Chapter 13
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
T he world was much too bright. With a groan, I rolled over and buried my head under the blanket. The soft mattress beneath me welcomed me in its comforting embrace as I sunk deeper into the softness.
I was not ready to face the day.
I gasped as the blanket was rudely ripped off of me, letting the chill air bite at my unprotected skin. “Fiach!” I shrieked at my familiar as he dragged the blanket across the room.
The scoundrel looked completely unrepentant.
“You can’t bury your problems under a blanket,” he admonished self righteously.
“I’m not hiding! I’m just… gathering my energy,” I finished lamely.
That’s actually not too far from the truth, I muse. My body feels achy and sore, probably from expelling so much magic yesterday. Heat fills my cheeks in shame as I remember what happened, how I lost control.
I stayed up until the early hours of the morning, not trying to make a decision, but rather gathering the strength to face it. To truly consider how to go about becoming the person I wanted to be, the person Mutti had raised me to be. To remember the lessons my Mutti had tried to teach me.
To realize how far I had come from who I wanted to be.
I stomped across the room and ripped my blanket back from the thieving raven, ignoring his raven-ish smirk. He fluffed his feathers at me, and I stuck my tongue back at him.
Then we both dissolved into giggles.
Irascible as he may be, I was grateful for his presence at my side. “Thank you for staying with me,” I whispered when the giggles died down.
Can ravens arch an eyebrow? Because that’s definitely the look he gave me then. “I’m your familiar. Through thick or thin, I will be with you.”
I sniffed, touched.
Before I could say anything more, Fiach turned to the door, indicating someone was coming. I took a deep breath and held it a moment, bolstering my resolve, then turned to open the door.
It was time to face the music.
“Dark Fae! Er, I mean, Ruhan?” I stumbled over my words as I stood awkwardly holding the door.
“You going to try to attack me again?” He smirked, flexing his fingers as his magic danced on them.
My back stiffened, and I retorted, “Not with magic, but don’t look at me if some pebbles find their way to your pretty face.”
He guffawed. “You think my face is pretty?”
Ugh. “That’s not - I mean - I didn’t!” My face felt like I had stayed in the sun for a week.
He laughed harder, and Fiach - the traitor - joined him. I glared at them both and sent them a rude gesture.
The Dark F- I mean Ruhan sobered up and pinned me in his unflinching gaze. I shifted, uncomfortable, then took a deep breath and pushed my shoulders back. I had some wrongs I needed to right. “Look, I’m sorry. About… about yesterday, I shouldn’t … I mean,” I groaned. This was harder than I thought it was going to be. “I’m-sorry-I-attacked-you-and-hurt-everyone-and-believed-all-the-rumors-about-you,” I finished in a rush.
A dark eyebrow arched, the droll look making my stomach do flips.
“That sounded painful.”
I wrinkled my face, but didn’t say anything further. Truthfully, I didn’t trust myself not to say something snarky and ruin my apology, awkward though it was.
Ruhan simply stared at me contemplatively for a moment, then opened his mouth, as if he had come to some conclusion about me. I wondered what it was. “Aldric mentioned that you were having problems with your magic?” He made it sound more like a question than a statement.
I nodded my response.
“And that he mentioned I might be able to help?”
I nodded again, this time wary.
“I would like to propose a trade.”
My mouth dropped open for a moment. I quickly closed it again and gathered my thoughts, trying to figure out his angle. “What sort of trade?”
“Information and power,” he said succinctly. “The council can teach you about magic, but I can show you how to use it. And in exchange, all I ask is information.”
This sounded too good to be true. “What information?”
He didn’t deign to give me an answer, just turned around and started walking off. “You coming or not?” He threw over his shoulder as I stood rooted in the doorway.
I guess we were going into the forest.
“What about the creatures that could eat me?” I threw at his back.
“You're with me.” He winked. “They wouldn’t dare challenge me.”
I seethed. Why that arrogant -
“Fiach!” I shrieked as my traitorous familiar flew to Ruhan’s shoulder.
“Hurry up.”
I glared at both their backs as I stomped after them. The next opportunity I had, I was definitely spitting in Ruhan’s soup.
“Close your eyes.”
My eyes remained stubbornly open, and Ruhan sighed.
“You need to connect with nature, and you’re getting too in your head,” he explained, aggrieved. “Close your eyes and forget about everything else. Just focus on your magic and how it feels. Don’t think about what you want it to do, or how you want it to feel. Just focus on how it actually feels.”
Petulantly, I did as he requested. This was not how I was expecting today to go.
He had taken me to a clearing far enough away to be able to stretch out our magic, but part of me was glad to not risk seeing any other villagers. I wasn't sure I was ready to face them just yet.
I also wasn’t ready to close my eyes - it felt too vulnerable. Plus, the clearing we were in was calming and gorgeous. The sun shone through the trees just enough to light up the flora with a soft, ethereal glow. All around us was a riot of color from the flowers and mushrooms that had taken over, peeking through and coating the bushes and grass in a way that felt both mischievous and calming. I’d never seen a clearing so at odds and yet so perfect.
Fiach, who was perched in a nearby tree, clacked his beak at me, and I sighed in exasperation. I closed my eyes and focused on my magic. I could feel an undercurrent of - something. Curious, I focused on the feeling, trying to determine what it was. It felt - it felt sharp and jagged. I probed at it then recoiled at the unpleasant sensation.
“You feel that?” Ruhan breathed. “You’re doing it. What does it feel like?”
“It feels… unhappy. Angry,” I answered softly.
“Your magic is an extension of yourself” Ruhan’s voice took on an almost clinical edge, “It’s not your magic that’s unhappy and angry, it’s you.”
My eyes shot open, and our eyes clashed. I opened my mouth to deny it, but he stopped me.
“I don’t need to know what happened.” He shushed me, his eyes shining softly, “but you do need to figure out what you want to do about it.”
I huffed. That was easier said than done.
He stepped closer. I barely refrained from stepping back. I couldn’t bear to let him think he intimidated me, but his nearness was… distracting. “But that’s not why I brought you here.”
I arched my brow and waited for him to continue. Not giving in an inch.
“I brought you here to start with the basics. Aldric said you’ve taught yourself everything you know about magic, so I’m going to find out what you’ve been doing wrong.”
I opened my mouth to tell him exactly what I thought about that, but he stopped me before I could.
“Oh come off it,” he groused, “I didn’t mean it like that. Just - show me what you normally would do.”
“That’s not a good idea,” I warned, “my magic has been unpredictable lately.”
“I think I can handle you.” He smirked, and part of me wanted to flick his too-perfect teeth.
“Your funeral,” I muttered, but still sunk into my magic and called for it to come to the surface.
Now that I was paying attention to my emotions and how my magic felt in response to them, I could distinguish subtle differences. Like right now, my magic felt more boisterous than jagged, but it still had a sharp edge.
Determined to give it an honest effort, I knelt down and laid my hands on the ground, sending my magic into the soil and calling up the flora I felt within the dirt. My magic protested, but I wrestled with it until it gave in, sinking into the ground like a hard rain after a drought.
“Ouch!” I cried out as a thorn bush sprang up under my hand, a splinter lodging under my skin. I sucked on my palm, trying to get it out, and my eyes caught Ruhan’s shocked gaze.
He let out a low laugh. “You don’t even know what you just did, do you?”
My scalp prickled, and I felt my magic rise up, unbidden, as I smarted at his words.
He held up his hands in surrender. “That came out wrong.” He raked his hands through his hair, dislodging a strand of hair so that it fell over his eyes rakishly. “I just mean -” He cut off his sentence and tried again, “Try that again, but this time just use a trickle of your power.”
I rolled my eyes, but complied, moving my focus internal as I reached for my power. It was coursing through my veins like the tide, and I remembered when even healing a small cut was a struggle. But now, the tide of magic that washed over me was almost overwhelming as I pulled it towards the ground.
It didn’t want to trickle out - it wanted to flow freely, to consume, and the effort of trying to hold it back had my muscles shaking. A trail of sweat dripped down the side of my face as I wrangled with my unruly magic.
Warm hands wrapped around me as Ruhan closed the distance between us, his scent filling my nose. My magic seared through me, burning a path through my middle at his nearness, and I jumped, throwing out my elbow in my surprise.
“Oof!”
My stomach dropped as wheezing filled my ears. I whirled around, hand flying to cover my mouth as I stared at him, wide eyed.
“I was-” wheeze “just trying” wheeze “to help!” he finally gasped out as he bent over.
“You grabbed me!” The words popped out of my mouth, unbidden.
The expression that crossed his face was partial grimace, partial exasperation, and wholly pained. When he was finally breathing slightly better, he growled out, “If you’d been paying attention to your surroundings, you wouldn’t have been surprised.”
His growl set my hair on end, and I averted my eyes. I refused to let him see his effect on me.
Because he didn’t affect me.
Not at all.
“Let’s try that again,” he gritted out, and I was genuinely surprised he was willing to risk getting hurt again. “I’m going to help you; don’t hit me this time.”
I rolled my eyes. He acted like it was my goal to hurt him.
Okay, well, maybe a little bit, but he surprised me. I felt that was self explanatory.
I nodded, and he eyed me, wary, as he stepped behind me again.
“Okay,” he breathed, and his ozone scent teased my nostrils. “Now, reach for your magic, but only call for a trickle. I just want you to focus on one small plant and see if you can coax new growth into it.”
I closed my eyes once more and reached for my magic. Ruhan’s blazing hands once again wrapped around me, and I was proud of myself for barely flinching.
See? He doesn’t affect me.
I forced my attention back to my magic as it battered against my hold, wanting to explode out. I wasn’t entirely sure when my magic switched from me having to coax and push for it to come out to having to hold it back, but the difference had me slightly worried.
Below my feet I could sense a slumbering seed and I directed my magic into the small grain. I gritted my teeth to hold back the full weight of my power, and Ruhan’s grip tightened slightly before relaxing again. My magic took advantage of my distraction to push past my hold, diving into not just the one seed, but several surrounding it as well.
“Pull back,” Ruhan whispered into my ear.
The sound seemed to travel down my entire body, and my skin pebbled in its wake. I gasped and desperately tried to pull my magic back, to stop the flow as it grew stronger yet. Ozone mixed with gingerbread as Ruhan’s magic tried to mix with mine, to control it.
My power refused to back down and instead tangled with Ruhan’s, as if taunting his magic. A muffled curse breezed past my ear but I ignored it, my entire focus on my power as I battled to contain it. I took strength from Ruhan, leaning into his warmth. Together we battled for dominance.
After what seemed like hours I finally managed to convince my magic to retreat, and I staggered at the sudden loss. Was this normal? I turned to Ruhan, panting at the exertion, to find him out of breath as well. Our breaths mixed for a moment before he stepped back, breaking the contact.
He stood a step away and looked at me for a moment before slowly shaking his head. I wasn’t sure how to interpret that, so for a moment we simply stood there, staring at each other. Heat slowly filled my cheeks as the moment stretched out. Doubts began to bounce around in my mind, and my body echoed the sentiment, fidgeting in awkwardness.
Then, Ruhan began to laugh. Softly at first, they quickly morphed into deep belly laughs that set my nerves on fire.
“Ouch!”
Ruhan rubbed the back of his neck where Fiach had swooped him with his beak and cursed.
I blew my beautiful familiar a tired kiss as he fluttered to my shoulder.
The reproachful face that Ruhan sent my way should have made me feel repentant, but I rather felt he earned that peck.
“Was that what you were trying to do?” he questioned, and I looked at the direction his finger was indicating.
There was the same blood red flower standing tall in the middle of the clearing, vines and ferns tangling around it. My breath caught at the sight, and I stared at it. My thoughts whirled too fast for me to grab any single thought, and I let them circle, too exhausted to try to master them.
“Katharina?”
Numbly, I turned to face him, putting the crimson flower behind me.
“Katharina, how? What did you do?” He breathed.