Chapter 14 – Bellamy
BELLAMY
“Papa thinks you’re beautiful.”
My fingers freeze in Phaedra’s hair mid-braid. I turn to Sabrina, who is already all braided up—the girls like to sleep in braids because it gives them mermaid waves—and I gawk at her.
“I’m sorry, I don’t think I heard you correctly.”
“Papa thinks you’re beautiful,” she repeats as if she’s not saying anything out of the ordinary. “Well, hot. That was the word he used. But that means the same thing.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because I asked Mrs. Emily what it meant. I was worried you had a fever or were sick.”
I blink at her and shake my head. “No. Not what hot means. When did you hear your father say that and who was he speaking to?” I continue braiding Phaedra’s hair before tying the end with the elastic.
Neither Sebastian nor I have mentioned anything about what happened last night when he came to pick me up.
Tonight the kids and I made Spanish paella for dinner and then churros for dessert.
We watched the newer version of The Parent Trap, and I resisted flirting with Sebastian as much as I could manage.
In return, he was easier to deal with. No snide comments on the food or the movie even though he had to leave halfway through it for work stuff.
“He was on the phone with Oncle Rowan,” she tells me. “He called you a hot pain in the ass.”
I hold in my snicker. “Sabrina…” I trail off. There are too many things to focus on there, and I have to organize them in terms of importance. “First of all, language. We don’t say grown-up words like that.”
“I’m just repeating what he said. He said that you were a hot pain in the ass but that we’re happy and you’re doing an excellent job with us. I think that’s good, right? That means he likes you and you can stay.”
“Yes.” Phaedra twists to face me, her eyes beseeching. “Promise you won’t leave us. You can never leave us. None of the other nannies played games with us or did our hair or read bedtime stories to us. You’re our beautiful friend and we love you.”
I take both girls and drop them on my lap, holding them against me, one on each thigh.
“Queen and Princess, I love you with all my heart and have no plans to go anywhere. I’ll stay for however long your papa allows it.
And if he thinks you’re happy despite me being a pain in the butt”—they giggle, and I smile—“then that’s good.
But Sabrina, how did you hear your father on the phone with your uncle? ”
“I was in his office, hiding under his desk. I do it all the time and he never sees me.”
Oh shit. This girl really is trouble. I envy that about her in a weird way. She’s fearless.
“Sabrina,” Phaedra chastises. “You can’t do that. I told you, you have to stop. If Papa catches you, you’ll be in big trouble. He does important work in there.”
“I don’t bother him,” Sabrina cries, her eyes glassing over. “I just like being near him. We hardly see him and all we do is stay in this big dumb palace and never leave.”
“Wait,” I interrupt. “When were you doing this and where was I?”
“It was when you were putting Zayer down for a nap earlier today.”
That’s a whole other issue there. “You mean when you were supposed to be reading a book and waiting for me in the playroom?”
She gives me a wolfish grin, and all those times I caught her running back to the playroom after telling me she was going for a snack piece together. Damn, I let that one slip by me. So much for doing an excellent job.
“Sabrina, Phaedra is right. You can’t do that.
Sneaking off without telling me where you’re going is dangerous.
It scares me when I can’t find you or don’t know where you are.
Please, next time, don’t go off without telling me you’re going.
And if you want to see your papa during the day, tell him.
I’m sure he’ll make time. He’d do anything for you. ”
Her smile wilts, and without a word, she jumps off my lap and runs into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her.
I frown, bewildered. “What just happened?”
“She asked Papa if he would take us to the autumn festival this weekend. He said no. Sabrina hasn’t left the palace since we came here after Mama died.”
“I see.” I work my lip between my teeth.
Zayer is clingy and always has to be held or have attention on him.
Sabrina is acting out, chasing attention, and desperate to leave the palace, even just for a bit.
Phaedra is the easy one so far despite her OCD tendencies, but she gets to go to a different part of the grounds for school, outside of the main palace.
She’s also taken on the role of mother figure somewhat since I always hear her telling Sabrina and Zayer to do this and that.
I understand she’s to be queen one day, but this is different.
“All right. Into bed with you. It’s very late.
” I get her settled and tucked under the covers, her night-light glowing differently colored mermaids across her ceiling and walls.
Their bedroom is enormous. It was apparently two rooms the girls wanted to make one.
They each have a side and their own bathrooms, but it’s sweet how they like being close to each other.
The reason behind it is also obvious, and that’s just another piece to this.
I kiss her forehead and make sure the new book we started reading is on her nightstand so we can continue it tomorrow.
Then I go to find Sabrina.
I tap on her bathroom door. “Sabrina?” The door opens, and she’s right there, her face a little red, but she’s not crying.
She wraps her arms around my waist. I pick her up and carry her to bed, tucking her in as I did with Phaedra.
Her night-light has sea animals on it. “Do you want me to talk to your papa about the festival?”
“It won’t matter. He won’t let us go.” She rolls away from me, hiding her face in her pillow.
I run my fingers over her head and down her braid. “He loves you and wants to keep you safe. That’s all. But I can try, okay? I’ll try.” I kiss her head and climb off her bed. “Good night my favorite princesses. Sweet dreams.”
“Good night,” they mumble sleepily. For a moment, I watch them sleep, thinking through all they said tonight. It’s something that’s been eating at me since I started here. I shut the door behind me and practically run into Althea in the hallway.
“Are the children down?”
“Yes,” I tell her. “Do you happen to know where Sebastian is? I need a word with him.”
“I believe he’s in his study. It isn’t anything that can wait till tomorrow? He’s had a long day and isn’t in the best or most hospitable of moods at the moment.”
“I’d rather not wait.” If I wait, I might chicken out.
She gives me a firm nod. “Okay. Pilates tomorrow or yoga?” We’ve been mixing up our morning workouts.
“You pick. I’m good with either.” It’s my favorite part of the morning, even if I do have to wake up at the ass crack of dawn. I give her a warm smile and head for the stairs, only to think twice and spin back toward her. “Althea, was he always like this?”
She doesn’t ask me what I mean by that, and I appreciate that about her.
She’s a straight shooter. “No. He wasn’t.
Not even when he first became king at fifteen.
He was heartbroken. He missed his father, and he missed his sister, but he had a strength and defiance about him.
A wildness that served him well. He was determined to be the best king he could be.
Losing Nora as they did…it stole the brightest piece of him.
One he hasn’t been able to get back since. ”
“He loved her that deeply.”
A look crosses over her face, but she doesn’t reply, and I get the impression she’s holding something back.
“I think the children need to leave the palace every once in a while,” I say. “Get out a bit. Stretch their legs and see their country. They need to feel like children again. Like a family.”
She considers that for a long moment and replies, “I’m not sure that will be able to happen.”
“Do you believe in it?” I don’t dare say the word.
Her hands meet her hips, and her face casts down to the floor. “I don’t know. I’ve gone back and forth a lot over the years. There seems to be an evil that seeks this family out.” She meets my eyes again. “You think their spirit is being stifled.”
It’s not a question, but I answer her all the same. “Yes. I do. I think they need more.”
And part of me thinks denying them that would be the biggest tragedy of all. You can’t run and you can’t hide from loss. It finds you no matter where you go. And you can’t build up a fortress to protect yourself from what this world has to offer, good or bad.
My father tried. He wasn’t able to stop running.
Because of that, I was alone a lot. I grew up faster than I should have.
Yes, I learned independence and how to be resilient…
but I’m not sure I ever learned happiness.
At least not until I forced myself to. I’m not saying what my father did was wrong or that what the king is doing is wrong.
He believes his family is cursed and that he has to protect them from that.
But there has to be a middle ground.
There is no life in this palace. It’s stale air and haunted walls and whispered fear.
“Go speak with him. Just be careful and go gently. If you need backup, you have it from me.”
“Thank you.”
Winding my way downstairs to the second floor, I make my way to his study. The door is partially open, and when I peek in, he’s sitting in a chair by the fire, his eyes locked on the flames, a crystal tumbler of something amber in his hand.
I knock lightly, not wanting to startle him.
“What?” he barks.
Always so friendly, this one. Maybe this isn’t the best time to disturb the beast king. Maybe he does need the break and me challenging him on this can wait.
When I don’t immediately enter, his head whips around, and he catches me lurking by the door. “Are you coming in or just spying on me?”