Twenty-Two
Amber
So many raw emotions were pumping through my head as Max carried me into the house.
We immediately went to the kitchen to free the staff.
As Teresa fixed up Dexter’s head wound, Marcel handed out bottled water. My throat was so dry, I could hardly talk.
Max left us briefly so he could fetch some stuff he’d left in his car and when he walked back into the kitchen he was messaging on his phone. He also held the bag with the ten thousand pounds in it which he handed over. I could then put it back in Daddy’s safe. Zander would have left the money in the car when Max crashed into us. We were lucky that the mafia hadn’t taken it considering Zander had told them about it.
So, the story was going to be that it was an attempted burglary.
Max then took charge, explaining what had happened, or the version we were all expected to stick to. There were to be no police involved and no one was to contact my father until Max had spoken to him.
Just before Max and I went upstairs to get cleaned up, he instructed Dexter to contact a local salvage company to remove the vehicles in the yard. After which, Marcel was instructed to drive Dexter to a local A and E.
Teresa was shaken up so much that I told her to go to her sisters for a few days. Luckily our other members of staff were not working that day.
New locks would also be required on the door but that suited our story.
As Max led me upstairs, I retrieved my bag from the floor in the lobby where Zander had thrown it. Luckily my phone was fine and all my stuff was still in it .
When we got to my bedroom, Max tugged me into his arms and held me close but I felt numb.
Zander was dead. Max had almost been killed, my staff had been terrified and Dexter had been injured. I didn’t give a shit that the limo was a write-off.
A man had been shot at my house.
And it was all my fault.
Guilt continued to swim around my stomach. That fuck up that I had made so many years ago by trusting the wrong man had come back to bite me; big time.
Would it ever be over?
Yes. Zander was dead.
That same sentence kept replaying in my thoughts.
Because of you.
“Stop it,” Max suddenly said as he drew back and looked down at me. “I won’t tolerate it, Amber.” I usually welcomed his bossy side but the remorse I felt continued to churn through my insides. “He isn’t worth it.”
“I can’t help it,” I replied sadly. I knew he could read my thoughts. Max Hunter saw through all my bullshit. With him, I could no longer hide.
Part of me wanted to give this man my all but that other part was terrified of letting go.
“It’s over,” Max said, smoothing my hair back from my face. “And you are not to blame yourself.”
“How can I not blame myself? A man is dead because of me,” I said, feeling the threat of tears. It was a strange feeling as I hardly ever cried. I hadn’t in years.
“No, a man is dead because he made some bad choices.”
“He wouldn’t have shot me, he said he loved me.”
“He was a sick fuck, Amber. He held a gun to your head for Christ’s sake.” His words brought it all back, he was right .
“Do you think he would have shot me?” I asked, my eyes wide as I searched his features. His beautiful face was black and blue with bruises and his lip was cut.
He looks like that because of you.
Max kissed the tip of my nose before drawing back. His expression was now serious.
“I honestly don’t know.”
My shoulders drooped and I felt sickness claw through my stomach.
“Do you think he ever loved me?”
This question caused Max to dash a hand across his face in frustration but he responded softly. Not wishing to upset me further, he was such a caring man. How had I not seen that in the beginning?
“Yes. In his own, perverse way, I imagined he did. But the man was unhinged.”
A long silence stretched between us before Max tugged me into his arms again and stroked my hair. I sunk against him, revelling in his strength.
Safe. You are safe now. Those words spoken by that counsellor were now true.
Alexander Harker is dead. And so is the past.
Max turned me gently in his arms and gave me a push towards my bathroom.
“I’m going to run you a bath. I’ll take a shower. Then you should try and get some rest. You look tired,” Max suggested from behind me.
I turned to face him, shaking my head. “No, I couldn’t sleep now. I’m too anxious.”
“And I understand that but you don’t need to be now, Amber. It’s over. And you’re going to move past it.”
Not we’re going to move past it. A jet of fear fizzled through me.
You’re too much of a headache, he’s going to walk away.
“Have your bath, get yourself cleaned up so you feel fresh. And then we can talk if you’re up to it. ”
“What about?” I asked blankly. I knew that was a stupid question as there was so much to talk about. The huge trauma of the last hour for instance. But I was dazed and confused and that ball of guilt was like a boulder in my stomach.
Max ran his shredded knuckles over my cheek, “I think we can both agree that there are things left unsaid between us,” he explained.
Sadness enveloped me.
“You’ve been through a lot, we both have, but I can’t wait any longer. I’m done playing games.”
I was too. But I’d rather play them than not have them at all.
We both bathed and tried to wash the whole encounter off our bodies and I had the biggest lump in my throat. Max had helped me into the bath and then climbed into the shower. We didn’t talk, we’d just concentrated on getting clean.
It felt like there was blood on my hands.
Max’s side was badly bruised and he was clearly in pain as the water cascaded over his tattooed body. I wondered if he had broken ribs. It wouldn’t have surprised me as the fight had been so violent.
Seeing Max in that zone had terrified me as did the similarities between him and Zander.
But he’s not Zander, he would never hurt you. You can trust him.
My brain was scrambled and I suddenly didn’t know what I wanted.
As we dried ourselves, I asked Max to tell me about the men who had turned up. He explained that they were part of the mafia and that he had asked them for help. Max had met Kai Kinlan, the man who had spoken to me so softly in the yard, when he’d kidnapped Leonie, Gabe’s girlfriend. It sounded like something you would watch on the TV, totally surreal. Max explained that he had seen good in Kai and had offered him a deal. I remembered part of the deal was the offer of some property Max owned .
Max promised me that his involvement with Kinlan was finished now and that the deal was done.
He then asked me what the Kinlan had said to me.
“He just told me it was going to be OK, and that he had your back,” I replied. “I suppose he said that so I didn’t get hysterical or something.”
Max shook his head and said, “No. I think he probably meant it. He was on our side to start with.”
“It didn’t look that way to me.”
“I know, but he’s the mafia. They like to toy with people.”
At that point, I hoped I never saw another member of the mafia again.
I was standing on the balcony overlooking the gardens. My clean body was now wrapped in my new silky blue robe, my old one having been ruined by the fire.
The fire that could have killed your horses. A fire that he started.
During the hour it took to get clean, I replayed all the horrible things Zander had done in the past and the present.
But did he deserve to die? Yes, he could have killed you.
The salvage company had removed both vehicles and the yard down below now looked empty. I stared down at the space where the stables had been, it was still a mess of charred remains with the black stumps from the burnt trees surrounding it.
So much damage and destruction and all because of that one man.
I moved my hand to the bottom of my back as I thought about my scarred flesh. Marks that he had caused. The beating I had taken that night had been painful physically and emotionally.
Zander is dead . It’s over.
I was tired and weak but I knew that Max and I needed to talk.
So much had happened over such a short space of time and my head was full of conflicting feelings. I was so confused. Things had become so complicated .
“Does your back still give you any pain?” Max said from behind me. I didn’t turn around, I just continued to stare down into the yard.
“Only in my head,” I replied.
“Well, that is fixable.”
“Is it?” I said vacantly.
“Yes. The mind can heal itself. You just have to allow it to go through that process.”
Max’s arms came around my waist and he hugged me back against his chest. Placing his chin lightly on my head.
“And you have people that care about you to help with that process, Amber.”
And. I. Broke. Apart. It was like a damn bursting.
BOOM!
Max turned me in his arms and tugged me against his chest, “Yes, that’s it. Let it out. Cry, Amber.”
He enveloped me in his embrace as what felt like years of pent-up emotions poured out of me.
“That’s it, baby, let go. Let all that shit go.”
And I did.
I wept myself to numbness, my face buried against Max’s hard chest. His bare skin felt so good against my cheek as he stood there like my rock of strength.
Drawing back, I looked up into his features which were soft as they stared down at me. I had expected to see a look of pity, something I hated but Max looked—proud.
Proud of me.
“How do you feel now?” Max asked as he pushed my wet hair back from my face.
“Terrified,” I said honestly.
“Well, it’s not surprising after what you’ve just gone through,” Max said with a slight smile .
“It’s not about that.”
My tears had lifted that cloud over my emotions.
Taking a deep breath, I realised it was now or never, I needed to tell him how I really felt and if he walked away, at least I’d know.
“So why are you terrified, you sweet girl?” Max whispered, his hands caressing my shoulders. The wind picked up, the breeze blowing his damp hair and I raised my fingers and touched that section.
And I confessed, “I’m terrified of losing you.”
There was a beat of silence.
Max’s brows threaded. He hadn’t expected me to say that. “ Losing me?”
“Yes,” I said nodding.
“Why would you lose me?” His fingers tightened against my shoulders.
“I don’t know. Because I’m a shell of a person, a creation, a lie. Incapable of love and true affection. I’m a monster?”
“That’s bullshit , Amber. Smoke and mirrors. So, you put up a front at times, and pretend to be someone you’re not. So, what, we all do that. It doesn’t mean you’ve become that person. I’ve seen the real Amber. She’s intelligent and fiercely loyal to her friends and family, she’s sweet and kind, funny and as sexy as hell. She gives as good as she gets and doesn’t take shit from anyone . You have the most strength I have ever seen in a woman. A shell of a person suggests someone without substance. There’s more to you than anyone I have ever met and it excites the fuck out of me.”
“I excite you in bed, it’s not the same thing,” I pointed out, my face flushing.
Max stepped back and dropped his hands, before jamming his fingers through his wet hair, “You’re wrong. It’s what’s in here that excites me,” Max said, placing his hand across my heart and a sob escaped me.
“You’re the whole package Amber, the real deal. If anything, I should be the one terrified. ”
“What do you mean?” I said as a single tear slid down my cheek. Max wiped it away with his fingertip as his eyes searched my face.
“Terrified of losing you . I’ve behaved like an absolute prick and treated you like shit.”
My brow threaded as I disagreed with him, “But you were only responding to my brattish behaviour.”
“No, that’s not the case. Deep down I knew it was an act, that you were a decent person. But I didn’t care. I wasn’t going to make it about feelings. I wanted to sleep with you and then forget you. I kept telling myself that what was happening between us was just physical. I refused to see it as anything else. I’ve been such an arrogant dick, to women in general I get that now but with you, I was at my worst. God knows I’ve treated women so heartlessly in the past, always so certain that I could never love anyone more than I love myself. But I was wrong. Ever since I kissed you outside the restaurant that day, you unleashed something inside of me. You forced me into a direction I never intended to go and I was angry with you. I blamed you for making me feel weak. You unmanned me, something no other woman has ever done and now I know why.”
“Why?” I whispered almost breathlessly, hope surging inside me.
His palm touched my face tenderly. “Because I love you.”
My entire chest lifted as I drew in more oxygen and that ocean of misery lifted, “You love me?”
“So, fucking much.” My heart was beating so fast as Max half-growled, “You got under my skin, right from the beginning and I love everything about you.”
“But I’ve been such a bitch.”
“And I’ve been a bastard. So, we were clearly well matched.”
Max kissed my nose.
“And now I want all of you. The good and the bad, but I come with baggage too. And that’s the point, isn’t it? Everyone has it. I had pretended to be perfect for so long that I had started to believe it—until you more than knocked me down a peg or two. You opened my eyes, Amber. And I know I’ve behaved badly, but love can turn the sanest man into a beast.”
“Or the sanest woman into a bitch,” I replied, seeing the entire situation with fresh eyes.
“I love you, with everything , my heart, my mind as well as my body.”
“I love you too, you know that don’t you?” I choked out, throwing my arms around his neck and pushing up on my tip toes.
Our mouths collided in mid-air as Max kissed me passionately so much so that my toes curled.
He drew back, gazing down into my face, his true feelings reflected there for the first time. “I’d hoped that was the case but I wasn’t sure. I was a gutless fool thinking you’d reject me. God, I love you so much. We’re the same Amber, we’re like two halves of the same soul.”
What he was saying made perfect sense. How wrong we’d both been, how utterly stupid and blind. There had been something between us from that very first moment, that night at the party when Max had called me The Little Mermaid.
“I think you’re right Max. I was terrified of letting anyone else in until you but you saw through my bullshit. You made me feel happy again. That night at my father’s party was the first time I had properly laughed in years and then we spent the night together. It was like we connected, beyond what happened in the bedroom. I was confused by my emotions and terrified of opening my heart again.”
Max smiled, “Today, when I thought of you being taken away from me, I realised that I can’t live without you.”
“I can’t live without you either.” I caressed his rough cheek. He was so beautiful to me .
“I want you Amber, all of you. Please say you’ll be mine. No one else’s, just us together against the world. Let me adore you.”
“Yes, a thousand times yes, I love you so much, Max.” I didn’t care that I sounded as mushy as hell.
Our mouths met again and Max lifted me into his arms and carried me into my bedroom, carefully kicking the door shut with his bare foot.
He carried me to the bed and laid me down. “It won’t be easy, you know. We can both be stubborn but fuck me, I’m looking forward to the ride.”
I was in a dreamy-eyed state of blissful contentment.
Max made love to me so thoroughly, it was intense and full of feeling and I realised how far I had come.
Part of my kinks in the past were due to that need to feel punished. My guilt was always so close to the surface. But now I realised that it was over. I could love a man if he was the right man.
And his name was Maxim Hunter. He owned my heart, my soul and everything in between.
The past could stay in the past. I wasn’t that little girl any more. The journey I had had with Max and what had happened with Zander had finally given me some closure. I felt I was healing in a place that had been broken for a long time.
I wasn’t naive and knew my complexities couldn’t be solved in one go. But I had now found a partner who could help me with that. One that was there for me and understood my shit. We could be there for each other, straighten each other out.
Out of bed anyway. In bed, I knew I still wanted to be all sorts of crazy. I enjoyed submitting myself to Max, surrendering my control in the bedroom. Being mastered by him turned me on, but outside of the bedroom, we both got to play the boss .
There were so many things I wanted to do with my life and I didn’t feel as afraid. I could hold my head up high. I was a strong confident woman, and that genuine side of me no longer needed to be hidden away. I could be myself, the woman Max wanted me to be.
Thinking back to those early days, I smiled as I remembered some of the fights we’d had. What I’d assumed was only a crush had developed over a short space of time. I’d had more of an obsession than a crush and somewhere along the way that had blossomed into so much more.
I was Lady Amber-Leigh Swift, and I was in love. It was deep-rooted and powerful, scary, and yet sweet. And I was looking forward to my future.
As I looked down at Max who was asleep in my bed, contentment spread through my veins like a living force.
Sitting next to the man who was now my boyfriend on the edge of my bed, I ran one finger up his dark chest, tracing one of his tattoos.
“That tickles,” he whispered with a grin.
I gasped as with lightning speed, Max caught my wrist and tugged it, sending me sprawling against his naked torso. His whisky-coloured eyes met mine and I grinned as he lifted my hand to his cheek and nuzzled my palm.
“Kiss me,” Max whispered and I leaned down and placed my mouth on his. It was the lightest of touches, sweet and sexy.
Drawing back, I raised an eyebrow and stared down at him, “How was that?”
The look he gave me was pure sin, “Not bad, for starters.”
“I see. Anything else you want?”
“Oh, I’m sure I could think of something,” Max husked, grabbing me under my arms and flipping me over his body to the other side of the bed.
I gazed up at him lovingly as he moved his strong, powerful form over mine, caging me against the mattress.
Max looked at me with so much need and adoration and my heart fluttered like a wild bird .
We had faced so much together and now the next chapter of our journey was only just beginning.
And I for one, was looking forward to exploring exactly what that would look like; my future with Max.