Chapter 19 #2
I unfolded my arms, gripping the edge of the bed. “I don’t know what to do.”
“According to my calculations,” Paige said, “we’re about a four hour walk away from Dunstable.” My medic also possessed useful navigation skills. “If we can find some transport like bicycles, that cuts the time down.”
“Excellent.”
James gave me an apologetic look, sorrowful lasers practically shooting out of his pupils to pierce my soul.
I folded my arms again, not liking this already. “What is it?”
He stroked the rim of his cap, pushing his teeth against his mouth.
“James?” I pressed, hating hesitation.
“London is nine hours away.”
Shit.
“If you were to successfully cross into Faery,” Basil joined in, “you would have to add in around eleven or twelve hours’ worth of flying time to the Forest of the Lost.”
Double shit.
“I’m sorry, Miko.” James dipped his head, his defeat painful to watch.
And there was the crux of it. In four hours, I could end this, stop Dawn before it became unstoppable.
Back here again, was I? Back to giving up on happiness to save the world.
Damn.
“I don’t know what to do,” I said again. “I really don’t know what to do.”
What sort of alpha said that? The proper answer was to head north for Dunstable. Any real leader would do that.
“We understand,” Cate responded. “If this was on my shoulders, I couldn’t…” She paused, making sad eyes at her husband. “I couldn’t leave you, even for the greater good.”
James cupped the side of her face. “Agreed, my darling heart.”
Basil huffed, parking his arse on a plastic chair. He crossed his legs, every inch of him tense. “This is ridiculous.”
Here we go. “Just say what you have to say.”
“You searched for answers all this time, got them, and now you want to throw them away?” He tutted, shaking his head.
Would I get away with breaking his nose? “Be careful.”
He paid no attention to my warning. “I’m being honest. You know what your destiny entails.”
Cate stepped in. “And you just heard about the honey. We don’t have to lose Miko.”
Basil sighed, rubbing his left cheek, a dusting of blond stubble there.
“Look, I’m not dismissing your love for Orion.
I may not be the biggest fan of your bonding, but I respect it.
This isn’t me trying to move in and win Orion back.
Our time is done thanks to my stupidity. I only want to be his friend.”
I cooled off a bit. I knew my bonding to Orion hurt him, but it was good to hear he wanted to move on.
“I might be a lot of things,” he continued, “but I know when to give up on something that wasn’t meant to be.” His stare was so direct it turned my blood cold. “Maybe the same applies here.”
Ah, fuck. Damn him. “Just stop.”
“I’m simply being pragmatic.”
Yeah, he was. And I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t want brutal reality. I wanted hope and sunshine. But Orion was too far away, and the sun was beginning to set on everything. By the time we reunited, things—
“You talk a lot of sense, Basil,” Andrew said. “Love, however, is illogical.”
We weren’t doing this. We weren’t having this conversation, waxing lyrical about complications of the heart. I really wasn’t in the fucking mood, my reason about to shatter.
I wanted Ori.
I wanted him alive and in my arms. Right. Now.
Still, I had a choice to make.
Be selfish. Be selfless. Pick a direction. Live by the decision. Die by the decision. Being selfish could kill everyone here. Being selfless meant…
Shit. What would Orion think if I told him I was giving up on us to save the world? Would he be mad? Could anyone be mad at that?
I left the ward for a moment, the room too close, too many bodies and voices around me. Alone time would help.
With my back against the wall, my arms folded so tightly, I found myself stuck again. Drifting into my thoughts, languishing in dread, swaying on the edge of heartbreak.
I hated being stuck. I hated indecision.
Tears blurred my vision, breaking free, rolling silently down my cheeks. The pressure got too much. I slid down the wall, losing myself to weakness. Hating myself more.
When would this wheel stop spinning?
Folding my arms across the top of my knees, I buried my face in them and drew deep breaths, trying to calm down. Then I felt a squishy presence in my pocket. Belle, my unicorn stress ball, still there. I fished her out and squeezed her in time with each second.
“Thanks,” I whispered.
Belle, named by Orion and gifted by James, always helped me out whenever I wandered too far into stress.
Thump, thump.
I lifted my head. “Orion?”
Thump, thump.
His heartbeat came through louder than normal, heavier.
“Orion?”
No answer, only those unsettling beats.
“Ori?”
Nothing.
“Ori?”
“I’m here… I’m… I’m okay.”
His voice. His sweet, sweet voice. “You’re not.”
“I will… I will be.”
“Don’t leave me.” Why did I say that when on the cusp of leaving him?
“I… I won’t. I better… I better rest.”
“I’ll be…” I couldn’t finish, and the connection faded away.
Hearing him made the indecision worse, the frustration unbearable. It made me a sobbing mess, a useless lump in a hospital corridor without a clue of its next move.
Damn.
Just damn.