Chapter 21
Elariya
“The Shape of What Was Lost”
Ipressed my back against the cool stone wall and let my gaze drift to the long glass windows of my borrowed room.
Borrowed. Technically the chamber was mine. But since I was being held here against my will, I wanted nothing of it.
Outside, rain fell in a hypnotic downpour, blurring the world beyond into a water-colored smear of blue and green.
Sound was muted in here, and the air hung still and heavy, untouched by the storm's chaos. The silence pressed against my ears. All I could hear was my heartbeat and my own shallow breathing.
The world outside looked as fractured as I felt.
Each raindrop felt like a tiny reminder of time slipping away, and I found myself wondering if even the sky could sense the emptiness inside me.
A new day had dawned and I didn't know how to move past this feeling of doom. I didn't even know if I could.
I kept thinking about how I'd landed myself in this mess again. And yet… I was certain I wouldn't have done anything differently.
When I thought back to seeing Arielle in the woods days ago, I knew it would’ve gone against my nature to turn her away. Especially with what had been waiting for me at the house. With Thayden. I’d wanted something to hold on to. Something different from what everyone had been telling me.
Arielle had given me that.
It hadn’t been in me to turn my back on anyone. Not her. Not the Bloodsworn. Not Wolfe.
And that was the problem. That was my downfall.
I’d never considered the possibility of things going this wrong.
The only thing I’d imagined was being trapped somewhere on some magical plane, then fighting my way back home.
But in a sense, that was exactly what had happened.
I was here… and my family were in the mortal lands, waiting for me to come home.
I couldn’t imagine how worried they must be. Each day that passed, they’d search the horizon waiting for my return.
And beneath that worry was something darker.
Thayden.
We had four days before he returned.
And I wasn’t going back. I was trapped here.
I’d left my family knowing there was a risk, and I’d taken it anyway.
On top of that, my memory would reset in twenty-one days.
That’s all the time I had before I lost the new memories I’d formed this month. And who knew what I’d be waking up to. A world where I had no family anymore.
I’d be stuck here in my fifteen-year-old mind, with no grandmother or mother to care for me or explain what had happened. There would be no Emabelle to ground me and no one I could trust.
As it stood now, there was no one. I couldn’t even trust the air I breathed. Everything here answered to Wolfe Nightblade.
I hadn’t spoken to or seen anyone since the meeting yesterday. Arielle had come by to check on me in the night, but I pretended I was asleep.
I didn’t want to talk.
I was certain she knew I was awake, but I didn’t care.
Nothing mattered.
What mattered was me.
She and the guys had chosen to stand by Wolfe.
Which meant I had no one standing with me.
Now, I sat here with my journal spread across my lap. My only companion.
It wasn't that I expected to find answers hidden in the familiar handwriting, or see how I'd survived before. I just needed something, anything, to keep my mind from tearing itself apart.
I’d reached for it just before sunrise and started turning pages without really reading them.
With a sigh, I tore my gaze away from the window and flicked to the next page of my journal.
I landed on one where I’d tried to draw a cluster of lanterns in the sky.
It was from the Lumiere festival, on the last night of the Phantom Moon’s passing.
It was also the night Wolfe and I had gotten together.
I stalled, remembering all the things I’d written on the next few pages. Days ago, when I reached this part in the safety of my room, I’d lingered on it. Lingered on how I’d spoken of Wolfe, of my heart, of love.
It was so beautiful I’d read it over and over again.
Honestly, of all the things I’d written, this part was what convinced me to find him.
I’d felt like I’d gotten to know the girl who’d written it, that part of myself I could no longer feel.
The drawing of the lanterns and the words beneath, describing the special night, felt like poison to me now.
My hands shook as I turned the page and kept flicking forward. I had every intention to keep skimming, but then my eyes caught on the very passage that had sent me on this fool's journey.
I woke this morning in Wolfe’s arms, and I’ve realized something that has terrified and thrilled me in equal measure.
I am completely, irrevocably in love with him.
Not the careful, cautious love I thought I understood.
This is something wild and consuming, something that makes me feel like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff, ready to fall.
When he looks at me, really looks at me, I see forever reflected back in his eyes. I see a future I never dared to dream.
I know, with absolute certainty, that I will never love anyone the way I love Wolfe Nightblade. This isn't the kind of love that comes twice in a lifetime. This is the love that poets write about, the kind that burns through your very soul and changes every part of you.
He is my beginning and my end, my salvation and my destruction. And I would choose him, again and again, in every lifetime, in every world.
I’ve given him my heart completely. And I know he'll guard it with his life.
I slammed the journal shut, my chest heaving as if I'd just run a mile.
What a fool I'd been. What an absolute, starry-eyed fool.
My salvation and my destruction. I'd written those words with such conviction, such breathless certainty. As if I'd discovered some profound truth about love instead of walking straight into a trap.
He'll guard it with his life.
I let out a harsh laugh that sounded more like a sob. Guard my heart? The devil who'd just trapped me here against my will? The devil who'd caged me with shadows and called it protection? Who spoke of fighting for me and calling me his while holding me prisoner?
I must have been completely delusional to fall for someone like that.
And this journal entry—this breathless, romantic declaration—it had convinced me to seek him out. To believe there was something worth finding.
Look where that had gotten me—trapped, alone, with no way home and my family in danger.
The girl who'd written those words had been a fool. And I'd been an even bigger fool for trusting her.
Wolfe had chosen to keep me. No discussion. No consent.
And telling me he’d figure something out to protect my family from here was of little comfort.
Those weren't reassurances. They were empty words meant to pacify me while he got what he wanted.
He'd spoken with such sureness, as if his will alone could bend reality to his desires.
I didn’t trust in anything of the sort.
All I could see happening was my family paying the price for his arrogance.
Thayden would return to find me gone. And then what?
Why was I even wondering?
I knew exactly what that bastard would do. In the mortal lands, they burned magic users at the stake.
The old laws labeled anyone who used magic a witch, and the Faith of the Eternals taught that burning cleansed the soul and those around tainted by a witch’s black magic.
Thayden would drag my family to the capital before the Royal court and light the pyre himself, claiming he was cleansing the kingdom.
And afterward, he would make sure our family name was dragged through the mud, our legacy reduced to ash and shame. No one would mourn us. No one would question his justice.
The thought made my stomach lurch.
While I sat here in this borrowed room, surrounded by magic and luxury, my family would face the most agonizing death imaginable. All because of me.
I pressed a hand to my heart and allowed a tear to fall. Another one came, then another.
Gods, I hated crying, but I couldn’t help it.
A soft knock interrupted my spiraling thoughts, followed by a hesitant voice. "Elariya? It's me."
Arielle.
I stared at the door, my jaw clenched.
Part of me wanted to ignore her and let her stand out there until she gave up and left. But I had a feeling she wouldn't give up so easily. And if she left, she'd keep coming back, keep trying, until eventually, I'd crack under the weight of guilt for shutting her out.
I didn't want to feel bad for anyone right now. I had enough of my own misery to contend with.
"Come in," I called, my voice hoarse from hours of silence.
The door opened slowly, and Arielle stepped inside.
The confident posture she’d exhibited over the last few days was nowhere to be found.
Instead, she looked uncertain, almost fragile.
Her hair was pulled back messily, as if she'd been running her hands through it, and there were shadows under her eyes that suggested she'd slept as poorly as I had.
She closed the door behind her with a soft click, then stood there awkwardly, clearly unsure how to begin.
"I know you probably don't want to see me," Arielle spoke, her voice barely above a whisper. "But I... I had to come. I had to try to explain."
I didn't respond, just watched her fidget with the sleeves of her robe.
"I promised you that you could go home," she continued, pain evident in every word. "I believed it was a promise I could keep when I said it. I truly thought Wolfe would honor that agreement."
“Did you?” I raised my brows.
“Of course, I did.” Her voice cracked. "Now I feel like such a fool."
"You're not the fool here," I said quietly, shaking my head. "I am. For believing any of you."
Arielle flinched as if I'd slapped her. "Elariya, please. I never wanted this to happen. If I could change his mind, if there were anything I could do—"
"But there isn't." The words came out flat, emotionless. "You're bound to him. Just like the rest of them. When it came down to choosing sides, you all chose Wolfe."
"It's not that simple." She stepped closer, desperation creeping into her tone. "I can't just abandon everything I've sworn to protect. But that doesn't mean I don't care about what happens to you."
I looked at her properly. Really looked. She seemed smaller somehow, diminished. "Arielle, you came here to make yourself feel better."
Her breath caught. “That's not... I came because we are friends. And now I feel like I've lost that. Lost you. Because of something I can't control.”
Tension stretched between us, thick with hurt and misunderstanding.
“You’re right. You can't control any of it,” I said finally, my voice softer but no less bitter. “But I’m sure you suspected what he'd do.”
“No.” Her eyes went wide.
“Really? Because I don’t believe that.” I stood up, the journal sliding off my lap onto the floor. “You’re his advisor. You know him.”
Arielle's shoulders sagged. "Okay…Maybe I did suspect something. But maybe I didn't want to believe he'd actually go through with it." She wrapped her arms around herself.
“Well, he did.”
"He just wants to protect you."
"That doesn't excuse what he's done."
"No, it doesn’t," she agreed, taking another tentative step forward. "I know you hate him right now. I know you probably hate all of us. But Wolfe... I think he’s just terrified of losing you again. He loves you."
"I don't even remember loving him in the first place," I fumed.
"But you did." Arielle's voice grew stronger, more insistent. "I saw it, Elariya. The way you two were together…it was like watching two halves of the same soul find each other. That kind of love... it doesn't just disappear because of a curse."
"It did for me."
“Elariya—”
“Stop it!” My hands flew up to my temple, and I shook my head. “Just stop. Stop telling me how I felt and how good we were together. I don’t want to hear it. I want to go home. So, unless you have a way to make that happen, don’t talk to me.”
The light went out of Arielle's eyes, and something crumpled in her expression—disappointment mixed with genuine grief.
I thought she was going to pursue the discussion, but she didn’t.
She simply dipped her head and left.
I almost felt bad for her. And for myself.
From what I'd written about Arielle, I could see that I'd once considered her as dear to me as Emabelle. Like a sister. Like family. All of that felt foreign to me now.
I turned and faced the window once more, watching the rain.
The problem here was I’d trusted.
But truthfully, the only person I could trust was myself.
I was the only one here who knew Thayden’s capabilities.
I understood the wider picture. The dark forces who’d wanted me to find the ring quite likely used Thayden to get to me. I still had questions about that, like why didn’t they strike while I was with my family? But I believed it was them.
The fact that Thayden was in league with them, whether knowingly or not, was the issue we should all be paying attention to.
It meant if he could outsmart Wolfe once, he’d do it again.
It meant Thayden could find a way to evade whatever ploy Wolfe set in motion to protect my family.
It meant I couldn’t rely on Wolfe or anyone to protect them.
Just me.
The answer hit me with perfect clarity.
I had to find a way. A way back home.
A way to escape.