Chapter 16
Farrah
My favorite view was between the ears of a horse, and that was how I chose to spend my afternoon.
Especially after my night with Ryan, I needed to clear my head, and horses always did the trick.
I was hacking Dahlia, Addison's fancy young hunter mare, while she finished up the last of her lessons for the day.
I loved riding Dahlia; she was incredibly comfortable and a beautiful mover.
She was still young, but extremely smart and well-balanced.
My friend was doing a fantastic job bringing the horse along.
Addison moving back to Primrose Hill and opening up Mountain Laurel Farm was literally the best thing that could have happened.
I’d grown up riding horses with the James sisters, but riding had fallen to the back burner for me when I’d gone off to college.
I was so happy to be back in the saddle, and it was a bonus that one of my closest friends owned the place.
I was walking Dahlia around the ring, letting her cool down, when Addison made her way over to me. "How was she today?"
I smiled. "Amazing as always." I reached down to pat the mare's neck. "Are you sure you don't want to gift her to me for my birthday?" I flashed Addison puppy-dog eyes.
She laughed. "Your birthday already passed."
"Christmas?" I asked hopefully.
Addison shook her head. "Girl, please. This mare will never be for sale; she's my soul sister.
" She walked up and rubbed the dark mare's neck.
Dahlia turned her head and tried to dig in Addison's pockets, looking for her treat.
Sure enough, Addison pulled a peppermint out, and the mare gladly took it.
Addison glanced back up at me. "So, I heard you spoke to Walker the other night. "
I nodded. "I did. I think it went well?"
Addison smiled. "Want to help me clean a pile of tack, and you can tell me about it?"
"Yes, I will provide you with more free labor. Let's do it," I teased.
I sprayed the leather conditioner into a small sponge, gliding it up and down thick, braided reins.
As I began to clean the browband of Dahlia's bridle, Addison cleared her throat to break the silence.
"Well, if you're not going to start the conversation, I will.
You and Walker had a good talk the other night at the winery? "
I snickered at Addison's brazenness. "Yeah, we did.
He apologized, which wasn't necessary considering I haven't been the friendliest towards him either.
" I dipped my sponge into a bucket of water, squeezing the excess liquid before moving on to clean the martingale.
"I also apologized, and then we just kind of caught up.
It was nice." I smiled to myself. "I missed talking to him. "
"I'm glad y’all could finally put everything behind you and move on. Walker's been going through it since his injury."
I paused my cleaning, my eyes flicked towards Addison, and I cocked my head. "How so?" I turned my attention back to the martingale. "I mean, you don't have to tell me if it’s personal," I quickly rushed out.
She took a couple of the cleaned bridles and hung them back under the corresponding horses’ nameplates.
"He's had a dark cloud over him since he came home.
It got to the point where he stopped answering any of our calls or texts, and I knew he'd been drinking a lot more.
He holed himself up in his house and only left to go ride his horses or to go to his PT appointments.
" Addison shrugged. "So I did what any meddling little sister would do, and I ambushed him at his house.
Took him on a long trail ride, and made him talk. "
"You're a good sister, Addi. So did the talk help?" I asked curiously. He’d seemed in decent spirits at the winery the other night, no dark cloud in sight.
Addison nodded, "Yeah, I think so. He's at least answering us now, and I know he’s back to working out again.
I think once he gets back to throwing, he'll continue to climb out of this depression. Walk is just so bad at communicating his feelings; he either wears this mask or goes into hiding. I know that when he's hiding… it’s usually pretty bad, hence the ambush. West is normally the one who handles him when he’s like this because he seems to be the only one who can get through to him, but I think I was able to help some.
" A sad smile formed. "I just want him to be happy, you know? "
I nodded. "Yeah, I get it. It's hard when one of your siblings is going through it, and there isn't really anything you can do but watch."
She was quiet a moment. "I'm glad you two finally talked. I think that’ll help him. I know that since y'all split, he's been burying his emotions over it. Maybe a fresh start between the two of you will release some of the weight."
"I know it has for me," I replied softly.
It had also created some complications.
Like picturing his face so I could get off with another man.
I didn't feel like hashing that out with Addison.
Hadley and I were sprawled out on the couch, surrounded by every snack food you could imagine, and watching Tangled.
With her head in my lap, I stroked my fingers through her blonde curls as she managed to shovel a handful of Cheez-Its into her mouth.
"Mommy, look, baby!" She pointed to the screen.
It was the part of the movie where the king and queen had baby Rapunzel tucked safely in her bassinet before the evil witch stole her.
"Yup, that's baby Rapunzel." I reached over her to grab my bag of M&Ms and popped a handful into my mouth.
Hadley sat up and turned towards me, her little green eyes locked on mine before looking down at my stomach. "Mommy have baby?"
Trying not to take offense from a two-year-old, I put the M&Ms down, deciding to lay off them for a bit. "No, Mommy isn't having a baby."
Hadley giggled. "No, Mommy no have baby now. Baby later?"
Oh, that makes me feel better.
Come back to mama. I grabbed my M&Ms bag back.
"I don't know, Hady girl, maybe someday."
"Daddy and Lily?" She tilted her head, curiously.
"Maybe, if they want to."
Hopefully, Jake handled postpartum with Lily better…
Satisfied with that answer, Hadley lay back down in my lap and placed my hand back on her head, indicating she wanted me to continue playing with her hair.
"Hadwee, best big sister," she quietly murmured to herself as my heart squeezed tightly at the sentiment. I hoped one day I could give Hadley a sibling, but I knew deep down that Jake and Lily would likely give her that gift first. I wasn’t sure why, but that simple fact hurt.
It made my chest tight, and an anxious, unsettled feeling sat heavily in my gut.
How many other things would Jake and Lily be able to give Hadley that I couldn't?
I knew this was a dangerous path to go down, so I quickly focused back on the movie to try to get myself out of my head.
Unfortunately, my mind drifted to a couple of years ago, when my marriage had officially fallen apart.