Chapter Eight
Caius
T heo hasn’t returned, which is fine by me. It’s given me ample time to dissect the folder with my name on it.
Like Olivia, I was someone to be reformed and recreated into something new. After bouncing from multiple group and foster homes, I’d eventually landed myself in psychiatric care.
More like a torturous prison.
The memories from that time are murky, but I do know that’s where Orion found me. He adopted me and my fixation for Calista, the sister who never existed.
Then who is the girl humming softly as she draws nearby?
My gut twists painfully. I’m overcome with a mixture of grief and utter confusion. Next, anger bleeds through, boiling my blood.
My father—Orion—has crafted a new story for me and it’s one I had no part in creating.
Is Calista really named LuLu? Is that why she had that on her iPad wallpaper? It makes sense now how strange her behavior has been.
She must think I’m completely and utterly insane.
Aren’t you?
I rub at my temple, hoping to ease the headache forming there. Shutting down under the weight of my newly discovered memories isn’t a possibility. Getting LuLu the fuck away from these people is the only option.
When?
How?
I have a car. I have money. I have means.
And somewhere, lurking in the dark recesses of my mind, I have an arsenal of knowledge.
God, I wish I could crack my skull open, pick the important stuff out, and figure out what the hell is going on with my life.
I close my eyes and rub the back of my neck. The tension is making my skin burn as if it’s on fire. I’m pretty sure if I keep clenching my teeth, I’m going to crack a molar or two.
How does a man relax when his mind is unraveling?
I’m spinning, spinning, spinning.
It’s making me sick.
I want off this damn ride.
I’ve got to be smart about this. LuLu may not be my sister, but she’s my responsibility. I got her in this mess, which means I have to get her out of it.
I’m sorry, kid. I messed up. I’m completely and utterly fucked in the head.
With my eyes squeezed shut as I massage the tightness near the back of my skull, I’m hit with a sudden memory.
A massive yacht.
Lots and lots of snow.
Romy. Stunning, sassy, sexy.
I have her pushed against a wall, fingers inside her, drawing pleasure from her while people are a few feet away, barely out of sight.
My chest aches fiercely. I miss her. It’s like my heart is cursing at my brain right now for being able to forget a woman like her. The pain’s been sitting in my ribcage all along, but my mind is just getting the memo.
I want to linger in the sweetness of her breathy moans. Memories have other plans, especially bad ones.
There’s a man on top of her—my deceased brother, Gareth—and she’s begging him to stop. I see red. I want to kill him. I do kill him. And after I’ve ripped him away from her and broken his neck, I deposit him over the side of the yacht without regret.
Because of her.
Romy.
My love.
Another memory teases my mind and I see glimpses of LuLu. On the rug as someone rapes her. I watch. I sat there and watched because I didn’t want to jeopardize my chances of finding my sister. The irony isn’t lost on me that she’d one day be placed in my care as the sister I never truly had but was made to believe. Fury infects every cell in my body and a pained roar explodes out of me.
I’ve fucked up so badly. People have gotten hurt because of me.
I’ll kill whoever hurt LuLu just like I killed my own brother for hurting Romy.
A hand on my shoulder snaps me out of the awful memories. I turn to see LuLu staring down at me, eyebrows pinched in concern. I’m unable to meet her gaze. Guilt is death by a thousand cuts, each one deeper than the last.
How do I apologize for my complicity?
That’s what it was.
No wonder she hates me.
She remembers that I sat and did nothing while a man physically and mentally destroyed her.
You provided the drugs, man.
Another slash of guilt, this time across my throat, makes it hard for me to breathe. I claw at my neck, gasping for air. What’s happening?
You’re dying.
You deserve it.
“Caius.” Small hands cup my wet cheeks and LuLu bores her dark stare into mine. “It’s okay.”
She’s never spoken my name before. Not once. Never.
I understand now.
I’m a monster.
A captor.
Evil.
A choked sob rattles out of my chest. The floodgates are open and it’s gushing out. How do I stop the cataclysmic onslaught of the vicious memories of a guilty conscience?
I deserve to die right here.
Smack!
My cheek stings, but LuLu’s slap is effective in jarring me out of the panic attack that was unfolding. I blink at her, conveying a thousand apologies in just one look
“LuLu,” I whisper, voice raspy and brittle. “I remember now.”
A small smile tugs at her lips. “Don’t forget.”
Shaking my head, I say vehemently, “Never.”
It’s a promise I intend on keeping. I have to pull my shit together long enough to get back to my house and make a solid plan. I’m getting LuLu the fuck out of here, far, far away from my father.
He wasn’t the one watching as she was violated…
I want to beg for her forgiveness, but I know I don’t deserve it. In that moment, I chose another life over hers. To me, Calista was the end game and of utmost importance. Having to witness what happened to LuLu was a terrible consequence of that choice.
It was a horrendous mistake. A mistake only a fucked-up, brain-scarred human like myself could make. Any good person would’ve stopped it.
Romy didn’t.
I think back to her hiding in the cabinet, witnessing everything. She saw the monster I was and still wanted to be with me.
My memories are still foggy when it comes to our relationship, but I know we were together after that. I have flashes of seeing her in my house putting puzzles together. She stayed with me for some reason.
“I’m going to get you out of here,” I vow to LuLu. “Back to your home wherever that is. Just…” I run a hand through my hair, messing it up. “I need to be smart about this.”
She nods, eyes flaring. “I trust you.”
An ache forms in the middle of my chest. I don’t deserve her trust, but I’m going to earn it. I’ll die freeing this girl if it’s the last thing I do.
I’m done being selfish.
The time for turning a blind eye on things that should be condemned is over.
“Dry your eyes,” LuLu says, handing me a wadded up tissue from her pocket. “Theo will wonder what’s wrong.”
I take her offering and swipe at my cheeks. Then I swivel around to the computer and start snapping pictures of anything I deem important that I might want to look at later. This goes on for at least fifteen minutes until Theo reenters the room.
After shutting down all folders except Olivia’s, I stand and make my way over to my brother. His eyes narrow as he studies me.
“Headache,” I grunt, pointing at my temple. “You think you can run me and Lu—” I curse under my breath. “Sorry, can’t think straight. Can you take me and Calista home?”
And once I’m home, it won’t be for long.
Theo drops us off in front of my house and then drives away. I exhale heavily, relieved he didn’t interrogate me. I’m suddenly worried there are spies watching me from the woods or hidden microphones waiting to rat me out.
That’s ridiculous.
Still, we can’t be too careful.
“Tonight is business as usual,” I say softly. “Pack for our vacation. We’ll load the car tonight and leave out in the morning.” I pat LuLu on the head, and for once, she doesn’t seem like she wants to bolt away from me. “Everything. Take everything.”
The girl beams at me, making her whole face light up like I’ve never seen before. My heart finishes shattering. We killed her smile. I killed it with apathy and selfishness. Others killed it with abuse.
Who were the others?
Whose yacht were we on?
These are all answers I need to work out and soon. Once I do, I have every intention of making them pay for what they’ve done. I may not be able to rewind time and change the man I was back then, but I can certainly change our future.
People will answer for their part in her abuse.
Every last one of them.
Once inside, I head straight for my cold, emotionless office. Is this the kind of man I was? Empty, driven by a singular need to find Calista, heartless? I feel dissociated from that part of me. Like he died when most of my memories did. This new man emerging is not a savior for just one.
He’ll save them all.
A new sense of purpose fills every crevice of my dark soul.
The urge to work tirelessly until I find all the monsters who hurt people like LuLu or Romy is so intense I feel as if I could explode from the anger surging inside me.
I have to be patient.
One step at a time.
The first step in this endless game is saving LuLu like I wouldn’t save her before. I owe this and so much more to her.
My office is sparse aside from a bunch of books that mean nothing to me now. I do empty the contents of my two locked drawers into my laptop bag. Once I’ve stuffed my MacBook in there too, I zip it up, ready to start packing the rest of my life up.
When I leave, I’m never coming back.
There’s nothing but heartache and pain here.
It’s a mindfuck of mysteries and madness.
I want out once and for all.
Packing in my room is easy. There’s nothing that isn’t replaceable. The closet is lined with expensive clothing I care nothing about. It’s not even fucking comfortable, which is why I’m not bringing any of this shit. On a whim, though, I toss a suit in the pile in case I need it.
As I’m packing the suit jacket, I notice something sticking out of one of the pockets. I pluck the white paper out to study it.
It’s a price tag for a dress.
I bring it to my nose and try to capture a whiff of her lingering scent. Somehow, I know it is a clue from my life with Romy. It’s faint, but I do smell perfume.
I’m going to find you, love.
These monsters have done their best to erase her from the internet, aside from the generic shit I was able to find. She’s out there, and who knows, maybe she’s under the same mind manipulation I’m waking up from.
The headache hasn’t lessened, which is unfortunate. It makes thinking and remembering painful. I rub at the back of my neck, realizing the pain is coming from beneath my scar.
If they put nanotech into my body, which I’m almost completely sure of, then it stands to reason they’ve done the same to her.
Why separate us and make us forget?
I may never understand the how, and honestly, it doesn’t matter.
All that matters is getting me and LuLu the fuck away from these people.
And finding Romy.
Once they’re safe and we’re free from their technological control…
There will be hell to pay.
I’m going to deliver it.