Chapter 12
Honoria
“What were you thinking?” Honoria watched as Dermont raked both hands through his hair and tugged hard.
He was pacing. Again. But at least he was talking now. She had been sitting in his personal study for several minutes in silence just waiting for him to do something, and she would have spoken up—really, she would have—except that small tick in his eyebrow warned her not to.
“Erm—”
“I can’t believe you would do such a thing. Why did you do it?”
Precisely what thing he was referring to, she wasn’t sure. And perhaps—yes—-that eyebrow tick indicated that these just might be rhetorical questions he was asking.
“What am I supposed to do with you?” Pacing stopped.
Hair raking ceased. He stood staring at her.
Helplessly. In a way she had never seen before.
His arms hung at his side loosely, he looked to be a man in need of answers, but he was not searching his desk papers for them. No. He was looking at her.
“W-what should I say?”
“You should explain yourself.”
“Explain what, exactly?”
“What? Explain what?” he roared, his face growing red.
“Um—”
And then he was toe to toe with her, towering over her, hands on her upper arms, gripping hard. “Why did you tell that lunatic to take you instead, Honoria?” he roared, cutting her off. “Why would you do that?”
She couldn’t understand his reaction. She had just followed her gut to try and save her friend. That was all that mattered in the moment. Her silence charged the air between them, and his fingers dug deeper into her flesh.
His voice lowered, and in a raspy tone, he mumbled, “You act like nothing just happened.”
That wasn’t actually true as she was still shaking from the whole encounter. But since everyone was safe, there was an ample amount of relief that had washed over her. So she said the most reassuring thing she could think of, “Phoebe is safe.”
“Phoebe,” he scoffed in disbelief. “Phoebe?” The echo of her name was followed by an unamused laugh. “What about you?” His hand came up to trace her jaw. “What about you Honoria?”
“Me?”
“Yes.”
“I…I just needed Phoebe to be safe.”
“You know I care about my sister with everything that I am, and I’d be shattered if anything happened to her. But you must know, as much as you needed her to be safe, I just need you to be safe.” His eyes searched hers.
“Why?”
A beat passed before he placed his forehead softly against hers, and another passed before he answered her. “I can’t lose you, Honoria.”
“I understand. That’s why I had to do something for Phoebe. I would also die if I lost a friend.”
“A friend? Is that what you think you are to me, Honoria?”
Her heart throbbed inside of her chest, expanding, wrestling itself, fighting the urge to bust out of its self-imposed cage of defeat.
“I don’t know, Dermont. We’ve always been friends.”
“So we have.” His eyes squeezed shut, while one hand cupped her jaw and the other dropped to her waist. “But we’re more than that now.
” His exhale warmed her cheek. “I have never witnessed a greater act of love than what you did for my sister. You’ve opened my eyes, and I feel like I’m finally seeing the real you.
All of you.” His hands ran up and down her ribs.
“I thought you were a pushover, but you’re anything but.
You’re fierce. And your love is fierce. I thought you didn’t take anything seriously.
But now I realize that you just pick your moments—and by God, they are significant moments. ”
Both the heat from his hands and the warmth of his words seeped into her soul, and she couldn’t prevent the soft sniffle.
“Don’t cry, Honoria.” He swept a finger across her cheek. “You have been a genuine friend, but now you’re so much more to me. I love you, Honoria.”
Wait. What did he just say? Her head, in a fog, couldn’t drive in a straight line from thought to reasoning.
“Did you hear what I said, love?”
“Uh. Huh.”
“Because you haven’t said anything. Not that I’m expecting—”
“I love you, too.”
Her heart thumped out an erratic beat.
“Are you sure—”
“I’ve never been more sure of anything. I just…couldn’t let myself hope.” Her head dropped for a moment, but staring at the ground for a moment let her regain her composure.
“Let yourself hope. Let yourself dream. Let yourself love, Honoria. I’ll be here for every moment of it.”
And with that, he kissed her. Her heart flooded with happiness. Happiness for herself. Not just for those around her. Not just for him. But for herself. To have found something truly for herself. It was almost too much to bear, but bear it she would.
And it wasn’t hard to do at all. It was actually quite freeing.