Curvy Girl Summer

Chapter 3

I left the cookout for my sister while my mom was in conversation with some family members and my dad was playing dominos with his brothers. Lifting my hand in a wave, I said goodbye to some cousins deep in conversation on the deck. With a to-go plate in hand, I eased my way back into the house. I stopped briefly in the kitchen to grab some aluminum foil and then I continued my trek out of the house.

“Your grandmama and mama are on my ass because of what I said to you,” Uncle Al said just as I closed the front door behind me.

Turning around slowly, I saw him standing at the bottom of the stairs smoking a cigarette.

“Well, that’s between the three of you,” I told him as I stomped down the steps.

“Yeah, well, they’ll cool off.” He flicked his cigarette and then walked with me to my car. “I’m more concerned about you right now.”

“I don’t need your concern or your pity,” I snapped irritably.

His face crumpled in confusion. “I’m coming from a place of love, Aaliyah. You know I love you”—he grabbed my arm—“don’t you?”

I sighed. “Yes.”

“I didn’t mean no harm.”

“Okay.”

“I just want you to have a good life.” He let go of my arm and searched my face. “Do you remember my second wife’s daughter Macy? Big, heavyset one? She’s about forty-five now, but the last time you saw her, you might’ve been ten. So, she was…” He looked like he was doing the math in his head. “About twenty-five. She was about twenty-five when you last saw her.”

I nodded. “Yeah. I remember her.”

“I done seen her at the store a couple months back.” He shook his head. “I hadn’t seen her in about seven years. She’s struggling and raising up those two kids by herself. She ain’t got nobody. And she was always a good girl. A real sweet one with a good head on her shoulders. And now that she’s older, she may find somebody or maybe not. When men are younger, they’re looking for someone a little fitter. She may find somebody soon, somebody who just wants companionship. But she’s spent half her life without somebody to come home to. And do you know why she doesn’t have a husband to take care of her?”

I put my hands on my hips. “No, I don’t. And you don’t either unless she told you. Did she tell you?”

“Yes! She told me she was depressed and lonely.” He started listing off what she’d said with his fingers. “She said she didn’t have help with the kids. She said she was struggling with her diet. She said she was going through a hard time. And when I asked her about a husband, she said she wished she could find a good one to date, let alone marry!”

“Okay, but she could be depressed, lonely, not have help with kids, going through a hard time, and not be able to find a husband if she were thinner. I have friends of all sizes who could say the same thing. Just because a woman is fat doesn’t mean she can’t get a man. She just may not have found the man she wants. Automatically assuming that she doesn’t have a man because she can’t get one because of her weight is the problem.”

“No, Macy’s weight is the problem!”

“So, she told you all that other stuff, but she didn’t tell you that her weight was the problem. And yet you’re still saying her weight is the problem?”

“She didn’t have to tell me; I have eyes!” he exclaimed, his voice getting louder. “It’s because of her size, and I don’t want that for you. I mean it.”

“Why are you convinced that it’s her weight that’s the cause of her depression and loneliness? How do you know it’s not work stress, life stress, parenting stress, et cetera? It’s—”

“What I’m saying is that I don’t want that to be you,” he interrupted me with a fierce sincerity. “You are the only blood niece I got left. You are the only child your parents have left. I just want you to have a real shot at life. I don’t want you to be alone. That’s all I meant. I don’t mean no harm. I just don’t want Macy’s life to be your life. I’m worried about your future. I’m saying this because I love you.”

I shook my head. “Uncle Al, I’m going home. I’m not doing this with you. You don’t have a clue what you’re talking about. I’m good. And you can either choose to believe that or not. Either way, I’m going home.” I sidestepped him. “Now if you’ll excuse me.”

“I know you lied to your mama. You don’t got somebody coming to your birthday party.”

I unlocked my car door. “Have a good night, Uncle Al.”

“I meant what I said about the yacht, Aaliyah,” he restated.

My stomach lurched again.

I paused for only a second before I resumed opening my car door.

“If you don’t have anyone, I can’t give it to you,” he continued. “So I’m going to sell it.”

I shook my head and climbed into the driver’s seat. “Goodbye, Uncle Al.”

“Aight, Aaliyah,” he sighed, sadness tugging at his words. “I love you.”

“Yeah, love you, too,” I said just before slamming the door shut.

I started the engine immediately. I watched my uncle make his way to the backyard before I backed out of the driveway and headed home.

Listening to music on the drive didn’t help. The long, hot shower I took when I got home didn’t help. Eating my cookout leftovers didn’t help. Climbing in bed and watching a movie didn’t help. No matter what I did, I couldn’t shake what my mom and uncle said.

My uncle’s fear was startling. I didn’t subscribe to his line of thinking, but I was alarmed by the seriousness of his plea. It wasn’t a surprise to me that people felt like being a fat woman meant lonely or desperate or willing to settle. Society pushed that narrative often. I grew up with a bigger body in the shadow of a slim sister. I went to a PWI for high school, so I didn’t even realize the extent of how fine I was until I got to college. So, although my uncle’s worry and concern blindsided me, that thought process wasn’t new to me. But the fact that he felt like he needed to worry based off my mom’s concerns bothered me.

Because when did my mom start having concerns?

My mother raised me to have unyielding high self-esteem, an abundance of self-confidence, and an independent spirit. I was well aware that I wasn’t the beauty standard growing up. I was too fat, too smart, too Black. But I never doubted my beauty. And because I was happy with who I was on the inside and the outside, my mom assured me that I would find the person I was meant to be with. I just had to have faith and be patient.

And I believed that.

I’d always been a good person with a good sense of humor, so people gravitated toward me. But when I got to Hamilton University, I was quickly and immediately reminded that beauty comes in all shades, shapes, and sizes. It was no longer just my family and friends recognizing my beauty. It was everyone.

It was the boys at school actively hitting on me, asking me out, and complimenting me. It was the men at my internship and part-time job flirting with me. It was the older men wanting to take me out and fly me out. I was overwhelmed with attention, and when I got used to it, I figured out what I wanted and moved accordingly.

I dated.

I dated a lot.

And when I got my heart broken, I took a little break and then started dating again. And everything was cool until it wasn’t.

Between college and my first job after graduation, I met men all the time, and I dated for sport. After things ended with my first love, I dated for security. But it got old quickly. Dating just didn’t have the appeal that it once had. I was very clear on what I wanted, but I kept finding myself out with men who didn’t want the same thing that I did.

Because of how invested my parents became in my love life after Aniyah passed away, I stopped telling them about every little date. They were a little too hopeful when they heard the same name more than once, and they were a little too disappointed when I mentioned a new name. So, I made the decision to just wait until there was someone serious in my life.

It was better for everyone that way.

They hadn’t heard about anyone new since my last boyfriend, because I wasn’t taking any of the other ones seriously. After dating Matthew and figuring out we weren’t compatible, I decided to start the year off by focusing on myself. I didn’t want to date, but I did want to find a partner. And I’d just decided to start looking again after what happened with Matthew a few weeks ago. I would’ve told them that, but it wouldn’t have made a difference. They didn’t want to hear about the potential of a future boyfriend. They wanted to hear about the potential of a first grandchild.

That’s their issue, not mine.

My family’s comments got under my skin more than I wanted to admit. I spent the rest of the weekend in my head, replaying the conversations. I was going to forever be in Aniyah’s shadow. She was always the perfect one, even more so after death. I’d made peace with that a long time ago. I wasn’t where Aniyah was at this age. I hadn’t achieved what she had achieved. I hadn’t hit the benchmarks she had hit. It was clear that she did things the way they preferred; she did things the right way. But even still, they never made me feel like she was better or I was worse. I was never made to feel as though I was less loved or less accepted because of it. It was clear that I was just different from Aniyah. However, between the setup, the constant sibling comparison, and the collective effort to marry me off, it was unsettling, and I didn’t know where it was all coming from.

I was irritated that my uncle didn’t know how to talk to people at his big age. He was out of line, and his Christmas gift was going to reflect it. But it was my mom that really got to me.

I was irked that my mom was trying to hook me up with a man she didn’t even know. I was bothered that she was talking about my love life with the family as if I were a lost cause. I was hurt by the fact that she seemed to have lost the faith and patience she sowed in me when I was younger. But on Sunday night, as I was stretched out in the middle of the bed, I realized why I couldn’t shake the impromptu intervention of my love life.

I knew I wanted a husband, so I needed to find a boyfriend. I knew in order to find a boyfriend, I needed to date. And in order to find a date, I needed to engage with men in a more intentional way. But I wasn’t really interested in trying anything new. So, to have my mom randomly throw the same sentiments to me that I’d been wrestling with was jarring, to say the least.

“Out of nowhere, my mom said if I wanted the husband and the kids, I may need to look outside of my comfort zone. And then she proceeded to tell me she invited a strange man to my birthday party,” I told my best friends Monday morning as I drove to work.

Jazmyn Payne had called to ask about Aniyah’s celebration, and I’d conferenced in Nina Ford so I could tell them both what happened. They were expecting a sentimental recap and ended up getting an earful about my family’s assessment of my love life.

“Oh, wow!” Jazz reacted. “Your uncle was dead wrong. And your mom… called you out!” She paused. “I mean, she was wrong, but in reference to you getting out there again, wasn’t she basically saying the same thing you were saying the other day?”

“Yeah,” I replied, slapping the steering wheel while I sat at the red light. “And that’s one of the reasons it got under my skin.”

“The other reason is because she’s kinda right, huh?” Nina suggested. The loud music from the gym speakers pulsated behind her question.

“Yeah,” I admitted through gritted teeth. “She was wrong in her delivery, approach, and reasoning, but yeah.”

She laughed. “So, if me and your mom said you need to get out of your comfort zone, maybe you should try… I don’t know… getting out of your comfort zone!”

“I know I told you two that I wanted to find something real by my birthday, and I know getting out of my comfort zone is my best bet, but…” My voice trailed off as I flashed back to my exchange with my family. “The way my family made me feel like a failure because I’m not where Aniyah was in life by this age made me so mad.”

“I know how family can be,” Jazz offered sympathetically. “But you know you’re not a failure.”

“Not at all,” Nina chimed in. “And while they were dead wrong for that and your uncle was on some bullshit, your mom wasn’t wrong about you needing to get out more.”

I took a left turn and frowned. “I know I need to do something different. But the issue is that I don’t want to do anything different. I have eight weeks before my birthday, and I realized that I hate dating. I’m just ready to skip to the relationship part of it.”

“If you hate dating, you’re not doing it right,” Nina commented.

“No, Aaliyah’s right,” Jazmyn agreed. “Dating sucks.”

“Dating doesn’t suck,” she assured us both. “Aaliyah, you need to do something new, and, Jazz, you need to get back out there. Both of you took yourselves out the game and for what?”

“I got divorced,” Jazz answered incredulously.

“You got divorced almost two years ago,” Nina argued. “It’s time to move on.”

“Nina!” I gasped.

I mean, I agreed with the sentiment, but it could’ve been delivered more tactfully.

“What?” she wailed. “You know I’m right.”

“Yes, but have some couth,” I joked as I pulled into the parking structure connected to my office building.

They both laughed.

“What’s funny is that my aunt said something like that to me yesterday.” Jazmyn’s voice had been sounding dejected lately. Even when she was amused, there was still a hint of sadness that remained. “She was in and out of sleep, and that was the last thing she said to me. It was time to move on.”

Jazmyn’s favorite aunt had been sick for the better part of two years. She’d been on hospice three times, and each time, she made a miraculous recovery. Jazz always spent a week of her summer vacation in her hometown. Up until her aunt got sick, she loved being there. Since then, whenever she’d call, she was just looking for a distraction and she would avoid talking about her aunt. So, the fact that she mentioned her was promising.

“How’s your aunt doing?” I wondered as I pulled into a parking spot.

“She’s the same,” she answered.

“I’m glad she isn’t getting worse. That’s a blessing,” Nina pointed out.

I nodded even though they couldn’t see me. “Yeah, that is a blessing.”

“It is. I don’t know what I’m going to do when she goes. She’s looking good, though, so hopefully I’ll have her for a while longer.”

“The time you’re there with her will be good for the both of you. Time heals,” I replied.

“And the advice that your aunt gives you is invaluable,” Nina responded. “And I’m hoping that since you listen to her advice and she told you to get some new dick in your life, you’ll actually do it.”

Jazz burst out laughing. “That’s not exactly what she said.”

“But I’m sure it’s what she meant,” Nina reasoned. “I want both of you to reframe your thinking when it comes to dating. I’ve been telling both of you to get it together for years now, and this weekend, your mom and aunt also told you to get it together. That’s a sign!”

“I just don’t know—”

“You just don’t know what?” Nina interrupted comically. “Because dick is literally everywhere. What are you looking for? Big? Medium? Thick? Curved? What? There are so many men who would happily throw dick your way. You both could have so many options, but y’all aren’t dating right.”

“Well, I want good dick,” Jazmyn specified.

“And I want a good man,” I chimed in.

“Well, I can’t guarantee all that. You said you wanted dick, and you said you wanted a man. All I’m saying is that there are men out here, and you can’t discover if the man or the dick is good if you aren’t out there mixing and mingling.”

“I’m not trying to mix or mingle,” I complained, watching some of my coworkers enter the building. I lowered my voice, so I wasn’t overheard. “There’s got to be an easier way than dating. I want the shortcut. I just want to find my person and start our lives together.”

“How are you going to do that if you don’t date?” she questioned. “It would be different if you didn’t want the husband and the kids, but you do, so you have to get out there and date, Aaliyah.”

“Been there, done that. Don’t want to do it again,” Jazz interrupted.

“I was talking to Aaliyah,” Nina countered. “But for you, you need to get back out there and knock the cobwebs off your pussy! You’ve been saying since your spring break that when school let out for the summer, you were going to get your back blown out. But you ain’t been nowhere or seen no one to make it happen. As far as I can tell, your back is fully intact, and a lone tumbleweed is blowing right across that cat of yours.”

I had tears in my eyes, and my body was slumped against the steering wheel. I was cracking up.

“Not tumbleweeds, Nina! You’re going too far now,” Jazmyn protested, amusement in her tone. “And I’m going to be working on it once I get back in town. It’s about to be July. I still have two full months of summer left.”

Nina clicked her tongue. “I don’t know what I’m going to do with you two! One of you wants dick. One of you wants a relationship. And neither one of you are out here doing anything about it. Just letting time, dick, and dates pass you by.”

“Nina, we get it! It’s too early in the morning for you to be coming at us like this,” I pleaded when I caught my breath.

“Well, rise and shine,” she laughed. “But let me give you some real talk—both of you have to get out of your own way to get what you want.”

Noticing the time, I opened my car door and eased out. “I hear what you’re saying, but—”

“Hello, Ms. James,” a familiar voice called out to me before I could finish my sentence. “I have a question for you.”

With my phone pressed to one ear, I hoisted my shoulder bag farther on my arm and turned my entire body toward the voice. Knowing I couldn’t finish my sentence, let alone finish the call, I smiled at the man who approached me.

“Hey, I just got to work, so I’m going to call y’all later,” I said as I watched my supervisor get closer.

They said their goodbyes through giggles, and I disconnected the call.

Shoving my phone into the side pocket of my bag, I flashed him a smile. “Good morning, Jeremy.” I waited until he caught up, and then he fell into step with me. “What’s up?”

“That was a great save you submitted last week.”

I nodded. “Thanks.” I glanced at him suspiciously. “I appreciate it.”

“I want to get your opinion on something.” He grabbed the door and held it open for me to walk through. “Or, more specifically, someone.”

My stomach turned at his request as we approached the elevator. “Opinion on what?”

“How do you think Grace Bowers is doing with the company?”

“Who?”

“She’s a new developer.” When the name and role didn’t ring a bell, he cocked his head to the side. “She’s the developer who created the design your team worked on.”

“Oh! Okay.” I nodded. “I know who you’re talking about now.”

“What are your thoughts?”

“She’s only been with the company a month. I haven’t gotten a chance to watch her work or work closely with her. So, I don’t really have any thoughts on her, but she seems to be working out the kinks of what’s being asked of her. She’s still new and adjusting. It’s only been a month.”

He nodded thoughtfully. “Okay.”

“Why? What’s up?” I asked even though my gut told me what was going on.

“This is the second mistake we’ve caught, and now the manager’s meeting is coming up and…” His voice trailed off as the elevator dinged. He gave me a curt nod to let me know the subject was closed. “Anyway, good work last week.”

“Thank you.”

He went to the second floor, and I went through the main door to my first-floor office space that I shared with four others at Encompass Tech.

“Good morning,” I greeted the programming team.

There were a few low good-mornings and a grunt from the corner.

It was a typical Monday welcome from them.

With a tight smile, I went to my desk on the far right, near the window. I turned on my computer, unpacked my bag, and prepared for the workday. My desk phone rang, and I frowned until I saw who it was.

“Good morning, Ramona,” I answered.

“Good morning! How are you? How was your weekend?”

I smiled. “I’m well, thank you. My weekend was nice. How was yours?”

“It was great! Are you coming to the second floor at any time today?”

My interest was piqued. “I can… Everything okay?”

“Yes, but something happened this weekend, and you are the first person I thought of.”

“What happened?”

“It’s not bad.” She giggled. “Just come up here when you get a chance.”

“Okay,” I agreed. “Let me check my email, and then I’ll be up.”

I logged into my account, and somehow, I had almost one hundred unread messages. Every single one of them came after five o’clock on Friday, as if the weekend didn’t exist. With a shake of my head, I started combing through each one.

Ninety minutes later, I finished going through my stuff, and the rest of the IT office seemed to wake up. They were a relatively quiet group of men, and since Constance was out on maternity leave, I was the only woman in the department. But my work environment was great, and my experience with them was far better than any other job I’d worked. We exchanged a laugh when someone pointed out an email that we’d all been copied on. We scheduled a meeting for eleven o’clock, and I smiled at the ease of everything with us.

My first job out of college, I was treated as if I were too young, too inexperienced, and too Black to successfully do my job. At the job I had prior to landing at Encompass Tech, I was told that my fatness was going to hinder my ability to move up in the company. And every day during my time there, I had to fight for my voice to be heard over the rest. So, I developed a thick skin, zero tolerance for bullshit, and the ability to make sure my voice was heard. I loved my career, and fortunately, for the last three years, I’d been happy with my coworkers and my employer.

Ahead of the meeting, I decided to go to the second floor and see what Ramona wanted. The finance office was toward the back, so I had to walk past the glass offices of the conference rooms. My supervisor was in a meeting with all the other supervisors, and it didn’t look good. Averting my eyes, I continued to my destination.

“Oh, hey—you can’t just walk in!” Bart Fender, Ramona’s new receptionist, called out from somewhere behind me.

I glanced over my shoulder. “Okay…” I looked through the open door at Ramona and then back to Bart. “But she’s looking right at me.”

“It’s fine, Bart!” Ramona yelled out from her desk.

“Oh, okay. Sorry,” he mumbled under his breath as he slowed to a stop a few feet away from me. Lifting his coffee mug, he nodded at me. “You can go in.”

With pursed lips, I walked into Ramona’s office and closed the door behind me.

“Ignore him. Three months and he’s still learning the ropes.” She waved her hand in the air before her entire face lit up. “I was just about to call you again!”

“What’s going on?” I asked, taking a seat across from her.

“So, remember when you stopped by my birthday party for a few minutes back in May?”

“Yes.”

“Did you notice a man in black and red?”

I shook my head. “Not at all. I barely remember what you had on.”

She laughed. “I understand. It’s been a long month.”

“Tell me about it!”

“Well, my friend in the black and red was Derrick. He asked me about someone at the party a few weeks ago, and I didn’t know who he was talking about. But then he randomly brought it up again this weekend, and I realized he was talking about you. He’s interested and”—she held up her hands—“no pressure. But he’d love to meet you. I told him I wasn’t going to give him your last name or phone number, because I needed to check with you first. He said if you were interested in meeting him, just say the word, and he’ll ask you out himself.”

My eyebrows flew up. “What?”

“He said he wanted the ball to be in your court. He didn’t want to put any pressure on you, so he said to let him know the time, date, and location and he’d be there. Oh! And he said that if you choose Friday, make it after five o’clock because of work.”

I let out a stunned giggle. “What?”

I wasn’t shocked that the man wanted to go out with me. I was more in disbelief at his approach. I loved that he knew what he wanted and wasn’t afraid to go after it. But the whole thing caught me off guard.

“Yeah, I was impressed with the energy he was bringing, too. That’s why I called you first thing this morning!” Grinning, Ramona swooped her relaxed hair behind her ears and leaned forward. “He’s a good one. He’s been single for a few months now, and I know he’s serious about looking for the right woman to settle down with.”

“I don’t know…” As tempting as it sounded, I was a little hesitant about a blind date. “Do you have a picture of him?”

Her face crumpled in a sheepish expression. “I don’t. And because I didn’t show him anything of yours, I wouldn’t feel right pulling up his social media to show you anything of his.”

I nodded. “I respect that.” I folded my arms over my chest and considered it for a moment. “Can I let you know?”

The phone on her desk started ringing just as she replied, “Yes, of course!”

“Saved by the bell,” I joked as I rose to my feet. “I’ll call you and let you know.”

Lifting her hand in a wave, she answered the phone.

I made my way back to my office, and I couldn’t help thinking about how all these signs were pointing to me finding my person. I took time to regroup, reflect, and refocus, and then I decided I wanted to start dating. The same week I said I was ready, my uncle said he was scared I’d end up alone, my mother said she was worried about my lack of relationships, and my best friend said I needed to get back out there.

Granted, Nina had been saying that all year, but still.

The fact that all those things happened within a few days and then my coworker tried to set me up with her friend out of the blue felt a little too coincidental. It was exactly two months, eight weeks, until my birthday. And I wanted to lock down a birthday boo.

God, is this a sign?I wondered as I sat down at my desk.

I was ready to date even though I didn’t want to date. For me to get what I wanted out of life, I needed to do something. I’d taken myself out of the game. Maybe I got too comfortable during those months off because I was just not interested in doing what my friends suggested I should do to get back out there and meet men.

Starting July off with a date could be just the thing I needed to kickstart my boyfriend quest. I tapped my chin. Maybe meeting Ramona’s friend was the perfect first step back into dating.

There was the potential that he was the man of my dreams. There was also the potential that he was the man of my nightmares.

I heard Nina’s voice telling me to get out of my own way. I heard my mom telling me to get out of my comfort zone. I heard my uncle calling me out about not having a boyfriend or a birthday date. But most distinctly, I heard what I told myself when I started the new year. I was holding out for something real, something lasting, something magical. I told myself that when I was ready, I was going to find that for my thirtieth birthday.

And I was ready.

Before I could lose my nerve, I grabbed the phone and called Ramona. “I accept. Tell him to meet me at this new place downtown called Onyx,” I blurted out. “Friday at seven thirty.”