Chapter 19
Farrah
This. This right here was what I’d always imagined my future to be.
A child, horses, and…Walker. Watching the way Walker treated Hadley, the way he spoke to her, his patience, the glimmer I saw shine in his eyes when he looked at her—it felt as if there was a vice grip wrapped tightly around my heart.
I rubbed at my chest absentmindedly to ease the ache as I sat at the top of the fence surrounding the outdoor ring where Walker was leading Hadley around on Tex.
Today had been both wonderful and devastating.
Wonderful to see the joy and excitement Hadley felt for Walker's horses, but devastating because it was a sobering reminder of what could have been. This was what I’d always wanted but couldn't have… not anymore.
My gaze drifted slowly down Walker's body as they passed me, making another lap around the ring.
Damn it, the man could wear a pair of jeans.
That baseball butt, doing work. He wore a fitted dark gray t-shirt, the seams being tested as they stretched across his corded arms and thick chest. Walker was all man now.
He had always been tall, but he was thicker, stronger.
I slowly trailed my tongue along my lower lip, eyes completely glued to his ass.
Walker looked over his shoulder and winked.
Was I drooling? I quickly turned my attention away from his ass and out toward the pasture where the donkeys grazed, feeling the heat rise up my cheeks.
"Mommy! You see me?" Hadley was beaming as Walker led her over to the fence.
"I did! You did so well!" I hopped off the fence and patted Tex on his neck.
"She's a natural." Walker smiled up at Hadley. "Hads, do you want to get Tex put away and go see the donkeys?"
Little butterflies instantly took flight. Walker giving Hadley a nickname made me weak.
Hadley nodded eagerly, and the two of them headed back to the barn with Tex as I followed closely behind… not at all taking another opportunity to take in the backside of this man.
You’re supposed to be interested in Ryan.
After Tex was put away, we made our way out to the donkeys, Bert and Ernie, letting Hadley love all over them as we sat back and watched.
My brain felt like a jumbled mess. Walker used to be my best friend, the person I told everything to, and now I couldn't seem to even form a sentence around him.
He made me nervous, and I wasn't sure whether it was because of the strong attraction that was still very much simmering beneath the surface, or the fact that I didn't know this man anymore.
Walker probably knew I was distracted and stuck in my head, but I could tell I wasn't the only one. He kept glancing over at me, opening and then closing his mouth, as if he also couldn't quite figure out what to say.
He finally broke the tension, but not in the way I had expected. "So, Ryan. He seems like a nice guy."
Catching me completely off guard, I stumbled through my words. "W-w-hat? Wait. H-how? How do you know Ryan?"
His eyes were fixed on my daughter as she tried to get Bert and Ernie to follow her around the pasture by holding out grass she had ripped from the ground. "I bumped into him today on my way into your office. He told me you two were dating."
I scoffed.
Why did I just scoff? I liked Ryan.
"We aren't exclusive. We’ve just been hanging out." I wasn't entirely sure why I felt the need to clarify that to Walker.
Walker chuckled quietly, as if to himself. "Why not? Y'all work together, in the same industry, so I'm sure you two have a lot in common. Plus, he’s a big fan of mine, so he clearly is intelligent and has fantastic taste in sports." He pumped his brows at the last part.
I rolled my eyes. Hard. "Wow, Walk. Glad to see your cocky arrogance is back in fine form." I bumped my shoulder against his and shrugged. "I don't know, I'm just taking it slow. I don't want to jump into anything."
Walker smiled and nodded. "Makes sense, you have a little girl now." A look of pure adoration crossed his handsome face as he glanced back out at Hadley, causing those damn butterflies to make a reappearance. "She looks just like you, it's wild," he murmured before adding, "Thank fuck."
I tried and failed to hide my smirk at his comment, causing Walker's grin to take up even more of his face. He bumped his shoulder against mine. "Glad to have you back, Wildflower."
I peeked up at him, his emerald eyes already on mine as a soft smile tugged at my lips. "Me too."
Walker took us on a tour of the rest of his barn and property before it was time for us to head out.
I wasn't sure whether it was intentional that we skipped a tour of his home, but I wasn't going to pry, even though I was disappointed. For design reasons, obviously. Despite all we had been through, I was still genuinely so proud of him and everything he’d accomplished and continued to accomplish.
"Mommy look, mud!" Hadley shoved her muddy little hands up towards me, and Walker barked a laugh.
"Hey! Don't get those muddy hands on me. We need to wash those before we get in the car." I looked at Walker. "Do you mind if we run into your house real quick?”
I swear I hadn’t planned this. Hadley getting into the mud was just a coincidence, plus I really needed to pee.
Walker nodded. "Yeah, no problem, I'll walk you in." We followed him into his gorgeous house. I took a moment to take in the space, masculine but warm and soft at the same time. Exposed stone with a soothing color palette, accented with black steel.
"Your house is beautiful, Walk." I ran my fingertips along the large quartz island in his gourmet kitchen.
He shoved his hands into his pockets, rocking back on his heels. "Thanks. The bathroom is down that hall, third door on the right." He tilted his head in the direction of the bathroom.
Hadley and I made our way down the hall.
I must have been distracted by the house's architecture and counted incorrectly, because when I opened the door in front of me, it was not the bathroom.
I stood in the threshold, speechless. Hadley looked up at me.
"Mommy, no bathroom." I heard Hadley, but I couldn't respond. I was rooted in place.
Hadley, having zero patience for me, skipped back down the hall to where Walker was.
Finally finding the courage, I stepped into the space.
I ran my hands across the walnut desk that was positioned perfectly near the window that overlooked the endless rolling hills behind Walker's house. I glanced up at a corkboard hung on the wall, perfect for displaying fabric swatches or design inspiration. I walked up to the built-in bookshelves, which held endless books on design and architecture. I was admiring the shelves’ beautiful craftsmanship when a very familiar blue book grabbed my attention.
With shaky hands, I pulled the book out.
I felt like my heart was lodged in my throat when my eyes scanned the front cover.
I slowly opened the book and flipped through the pages.
Pages filled with all of my interior drawings, designs, and ideas from college, when I was still studying interior design and architecture.
I must have left it at his apartment all those years ago.
But why did he still have it?
I felt his presence before he spoke. "I didn't have the heart to throw it away. I figured maybe one day you would be looking for it or want it back," he said quietly.
I spun around to face him, book still in my hands. "Walker, what is this?" My eyes bounced around the room. The room that contained pieces of a dream I’d told him about over a decade ago.
His emerald gaze dropped to his feet as he leaned against the doorframe. "Just a memory." He cleared his throat. "So, uh, I helped Hadley wash her hands, and I grabbed her a quick snack. She’s eating some crackers in the kitchen."
Walker's body language was stiff and uncertain.
This was all a lot to process, and I didn't even know where to begin, so I simply nodded and followed him out of the room and down the hall to his kitchen.
Hadley had set up shop in front of his TV, shoveling crackers into her mouth, when I realized I had never used the bathroom.
"Hey, sorry I forgot to use the bathroom." I thumbed over my shoulder and scurried down the hall to the correct room. When I returned, the air between us had shifted. I could tell Walker didn't know what to say after my discovery, and I honestly didn't really know what I had even discovered.
"All right, Hadley. Time to go. Thank Walker for letting us come over." Hadley hopped up off his couch and gave Walker a big squeeze. I noticed the way he melted into her embrace.
"No problem, Hads. I hope you can come over again soon." He walked over to the kitchen counter where my book had miraculously appeared, like a giant elephant in the room. He held the book out to me. "Here. It's yours."
I smiled. "Thanks, Walk." I reached out and squeezed his arm, then grabbed Hadley and headed out to my car.
I was buckling Hadley into her car seat, completely lost in my head, when I heard a familiar voice call my name.
I shut the door to my SUV and turned to find Theo jogging over to me from the barn, Hadley's helmet hanging off his fingers.
He held the helmet out to me. "Glad I caught you; I saw Hadley's helmet lying on the ground in the crossties, figured you needed it. "
I took the helmet and smiled. "Thanks, Theo! I swear I cannot leave anywhere without forgetting at least one thing." I placed my hand against my head.
Theo chuckled. "No problem. Y'all seemed like you had fun today, glad you were able to come out."
"Me too, and we did. Hadley loves animals, so this was great." I glanced back toward Walker's house.
Theo noticed. "This is the most I've seen him smile in a long time, you know. Probably the first time since he's been home with this injury."
My eyes drifted back to Theo. "What do you mean?"
Theo chuckled as he walked backward toward the barn. "I think you know." He winked. "Hopefully I’ll see you and Hadley out here again soon. Have a good night." And with that, Theo disappeared back into Walker's barn.
Hadley was spending the weekend with my parents, as she usually did once a month. If my mom had her way, Hadley would spend the night three times a week, but that was the unfortunate thing with co-parenting: I didn't have my child 24/7, making every day and night I did have with her precious.
It had been a week or so since Hadley and I were at Walker's barn, and she could not stop talking about it.
She was in love with Walker as much as she was in love with his animals.
I hadn't seen him around the vineyard or town this week, and I hated to admit, I was disappointed.
I found myself searching down the street when I was coming and going from my office, peeking in at PrimCup to see if I'd catch him grabbing his usual coffee, and finding ways to discreetly pry information out of Laurel or Travis about his whereabouts.
I tried to convince myself it was simply because I missed the friendship and that he had been my comfort for so long.
Having him back in my life, even in such a small way, felt easy.
Comfortable. Like slipping into an old favorite pair of jeans—soft, familiar, and somehow still a perfect fit.
My phone vibrated on my bathroom counter.
Ryan: Hey, I'll be at your house in ten minutes.
Me: Great, see you soon!
I finished my makeup and gave myself one last glance in the mirror.
As I made my way to the kitchen to grab my purse, my blue design book stared back at me from the table.
Not being able to resist, I picked it up and flipped through some of the pages.
I still hadn't been able to wrap my head around what Walker keeping this meant or what that room was.
Or maybe I didn't want to. I wasn’t sure I could handle the answer.
The sound of a car door shutting caught my attention. Ryan was here. I was desperately hoping tonight would go differently from the last time we’d hooked up, because I wanted to believe I was finally moving on.