Chapter Thirty
Esther
Theo was a bundle of nerves in the days that followed.
I couldn’t quite parse whether he was worried about this client meeting, afraid of flying, or just that reluctant to be apart again, but I was too busy to reflect on it in any great depth.
Event prep was soon underway and if letting Theo pour his nervous energy into rolling out allergy-friendly Christmas cookies was all I could do to keep his mind off things, so be it.
Despite my offer to drive him to the airport, he saw the chaos of my kitchen on Thursday morning and steadfastly refused.
“You have work to do,” he insisted, “and this way I can haul ass back here when I fly home Saturday morning to help you get the truck loaded.”
“Theo, listen to me. If your flight is delayed or you need to stay longer, I swear to you that I will be fine. You can repay me in orgasms after you get home if you’re feeling guilty, but I can manage the Carolcade alone if I have to. Do what you need to do. It will all be fine.”
He looked unconvinced, but after I set out the final batch of cookies to cool, I took his hand and led him to the bedroom to get his mind off his imminent departure.
This time felt different somehow, like he was desperate to memorize every inch of me, to make sure I memorized the feel of him, the heat and the strength and the reverence of his touch.
When he finally needed to leave for the airport, I kissed him goodbye, told him to text me when he landed, and calmly accepted the way he fussed over me, reminding me to lock the doors and check the cameras and keep my phone with me at all times.
Finally, I shoved him out the door, blew one last kiss, and made sure he heard me throwing the deadbolt.
Once he was gone, my tiny, cozy house felt cavernously empty.
I kept myself busy until Theo’s text came through several hours later, but I was determined not to turn clingy just because he was away. Instead, I thanked him for letting me know, wished him sweet dreams, and tucked my phone back into my pocket.
We hadn’t slept apart since that very first night, so after feeding Toni her dinner and spending half an hour placating her with pets on the couch, I crawled into my own bed and stared up at the ceiling for a long time before finally falling asleep.
Though I’d expected Friday to crawl by in his absence, I was so busy decorating cookies and finishing up more batches of the most popular cupcake flavors from the tree lighting ceremony that the hours flew past. I took a mid-morning break to spend time with Toni, who was sweet as pie around me, so I sent Theo a photo of the fluffy ginger cat curled up on my chest with her head tucked under my chin.
What I would give to trade places with that rotten feline right now, he replied.
I scratched her cheeks and texted back, Starting to think you cut your arm on something else that day you said she clawed you. Look at this sweetheart, she wouldn’t hurt a fly.
When his response appeared, I laughed aloud and startled her into leaping off of me. Pretty sure my mom invoked a demon and faked the shelter’s adoption paperwork.
Without the cat to keep me there, I threw my coat back on to return to the guest house, still grinning when I stepped outside. The grin fell away when I ran smack-dab into Alex, standing in the driveway.
“Shit!” I gasped. My phone slipped out of my hand and into the few inches of snow that had accumulated on the concrete that morning.
“I’m sorry,” he said quickly, crouching down to grab the phone. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I heard Theo was away and came to take care of the driveway for you. It’s supposed to keep snowing through tonight, so I’ll swing back later and again tomorrow morning.”
I glanced behind him and saw his truck with a red plow attached. My heart still threatened to beat straight out of my chest, but I managed a tight smile. “Right. That’d be great, thank you.”
Before that moment, I’d thought of Alex as a smoother, slimmer version of Theo.
He’d always been quick with a charming smile, but today he looked as flustered as I felt, nervously running a hand through his hair.
I wasn’t thinking about the accident from his youth or the fact that he and Theo still hated each other when I spoke again.
“Alex, are you okay?”
His gaze shot to my face like that simple question was the last thing he’d expected to hear. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
“If you say so.”
A rueful grin tugged at his lips. “Careful, though, the driveway is icy underneath the snow.”
I nodded, started toward the guest house, and immediately slipped. Alex caught me under the elbow before I could go down and I found myself staring straight into his eyes.
Theo’s might have ghosts lingering at the edges, but Alex looked downright haunted. My heart broke for him, for both of them.
“Let me help you to the door. I’ll salt after I clear the snow,” he said, his grip firm but gentle on my arm.
“Very chivalrous of you. I’ve had my share of spills on icy pavement over the years.”
“Not on my watch,” he assured me.
We fell silent in the remaining few yards to my door, but when I glanced up to thank him, he was biting his lip like he wanted to say something.
“What is it?”
For a moment, he hesitated, then he said, “I just don’t want to see you hurt. I know that’s stupid, it’s just…Theo is quick to run away. He’s hurt my parents enough already, and if he breaks your heart, it’ll hurt them even more. They think the world of you.”
I stared at him blankly while my brain processed all of that. “I appreciate your concern, but I’ll be okay, Alex. I know he’s leaving.”
“He told you why he went away, didn’t he?
” he asked, reading my expression as accurately as his other family members could.
When I nodded, he scrubbed a hand over his face.
“I know it was my fault. All of it, start to finish, it was on me, not him. But he didn’t have to abandon them like that. They’re not getting any younger.”
“This feels like a conversation the two of you should be having,” I said gently.
A harsh laugh broke from him. “He won’t even speak to me, Esther. It’s fine. I don’t expect his forgiveness. I never meant to hurt anyone, though. You don’t need to be afraid of me.”
Startled, I repeated, “Afraid of you? I’m not afraid of you.”
“Esther, every time I’m near you, you flinch. I thought for a long time it was because you knew about what happened back then. If that wasn’t why, then what is it about me that you hate?”
This seemed like a bizarre conversation to be having as we stood outside in the falling snow, but he looked truly upset about the fact I hadn’t warmed up to him in the years I’d been living outside of his parents’ home. I drew a deep breath as I thought back to all of our past interactions.
“You’re charming,” I said simply.
He blinked at me with eyes so like Theo’s and yet so different. “Charming.”
I wasn’t about to bare my soul to him, even if he looked like a lost puppy at the moment, so I just nodded. With his dark brows drawn down, he studied me, then his expression cleared.
“Like Steve,” he said.
“God, you Silvers,” I muttered under my breath. “You’re all so freaking perceptive.”
To my surprise, Alex laughed, and the resemblance between the brothers was clearer than ever. “So it wasn’t personal.”
“No. It was never personal,” I confirmed.
A shy smile lifted his lips as he took a step back. “Okay. That’s good. Go on inside, get out of the cold. I’ll take care of the driveway, make sure you can get out tomorrow for the Carolcade. And Esther?”
“Yes, Alex?”
His smile widened ever so slightly. “Thank you.”
I gave a tiny wave before hurrying back into the guest house and locking the door behind me.
Briefly, I wondered what the chances were that Theo and his brother would have a heart to heart before he left town again.
Alex wasn’t at all what I’d thought him to be; it seemed like maybe he wasn’t what Theo thought, either.
Before long, I was caught up in baking and frosting, dancing around the kitchen and printing out labels.
I hadn’t even realized that dinner time had rolled around until a text from Theo appeared, letting me know that the meeting went well and the contract was signed.
With no one there to hear me, I cheered aloud, congratulated him, and told him to go out and celebrate tonight.
My own celebration was more mundane, involving a plate of cookies and a glass of wine while I curled up to watch another holiday rom-com, but I was truly happy for Theo.
And if there was the faintest twinge of sadness at the edges of my consciousness, I steadfastly ignored that.
It was good that his business was thriving, good that he was finding success.
At least if he was dreading his return to North Carolina as much as I was, he’d have something to keep him busy when he got back.
As Alex predicted, the snow continued straight through the night and well into Saturday.
Normally, I’d rejoice in the magic of the first real accumulation of the year.
I could hear kids yelling down the street, throwing snowballs and building snowmen.
The hill behind the middle school would be teeming with sleds while parents sipped at hot drinks in travel mugs.
Instead, I stared down at my phone, wondering what to say. Theo’s flight home had been canceled due to the weather and he was trying desperately to find a new one.
In the end, I just texted back that it was fine, the driveway was plowed, and I’d manage on my own tonight at the Carolcade.
I didn’t tell him it was Alex who’d returned multiple times since our run-in yesterday to clear the driveway, and I definitely didn’t mention that Alex had shoveled a wide path from my doorstep leading straight to the truck.
Or that I’d offered him a cup of coffee as a thank you. Alex had turned it down anyway, but he had accepted a cutout cookie in payment.