35. Erica
“What the fuck? Nate?” I blurt out.
Pulse racing, I step closer to the operating table and the naked man lying on it with an IV in his arm.
He looks foreign under the bright white light washing out his brown hair and blue gaze, but it’s definitely him.
My ex’s eyes roll wildly.
The beeping of the heart monitor speeds up, but Nate doesn’t move a muscle.
He must be getting the same drugs that paralyzed me.
I spin around and bump into Cain.
“You knew about Nate? How the hell did you track him down? I tried for weeks with no success.”
Cain clicks his tongue.
“I saw the texts in your phone and when I realized he stole from you, I worked some magic.”
“You were with me all day every day, except for once when I went out with your sister. But you can’t have found and taken him in that short time. It was just a few hours!”
“That’s the errand I had to take care of without you.” He smirks.
“First, I paid somebody very handsomely to find this scumbag and bring him to San Antonio. While you and Mandy were out shopping, I went to the drop-off, stuffed him in the trunk of my SUV, and brought him here. Ever since, he’s been in this basement in a nice little artificial coma. I woke him earlier today while you were in the shower.”
I suck in a gulp of the chemically scented air.
“You hired someone to kidnap Nate?”
“From the dark web. You wouldn’t believe the kind of sick shit and disturbed bastards you can find there. Anything is for sale. Drugs. Organs. Murder. Rape. Torture. Snuff. It’s a den of fuckin’ monsters.”
“And you’re one of them,” I mumble and lay a hand on his broad chest, his pulse beating steadily against my fingers.
“You know that. I’m a horrible, cruel man and I deal with other horrible, cruel men in the only two currencies they understand: cash and death.” He lets out a casual laugh.
“You didn’t think I was selling the spare organs in broad daylight like girl scout cookies, right? A lung ain’t exactly a packet of thin mints.”
“I never thought about the logistics in so much detail,” I admit with a grin.
“And you shouldn’t, either. I don’t want you anywhere near the dark web or the people I deal with.” He takes a scalpel from the operating cart and presses the handle into my hand.
“Time to open your present, darlin’.
“I—what?
”
“You wanna be my partner, don’t you?”
More than anything , I think.
Is this a test to prove my loyalty?
“You want me to cut Nate?”
“Not just cut him. This is about revenge. Doesn’t he deserve some payback? This asshole ruined your life, little dove,” Cain purrs, his voice dark as velvet, seductive as the devil himself.
Revenge .
Perverse excitement slithers through my chest, winding around my ribs like a treacherous serpent.
Payback .
Tears flow from Nate’s pleading eyes as they ping-pong between the scalpel and my face.
I huff.
That’s the most genuine emotion he’s ever shown me.
The cracked, rose-tinted glasses I used to view him through shatter entirely.
He’s not that handsome.
Maybe a lukewarm 4 on a good day, and today is not a good day for him.
He isn’t particularly funny or charming, either, and he sucks big time at conversations.
Every word leaving his mouth is only about him.
Hanging out with him always felt like a chore he reluctantly agreed to, and the sex wasn’t even mediocre.
I always had to finish myself off while he rolled over to sleep.
Why did I ever put up with Nate?
Just because he was the first guy to pay more than minimal attention to me?
Cain has shown me what I’ve been missing.
What I deserve .
I deserve a man who makes an effort.
A man who loves me for who I am, all my flaws and my strengths included.
A man who commits to me, and you can’t commit much more than fucking kidnapping me and holding me prisoner.
A man who won’t make fun of my fantasies and cares about my pleasure.
A man who cares about me, full stop.
Cain’s body presses hot and hard against my back.
His large frame curves around me while his fingers draw along my neck, gathering my hair and sweeping it over my shoulder.
He kisses the side of my throat, a graze of his teeth coaxing a low moan from me.
“I don’t know about this, Cain,” I murmur.
What a stupid lie.
It’s not that I don’t want revenge.
I do.
Fuck, I want Nate to suffer so badly.
When he stole my savings, I often laid awake, fantasizing what I’d do if I ever found his lying ass.
Many of those made-up scenarios included a baseball bat and his knees or a pair of bricks taken to his small, wrinkly balls.
Imagining his pain while I smashed them was always my favorite part.
But even if I got the chance to enact my revenge, I wasn’t sure I had it in me, such brutality.
My whole life, I considered myself a good person, and good people don’t hurt others.
When good people get hurt, they forgive and turn the other cheek.
Good people don’t hold grudges or imagine crushing their ex’s testicles.
It’s easier to push aside my socially programmed morals when it comes to Cain.
I haven’t actually seen him kill so far, which allows a certain level of compartmentalization.
And though his callous sadism frightens me, it turns me on equally as much.
A heady rush of adrenaline bursts through me.
Cain is a monster, but he is my monster.
Now, he wants to turn me into a monster, too.
He wants to shape me in his image.
It’s a one-way street into the darkness, and if I set a foot on this path beside him, I know I will never see the light again.
Cain’s tongue slides over the shell of my ear.
“You fought so hard to make it, didn’t you, Erica? You tried desperately to get away from the stigma of your folks’ addictions. All you wanted to prove is that an innocent little girl from the foster system ain’t doomed to repeat her parents’ mistakes.”
My breath hitches.
I never told anyone about my past.
As soon as I left the orphanage, I put that horrible part of my life behind me and vowed to erase it from my memory as best I could.
Cain continues whispering, his voice soft and warm.
“Child Protective Services took you after your mom OD’d and your dad—high as a fucking kite himself—lost his shit when he found her dead in the bedroom. He smashed up your place until neighbors called the police. You probably don’t even remember. You were barely 2 years old.”
His words cut deep, but they don’t wound me.
I feel lighter with every word leaving his lips.
It’s like he’s carving out the pressure inside my chest, cutting away the growth of shame on my heart to finally let it beat unburdened.
“Where did you hear about this?” I ask.
“The personal data of random citizens is surprisingly cheap. Finding out more about you was the first thing I did after correcting your medical files.”
I release a stuttering sigh.
If Cain knows of my desolate past and still wants me…
if he knows of my wicked fantasies, too, and he still wants me…
what do I have left to fear?
My brows squeeze together as I glance down at Nate.
This isn’t just a gift for me.
It isn’t just a test.
Cain is breaking the last barrier between us and he’s letting me see the darkest, most twisted side of him, hoping I’ll still want him.
He knows all of my messed up, broken parts, so why shouldn’t I know his?
Why shouldn’t I accept them?
My fingers tingle with nerves, but I grip the scalpel tighter.
“I don’t know where to start,” I whisper.
“Don’t worry, darlin’. I’ll show you.”