7. The Meeting
CHAPTER SEVEN
the meeting
ABI
EMERALD BAY UNIVERSITY
PRESENT DAY
“Did Frankie say what he wanted to talk to us about?”
“No,” Logan replies, cleaning his glasses on his rumpled shirt. “Nothing.”
We were planning to go to the Hi-Dive after work with a bunch of people from the sociology department. It’s our way of celebrating the end of the spring semester, but Frankie sent out a message at the 11 th hour asking the staff to come in for a ‘mandatory department meeting’.
I got the email when I was sitting with Piper at Déjà Brew and my first thought was that it was about the budget cuts, that we were getting called in so I could be let go in front of all of my friends and colleagues. I bumped into Logan in front of the elevator on the way up, and when I told him, he said I was being paranoid. Maybe I am, but he’s not the one whose future is at the mercy of the fucking budget committee.
As we reach the seminar room, the door swings open and we’re greeted with a big Frankie smile. There’s a slightly manic energy to him, which somehow makes me a little less nervous, but a lot more curious about what the hell’s going on.
“Hey, stragglers! Come on in. We’re just about to start. There’s coffee and donuts if you want them.”
“Chocolate sprinkles?” Logan asks, his voice hopeful.
“You think I’d forget your favorite?” Frankie chuckles as we slip inside.
“You actually forgot it on September 25, 2022,” Logan reminds him. “It was 4:18PM and the pain was?—”
“Okay, that’s enough,” he snaps back as he does one last scan of the hallway before shutting the door. “I should be asking you for donuts, Flynn. As a pain in the ass fee.”
“I don’t have donuts, but you’re welcome to some of this cake,” Logan replies, popping out a hip and giving his ass an exaggerated smack.
Frankie frowns, the whole room completely silent, and then I see the words scrawled on the board:
WORKPLACE HARASSMENT & RELATIONSHIP POLICIES
Oh, god.
Logan instantly turns red and nods at Frankie.
“Right. Of course. I was just demonstrating what not to do.”
“I think Dr. Flynn might have given us an excellent segue into a particularly difficult topic. Have a seat, guys.”
I don’t think I’ve seen a department meeting this packed. Even the adjuncts who barely teach part time are here. Logan’s not paying any attention to them though, his lips practically disappearing in a frown as we settle into our seats. He reaches for a big chocolate donut, taking an aggressive bite out of it and chewing violently as his face glows even pinker.
Logan always eats when he’s nervous. I remember one time we were at a conference and he spotted one of his academic heroes across the room. Before he built up the courage to talk to the guy, he managed to devour half the plate of coconut shrimp, even though he said he didn’t even like coconut shrimp that much. He made himself so sick he could barely go to any panels the next day.
“So, due to an incident earlier last year involving a department member and a Teaching Assistant, the Dean wants me to conduct a quarterly review of the workplace harassment and relationship policies…” Frankie gestures to the board behind him. “Now, keep in mind, the department sprung this on me about an hour ago, so there may be some technical issues.”
Logan grabs another donut as Frankie clears his throat, and boots up his powerpoint presentation.
“We’re going to start with the first question: What is workplace harassment?”
He clicks the remote before launching into the different definitions.
I can tell he got this presentation directly from admin. It’s so packaged and… dated.
Out of the corner of my eye, I catch Dr. Barnes checking his watch, an extensively irritated look on his face.
“If anyone should be listening to this, it’s Dicky over there,” Logan grumbles in my ear. “Creepazoid.”
Dr. Barnes is somewhat infamous for the kind of behavior Frankie’s currently going over. There was even a rumor going around campus that he’s got a whole secret family his wife doesn’t know about, and may have even started relationships with students. I don’t know how much truth there is to that, but the guy is a legit creep. I’ve caught him checking me out a few times when he thought I wasn’t looking.
If anything, we should be talking about that kind of stuff, instead of this toothless corporate bullshit. Besides, most harassment at work is far more insidious than what’s in this training package.
“Logan,” Frankie interrupts. “Can you give us some examples of workplace harassment?”
Logan’s eyebrows fly up his forehead and he sets his newly acquired third donut down onto the table.
“Um… Creepy unwanted hugs? Massages?”
Frankie nods, moving to the white board to write them down.
“Good, good. I also would have accepted smacking your ass in front of your boss and telling him he’s welcome to ‘some of this cake.’”
Logan puts his head in his hands and the room is quiet as Frankie clicks to the next slide that says INAPPROPRIATE NICKNAMES .
“We have to be careful about the nicknames that we use in the workplace, because some of them could cross boundaries.”
A brief flash of panic rockets through me. Logan and I aren’t inappropriate with our nicknames, but sometimes he calls me ‘Shortcake’ in front of the other professors. It’s not a big deal, and most people don’t bat an eyelash. It’s just how we’ve always been.
Okay, sometimes we answer our office phones with shit like ‘Hey Hot Stuff’ or ‘Talk to me, Big Daddy’ . But those are jokes! They’re consensual, they’re just between us, and no one’s getting hurt.
Oh my god is the university spying on us?
If it was his call, Frankie would be having an open and compassionate discussion about any concerns we may have. But after what happened with Roman and Imogen, it seems like all the administration is worried about is covering their own asses rather than actually looking out for their staff and students.
“So, what are some examples of nicknames that could be considered inappropriate? Things like…”
The words flash on the screen as he moves to the next slide.
“Dr. Sexy. Okay, wow .”
He advances the slide forward in a vain hope that the next one will be better.
“Or… Sugar Boobs— for real?” He sighs. “Who the hell wrote this?”
Laughter begins to fill the room and Frankie’s face twists up in a scowl.
“Guys, this is serious! You’re all adults, we have to be able to have adult conversations.”
Even Janine Rogers is chuckling, and she’s the most staunch feminist I’ve ever met.
“Frankie, no offense to the department’s stellar and very up to date examples… but we should be talking about some real issues we face in the workplace.” She subtly tilts her head toward Dr. Barnes who is now scrolling through his phone. “These bloated corporate slideshows are just the university ticking off boxes and saying they trained us. And besides, there are better ways to do this than with a half-assed PowerPoint that was created in 2007.”
She’s right. I’m pretty sure I saw this exact slideshow when I went to U of T about ten years ago. Talk about administration being behind the times.
“Actually, I think it was 2005,” Frankie says with a grimace. “I don’t think it’s been updated either.”
Janine shakes her head.
“This has to be some kind of end of the semester prank. Which one of you made this?”
Logan puts up his hands, shaking his head in denial.
“You’ll never pin this on me! Never!”
“Okay, you know what? I can think of some more nicknames that department members have exchanged over the past year.”
Frankie’s tone is suddenly a lot more serious, and it makes me more than a little nervous.
“Like what?” Logan asks, crossing his arms over his chest as he leans back in his seat.
“How about Dr. Hugecox?”
Logan winces.
“That was?—”
“Screamed at the staff Christmas party,” Frankie reminds him. “We were all there, Logan.”
We’re a small faculty, and sometimes that means we forget things when it comes to interacting with one another. Lots of us send memes via email, gifs in our group chats, and we talk about our personal lives in great detail. Academia is a strange vocation, and sometimes, it’s hard to tell where the line between co-worker ends and friend begins.
“Okay, what else you got?” Logan’s confidence has all but returned after his previous humiliation.
Frankie clicks his tongue, rocking back and forth on his heels.
“Baby, sweetheart, or how about cutie pie! ”
“I’ve never said cutie pie,” Logan replies with a shake of his head. “You’re not cute.”
Frankie lets out an indignant scoff.
“First of all, I’m adorable. Second, you said it to me last week in a very important email.”
I’ve told Logan to be on his best behavior with interdepartmental emails, but when it comes to his friendship with Frankie, I think he views some of their communication as one big joke.
“I didn’t know it was gonna go to the Dean!” Logan shouts. “You could have scrolled through Outlook and deleted my reply?—”
“I’m not involving myself in mail tampering!” Frankie snaps back. “And besides, you’re the idiot who hit reply all!”
He sighs, and as much as I want to laugh, I feel sorry for the guy. Logan’s impulse control is about as good as a toddler in a toy store.
“Mail tampering, are you fucking serious?” Logan mutters under his breath, angrily shoving another donut into his mouth. “So I’m the reason for this seminar?”
Little pieces of chocolate fly onto the table with each word, and I can barely make out what he’s saying.
“No, but that was a good reminder to Ian that we needed to have one.” Frankie puts his hands on the table, staring at all of us. “Look, I know that we’re a close faculty, and because of that, sometimes those lines blur. Nobody’s in trouble, this is just a reminder.”
Logan nods, throwing Frankie a thumbs up, as if giving his permission to continue the seminar.
“Alright,” Frankie sighs. “The last and real reason why we’re here is… workplace relationships.”
Oh, fuck.
“As you all know, Emerald Bay University has a zero tolerance policy for faculty-student relationships, and that policy will be enforced to its fullest extent. Any faculty member who is caught having an inappropriate relationship with a student will be immediately suspended and face the possibility of termination, following a disciplinary hearing and a full investigation.”
I glance around at a sea of uncomfortable looking faces. We all know what happened between Roman and Imogen. Even for the people who didn’t know them well, it was impossible not to notice their sudden disappearance from campus. Everyone put two and two together, and eventually Logan and Frankie started talking about it more openly.
“That said, I also want to talk about romantic relationships between co-workers. This can be a tricky topic, but EBU’s policy is that if you are not teaching in the same department as the ‘object of your affection’, you’re golden. However, if you are in the same department, things get stickier. Romantic relationships in the workplace could lead to favoritism, inappropriate public displays of affection that could make others uncomfortable, distrust amongst fellow faculty, and most importantly, it could impact your performance.”
I shift in my seat, and that talk I had with Piper comes rushing back with a vengeance. The plan to ask Logan to be my fake boyfriend just got a lot more dangerous. Should I bail on this reunion? Should I just go by myself, and lie my ass off about my so-called tenure and my amazing new boyfriend with no direct evidence?
“So, hypothetically…” Dr. Barnes chimes in. “What happens if two people in the same department just happen to fall in love?”
Frankie stares at him, stone-faced, and I glance at Logan who’s slowly arching a brow. I can tell he wants to say something but I press down hard on his foot.
“One of those professors would have to transfer to a different department or university.” Frankie lets out a breath, scanning the room. “Look, as close as we are here, this is still a professional environment and we have to keep it that way. So, please don’t harass anyone, don’t fuck your co-workers— and don’t tell Ian I said fuck in a professional setting.”
“I think he used it in an email last week,” I chime in. “You’re good on the cursing front.”
Frankie smirks at me. I know he’d rather have someone poke his eye out with a stick than be doing this on the last day of the semester.
“Well, good to know I have your blessing, Dr. King.” He sets the remote down. “So, anyone else have any questions, or is this all pretty straightforward?”
“Straightforward,” we murmur in unison.
Except for Logan.
“I just want to clarify, are we allowed to call the Dean Ian now?”
Frankie claps his hands together loudly, ignoring him completely.
“Excellent! I just want to remind everyone, the budget meeting is at the end of the month. The results of that discussion will be sent out via email to all faculty members?—”
“Like, in general?” I ask. “Or only if the cut pertains to our position?”
“Regardless of your position,” Frankie replies. “There may be some cuts to classes, some rearranging…”
“It’s the damn STEM department,” Janine grumbles with a shake of her head. “They get all the money.”
“Well, they’re important too,” Frankie reminds her as he turns off the projector.
“I know, it’s just… the humanities matter. I just don’t understand why these bureaucrats don’t see the bigger picture.”
Trust Janine to say the things we’ve all been thinking out loud.
“Because all they give a shit about is money and prestige. Science is where it’s at, as the kids say.” Dr. Barnes groans as he stands up. “Lovely meeting as always, Francis. Unfortunately, I have to take my leave. I’ve got a hot date with the wife.”
Logan opens his mouth to say something and I immediately put my hand on his thigh, giving it a firm squeeze. It’s so automatic, I don’t even realize I’m doing it until I look up at Frankie, his brow raised as he stares right at me.
I quickly remove my hand, my cheeks burning with humiliation as Logan stands up, hauling his bag over his shoulder. I don’t think he even registered what just happened.
“Dude, I really am sorry if you got in trouble for my dumbass email.”
Frankie scoffs, rolling up a cord and tucking it into a nearby desk.
“You didn’t get me in trouble. Ian just gently asked me to remind everyone of our policies— and honestly, this was overdue with everything that happened.”
“Cool. We’ll meet you outside and head to the Hi-Dive?” Logan asks.
Frankie grins from ear to ear. With the crushing weight of his HR obligation off his shoulders, he’s free to be himself again.
“Sounds good. I just have to lock up— Actually, Abi, do you mind if I talk to you for a second?”
Oh god. It’s the thigh thing.
“S–sure. Yeah, that’s–” I clear my throat. “Yep.”
“I’ll wait by the elevator!” Logan calls, already halfway out the door.
I turn to Frankie, who’s in the midst of sliding his laptop into his bag. If I can filibuster, I’ll get in less trouble… or at the very least I can confuse him so he forgets his original point.
“Frankie, I didn’t mean to put my hand?—”
“Relax, okay? I’m not a cop. That’s the last thing I want to be.” He grins, slinging his dark leather messenger bag across his body. “And that’s not even what I wanted to talk to you about.”
The relief nearly brings me to my knees.
“It’s not?”
“No.” He clears his throat. “With the budget meeting coming up, I just wanted to let you know that I’m going to do everything it takes to keep you here. And if the Gods are merciful, maybe you and I can talk about an adjunct position?”
If the Gods are merciful. The fact that not even Frankie knows my fate makes my stomach churn.
“That sounds great, Frankie. Thanks.”
He pats me on the shoulder.
I didn’t think my smile was convincing at all, but maybe I’m a better actor than I thought. It’s hard to have hope that things are going to work out when everything is beyond your control.
“Perfect. Now, I think I owe Flynn a beer for forcing him to endure that presentation.”
“It was a good?—”
“Don’t bullshit me,” he chuckles. “It was the worst thing I’ve ever done. I’m gonna smack Roman with a pool cue tonight because this is all his fault.”
As we head out the door toward the elevators, I spot Logan leaning up against the wall, scrolling through his phone. He’s got an especially cute nerdy look going on today, and my conversation with Piper comes roaring back with a vengeance one final time. If I was going to pick someone to fake-date, it would definitely be Logan Flynn.
He glances up as we approach, his warm smile lighting up his face.
“You fuckers ready for some karaoke?”