Chapter 36 James
Iswear I have been staring so intensely at my phone screen, time is sliding backwards.
Faith and I have been waiting on a rep from our insurance company.
That alone is tedious, but I’m busting to get out of here for another reason too.
It’s Cory’s Birthday weekend and I still need to get his gift.
With the rest of my week booked solid, this afternoon is my only chance.
I’m just about to send out a search party for Jennifer, the customer care consultant—loosest use of the term ever—at AWP Insurance, when she waltzes in, sitting behind her desk with no formal acknowledgment of her lateness or our presence.
“Another month or so and we should have everything sorted.” Proudly, she taps the manila folder sitting before her, the one I’m beginning to suspect she hasn’t opened since Dad passed away.
Mirroring Jennifer’s movements, Faith leans forward and taps the same folder in time with her words. “Another. Month. Is unacceptable.”
“I agree, Mrs. Plum.”
“Miss,” Faith corrects with another tap.
“Sorry, I should have gathered you were unmarried.” Before Faith can leap across the desk and strangle the care right out of Jennifer, I slap my hand over her knee.
“Like my sister said, Jenny—”
“Jennifer.” She corrects, her forced smile firmly in place.
“Jennifer, sorry. A month is unworkable. We’ve been carrying the burden of Dylan’s costs for almost six months. This is not only unethical, I believe it’s unlawful. Insurance companies such as yours, mustn’t deny coverage based on a pre-existing condition like autism.”
“Of course we can’t, and that’s not what’s happening here I assure you.
Dylan’s cover has not been declined, rather delayed.
Your late father left no will. Legal proceedings take time.
Knowing this, we’ve been generous enough to cover Dylan’s medical costs even without full coverage.
I can assure you, at the end of the month,” she taps again, “things should be resolved.”
“We need a little more than should this time, Jennifer,” Faith says, practically levitating.
“Unfortunately, that’s all I can offer right now.”
Having had enough, Faith stands and slaps both hands on the timber top, the movement scattering papers. “That’s not good enough.”
Jennifer says nothing, just glances to the doorway where a buff guy in a suit is standing, and motions for him to come in. “Thank you for coming in today. David will see you out now.”
“David can go get fuc–”
“Faith,” I say, harsher than perhaps necessary, but she can’t see the security guard strutting in like I can. “It’s okay. We have to go now.” By the time I’ve finished that sentence, the bruiser is beside me, looking like he’s going to crack his knuckles any second.
“Great.” Faith, who’s now redder than my shorts at the dunk tank were, barks. “Call security on the people you’re supposed to be helping. Excellent use of your resources.” With that she shoves the manila folder onto the floor and storms out. “See ya next time, Jenny.”
“I for reals thought you were going to deck her.”
“Never say for reals again … And so did I for a second.” Faith smiles at me.
Actually smiles so I can see her teeth, and I’m so relieved I could almost cry.
She’s barely acknowledged my existence since walking in on Cory and I.
The fact it’s happened several times since, hasn’t helped either.
“I can’t believe they can string this out for so long. Even with the advocacy groups help.”
“I know, it’s bullshit. But hopefully Jenny, Spawn of Satan, will pull through.” A laugh is added to the smile and I feel like I’ve won the lotto.
Faith pulls out of the undercover parking lot into the busy traffic and I pull out my phone.
Once I’m done shopping, and he’s out of class, the birthday boy is coming over to the apartment.
Unease prickles in my belly. He’s canceled our last two meet-ups, and even when we have been alone, he’s seemed …
distant. Playing it cool while around the team, and in public, is one thing, but something feels off.
Is the novelty of our clandestine affair already wearing off?
There’s no waiting message, which is good, but I decide to fling him one just in case.
It feels like forever since I touched you. Can’t wait.
It goes to read immediately, so I sit and wait and stare at the screen, shielding it from the dappled light the passing oaks create for two blocks. But there’s nothing. No ‘can’t wait to see you, too’. No thumbs up, no ‘Get fucked.’
Nothing.
Huh.
“You’ll crack the screen if you stare at it any harder.”
“Huh,” I say out loud this time.
“Your phone. You’ve stared at the thing for hours.”
“Oh, yeah. I’m just trying to get hold of Cory. He’s been hard to pin down the last few days. Maybe I should message him again, or do you think that would be too clingy. Shit. I’m coming off as clingy, aren’t I? Fuck my chest hurts. Look at me, woman. Do you see clingy?”
“No, I see a hypochondriac who needs to breathe. I’m sure he’s just busy with practice and his friends and class. Maybe it’s a good thing to have a break. Maybe he’s matured a little and realized the cost of this little game he’s playing?”
Right. My hackles rise immediately. Faith’s made it perfectly clear she is no fan of our relationship, but even so she’s looking entirely too smug and self-satisfied for my liking. Sitting up ramrod straight, I lay my palms on the dash to stop myself from grabbing the wheel and pulling us over.
“What did you say to him, Faith?”
“Nothing … that didn’t need to be said.”
“Faith!”
She smiles like the devil incarnate. “Yes?”
“Don’t fucking smile at me. Tell me what you said to him.”
“You’re acting irrationally. This thing is going to fizzle out anyway. Cory has months left here and then he’ll be in Canada and you’ll be here with me and Dyl. It makes no sense to risk your career for a fling.”
I’m so angry right now I’m seeing stars. “It’s not a fling! I … I …” Shit. Do I love him? Is that even possible?
“Please don’t try and tell me you love him.” Tossing her head back, she barks out a laugh, each cackle grating on my last nerve. “Don’t be ridiculous James. He’s a boy. You call him Kid, for heaven’s sake.”
“He’s like three years younger than me, and I use the term affectionately. Besides, who the fuck are you to judge any relationships I have when you’ve never had one?” Her grip on the wheel turns white-knuckled.
“I’m not passing judgment, I’m making observations. You’ve known this … man … for a few months, and are stalling the sale of your apartment, moving him and his family in, jeopardizing your career … none of it makes sense.”
“You’re right. It doesn’t make sense. But maybe things don’t always have to. Buying into Ferris Health Group made sense. Brandon made sense. Quitting the one thing I’ve ever loved made sense, and look how well all that worked out for me.”
My lungs squeeze tight, pain shooting through my chest. I’m a stuttered heartbeat away from ripping open the door and rolling out onto the sidewalk to die, when Faith’s hand lands on my leg.
Bile rises in my throat and I shrink away for her touch.
I don’t want to look at her, or hear one more word. “Slow your breathing, Jamie.”
“Don’t call me that.”
“Fine, slow your breathing please, James Samuel Plum.”
“Don’t tell me what to do.”
Faith mumbles something under her breath but I can’t decipher it because I’m too busy dying.
Cubby has delivered me the first sprinkles of happiness I’ve felt in a long time.
I’m happier at work. Coping better with the demands of caring for Dylan and actually looking forward to getting out of bed in the morning.
I know it’s not permanent, but I’m not ready for it to be taken away from me yet, either.
Sweat stings my eyes and my lips start to tingle when I picture Cory and Dylan together.
If he’s done with me Dyl’s going to be heartbroken, he’s already so attached.
What was I thinking, introducing them? How the hell have I been charged with being responsible for another human, when I can’t even handle this?
And Cory’s present. I haven’t got his present.
“Jamie.” Warm hands cup my face. “Jamie, please. You have to slow your breathing.” I open my eyes and Faith is there, my car door is open and we’re at the side of the road, dust still settling from her rush to pull over. “Please. You’re scaring me.”
“Trying,” I blubber. “Sorry.” Role modeling slow, deep breaths, Faith edges closer until she’s almost in my lap.
“You have nothing to be sorry for, Jamie. This is on me. I’ve overstepped. Again. Everything will be okay, I promise. Just breathe with me.”
When I wake, I’m sitting in the passenger seat, before an unfamiliar house, in an unfamiliar street. Unfortunately, the dull thud and mental fatigue clouding my thoughts are known all too well.
“Lucky, I was just about to leave.” I roll my head to the left and blink, then blink again. I’m definitely in Faith’s car, but that’s definitely not Faith staring back at me. It’s a bit of a mind fuck. “Chip?” In his lap is a bag of corn chips. Unable to find any words, I shake my head.
“Are you feeling better? Faith said you sleep like the dead after a panic attack, and she wasn’t kidding. Your ability to sleep through Mr. Daugherty’s excessively loud, nosey-ass lawn mowing is quite impressive.”
The blinking and staring continues until eventually I manage to utter, “Is this your house?”
“‘Til this weekend it is, yeah.”
“It’s nice. The door’s wonky though.”
“It is. I was going to fix it before we left, but fuck em.” For some reason, that makes me laugh. Like a lot. Tears run down my cheeks and Cory joins in. I’m not even sure if he knows why.
“I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you,” he says once the hilarity subsides. “I freaked myself out a little.”
I wipe the moisture from my cheeks. “I think someone might have given you a shove in the right, or wrong, direction.”
“Maybe. But she was kind of right.”
“Why don’t you tell me what she said, then I can tell you if I agree.” Cory gives me the run down and by the time he does, I’m both exhausted and pissed off. “She had no right to say any of that to you, Cub. This is my life. My decision.”
“Like it was your decision to quit hockey?”
“Exactly.”
Doe-eyed, Cory looks up at me, the half smile on his lips unreasonably cute. “I don’t want you to regret me like you regret your past.”
“I don’t think it’s possible to regret anything when it comes to you. Actually that’s a lie.” Pausing, I take his hand in mine and press a kiss to the inside of his palm. “There is something that would ‘cause me considerable remorse … not spending every possible moment with you while I can.”
“I don’t want you to lose everything because of me.”
“And you are everything to me, so it looks like I’m set.”
There’s a lot more I’d like to say, three little words the meaning of which far outweigh their size, in particular.
But perhaps that’s best left for now. Like me, Cory seems to be contemplating his next words.
The wide-eyed expression lingering while he chews the lips I wouldn’t mind tasting about now.
“James, I—”
“Yoo-hoo boys!”
The fuck!
Grumbling, I gaze around Cory and see Cory’s mom twinkling her fingers at me like I’m five. Next to her and looking decidedly less enthused, is Faith. Seeing her moody face doesn’t console me after missing the tea Cory was about to spill, but it does help.
“Why don’t you come inside and eat? I made cake.”
Unless it’s the one attached to Cory’s long legs, cake is the last thing I want right now. I’m exhausted, my head is pounding and I need to get Cory wrapped around me stat. But his mom looks so hopeful and Faith miserable, I nod and open the door. “What kind of cake are we talking?”