Chapter 34 Astra
THIRTY-FOUR
Astra
We started looking for Andre by heading to the hospital, because, as Donovan put it, “If he’s alive, he’ll likely be there.”
And he is here.
It’s been like pulling teeth to get any answers. Andre’s been in surgery for two hours. Fabien is pacing the waiting room, his eyes unfocused as he sporadically mutters to himself. I want to comfort him, but I don’t know how to right now. He seems lost to too many emotions.
Torrin got patched up, and he’s back with us now.
He’s trying his hardest to brush it off, but I can tell the wound on his shoulder isn’t pleasant by the way his eye twitches whenever he moves.
Lucky for him, it was through-and-through and didn’t cause any major damage.
The other two bullets he took ended up just grazing him.
He probably has a concussion, but he’s not fessing up to it.
Little by little, Donovan has been receiving information about tonight’s tragedy and the cost that came with it. His expression remains stoic every time he answers his phone, but behind his eyes, I can see the damage each one does to him.
Donovan Falco isn’t a monster. He’s not exactly a teddy bear either, and anyone who would think so would be a fool.
He’s a man with many things on his shoulders, and knows the price for the life he’s built.
He’ll take that burden and deal with it, which I think makes him a better man than most people.
“Carlos didn’t make it,” he tells Torrin after he gets off the phone.
That brings the body count to four of his people. Three were already dead on the scene. Three were brought to the hospital in rough shape, and now one of them is gone.
Donovan has been getting information from someone who works here. I want to know who, but I don’t ask. Not because I don’t feel bold enough, but more because it’s not what’s important right now.
A big man shuffles into the room, his eyes scanning the area.
Donovan straightens from the wall and nods to the man.
His face is black and blue and bloody. There’s a sling across his body, cradling his left arm, and as I look closer, I can see there is a splint holding two of his fingers together.
I try to hold back a cringe. He winces slightly as he makes his way over to us.
He was with us tonight, I know that much.
Even if the suit didn’t give him away, I recognize him.
I’m positive his name is Lion since I’d heard Donovan use that when addressing the man a couple of times tonight.
I also seem to remember hearing something about a casino, like the man worked there.
Which left me to wonder if the casino is Donovan’s.
Now that we’ve made it through the curse, I really need to ask more about Donovan’s… life? Business? I have no idea what to call it, but I want to know. I don’t want to sit home like some clueless housewife or whatever. This is my life now, and I’m fully committed to it… to him.
“Glad you’re okay,” Torrin says, carefully cupping Lion’s good shoulder.
“It’s gonna be a rough few weeks commin’, but I’ll make it,” Lion says, trying to smile, but I can tell it hurts. We all hear the unsaid part about being lucky to be alive, but no one says anything.
“I’ll get someone to drive you home,” Donovan says after a long moment of silence passes.
“Nah,” Lion tells him as he slowly lowers into the empty chair beside Fabien. “I killed three men tonight. Need a minute before I go home and see my son.”
He leans his head back against the wall and closes his eyes as if to shut the world out for a moment.
That one line breaks me. I don’t know how to hold it in. It hurts. It all hurts.
“Astra.” Donovan says my name, sounding closer than he was before. I blink away whatever it is that is clouding my vision to look at him. “Stay with me, My Beauty. I’m here. Give me your pain, your hurt. Let me take it for you.”
His voice is a low rumble, meant only for me to hear.
The room around me murmurs, the sounds having a panicked edge to them. I don’t have to ask. I know it’s because of me. I hate that I’m an uncontrollable emotional bomb that can go off at any second. I really need help figuring out how to control my abilities… and maybe a lot of practice too.
“No,” I shakily say. He’s strong enough to carry it, but I won’t burden him like that.
Besides, I don’t think I’d like myself if I couldn’t feel.
The good and the ugly, all the emotions shape us into who we are, and I’m finally starting to see who I am.
“I want them. I just need to learn how to feel them.”
In a crowded room, full of people who know who he is and the power he holds, he grabs my hand and doesn’t let it go.
“I love you,” he reminds me before he leaves me with a kiss on my temple. I smile through the sadness, through the pain, seeing the good things that can also come with this life.
Fabien refuses to leave Andre’s bedside.
And against Donovan’s wishes, I’ve stayed here in case Fabien needs someone.
We’re going on two days now. Andre made it through surgery, coding twice, they said.
But it’s going to be a long road to recovery.
He had been pinned under the car that ran into the building, and it took them a while to get him out.
I don’t know all the details, but from the look on Donovan’s face, it’s bad.
He’s unconscious, breathing through a tube, and most of his body is covered in bandages.
The doctor said he’s truly surprised Andre is still alive with all the damage his body has taken.
I still don’t know what to say to that. I’d call it a miracle, but something feels off about using that word. I can’t put my finger on why.
“Fabien,” I call his name softly as I slowly cross the room.
He blinks but doesn’t look my way. With his legs up in the chair, he looks like he’s trying to make himself seem as small as possible.
“Let us take you home so you can get some sleep. Torrin says he’ll stay here, and he’ll call if anything changes. ”
Though it’s likely the only kind of change we’d see any time soon would be for the worse. Fingers crossed that doesn’t happen.
“This is my fault,” he whispered, eyes unfocused. “I’m like her. I’m a monster.”
I have no idea what he’s talking about. There’s no way the sweet, gentle person in front of me is a monster.
“When I was ten, I saw a bird fly into a window,” he says. I crouch down in front of him, but he still doesn’t look at me. Not even as I put my hands on his knees. “It was on the ground, unmoving.”
The pieces start to click into place. I swallow hard.
“I didn’t want it to be dead, but it wouldn’t move. I… I touched it and thought about it moving again. About it flying again. And then… it flapped its wings and flew away.”
I don’t know what to say, but I can’t hate him.
“I knew about necromancy magic and how it’s frowned upon.
I didn’t know what I was doing, I swear.
I got so scared, I swore I’d never use my so-called gift again.
I’d never wish for something to have life again, no matter what.
” Tears leak down his already tear-stained cheeks.
“I never even wished someone would get better when they were sick.”
“That’s a lot to deal with for a kid,” I say softly. “A lot to hold in for that many years.”
Naturals’ and crafters’ abilities are different.
While Sandra could raise my father and control his body, he was still dead.
I might not know a whole lot about natural weaving necromancers, but I do have an idea that they have the power to actually bring someone or something back from death. They are a lot more powerful.
Fabien bursts into tears, sobbing as his body uncurls. I don’t hesitate to wrap my arms around him, even though it’s an awkward position.
“I know I’m not exactly like Sandra because I’m a natural and I have no control over my what abilities I was given, but I still feel dark and ugly like her.
” He sobs harder. I try to pull some of his pain away, but then I stop.
It feels wrong to do it without asking for permission first. Maybe, like me earlier, he needs to feel it, he needs to release it.
“I didn’t ask for it, and I don’t want it.
It’s not right. There are consequences for dragging a marked soul back, and I can’t be responsible for that. But I… I couldn’t let him go.”
He’s crying so hard that it takes me a moment to understand the last part.
But it hits me as the night flashes back in my mind. The reason he was so shaken. The reason he had to touch Andre.
He believes he brought Andre back. What if he did?
I focus on keeping my breathing steady because I don’t want to make the situation worse. I’m trying to work the whole thing out in my mind. I still don’t see him as a monster, and I understand the heavy burden he’s been carrying.
“What if it’s not necromancy,” I point out more than question because my brain is still trying to work it out.
“W-what?” he asks, pulling away from me and sitting up in the chair.
I stand and pace a few feet away.
“What if the bird wasn’t dead?” I ask. The light bulb goes off in my head.
“It wasn’t moving.”
“Right, but what if that’s because the bird was stunned or knocked out? What if it was still alive? What if you healed it instead of bringing it back from the dead?”
When I turn around to face him again, he’s blinking up at me with his mouth parted. It’s like the thought never occurred to him. My heart breaks for both little boy Fabien and the man he is now, holding it all in and living in fear of his abilities.
“What if Andre wasn’t dead when I touched him?!” There’s a rush of hope and excitement in his tone as he gets to his feet. “What if I healed him enough to keep him alive until they could save him?!”
I move in close as he gently grabs Andre’s hand.
“Leave me,” he says. There’s a confidence in his voice that I haven’t heard before.
“But—”
“Leave me, please,” he says, giving me a pleading look. “I can’t concentrate with your emotional interference.”
I can’t help it, I laugh.
“I like the way you said that.” He smiles at my teasing tone. It’s good to see. “Promise you’ll call Torrin or Donovan if you need me, okay?”
“I promise.” He turns his attention to Andre. There’s a small smile on his face, and his eyes are much brighter than I’ve seen them in the last twenty-four hours.
I have to trust him. Trust that he knows what he’s doing. With one last look at the two of them, I turn and head for the door.
“Hey,” he calls out right before the door shuts. I pop my head back in. “I’m glad you didn’t die.”
I send him a smile as I say, “Me too.”
And what a strange relief it is.
“See you soon,” he says, turning his attention back to the unconscious man in the bed.
I’m hoping for the best as I shut the door and walk away from the room.
It doesn’t surprise me to find Donovan standing a few feet away from the door.
Just enough room to make me feel like I had some privacy in that room.
And as I expect, Torrin is only a few feet down the hallway, pretending to chat up a nurse like he isn’t really paying attention to what’s going on around him.
And by the way the nurse lights up, it’s easy to see, even a bloody mess, Torrin’s charm is powerful.
“Is everything okay?” Donovan asks as he moves in and wraps his arms around me like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
“It will be,” I say with all the confidence in the world. I hope I’m right. It feels like I’m right, so I just keep rolling with that.
I don’t fill him in about what just happened because I don’t feel like it’s my place.
After the dust settles and I see what happens with Andre, I’ll talk to Fabien about everything.
It’s ultimately his decision if he wants to tell people.
While I don’t like keeping things from Donovan, I think this is one of those instances where it’s okay.
I turn my head and stiffen at the sight of two scary-looking guys heading this way. One’s dressed in a suit, nothing too fancy, and the other is wearing a faded black tee and ripped jeans that look like they’ve seen better days.
“They’re here to watch over Fabien and Andre,” Donovan tells me. It makes sense that these would be his people. I send them a smile, but only the… less put-together one smiles back. Donovan growls, and I roll my eyes. “We’re going home.”
I don’t say anything, but I really like the way he says home. Like it’s our place. I hope he means it that way.
“Yes, Astra,” he says, his lips next to my ear. “No more insecurities.” Oh, am I giving off those kinda vibes? Oops. “You are mine, do you hear me? You will live in our house, sleep in our bed. And you never need to question or want for anything ever again.”
“Okay,” I squeak out.
And I decide I’m done. I’m done feeling insecure.
Done wondering if he means it. A man like him doesn’t just say those kinds of things without it being the truth.
I know how hard it is for him to accept his feelings for me, so I’m not going to make him keep doubting himself.
I’m going to take his love and love him back.
“Let’s go home,” I say, smiling up at him.