16. The Way We Live Now
Chapter 16
The Way We Live Now
I was left to stand in the doorway, feeling thoroughly hard on myself. What was I to do? After all, he had uttered things that were the actions of a man who lost control and all sense of propriety. Yet, the words came out of him, and I could not begrudge him—for it was evident that if he didn’t say them, his spirit might burst. Sometimes, no matter how contradictory to our logic, we have to speak from our passions.
Closing the door when I saw his carriage drive off, ignoring the chimney sweeps who spied his abrupt departure and clearly were whispering about it amongst themselves, I sat down and pondered what had just occurred.
What was even more shocking was that I did not detest hearing the mention of his proposal. There was a time where the idea of it overwhelmed me and made me wish to ignore him. But now, I wasn’t against the mention of it, or the pouring out of his sensibilities.
For a moment, I wondered if I was committing avarice, because my adapting to the subject didn’t occur until after I had lost both my parents and became destitute. As such, his wealth and position in society would render him more attractive.
Next, I dismissed that idea immediately. If I cared for his wealth, I would have been more direct with myself about it, would have deliberated and been more contemplative. But no, these thoughts had never occurred to me at all. Therefore, his pocketbook did not influence me. It was merely a fortunate addition to his character.
Despite that I would never forget his treatment toward Mr. Wickham, I acknowledged, in the depths of my soul, that I was grateful for his love for me. It was flattering. Perhaps that was what I was feeling. I was feeling gratitude. And that did mean something.
I was interrupted from my musings when I heard laughter. The front door suddenly opened and Kitty and Raspberry burst in, laughing about something.
Their bursting in made me jump up like a jack in the box!
“Lizzy,” Kitty replied, gurgling merrily, “you will not believe what has happened!”
“It was when we were cleaning one man’s hotel room,” Raspberry added, closing the door behind me, “and he neglected to mention that he was sleeping late and having a laying in.”
“He also…apparently sleeps naked.”
My eyes widened, seeing the end of this story.
“Really?” I remarked, putting on my cooking apron. “What happened?”
“Well,” Raspberry replied, removing her coat, and slinging it over one of the chairs that she was about to sit down on, “you must imagine our shock when Kitty and I walked in to start changing the sheets and there he was! He woke up, saw us, and I never saw a man move so quickly.”
“He just jumped out of the bed, in all of his glory,” Kitty cried, taking off her bonnet, “and he just stood there in front of us.”
“Did you both run out of the room?” I asked.
Kitty and Raspberry gave each other a look. A look that I could read so very easily.
“You didn’t!” I gasped. “You both didn’t!”
“We couldn’t help it. No one prepares you for that sort of situation.”
“By rights of modesty, we ought to have run,” Raspberry admitted, “but we were so surprised that we just stood there…staring at him.”
“It was like we were transfixed. And then,” Kitty said, grabbing my hand, “what do you think? He spoke to us. But not telling us to get out.”
“What could he have possibly had to say other than that?” I asked.
“He said…” and here, they both spoke in unison, “‘care to join me?’.”
They both laughed and fell into their seats.
“I can’t believe that!” I scoffed.
“Believe,” Kitty cried. “Believe, he asked us to join him.”
“You said no, I presume?”
“I don’t think we did,” Raspberry realized, “rather, I do believe he got the hint, because that’s when we decided to run out of the room.”
“Yes,” Kitty stressed, “finally, we remembered that we had feet.”
“I can’t believe this! I can’t believe…” slowly I began to chuckle. “Truly, I can’t believe that… that…” Unable to contain my mirth, I began to laugh as well. So hard that my sides felt as if they were splitting, so I sat down. We had been merry so loudly, that we didn’t even hear Jane unlocking the door and coming in.
“I’m home!” she cried when she entered, but then quieted down when she saw us all sitting there, laughing hysterically. “Oh, what is so comical?”
“Kitty and Rasby saw a man in the nude,” I chuckled.
“What? How? And no! I’ve only been gone for three days!”
This made us laugh all the harder.
Kitty and Raspberry told Jane the story while I began to make dinner. Since I had cooked some beef the night before, it had not rotted yet, so I was able to make our meal within an hour’s time.
Raspberry was staying for dinner, but there was enough food. What was surprising, however, was when I put her bowl down in front of her.
“What is this?” she asked.
“It’s called spaghetti,” I observed. “Wait, have you never seen it before?”
“No, I haven’t.”
“It’s Italian.”
“Really?” she asked as we all began to eat. Kitty had to show her how to wrap the noodles around her fork. “I’m eating an Italian dish?”
“Yes, you are.”
“We never got around to telling you,” Jane said, “for a time, we had an Italian cook back at Longbourn.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Signora Maria Bertolli was her name, and she was from Florence. The same place as Michelangelo.”
“That was how she usually introduced herself,” I elaborated, “so that people would be kinder to her. After all, if you’re from the same place as one of the most popular artists in history, everyone will look at you less as a stranger and more of a novelty. That did work in her favor. Eventually, people got over her being different.”
“I know a little bit about that,” Raspberry empathized. “And how did she end up in Hertfordshire?”
“Life,” Jane answered. “She married an Englishman, he was a Hertfordshire native, he brought her to England, and she was a leaf along the wind.”
“But fate was not friendly to her,” Kitty elaborated, as I put pots of water over the fire, so that I could have a bath later. “Two years they were married before he just suddenly popped off.”
“He died?”
“Yes. Well, here she was, now entirely alone. This all was right around the time that our cook died. Not ready to return to Florence, she appealed to our mother and father to fill the post. We tried her out, liked her food and we took her on. Foreign cooks are the best, and Maria was wonderfully fussy. She complained about us sisters not being able to cook.”
“To be fair, she was right,” I stated. “She always used to say that knowing how to cook, even simply, was one more step toward independence and freedom. Imagine if we had no idea how to cook? We’d have been lost!”
I looked at Raspberry, worried that she wouldn’t like it. But she did!
“I’m eating an Italian dish,” she remarked. “I never thought that would happen.”
“Well,” I boasted, “wait till you try my lasagna and ravioli. That’s the best.”
“What’s lasagna and ravioli?”
“Oh!” Jane and Kitty cried, merrily. “You cannot imagine!”
After I delivered the side of pork to the Bouchers, I was ready to begin my evening routine.
Since none of us had the time or ability to boil too much water, we had to share baths. Jane and I went first and were sitting there, in the washbasin, bathing ourselves quickly. The reason for this was because, sadly, we didn’t have the ability to waste water. Once we were done, Kitty and Raspberry had to go into the very same water that Jane and I had just used.
This fact only brought me closer to accepting the new circumstances to my life. Individual baths belonged to the life that we used to have. Shared baths, with recycled water, was the life that we now were in.
And even more, Mr. Darcy’s parting words hit me harder.
“Does Raspberry usually spend the night?” I asked Jane as we washed ourselves.
“Yes. Normally it’s when I am living with the Kirkpatricks. It keeps Kitty from being alone in the house when I’m gone. But even if I wasn’t away for gaps of time, she sometimes would still spend the night. Sometimes, she and Kitty get so wrapped up in their conversations, that they don’t pay attention to the time. It’s better that Raspberry doesn’t walk home so late. Too dangerous for her.”
“Oh, I see. How did she and Kitty become friends, I wonder?”
“It’s simpler than you think. When Lydia and Kitty had to separate, Kitty needed a lively friend who clung to her, and Raspberry needed a friend who wasn’t tyrannical. Both of them found each other and now they are inseparable.”
We finished washing, got out of the water, dried ourselves off and told Kitty and Raspberry that we were done. When we opened the washroom door, Kitty and Raspberry rushed in, removed their towels, jumped into the washbasin, and began to splash each other.
“Remember, girls,” Jane instructed, “if you get into a water fight, you have to clean it up.”
“Yes, mum,” Kitty replied, and they quieted down and bathed.
Later that night, Jane and I were lying in bed.
“I saw Mr. Darcy today,” I uttered in the darkness.
“You did?” I heard Jane roll over and face me, for I had been staring at the wall.
“Yes.”
“What did he say?”
“He protected me from a pernicious fellow employee, escorted me home, saw how we lived, remarked on how I would not have to live such a way if I had accepted him, then left, embarrassed that he had said such.”
“Elizabeth, I am sure that he did not mean it in an offensive way.”
“He didn’t,” I rushed out. “Do not fear. I am not in the mood to misunderstand him tonight. Quite frankly, I don’t have the energy for it. No. I understand what he meant. He was sorry that he could not protect me from all of this.”
“And what do you feel about that?”
“I cannot marry a man who I am not in love with. But I do not deny that I was very flattered that he still cares. I suppose, in that moment, I was happy. And perhaps I was sad that I was happy about it.”
“Life and love…are very confusing.”
“Yes. They both are.”
I fell asleep.