Chapter 14 Astra #2
Not another word is spoken until after the dinner plates have been cleared.
A cup of what I assume is coffee with a lot of cream is set in front of me, along with a small plate holding what must be the world’s most delicate cookies.
I’m afraid to breathe on them, worried they will crumble and the bits will scatter in the air.
I don’t even hesitate. I snatch up a cookie and shove it in my mouth. Butter and sugar and honey explode on my tongue. I think I moan.
Yeah, I definitely did. The little twitch of his lips tells me so.
“Good?” he asks after he regains control of his stern mask.
“Uh, yes!” I say, shoving another one in my mouth.
His eyes go to the side, not looking anywhere in my direction, as he slides his plate in toward me. I gobble his cookies down too.
After a long moment of silence, he gets to his feet. I suppose dinner is over. I follow suit, tucking my chair under the table. He walks me to the arched entryway.
“Thank you for joining me,” he says, his shoulders a little stiff. “What will you do now?”
And just like that, a brilliant idea comes to mind.
“I was thinking about watching a movie,” I tell him.
“A movie?”
“Please tell me that you know what movies are.”
His expression falls so comically fast that I can’t stop the laugh that slips out at seeing it.
“Of course, I know what movies are. I just wasn’t sure where to go after you answered the question. I wasn’t prepared for…” His words trailed off as his brow furrowed.
Ah, so he’s not good with intimate conversations. The man is calculating and cold, but I’m certain that’s because life made him that way. If all the things I heard are true, he never stood a chance. He’d been thrown into this life, and that is all he knows.
I picture the teenage boy who’d just lost his mom.
I can almost see him desperate for his father’s approval and never truly getting it.
Growing up, one of his father’s men or his staff, never treated like family.
My heart breaks. Maybe he’s not the most decent human being, but he deserves so much more.
“You have watched a movie before, right?”
There’s a faraway look in his eyes. I count the breaths until he blinks back into focus. He doesn’t look at me.
“Yes. I used to watch them with my mom. Friday nights…” He clears his throat and turns to look out at the window.
“She’d pick me up from school and we’d go to the video store.
This was back when you went to a place to rent physical copies of movies.
” He lets out a small laugh under his breath.
“We would get candy from the grocery store and make popcorn. She’d put extra butter on it. ”
The room grows cold suddenly, and it takes great strength not to wrap my arms around myself.
When he spins around to face me, there’s nothing in his eyes. Another wave of coldness hits me, and my body shivers.
I don’t know why, but I feel the need to push it away. I know this cold isn’t from the breeze coming in the open windows. This is something else. Something… emotional.
I imagine being hugged. The warmth and comfort that comes from such an embrace. The cold retreats from my body, and I’m surprised when I see it also flee from Donovan’s eyes. His brow furrows, and he shakes his head as if he were in a daze.
I feel a little strange. There’s something going on here that I can’t put my finger on. It’s beyond my control. Or maybe it’s within my control, but I have no idea how that can be.
Guilt washes over me, though I’m not sure why.
I push it away so I can focus on this moment. This thing between us feels like the most important thing right now, and I have to make sure I get it right. I have to keep the cold away.
“Would you like to join me?” I ask with slight hesitation in my tone. I wasn’t sure it was a good idea, yet my mouth kept forming the words.
“Are you asking me to watch a movie with you?”
I tilted my head to the side before replying, “Yes.”
His lips twitch with what could be a smile.
“We could get some candy or make popcorn, if you like,” I add in hopes of swaying him.
He’s as still as a statue for a long moment, his gaze locked onto mine.
“Alright,” he finally says, but it’s easy to hear the uncertainty in the word.
“Do you have candy and popcorn here?”
“Probably not,” he says, his tone back to the unemotional void I’ve become used to.
He pulls out his phone and starts typing.
I resist the urge to ask him what he’s doing.
He stares at the screen for a moment after he stops typing, and when it buzzes in his hand, he gives a satisfied nod.
“I’m sending Torrin to the store. He wants to know if there is anything specific he should get. ”
I stare at him wide-eyed and shocked.
“What?” he asks when he finally lifts his head and sees my expression.
“You can’t just order him around like that. What if he’s busy?” I have no idea where Torrin disappeared to after he left me at the table, but I can’t imagine he’s waiting in the wings for Donovan to make him play errand boy. The thought makes me angry. How dare Donovan treat people that way?!
He snorts but sobers quickly when he sees how serious I am.
“It was his stupid idea for me to invite you to dinner, so the least he could do—”
“Stupid?!” I stand tall, trying my hardest to hide how his words cause a pinch in my chest. “Just forget it.”
I turn and leave the room. I might be stuck here, but I will not put up with that. I won’t be made to feel like a child or a thing that has to be handled and entertained. I thought we were having a nice moment, a breakthrough, but no.
“Astra, wait!” I hear him curse under his breath as his heavy footfalls stalk after me. “That’s not…”
I don’t want to hear whatever line he’s going to feed me.
I scowl over my shoulder and pick up my pace.
I’m practically running now. The stairs are just up ahead.
I take them two at a time, holding my breath as I focus hard on not tripping.
I know I have the advantage here because, for all the predator stalking he does, he won’t rush to chase after me.
He’s too calm for that. But what he doesn’t realize is that I will be safely tucked behind a locked door by the time he does catch up to me.
I’m so done with this. I’m done with trying. Done with giving him the benefit of the doubt.
He’s cold. He has no heart.
He’s the monster they say he is.