.”
“You…what?”
My brain tripped over a series of images—beautiful, glorious, tempting images of things I’d tried not to let myself think about. Esther in my bed, all bare skin and soft curves, that dark hair spilling across the pillows. Feeling her. Tasting her. Making her mine, even temporarily.
Every muscle of my body clenched in reaction.
“Nothing, forget it.” She jumped to her feet, but I caught her at the waist before she could run past me.
“No, it’s not nothing. Not even close to nothing. You want to add sex to the agenda, is that what you mean?” I searched her expression, afraid I’d find reluctance or trepidation, but she bit her lip against a shy, breathtaking smile.
“Yes,” she whispered.
My fingers flexed, pressing in against the softness of her hips. Every inch of my body perked up at the word, my pulse jumping into overdrive. It felt too good to be true, like there must be some hidden catch. The need to confirm what she wanted overwhelmed me.
“Esther.” Her name sounded like a prayer on my lips. “You want me to fuck you?”
The bald honesty of the words made her breath come faster, her pupils dilating until only a ring of silvery-green surrounded them. That tantalizing blush in her cheeks crept across her chest until it shadowed the neckline of her soft sweater.
“Yes.” It was barely audible, but her body shifted incrementally closer until she was standing between my knees.
“You want me to make you feel good.” My hands slid down until my pinkies swept over the lush curve of her ass. At her nod, I grinned. “Because believe me, Esther, I am completely on board with that.”
“You are?”
“Are you kidding me? Why wouldn’t I be? You’re incredible. Beautiful and intelligent and strong,” I replied, brushing my thumbs back and forth along her hip bones.
“No strings,” she said, still sounding a little breathless. “Just sex.”
An icicle of doubt pierced through the haze of desire. “This isn’t because you feel bad about last night, right?”
“Jesus, no.” The protest was immediate and firm—and exactly what I needed to hear.
“Okay, good, because you don’t need to feel guilty. You’re sure about this?”
Esther nodded again. Those soft pink lips parted as my gaze zeroed in on her mouth. When a tremor ran through her, I tugged her down onto my lap, lifted one hand to cup her cheek, and traced my thumb along the curve of her lower lip.
“It’s been a long time for you?” I asked.
“Years.” A soft puff of breath grazed my thumb as she spoke.
I didn’t like the thought of her going without for so long, but after our conversation last night, I couldn’t blame her for it, either. Determination to make this arrangement benefit her as much as it did me crashed through my chest.
Still stroking her lip, I said, “I suspect you’re a very different woman than you were all those years ago. Tell me what you want from this. How do you see this going?”
“It stays casual. This is just our current arrangement plus sex.”
“Right, okay. No catching feelings,” I agreed.
That was an easy one. I liked Esther, respected her, certainly desired her—but I didn’t do long-term relationships, even if we had lived in the same state.
No attachments meant no pain.
She tilted her head, considering. “At the end, we part ways amicably. I don’t want things to be awkward with your parents.”
“Agreed. I had no intention of sharing details with them, anyway.”
The thought that my mother had a hand in this was a little unsettling, but I doubted she’d anticipated anything blatantly sexual between us. She obviously knew I was approaching forty and hadn’t introduced her to a girlfriend since high school, but we didn’t discuss it.
Not now, not in the years since I left Spruce Hill. Not since the early days after the accident.
Esther bit her lip. “No sleepovers. For now, at least. I’m used to being on my own.”
“We can take that part slow and reassess if you want to. Anything else?”
A shuddering sigh coasted over her lips before she said, “I want to feel free again. Like there’s no dead husband weighing me down, no whispers or rumors or nosy townsfolk keeping tabs on me.”
“I’ll do everything in my power to shield you from that. Even from our friends. Do you trust me?”
“I think so,” she whispered.
“Good. The only rule I want to add is that you come first in this.” A choked laugh escaped her at my phrasing and I grinned, shaking my head. “Yeah, literally and figuratively. Anything you’re not comfortable with, anything that doesn’t work for you, I want to know so I can change it.”
“Yeah. Okay. Definitely.” The words tumbled from her lips and I bit back a smile.
“Good. Now, I haven’t eaten anything with any nuts since we talked about it. I wasn’t assuming anything was going to happen, I just wanted to keep you safe.”
Surprise and pleasure flooded her features as she slid her hand around to the back of my neck. “That’s good. I think you should shut up and kiss me, then, if that’s all right with you.”
“Christ, yes,” I muttered, and I cradled her jaw as I dropped my mouth to hers.
If her desserts were delicious, then her lips were beyond anything I’d ever tasted.
A faint tang of peppermint graced her tongue as she opened to me, hints of sweetness lingering along the curve of her bottom lip.
I hadn’t let myself envision what it would be like to kiss Esther, but now that I knew, I couldn’t imagine wanting to do anything else ever again.
A low sound purred from her throat as she shifted, tugging me over her as she reclined against the arm of the sofa. When the planes of my chest met the welcoming softness of her belly and breasts, I groaned quietly, drawing back just enough to kiss a path along her jaw.
“Is this what you want?” I murmured as my teeth grazed her earlobe. “We’re not moving too fast?”
She scoffed, arching to offer me more room to tease my lips along her throat. “It’s been a long, long time for me. I think you’re underestimating just how much I need this.”
“Oh?” I lifted my head to look down at her. Her lips were plump and rosy, her eyes slightly glazed but still blazing up at me with such desire that my heart jolted in my chest. “Christ, do you have any idea what you’re doing to me?”
“Not really, no. But if it’s half of what you’re doing to me, you must be getting pretty desperate,” she replied, then she tangled her fingers in my hair and pulled my mouth back to hers.
She was absolutely right.