Chapter 23 – Bellamy
BELLAMY
It’s been a week since our mini-vacation, and I could already use another one.
I got a call yesterday morning from my father’s case manager.
He was not having a good day, and I raced into Tourin and had to sit down with a few of the staff to discuss a care plan.
My father had wandered again. Thankfully he didn’t get too far this time and didn’t get in any trouble like last time.
Though, it feels impossible now to regret how I got my job and found Sebastian.
I need to go see him again today. I need to sit with him and be with him.
Something I haven’t done nearly as often as I used to since I started working here at the palace.
I’m finding it harder and harder to balance it all.
My father needs me, and the children need me, and Sebastian needs me, and I need them all and I haven’t figured out quite how to do that effectively.
That’s where the exhaustion creeps in.
Which is exactly why at five forty-five in the morning as Phaedra climbs into bed with me, I don’t open my eyes at first. Thank goodness I’m alone.
Not that I’ve slept in Sebastian’s bed all night yet or he in mine.
Hell, I wouldn’t even let him come with me yesterday to see my father, though he offered.
I have no idea how his children will react to the notion of me being with their father.
This relationship is precarious. A lot can happen with it.
But the longer this goes on, the more intense my feelings become, the more out of control everything feels to me.
Maybe that’s why I’m so exhausted. I have a diamond heart around my neck, but what the fuck does it actually mean?
I’m risking so much by loving a man I have no shot at a real future with.
This is when some prior experience or even a mother to talk to would come in handy. This relationship isn’t normal. It’s not average.
The world would see this as something sinister instead of beautiful.
They wouldn’t understand. He can tell me all the pretty words he wants, but in the end, I’ll be the slut who seduced a widower, a king, a father of three.
I’ll be splashed across every tabloid, and while I’m not sure how much I care about that for myself, I don’t want that for him and especially not for the children.
Besides, it’s no one’s business but ours.
Phaedra is quiet, but she hasn’t fallen back to sleep as she lies here beside me. I was so lost in my own thoughts I didn’t take notice of hers. My fingers glide along her messy braid. “What’s on your mind, sweetheart?”
“Do you believe in the curse?”
Oh shit. What the hell do I say? I know her father does, but should I be honest about my thoughts on this?
“Do you?” I parrot, trying to redirect the focus to her.
“I don’t know. Mama died. Papa’s sister is gone and his other one I’m not allowed to meet.
Grandmama never comes to visit because she won’t leave her home either.
Oncle Rowan says curses are the stuff of stories.
He taught me how to skip a rock on the lake yesterday.
He showed me animal prints in the earth.
But every time we leave the palace, I can’t stop being afraid that we are going to die. ”
My throat clogs with emotion, and I roll over, tucking her into me, squeezing her against my chest as she starts to tremble.
“I don’t believe in the curse. I never have.
Life is life, Phaedra. It happens to all of us, both the good and the bad of it.
What happened to your mama is tragic and devastating.
But you can’t let the fear of the bad overpower the joy of the good.
That’s all we have.” I kiss the crown of her hair.
“Your papa’s heart broke when your mama died, and grief and fear took over.
Sometimes those take a very long time to go away, and some of that will never be gone.
But he’s trying. He’s trying so hard. He loves you and your sister and brother more than anything in this world. ”
“So you don’t think…you don’t think I’m going to die?”
I roll us so she’s on top of me, her head over my chest, and I hug her.
What this family has been through…what I would give to make it better.
“Sweetheart, one day when you’re very old with white hair and a thousand tiny grand princesses and princes surrounding you, yes, you will die.
That’s another fact of life. One we cannot change. But today is not that day.”
“Oncle Rowan told me that if I spent all my time thinking about it, that would be a very miserable and boring way to live.”
I hold in my laugh even as my smile slips free. “He’s right.”
“He doesn’t believe in it. He travels all over the world. He told me Papa used to not believe in it either.”
“What do you think?”
“I think if a curse can be made a curse can be broken. That’s what happens in my books.”
“Then we’ll break it, Phaedra. We’ll shatter it. Piece by piece, day by day, we’ll tear it apart. Something only has power over you if you allow it. Don’t allow it.”
“I won’t. I am to be queen. I will be strong and brave.”
That seems to do the trick because not even a minute later she’s flying off me and leaping out of bed, clamoring across the room and flinging the door open only to discover both her father and Althea on the other side, Sebastian’s fist raised as if he were about to knock.
“Bellamy’s going to break the curse with me,” she announces, and Sebastian’s gaze crawls away from hers across my room until it lands on me. I can’t tell if he wants to strangle me or fuck me, but his expression tells me he’s not to be trifled with.
“Is she now?”
That’s all he says, but Phaedra doesn’t bother answering him. She’s skipping down the hall, hopefully to go get dressed for school.
“Early morning meeting?”
I pull my blanket up to cover my chest. “Your children, much like their father, know no boundaries. I know why Althea is here, but is there something you needed at this early hour, Your Majesty, or can it wait until I’m properly dressed and have had my morning coffee?”
His lips twitch for half a second before his stony mask re-forms. “I need a word with you in private,” he says glibly, ignoring my attitude. “It can’t wait.” He twists to Althea, and she studies his face for a moment before giving him a tight nod.
“I’ll wait for you down in the gym,” she tells me, and then she’s gone, and he’s shutting the door behind him.
“I didn’t invite you in.”
Furtively, he glances about my room, his attention bouncing from one thing to the next before he’s back on me. He doesn’t approach me, but I can tell he’s agitated. More than that, there are purple stains beneath his eyes again.
“You haven’t slept.”
“Why are you speaking with Phaedra about the curse?” he replies instead of addressing that. “Telling her things like you’re going to break it.”
“I told her we’d break it together. That it only has power over her if she allows it.”
He glowers.
“Don’t give me that look. She came in here asking if she was going to die. Every time she leaves the palace, she’s afraid that’s going to happen. That’s not a healthy way for them to grow up or live.”
He sighs, his hands on his hips, his face cast toward the floor.
“You’re right. I thought I was protecting them, but it seems I’m crushing their spirit instead.
Her OCD has gotten worse since we started these little weekend excursions.
” Another sigh, this one deeper, more mournful.
“I’ll talk with her. I’ll try, but I…I’ll try.
” His eyes meet mine. “Incidentally, if you are here to break the curse, I won’t complain. ”
“Sure. I’ll take a shot at it.”
He practically rolls his eyes at my flippant response.
“Samil is coming tomorrow.”
“Okay.” I stare blankly at him, confused. I already knew that. Sebastian’s been in a foul mood over it all week.
“He’s going to seek you out, and I have a meeting tomorrow afternoon that he’s not part of that I can’t get out of or change.”
I slide out of bed and cross the room until I’m standing before him, staring up at him because he’s so damn tall and broad. “Okay,” I repeat.
“It’s not okay, Bellamy. I don’t want him near you. He’s not a good man.”
“I already know this. I knew it the first moment I met him.”
He shakes his head as if I’m not getting it. His hands are on my shoulders and he’s walking me back to my bed. He sits down and lifts me until I’m straddling him and his hands hold my face and he stares deeply into my eyes, his expression grave.
“He’s taken pictures of you without your knowledge,” he says with genuine regret.
I gasp. There is no way I can’t. My hand covers my mouth.
“What kind of pictures?”
His hand covers mine and pulls it away from my face, interlacing our fingers and squeezing me reassuringly. “Candid ones. You with the children or doing something in the palace. Nothing scandalous or lewd, I assure you.”
“And you didn’t freaking tell me that before?”
“I should have. I’m sorry. I was trying to protect you from him, but he hasn’t hidden the fact that he plans to make a play for you. It kept me up half the night after my conversation with him on the phone last evening.”
“Me? Why would he want me?”
“Because I want you and he’s seen right through my attempts to hide it. He was in love with Nora and I married her. She loved me and not him. He hates me for what our marriage was, and he hates me because she died and I didn’t.”
“What your marriage was? I don’t understand. You loved each other. How can he hate you for that?”
His hand holding mine comes up, the tip of his finger gliding along the slope of my nose before he presses our joined hands into his chest. His eyes flicker between mine, and something catches in his expression. “This stays between us. Always. My children must never know.”
I inwardly shudder at his intensity. “I promise.”