Chapter 18
EIGHTEEN
Astra
I wake up alone.
A part of me expects it. Donovan doesn’t owe me anything, after all, and I already know I didn’t mean anything to him that first night.
What would make me think this time had been any different?
The fact that now we’re basically stuck with each other?
Yeah, I’m not that na?ve. Yet, there is some small flicker of hope inside me that dies the moment I feel the cold sheets.
It’s stupid and silly, so I push it away along with the sense of dread that flows through me.
I bet he fled the moment my breathing evened out. I laugh in spite of the irritation I’m feeling. The image of him gathering up his clothes and creeping out of here as quiet as a mouse is just too funny. I’m sure it’s not far off.
I slip on my shorts and my tee. That’s when I notice his shirt is still on the floor. I snatch it up and toss it in the small waste bin in the corner of the room. Petty and childish, but I don’t care. Now all I have to do is take a shower, and I can basically wash last night away.
A chill runs down my spine as I reach for the handle of the door.
I hesitate, looking over my shoulder to see if the doors to the outside are still open.
I don’t remember closing them last night, yet I don’t feel a breeze.
Seeing how they are all shut, I’m confused at this sensation, and it causes goosebumps to prickle the skin on my arms. I do my best to shake it off as I open the door and step into the hall, gasping when I nearly run into Torrin.
I tilt my head back to meet his eyes. The reason for the chill becomes clear as I take in his stern expression.
He isn’t my friend.
He isn’t here to look after me.
He’s here to make sure I don’t go anywhere.
And as if that isn’t clear enough, Andre is waiting in the background, not a single hint of emotion on his face.
I turn my head and catch sight of the light spilling from the doorway that is always closed.
Donovan’s office. The only time I’ve been in there was when I barged my way in because I needed to feel him.
We’d been apart too long. And even then, I hadn’t used the proper door to the room.
The light is a blaring alarm warning me to run. I don’t know what I’ve done wrong, but it’s clear Torrin and Andre are to collect me for their puppet master.
Suddenly, waking up alone doesn’t seem like it’s going to be the worst part of my day.
Whatever is ahead…
I take in a deep breath as I turn my attention to Torrin once again. Pulling back my shoulders, I hold his gaze.
“What?” I ask, voice tight with anger.
“Boss wants to see you,” he tells me. He’s angry. I can feel it.
Donovan being pissed and ill-tempered toward me is not surprising, but Torrin? What could I have possibly done for him to hate me?
“Can I use the bathroom first?” I ask. I raise a brow and force a sense of calm to wrap around me. I have no clue what’s going on, but I refuse to cower, no matter how scared I am.
Donovan could kill me. A part of me thinks that even if we find a way to end the curse, he’s going to have to silence me for all the things I’ve seen. I’m not ready to die, from the curse or by his hands. Or by any other means, for that matter.
Torrin doesn’t answer with words, but when he steps to the side and jerks his head in the direction of the bathroom, I skirt around him and dash down the hall.
“Nope,” he tells me. His foot blocks me from shutting the door. “Hurry up.”
“You’re going to watch me?!” I glare at him.
He shrugs, not a care that he’s violating my privacy.
I am a prisoner. I was kidding myself that I wasn’t.
I huff out a harsh breath as I plop down on the toilet, trying my hardest to keep my parts covered.
To his credit, he’s not staring at me directly.
Still, I try to rush through. Then I brush my teeth quickly and run a comb through my hair before gathering it up in a high ponytail.
If I have to fight, I don’t need my hair getting in my face.
Not that I’m kidding myself. There’s no way I could take on any of them, let alone all three of them. They’d have me dead before I even figured out which one I was going to attack first.
Torrin and Andre guide me by crowding my back. I want to roll my eyes because they are treating me as if I don’t know where I’m headed or like I’ll run. Please, I know I don’t stand a chance. So, on to the execution room I go.
I lose my breath for a second the moment I see Donovan sitting behind a big, dark wood desk. He looks angry, but also sexy. It messes with my head. Torrin and Andre give me no space as I stop five feet in front of the desk.
Donovan looks a mix of menacing and nonchalant, sitting there with his face tilted down and his eyes cut up in my direction. His hair is draped around his face. Despite the slight air of boredom, he looks like a killer right now.
The sight of him has my heart racing for all the wrong reasons. I don’t dare try to figure out why I find the monster in him attractive.
Rage vibrates around him. I can feel it shifting the air. It feels like I’m choking when I inhale.
His fisted hands press down on the desktop as he rises. Never once does he look away from me. I’m not even sure he blinks. He walks around the desk, casually leaning against it, but I’m not fooled by his cool demeanor. I can feel how mad he is.
One of his hands unfurls as he goes to set something on the desk.
I stare at the little vial filled with green liquid, blinking as everything registers.
“I had a meeting early this morning,” he tells me, voice void of any emotion. “I was going to leave you a note.”
Shock hits me, and my mouth parts.
He was going to leave me a note? Like… so I wouldn’t wake up alone and feel… well, like I felt this morning. I don’t know how to process that.
I guess it doesn’t matter now.
“I found this in the drawer beside your bed when I was looking for some paper,” he tells me as if I don’t know what it is or where he found it. “I wanted to believe that you weren’t working for your father—”
“I’m not,” I say, cutting him off.
Before I even know what’s happening, he’s got me turned around and pinned against the desk. His hand pinches my jaw hard while the other brandishes a knife close enough to my lips that I can feel the prick of the blade’s tip.
“Lie to me again, Astra, and I’ll pry your pretty mouth open and cut out your tongue.”
This man before me is everything they say he is. A man with no feelings. No emotions. A monster.
But this close, I can see into the monster’s eyes.
He does feel, but he hides it well. The rage bubbles to the surface, overflowing and hitting me. I see more, though. There’s a hint of fear. He values his life more than he wants people to think he does.
I hadn’t planned on lying to him. Now that I see through him, I vow to never leave him in the dark again about something like this. Something that has to do with his life or safety.
“I’m not working for my father,” I say again. It comes out mumbled due to the fact that he’s gripping my face so hard I can’t move my jaw. I’ll have finger-shaped bruises dotting my skin for sure.
The knife presses into my bottom lip, and I flinch at the bite of pain. I don’t have to touch the spot to know I’m bleeding.
I catch a brief glimpse of Torrin from the corner of my eye. He won’t step in to help, but I don’t miss the look of confusion on his face. Does he think his boss has gone too far?
Incinerating rage flows through me, vibrating my whole body. I close my eyes as I try to release it and calm down, but it feels like I’m nothing but a system made of tubes or wires, circulating the energy in an endless loop.
“Donovan,” I whisper. “I didn’t lie to you.”
His eyes glaze over. It’s almost as if he has no control over himself.
“I don’t believe a thing that comes out of your mouth,” he seethes.
My vision becomes spotty, even as I force myself to drag in a long, calming breath. The light is flickering around me, and I can’t understand why this is happening.
“Uh, Boss,” Torrin says. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see him take a hesitant step closer. The room goes dark, except for a few shafts of natural light cutting through. “Donovan!”
Torrin sounds panicked. I close my eyes, but I can still see the light winking in and out from behind my lids. I’m starting to think it’s not in my head.
I can’t keep holding all this rage in. My mouth parts, my lids fly open, and a scream pours out of me. It’s so loud. Like nothing I’ve ever known.
Donovan’s unforgiving touch is suddenly gone, and where the bite of the knife was a second ago, I feel a sharp slice of pain.
“What the fuck?” Donovan’s voice rings out farther away than before. I can only make out shapes as my vision clouds red.
“I have never lied to you,” My voice comes out like static, scratchy to my ears. “Hidden things, yes, but never outright lied to you. I never kept things from you with the intention to hurt or deceive you.”
The lights above us flicker as I press on, determined to get it all out and be done with it.
“I am not working with my father. I hate him.” In this moment, I truly feel that I do.
I can’t tell if something inside me has been unlocked or if I’m feeding off the energy of the room.
“Yes, he was using me to kill you. I was supposed to…” I gasp for breath, my head dizzy.
“I was supposed to slip the poison into your drink the night of the masquerade, but I couldn’t do it. ”
Exhausted, I sag against the desk, my shaky arms doing their best to hold me up.
It takes a second for the red haze to vanish, and my eyes try to focus on what’s in front of me.
Donovan comes into view, panting a few feet away from me now.
Torrin is by his side, eyes wide as he looks between the two of us.
Andre is backing up in the direction of the door as if his feet are telling him to run, but his obligation keeps him from completely fleeing.
They all seem to be keeping their distance. I can’t blame them. I’m a little frightened of me, too.
“I think she’s got a touch of the natural, Boss,” Andre says. He looks as if he doesn’t trust me, doesn’t want to be near me.
Torrin takes a step in my direction. He’s the only one who looks more shocked than scared. I think he means to help me, but his whole body comes to a halt when Donovan growls, “Get out.”
“Donovan,” Torrin says, his eyes still on me.
“Get the fuck out. Now!”
Torrin shoots me a sympathetic look before turning and heading for the door. Andre is already gone. I collapse the moment the door is closed behind them.
But instead of falling to the floor, I’m caught by strong arms.
Donovan lifts me up and carries me around the desk. He holds me tight as he sits down, my legs draped across his, and my head comes to rest on his shoulder.
“You have powers?” Donovan asks. His voice is deep. Calming. Soothing. “Abilities? Fuck.” He blows out a breath as if he’s frustrated with himself. “Whatever you call it. You… everything became stronger, and I felt like I couldn’t control my anger.”
“I didn’t know,” I say hoarsely. I feel like I’ve swallowed glass or had a million volts of electricity poured down my throat. When I feel Donovan’s arms stiffen around me, I quickly follow up with, “I swear.”
He reaches for a squat glass that has some amber liquid in it. When he offers it to me, I down it quickly. The burn does nothing to help my throat, but I don’t ask for water because I don’t want him to get up. I’m not ready for him to let me go.
“I’m sorry,” he tells me. I can hear the remorse in his tone.
“Can we just forget about it?”
“No,” he says flatly. “I lost my cool. That’s not like me. Yes, maybe you had something to do with that, but I shouldn’t have…” He sighs heavily.
“But you meant it,” I point out.
“I did. I want to trust you, and that is fucking with me because I’ve been trained to always be looking over my shoulder.”
“That doesn’t sound like a very good way to live,” I point out softly. “Doesn’t it get… lonely?”
“I never thought it was before.”
His statement hangs thick in the air. Things have changed. We crashed into each other’s lives, and now there’s no going back, even if we somehow live.
The silence stretches out. There are so many things we need to talk about, but somehow, the quietness doesn’t feel awkward or strained.
He holds me. I breathe him in and let the calm wash over me at his touch.
It’s silly, especially given what just happened.
I’m not stupid enough to think he’d never really hurt me.
That would be laughable. I know he wouldn’t hesitate to kill me if I became a threat.
The thing is, I don’t want to be a threat to him. I don’t want to betray him.
I blink back into focus and realize I’m staring at the vial of poison on the corner of the desk. Somehow, I just know he’s staring at it too
“I didn’t want to do it,” I tell him, and I’m still having a hard time talking.
My body is also still vibrating with a strange energy, though it’s not as strong.
I can say that I’m not a fan of whatever just happened.
If I do have some kind of natural abilities, I need to learn how to control them. And fast.
There’s so much I need to learn about myself. It goes beyond this newfound ability. It’s all crashing down on me now.
I push my issues aside and keep going.
“He has my mother’s ashes,” I admit, tears stinging my eyes. “I need them to lay her to rest properly.”
Here I sit, being comforted by the so-called enemy while my mother still doesn’t have a blessed resting place. She could be in a bag in my father’s attic for all I know.
It doesn’t feel right, yet I can’t make myself move.